Of Dorks and Blockheads
by Sean Mahoney
They're from the Cul-de-sac, Charlie Brown!
It was a bright and early summer day; the sun was still rising and there was a nice warm breeze to greet any who would be up early. Four young teenagers, around 13 years old on average, were about a block away from their local middle school which they were approaching rapidly.
The two females of the group were briskly walking ahead of their male counterparts, excited to reach their destination. The older of the two girls had dark black hair and was reasonably taller than the other. She was wearing a sky blue dress and white shoes, which was comfortable enough in the early summer weather. She was fairly pretty, though her normally stern face could easily scare anybody away. In fact, Lucy van Pelt was one of the most feared girls...nay...people in her entire town. Her temper was the stuff of legends, as was the short fuse that could set it off. Luckily she was in a rather complacent mood as she chatted with her friend. The younger girl wore a similar dress as Lucy, though it was pink with black dots scattered around it rather than blue. She had bright blond hair which she kept curly in the front and straight in the back. This girl was none other than Sally Brown and seemed happy enough to be walking towards the school; a rare sight to behold, indeed given her usual insistence to avoid school at any cost.
As Sally and Lucy cheerfully made their way to the school, their respective brothers: Charlie Brown and Linus van Pelt, lagged behind, carrying both their own and their sister's considerable luggage. The older boy, Charlie Brown, certainly looked much less enthusiastic than his sister. Indeed, the expression on his face was down right depressing. Granted, this was nothing new for Charlie Brown, who incidentally was the tallest of the group. He was at least dressed for a warm summer's day, with his yellow t-shirt (complete with black zigzag) and shorts. He was wearing his favorite white baseball cap to protect his rather large and underexposed head from the sun. Charlie Brown did have hair, but it was so thin that it could really only be called honorary hair. Linus, the younger of the boys, was equally burdened by the luggage, but at least seemed a little more excited about what was going on compared to Charlie Brown. Linus was a good bit shorter than hist friend and sported a red t-shirt with black stripes. His head was less...round...than Charlie's and he had a head of messy, stringy, black hair. Despite all the luggage he was carrying, he managed to drag a sky blue blanket behind him as he followed the girls towards the school.
As they were walking, Charlie Brown moaned to his friend, "Why did I ever agree to going to camp this year? Every summer I go to camp and every summer it turns out to be a disaster!"
Linus smiled and replied, "I bet you that this year is going to be different Charlie Brown. We're going to a new camp." Linus lowered his voice and snuck his friend a devilish grin, "I heard that there is barely any adult supervision at this camp! We're going to be able do whatever we want!"
Charlie Brown still didn't buy it, he rolled his eyes, "Linus haven't you noticed that there never is any adult supervision? They don't care what we do; it's not going to be any different from any other year."
Linus shook his head, "You know Charlie Brown, maybe if you made pretend that you were having a good time, you'll trick yourself into actually believing you were having fun."
Lucy, overhearing her brother, chimed in, "Charlie Brown has to be chronically miserable Linus; if he's happy it'll upset the natural balance of things. It might cause a rip in the space time continuum; reality itself will be threatened!"
Sally gasped and looked at Lucy nervously, "Really Lucy?"
Charlie Brown groaned at his sister's ignorance as the party of four finally arrived at the parking lot of the middle school, where the bus to camp was parked.
Charlie Brown scanned the parking lot where some of his other classmates who were going to camp were waiting around. He saw his acquaintance Schroeder, a blond boy who was generally considered better look than him or Linus, arguing with the bus driver over allowing him to bring his toy piano to camp. Schroeder was something of a protegee with his instrument; often bordering on obsession. Over the years Schroeder had grown someone away from the rest of the group; they just didn't share the same interests. When Charlie Brown did see him it was usually because Lucy managed to drag him along to something which seemed to be the case with camp.
Whereas Schroeder was rather polished and well dressed, the other boy who Charlie Brown saw was an utter mess. That of course would be Pig-Pen, who seemed to walk around with a permanent dust cloud around him. The dust notwithstanding; his stained overalls, unkempt hair, and ratty shoes suggested that Pig-Pen didn't think much of appearances. Charlie Brown envied that attitude: Pig-Pen could let any insult bounce right off of him while Charlie Brown would let them eat away at his very soul.
Standing under the awning of the school were the two arguably most attractive girls around: Violet and Patty. They were certainly the most popular girls in the school and they knew how to flaunt their status. Violet had straight black hair in a ponytail and a rather nice green dress while Patty was a lighter toned brunette with a small blue bow in her hair. The two of them were looking at Pig-Pen disdainfully; they didn't approve his lack of cleanliness. While Pig-Pen was a frequent target of their scorn, they still liked to focus most of their hatred on Charlie Brown, who they considered a creepy and ugly loser. He made a mental note to stay as far away from them as possible.
"Chuck! Over here!", a loud and slightly raspy female voice called out. The nickname 'Chuck' was enough for him to know that his friend Peppermint Patty was calling for him. She was probably the tallest person in the parking lot and was a slightly awkward looking girl. One look at her and you could tell she was a tomboy: with her baseball shorts and sandals. She also sported freckles, stringy brown hair, and a slightly large nose that she was self-conscious about. Peppermint Patty was a close friend of his from a school across town. Some people, namely Linus, would tell Charlie Brown that she had a crush on him, but he didn't buy it. She waved excitedly for him to come over to her.
He looked over to Sally and signaled that he was going over to talk to her; Sally without turning to acknowledge him curtly replied, "You just better not forget to get all my luggage on the bus."
Charlie Brown, dragging both his and Sally's luggage with him made his way over to Peppermint Patty while Linus went off to the bus and endeavored to get all of his and (mostly) Lucy's stuff onto it. Peppermint Patty looked at her friend and sighed, "Your sister has got you wrapped around her little finger huh? That's pretty pathetic, Chuck. You need some more backbone!"
"I don't know sir, I think Charles is just being a gentleman" a much more soft spoken voice interjected. Charlie Brown saw that Peppermint Patty's shy and rather bookish friend Marcie was here as well. Marcie was a good deal shorter than Patty and was a bit more feminine than her friend; though she did wear her black hair rather short and had thick glasses which some of the other girls (namely Violet and Patty) held against her. Charlie Brown had heard similar rumors about Marcie liking him, akin to the one's about Peppermint Patty. He just couldn't see why either girl would like him, he didn't think he had anything going for him. He thought that Marcie was just trying to be nice, which was something he thought that she was an expert at.
Charlie Brown smiled, "Good to see both of you guys, I guess they decided to merge our schools together for the sake of the trip?"
Peppermint Patty nodded, "Yeah, looks like the only people from my school going was me and Marcie."
"That's Marcie and I sir." Marcie corrected.
Peppermint Patty groaned in annoyance, "It's summer vacation! Enough with the grammar nonsense Marcie! And stop calling me sir." She shook her head, "Where was I? Oh yeah, it wouldn't make sense for them to send a bus for just the two of us."
Marcie sighed, "Three of us, sir."
Charlie Brown raised an eyebrow, "Who else from your school is coming to camp? Franklin?"
Marcie shook her had and pointed to a boy storming down the parking lot to the bus, "No, him."
The boy was a good deal shorter than anybody else, even than the significantly younger Sally. He seemed to wear a permanent scowl on his face and had long thick brown hair with rather obnoxious sideburns. Nobody was particularly pleased to see him; Thibault was a notorious bully and sexist.
"Out of my way four eyes!" he shoved past Marcie as he made his way to the bus. He stopped and looked at her, "Why would a dumb broad like you even bother with going to camp? Taming the great out door's is a man's job!" Marcie quietly backed away from him while Patty began to grind her teeth in anger.
Charlie Brown really didn't want there to be a fight before they even got on the bus and meekly tried to reason, "Do you really need to do this today? We're just trying to-".
Thibault glared at him and interrupted, "Just shut it baldy! Sheesh you look like a stinking cancer patient." It was no secret that Thibault an inexplicable hatred for Charlie Brown. Somewhere down the line he got the impression that Charlie Brown thought he was superior to him. Peppermint Patty nearly lunged for him; she would have actually done so had Charlie Brown not told her that he wasn't worth her time. Thibault laughed, "I'm going to run this stinking camp; you losers are going to wish you were in hell!" and walked off.
Patty shook her head and glared as Thibault got on the bus, "I can't stand that jerk!"
Marcie just sighed, "This is just one of the many reasons I told you that I didn't want to go to camp. One of the others being not wanting to deal with that creepy Floyd kid constantly declaring his love for me and calling me things like 'Lambcake'."
Patty replied, "But Marcie, we're going to a new camp this year, he's not going to be there."
Her bespectacled friend responded dryly, "They closed down our old camp because they forget to check for asbestos for about a decade. There's a good chance Floyd will be at this camp."
Charlie Brown with a groan added, "Plus Linus confirmed that we're going to be going with both a Peach Creek and Lemon Brook Junior High. That means we're going to be forced to meet new people which means that there's going to be more people to hate me."
Peppermint Patty rolled her eyes, "You both are such freaking nerds. C'mon guys, let's get on the bus. Why don't you guys actually try to enjoy yourselves this year?" Charlie Brown and Marcie shrugged and followed Peppermint Patty on the bus.
Once they entered the bus, it took a few minutes for the bus driver to do roll call before leaving. As that was going on a white beagle and yellow bird popped out from one of the school's bushes and hopped up on the bus's back bumper. He produced some rope that he used to fasten himself and the bird to the bumper and smiled. The dog took out a book with some rabbits on the cover and began to read through it with his avian companion as the bus finally took off.
…...
At that same time, miles away, three young teenage boys were making their way to Peach Creek Junior High. At first glance, one would certainly notice the tallest boy, Ed, carrying a pile of luggage on his back like a donkey, smiling the whole time. Ed was a good head or two taller than most kids his age and seemed to have a large flat head with a distinct mono-brow. He wore a striped red and white shirt with a green jacket over it. He was a very simple fellow that thoroughly enjoyed doing the grunt work for his friend Eddy, who was a walking juxtaposition to big Ed.
Eddy was walking in front of his two friends, not carrying any luggage (he left that to Ed). Eddy had a certain swagger to his step, he was a man who was all about appearances; even if everyone else just thought that he appeared to be a conceited wannabee loser. Eddy was about as short as Ed was tall in comparison to a normal boy his age; he was also somewhat chubby. He normally sported a yellow shirt that looked straight out of a bowling league and took great pride in his three long strands of hair.
The third boy was of average height compared to his two companions, but was certainly much weaker than them. He was lagging behind his friends, struggling to drag a rather modest suitcase behind him. Eddward, Edd for short, and Double D to his friends...and pretty much anyone else, was a lanky boy with almost zero muscle to him. He was overall a rather meek and shy individual who dressed simply: an orange t shirt and purple shorts. What stood out most about him was the unfortunate gap between his two front teeth and the black ski cap that he wore on his head to cover his hair. Whatever he was hiding under there was a mystery to everybody in his neighborhood. A mystery that he would protect to the point of violence.
"This is going to be great boys!" Eddy enthusiastically proclaimed to his friends, "Apparently we're going to camp with some kids from this place called Birchwood! With a name like that they're sure to be suckers. We'll take them for every cent!" Eddy's eyes lit up with the prospect of all the cash he and his friends could make as well as the potential jawbreakers they could buy.
Double D could already tell that Eddy was going to be nigh impossible to deal with. Though he was his best friend, Double D knew that Eddy was both incredibly greedy and desperate for attention. It was these traits that had alienated the Eds from the other kids in the neighborhood and Double D was hoping that going to camp and meeting new people would allow for a blank slate. He pleaded to Eddy, "Just this once, can we please lay off all of these infernal scams of yours? We have a chance to meet new people, for once we just may not be the pariahs that we usually are!"
Ed's face lit up after hearing Double D speak, "But pariahs are so cool! Like one time I was watching this movie and this pariah came back from the dead and had an army of undead mummies who attacked the all girls archeology university." Ed stopped walking and smiled for a moment before yelling out happily, "It was rated R!"
Eddy grinned, Ed had a one track mind. To Ed things were either meant to be consumed or they were meant to be destroyed. It was no wonder why the kid was so obsessed with science fiction. He was also incredibly obedient to Eddy, which was useful in situations where Double D's pesky sense of morality threatened to interfere with his plans. "Yeah see Double D, pariahs get hot female archeologists." Eddy had an image of a certain blond girl he knew dressed up like she was ready for a dig. He muttered, "I could certainly tolerate that."
Double D rolled his eyes and muttered, "I'm surrounded by idiots." He then raised his voice so his friends would hear him, "You gentlemen realize that Ed is most likely referring to a pharaoh: an ancient Egyptian priest-king. A pariah is somebody who is despised or rejected by the rest of society: an outcast." He then shouted, "AS IN US!" He took one hand off his luggage to point to himself, unfortunately this caused him to lose his balance and he tripped and fell. To add more injury to injury his suitcase fell on top of him, pinning him to the ground. Try as he might, he was unable to budge it off of him with his scrawny arms. Both Ed and Eddy stopped walking to look at their comrade's plight. Ed stood there with a blank smile on his face while Eddy was cracking up. Double D sheepishly pleaded, "Assistance please?"
Once he finished laughing, Eddy slyly grinned at Double D, evidently Double D's physical weakness was somehow justification to not bring up his friend's rather legitimate concerns. He beckoned to Ed, "Alright Ed, carry that suitcase for Sockhead. We wouldn't want him pulling his back out before we can begin with the scamming."
Ed gleefully nodded and picked up Double D's suitcase with one hand, much to the embarrassment of Double D. Ed laughed as he stacked Double D's luggage atop of his own and Eddy's and then started to run ahead of the other two boys, chuckling, "HERE COMES THE ED TRAIN!"
Eddy snickered at Ed's latest bout of energy and put his arm on Double D's shoulder, "You gotta love that big lummox, eh Sockhead?"
Double D nudged out of Eddy's arm and continued walking towards the school, "Let's just get this over with Eddy." The three boys arrived at the school a few moments later, where a bunch of other kids from their cul-de-sac were gathered.
"Oh great, here comes the dorks!", an angry boy in a red baseball cap and a green shirt groaned. Kevin was just one of the numerous kids on the block who couldn't stand the Eds. He was something of a bully to be sure, but one could also see why he'd be so hostile to them; Eddy's constant scamming was bound to make anybody angry.
Eddy grinned as he walked over to Kevin, "Hey shovel chin, looking forward to our summer together?"
Eddy stared at Kevin in a manner which made the jock's blood boil. "You little scab, I aught to-!" Kevin was about to lunge at Eddy but a firm pull on his arm by his friend, the incredibly attractive blond known as Nazz, was enough to give him pause.
"Come on Kevin," she pleaded, "just try to be nice. We aren't even at camp yet." Kevin wasn't happy, but he grudgingly obliged the blond. Though she was often put off by the antics of the Eds, she at least tried to accept, or at least tolerate, them as much as possible. It was no secret that almost every male in the cul-de-sac was head over heels in love with the girl and they tended to do whatever she said. Luckily she was overall a rather kind person so her considerable clout was not often abused.
The three Eds, not noticing that Nazz had been with Kevin, began to sweat profusely and turn beat red when she turned to them and smiled, "Glad to see you boys here. Hope we all have a good time at camp." She winked at them as she walked off leaving Eddy to mumble to himself , "Hello Nazz", Double D to stare blankly at her with a forlorn smile on his face, and Ed to just giggle to himself about how pretty she was.
Kevin threatened them as he followed her, "You dorks better not come near me in our barracks."
As the two walked off, Eddy immediately snapped out of his daze and turned to his friends, with a smug look on his face, "Oh yeah boys, I can just feel it. I'm hooking up with Nazz this summer!"
Double D, amused, asked his friend, "How do you plan on doing that? Using the same smooth moves that you tried on your last date?"
Eddy grimaced in anger while Ed, confused, asked for clarification, "But Double D, I thought Nazz was babysitting Eddy that time?"
Eddy shouted, "That's the point you lump!"
Double D suppressed a laugh, "C'mon Eddy, maybe Nazz will put you to bed again."
Eddy, now seething with anger, retorted, "Oh like you'd ever have a chance with her Sockhead!"
Double D, getting a little defensive reminded Eddy, "You forget about that misguided scam to turn Ed into a monster. When we were in that tree house and everyone though they would die she kissed me. As well as let's not forget who got to dance with her at that dance you made us go to."
Eddy was thinking of something nasty to respond with but was interrupted by Ed blurting out, "Nazz is so great guys! She's like the Doctor Octopus to my Mr. Spock!"
Double D was about to inquire what that could have possibly meant but all three boys were interrupted by the sound of an angry and shrill voice. One that could only come from a baby sister, "You three are morons! Do you really think Nazz would go out with any of you weirdos?" Eddy groaned when he heard that voice which belong to Sarah, a younger girl in a pink shirt and jeans. She had orange hair, big lips, and a bigger mouth to match. She was a fierce girl, sometimes nothing more that a dirty spoiled brat. Worst of all though, she was Ed's younger sister and had her poor brother at her beck and call.
Double D smiled at her and greeted, "Salutations Sarah, glad to see that you'll be joining us at this camp." The smart Ed boy knew that Sarah harbored a crush on him, and while he was unsure of his feelings towards her, he knew to always play it safe around her. However her crush only manifested when she was in a good mood, which now was certainly not the case.
She jumped up and grabbed Ed's collar, shouting in his face, "Ed you moron! You were supposed to wait up with me! Mom told you to carry our luggage!"
Ed began to sweat and pleaded, "Come on Sarah, Eddy wanted me to leave with him so we could-"
She screamed at him, spitting in his face, "I don't care what that no necked chump wanted! Look what happened to Jimmy!" She pointed to her friend who was not too far off. He was a petite and feminine looking boy with curly hair and a large retainer that went around his face in a similar manner as Saturn's rings. He was slumped over an average looking suitcase, seemingly dying of exhaustion.
"Oh when will the torment end?" he weakly asked the heavens.
Eddy began to laugh as he pointed at Jimmy, "Look at him! Afraid you're going to break a nail Jimmy?" He nudged Double D, "Hey, at least you aren't as big a wuss as him."
Double D shook his head and whispered to his short friend, "Do you really need to act like this all the time?"
Sarah took Jimmy by the arm and grabbed his bag, glaring at the Eds, "Come on Jimmy, let's get out of here. We don't need to deal with these morons."
As they walked up, Jimmy stuck his nose out at them and muttered, "Brutes."
Double D sighed, he knew he himself was never exactly a very popular or likable person, but he couldn't help but wonder if he would at least be marginally accepted if it wasn't for Eddy constantly burning the Ed's collective bridges. He thought to himself, Eddy sure knows how to take the self out of self-destruction. Double D watched as Sarah and Jimmy got on the bus, followed by Johnny 2x4 and Plank. Johnny was something of an outsider himself. He was occasionally teased for the massive size of his bald head and his rather eccentric personality. Of course what stood out most was the plank of wood that he carried with him and talked to at all times, aptly named Plank. Double D admitted that the creepy face drawn on in marker creeped him out sometimes and though it defied all rational thought, he sometimes did have to wonder if there was more to Plank than just Johnny's imagination.
A final, refreshingly jovial voice, interrupted Double D's thoughts, "Oh ho! It seems that meek-as-a-mouse Jimmy needs some toughening up if he is to survive our foray into the great outdoors! Am I correct Ed boys?" The final kid in their neighborhood was Rolf, a foreign boy of mysterious origins. He was one of the tallest kids around and oddly enough sported blue hair (there was one other girl who Double D knew with that hair color; luckily she was no where to be seen) Double D narrowed his country of origin down to somewhere in Northern Europe, but one can not be sure. It was difficult pinpointing Rolf's culture. They were obviously agriculturally based, given Rolf's status as a son of a Shepard and his constant tending to his family's livestock and crops. His culture also seemed to place a heavy emphasis on fish. To the point of it almost being worship. Almost. Rolf had a habit of bringing in his odd customs to those of the cul-de-sac, though he was doing a fairly decent job of adapting to suburban life. He slapped Ed on the back, "Is nincompoop ready to brave the great outdoors!"
Ed grinned, "Oh yeah Rolf! I ate three bowls of Chunky Puffs this morning!" Rolf heartily laughed and let the 'Ed Boys' be. He was one of the few kids who was constantly willing to give the Ed's a chance. The problem was his 'chances' usually were either intertwined with his culture or hard labor. Rolf did not take well to both insulting his culture and failure. Rolf also had no qualms in punishing such indiscretions with brute force.
Eddy grumbled, "That guy is so weird."
Double D sighed, he was about to give Eddy another lecture on cultural difference, but decided against that. He merely cocked his head to the bus and muttered, "Let's just get on the bus, gentlemen."
…...
It had only been twenty minutes into the bus before the girls sitting in the back of the bus, Violet and Patty namely, started to attempt to lead others in singing songs meant to demean Charlie Brown such as their chart topping hit from a few years back: Failure Face. Although Lucy, who was sitting behind her brother and Charlie Brown with Sally, was less inclined to make his life completely miserable compared to her earlier years, she couldn't help but partake in singing along, seeing as she helped write it in the first place.
"You never do anything right, you never put anything in its place. No wonder everyone calls you, Failure Face!"
Linus, who was sitting next to Charlie Brown, attempted to console him, "Well at least they haven't thought of any new material, right?"
Charlie Brown stared at his friend and frowned, "Yeah, there's always that...".
Peppermint Patty, who was sitting across from them with Marcie (who was blissfully unaware of her surroundings, opting to put on her headphones and listen to her music after about five minutes of hearing Peppermint Patty talk about how excited she was for camp), cluelessly asked, "Wait, they're singing about you Chuck?"
Charlie Brown and Linus both stared at her in disbelief for a moment before Chuck deadpanned, "Yes Patty, they are indeed singing about me."
She immediately began to grind her teeth and stood up from her seat, "Figures! I'll be one second guys. I'm going to belt those no good b-".
Charlie Brown jumped from his seat and grabbed her arm, "Patty don't!" She instantly looked at his hand which caused Charlie Brown to realize what he had just done. He went completely red.
Peppermint Patty smugly grinned at him and cooed, "You touched my arm Chuck? You trying to tell me something you sly devil you?"
Linus watched his friend begin to stutter as Peppermint Patty laughed at him. He shook his head and thought to himself, Great, we aren't even at camp and their awkward sexual tension has already started. He watched as his friend thoughtlessly turned one of Patty's compliments into an insult towards himself and thought, I don't know what's worse, how utterly blunt she is or how utterly clueless he is. As Linus was thinking how pathetic the sight of the two of them perpetuating their...whatever you'd call their relationship...he felt a presence from above him. He tilted his head upwards to see his best friend's sister, Sally, smiling down at him from the seat behind. With zero enthusiasm he greeted her, "Oh, hello Sally. I see you are...staring at me."
She grinned, "Oh I've just been thinking about how much fun we're going to have at camp together! I heard this place is great, they have all these different events for us to do...together."
Linus grinned at her and said, "Oh yeah, maybe we could check out all the different types of manure they have on display."
She gushed at hearing that, "Ooooh! Manure sounds so...French! How romantic Linus." Charlie Brown hit his head on the seat in front of him, in awe of his sister's stupidity. Sally turned to Lucy and gloated, "You hear that Lucy, my sweet babboo is taking me to see manure!"
Linus instinctively shouted, "I'm not your sweet babboo!"
Lucy, compressing a laugh, replied, "Oh that's really swell for you two. I'm sure you'll really be able to sense the sweet aroma of love. As for me, I'm gonna wait until the Midsummer Couple's Dance near the end of camp. I'm sure a certain someone will ask me to it, if he knows what's good for him." She glared over at Schroeder who quickly turned his head away from her as she spoke.
Linus raised an eyebrow, "But it'd be well past the traditional Midsummer if they do it late into camp."
Peppermint Patty interrupted, "Aw who cares about when it is Linus! All I know is that it's going to rock! I love barbeques!"
Lucy stared at her and asked, "You do know what the difference between a dance and a barbeque is, right?"
Sally swooned, "Oh forget the dance!" She then turned to Linus, "Not you though!" and continued, "I heard that they are going to hire some outside carnival on the last day for a big celebration! How cool is that? I bet my sweet babboo will take me on the Ferris Wheel!"
"I'm not your sweet babboo! And I wouldn't take you to the little teacup ride!" He paused and began to feel sick, "Oh good grief how I hate those teacups!"
Charlie Brown was pleasantly surprised hearing about the carnival, "Wow, I haven't heard anything about a carnival, maybe this trip won't be as bad as I thought."
Peppermint Patty elbowed him and laughed, "As long as you don't start talking about how your dad let girls lock him out of his car like the last time we went, eh Chuck?"
The other kids stared at them, Charlie Brown sighed and groaned, "It's a long story. Back when Snoopy ran away to live with Lila that one time. Let's just drop it please?"
Lucy, grinning, tapped Charlie Brown on the head and stated, "Besides Charlie Brown, if they do bring a carnival, I'd be much more worried about the Mondo Whaler getting you!"
Charlie Brown and Peppermint Patty looked at her nervously while Linus groaned, "Just ignore her guys, she's talking about something stupid she saw online."
Lucy snorted, "With that kind of attitude you'll be the first to go! The Mondo Whaler apparently is this psychopathic man-child who works at some amusement park on the coast. Apparently he gets kids separated from their parents and beats the pulp out of them!" She punched her fist in the palm of her hand just to make Charlie Brown slightly more nervous.
Peppermint Patty looked at Lucy skeptically, "Why in the world would he do that? It doesn't make sense."
Lucy shrugged, "He's a carnie freak! Who knows what he's thinking."
Linus shook his head, "This is utterly ridiculous Lucy. Even if he did attack a kid, he would have been arrested so quickly that it he wouldn't know what hit him. Plus the media would be all over this kind of thing. And no self respecting amusement park would hire such a lunatic after he gets out of his inevitable jail-time.
Lucy gave a twisted smile, "That would be true, if he got caught. He threatens the kids not to tell anybody because if he does, he'll do something much worse."
Charlie Brown thought about some insane sociopath wrecking havoc on the camp and shuddered. Lucy laughed at him, "Oh brother! You really are gullible Charlie Brown! If this clown did exist you'd be such a mess!"
Peppermint Patty glared at her, "That really wasn't funny Lucille...".
Lucy rolled her eyes, "You guys are no fun at all."
…...
"Alright so how about this? We charge kids to take their luggage to the barracks! Easy money right? You saw how Lumpy managed to carry all of our stuff to the bus. This plan can't fail!" Eddy motioned towards Ed, who was sitting across from him and Double D on the bus. Given Ed's energetic nature, they both thought it best if he had his own seat.
"CAR!" Ed was currently playing a rousing game of spot the car with himself.
Double D, pleasantly surprised, replied, "That's rather mundane compared to your usual fare Eddy, which I'm perfectly fine with mind you." He thought to himself, "If this goes well though can you please promise me that we abandon doing such scams; at least until we get a chance to meet and get to know the kids from the other school?"
Eddy shook his head stubbornly, "Uh-uh, no dice Double D."
"But why Eddy? We have a chance to finally-"
Ed cut him off, "Guys! I just saw the car from Back to the Future!"
Double D, perked up excitedly, "A DeLorean? Why I didn't think they still made those."
Ed shook his head, "No, not the doc's car, the van used by the Libyan terrorists!"
Eddy growled, "That's really great Ed! Why don't you keep watching for terrorists!" He turned to Double D, "You know darn well why Double D! My brother got his job back at Mondo A-Go Go! I could have spent the whole summer going there for free! All the rides and free food a guy could ask for. Plus my brother said there were some pretty cute girls working there." Double D rolled his eyes, "But NO! My stinking parents HAD to have their dumb 25th anniversary this summer. They booked a stinking cruise around the Pacific and left me to rot in this stupid camp. If I'm wasting my summer here, then I'm at least making as much money as possible! No questions asked!"
Double D sighed, "Whatever you say Eddy." He knew it was never worth it to argue with him, especially about anything that involved his brother in anyway. According to Eddy, his older brother was the coolest guy around who taught Eddy everything he knew about scamming. Eddy adored him and the other kids were also torn between adoration and absolute fear. Double D had never met him, but he had plenty of experience as collateral damage in a bunch of pranks that Eddy's Brother had played on Eddy from afar...wherever he was. Double D therefore didn't think so highly of him.
…...
It took another two hours, but eventually the insulting songs by Violet and Lucy's attempts to scare him came to a halt as the bus arrived at its destination. By all accounts it looked like a standard camp. There was something of an open cul-de-sac surrounded by the various cabins: which consisted of the boy's and girl's respective barracks, the administration building, and the mess hall. The buildings in turn were surrounded by woods. There were two pathways in the woods, one which lead to a more open field which was used for various recreation sports and the other leading to a moderately sized lake. Charlie Brown looked out the window and saw that the bus from the other school, the mysterious Peach Creek Junior High, was parked next to theirs.
"Here goes nothing", he groaned to Linus.
Linus smiled and patted his friend on the back, "Here at camp you got a clean slate, Charlie Brown. There's no reason for these kids not to like you."
Charlie Brown rolled his eyes in disbelief and got off the bus. Peppermint Patty tapped Marcie, who by this time had dosed off, on the shoulder, "Come on Marcie we're at camp." She them muttered, "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be doing all the sleeping."
Marcie yawned and then gave a tiny smile, "Ah, that was a quick ride, eh sir?"
Meanwhile on the other bus, Eddy had finished reminding his two friends about their first scam here at camp. "Remember, we're focusing on those Birchwood kids, forget about these suckers. They won't bite for something as simple as taking their luggage."
Double D shook his head and muttered, "Our one idea that I feel everyone would be game to do."
Ed widely grinned and shouted, "RING A LING DING! HERE COMES THE BELLHOP!" and he ran down the aisle of the bus, knocking both Kevin and Nazz over as he barreled past.
Eddy, laughing, shouted as he tried to keep up, "Calm down there lumpy!" As he ran down the aisle, he 'accidentally' stepped on Kevin's head, sarcastically apologizing, "Sorry about that, shovel-chin."
Double D knew that nothing good would come from what had just transpired, and nervously attempted to edge his way past the fallen Kevin. Unfortunately Kevin was not as winded as he had though and quickly risen to grab Double D by the collar. Kevin sneered at Double D who looked at Kevin in absolute terror, "We haven't even gotten off the bus and you dorks have already pissed me off beyond measure!"
Double D began to sweat. He started apologizing profusely, "Kevin, you have every right to be mad. The reckless behavior of my two companions is nothing short of deplorable and I can assure you that I'll take every possible measure to -".
Kevin cut him off, "Can it Double Dweeb! I went to this stupid camp so I wouldn't have to deal with you loser Eds making all our lives miserable. But no, you dorks had to come along anyway. I swear this is ending right now." Kevin then swiftly jabbed the terrified Ed in the stomach with his fist. Double D's eyes bulged and teared up. Had Kevin not been holding him up by the collar he would have collapsed in a heap on the floor. "I don't want to deal with any more garbage from you dorks, got it?"
"Kevin stop!" Nazz, who looked utterly disgusted, demanded. "Double D didn't even do anything."
Kevin grinned at Double D, "You know how these Eds are Nazz, they're a package deal. They are all to blame. Besides, don't worry, I'll be sure to give the other two a good thrashing as well."
Double D grimaced and braced himself for another swift rush of pain to his gut but was shocked to hear Nazz shriek, "I said stop NOW Kevin!" Kevin begrudgingly obliged and dropped the scrawny boy to ground. Nazz glared at the jock and pointed to the bus's door, "Get out of here now! I don't want to talk to you until you grow up a little!"
Kevin pleaded, "But Nazz...", she just intensified her glare, "Fine, fine", he turned to Double D, "I'm not going to forget this, dork!"
As Kevin stormed off the bus he heard Nazz beginning to tend to Double D. His blood began to boil, That puny little dweeb is now scoring sympathy points with her! This is garbage, she's going to be miffed at me for a while. He stepped onto the camp grounds and took a look around. Most of the other kids were already busy bringing their stuff to the barracks. He saw one guy with a literal dust cloud trailing him enter, which prompted Kevin to groan, "I'm not getting stuck with that guy as a bunk-mate." He looked towards the center of the camp and saw Eddy was already trying to pull one his lame-brain scams on the kids from the other school. Knowing Nazz would get angrier at him, as well as figuring that as long as Eddy targeted these other kids it wasn't his problem, he turned to ignore him.
He saw that Johnny was already running around with Plank, yelling about the great outdoors. "What a freak." What he saw next really left him speechless however, a blond boy from the other bus was carrying a small piano across the camp towards the barracks. He shook his head and muttered, "2x4 ain't the only freak around here I guess." He scanned the area and thought to himself, Between that piano guy and that slob I only imagine how scarce the babe population is going to be on that bus. He saw a round headed kind with a yellow shirt who looked like he was having a heart attack standing next to some wide-eyed kid wearing a blanket, More freaks. Next to them was a rather slender and feminine looking guy with stringy hair and a big nose hanging out with what he assumed was his girlfriend, a nerdy girl with glasses. Is that it? That geek girl is the only chick on that bus? With some disappointment, he turned and walked towards the boy's barracks, ignoring Eddy hawking his services.
"Hey, you friends with that little short kid over there?" a female voice suddenly asked of him. Kevin turned towards the direction of the girl's barracks to see two rather attractive girls leaning against the wall. One of them, the brunette, was filing her nails while the black haired girl in the ponytail was smirking at him.
Kevin, "Dorky over there? No way!"
The black haired girl, Violet, sighed, "Well somebody should really tell him to stop with whatever he's doing. He's making a total fool of himself."
Kevin nodded, "Tell me about it. Eddy and his two stooges are always pulling crap like that. We're all really sick of them. Their names are Ed, Edd, and Eddy. Two bodacious girls like you would definitely want to stay away from them" he paused, "though from the looks of things, you guys seem to have your fair share of dorks as well."
The brunette, Patty, nodded, "Oh yeah. Most of the guys here are neurotic messes."
Kevin smirked, "Like that piano guy?"
Patty shook her head, "Actually, he's one of the cooler ones. He's pretty good too."
Violet interrupted, "It isn't just the guys that are weirdos. You'll want to stay away from some of the girls too. There's this one, Lucy, who will destroy you if you get on her bad side."
A chill went down Kevin's spine, he instantly thought of the three terrible harpies that plagued both his friends as well as the Eds back at the cul-de-sac. Thankfully they weren't present.
Patty said, somewhat nervously, "I wouldn't call Lucy a dork, Violet. She's a bully and a hag. But dork? Don't let her hear you say that."
Kevin scoffed, "You girls are afraid of this Lucy, huh? Well tell you what, should you get in trouble with her, you just come to me. I'll protect you."
The two girls immediately turned around and began to giggle. Patty asked in a whisper, "This guy is serious huh?"
Violet replied, "He's already wrapped around our figure, we didn't even have to do anything."
They turned around and Violet cooed, "Oh that sounds just fine."
Kevin grinned, "Righteous. Come on girls, let me introduce you to some of the more normal kids from my town."
Patty nodded, "Lead the way...I'm sorry what's your name?"
"Kevin."
Patty smiled and extended her hand, "Charmed, the name's Patty."
Violet did similarly, "And I'm Violet."
Kevin smirked and thought, This is so sweet. Who cares what Nazz thinks now! I got two hot chicks hanging around me. Violet spoke up again, "By the way Kevin, we should probably tell you about some of the other dorks we know. Most specifically this guy named..."
…...
"Charlie Brown!" Lucy yelled, storming off the bus, "You are in so much trouble!"
Sally joined in, "I can't believe you big brother! Mom and dad are going to be furious!"
Charlie Brown sighed, "What did I do now?"
Sally pointed at the backside of the bus, "Look!"
Charlie Brown stared, mouth agape, as white beagle with sunglasses donned, was strutting from the back of the bus with his avian companion, Woodstock.
Charlie Brown rushed over to him, "Snoopy! What do you think you're doing here? I told you that you had to stay home! They don't want any dogs at camp!" Charlie Brown began to panic, "Oh, what am I going to do! I can't just send him home, but what if they catch him? Ugh..." Charlie Brown had spent too much time thinking to himself however and noticed that Snoopy was already halfway across camp, kissing the hand of a very annoyed Sarah.
"What the heck? Who's dog is this!"
Oh no! Charlie Brown rushed over and began to apologize to the young redhead, "I'm so sorry, he's just very friendly and wants to meet..." Charlie Brown then noticed that he was standing in front of a rather large group of people. Of course there was the irritable Sarah, as well as a tall kid with blue hair who seemed angry, an athletic boy in a red cap, and smirking at him: Violet and Patty.
Sarah pushed Snoopy away from her, causing him to knock Charlie Brown over, "WELL KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME!" Peppermint Patty, watching from by the bus, began to furrow a brow and made her way over to the group of kids.
The group of kids began to laugh, but were cut off by Rolf who demanded, "Rolf wishes to know why he with the flesh colored hair was permitted to bring his livestock! Rolf was forced to leave poor Wilfred and Victor home!"
Charlie Brown nervously muttered, "Oh...well I wasn't really planning on bringing him along...".
Kevin scoffed, "What, can't you control that stupid dog at all..." he thought to himself and then grinned, "Oh I get it, you must be Charlie Brown! Oh man, I've heard all about you!"
Charlie Brown saw that Patty and Violet were snickering at him. He replied with a sullen, "Oh...".
Kevin, laughing, nudged Rolf, "Yeah, this guy apparently is the manager of the worst baseball team in the state." Rolf stood there confused as to what baseball was as Kevin continued, "You're a Joe Shlabotnik fan right?"
Charlie Brown meekly nodded.
"Oh man, that's rich! You're right Violet, this guy is a riot! Tell me, any luck with that red haired chick of yours?"
Charlie Brown looked at Violet and Patty and groaned, "Why would you even tell people about that?"
Kevin smirked, "Chill out bro. I'm just messing with you." Charlie Brown sighed and then nervously laughed at himself. Kevin then grinned, "So why don't you and me go kite flying soon? Seems like good weather, eh Charlie Brown. Or can I call you Chuck?" Charlie Brown felt the ever familiar wave of embarrassment come crashing down upon him and Patty and Violet cackled at his expense. Despite being somewhat confused, Sarah and Rolf seemed to be taking delight at this scene as well. Snoopy took this moment to slink away.
"No you can't, creepo!" Peppermint Patty walked over, her face red with anger. She stared at Kevin and threatened, "You better stay away from him or I'll shred you!"
Kevin shrugged, "Whoa, watch where you're stepping, dude. I might have to bust your punk head in, bro."
Peppermint Patty seethed, "Dude? Bro? You little snot!" Peppermint Patty began to clench her fists and grit her teeth. Linus saw what was happening and slowly made his way over.
Kevin turned to Violet and Patty, confused, "What's his problem?"
Violet chucked, "'His' name happens to be Patrica Reichardt, though 'he' usually goes by Peppermint Patty."
Kevin still clueless replied, "Okay...well whatever Peppermint Patty, you think you're going to even lay a finger on me you got...wait Patty..." he paused and took a good look at her, "Oh man! You're a chick, aren't you?"
Peppermint Patty growled, "Yeah...a little bit...".
Kevin smiled, "My mistake, my mistake. I would have never pegged you for a chick, sheesh."
Peppermint Patty began to tense up, how she desired to force Kevin to part with some teeth. She then felt Charlie Brown tug at her shoulder and heard him plead, "This isn't worth it Patty. You don't want to get in trouble over this."
Sarah, deciding she wanted in on the fun, mocked, "Yeah listen to your little girlfriend there!" She then began to laugh at her little insult.
Rolf looked over at Jimmy, who was giggling with Sarah, and muttered, "The irony of that insult is not lost on Rolf."
"Very clever, Peppermint Patty is the boy in the relationship and Charlie Brown is the girl. Very, very, clever. Now can't we all just stop with all of these hostilities? We have a whole month ahead of us to hate each other", Linus calmly pleaded. Charlie Brown smiled, it was always good to have Linus around. He had a way of shutting ignorant people up and listening to reason. The other kids seemed to be dumbfounded and were probably truly reflecting on their immaturity. He certainly was a better choice in dealing with this situation than the volatile Peppermint Patty.
Kevin finally broke the silence and asked the important question, "What's with the blanket?" Instantly the crowd was uproarious.
Rolf mockingly asked, "Does the little baby fear that cradle will fall when the sow breaks?"
Kevin, laughing, "That's bough, dude."
Linus muttered to his two friends, "Let's just get out of here now..." and walked off with them as the group of kids continued their mocking.
…...
Double D walked off the bus, with Nazz behind him. She asked, with a degree of concern, "You feeling better Double D?"
He nodded. Truth be told he was still feeling quite a bit queasy, Kevin's direct hit didn't exactly combine well with his rather low constitution, but he didn't want to trouble Nazz anymore. She did more than enough making sure he was okay...as well as cleaning up after a little incident shortly after. "Yes Nazz, I must thank you again." He then paused and sighed, "And I hope you won't tell anyone about me...um...losing my lunch..."
She smiled and winked at him, "Don't sweat it dude, my lips are sealed." She pat him on the back, "I'm going to unpack my stuff. Later Double D." She walked off, leaving Double D to stare dreamily at her. In his delusions, he heard her calling his name and he could feel his heart almost melt. He continued to hear her call his name...though it sounded more shrill each time.
"DOUBLE D!" he finally snapped out of his trance as he noticed Eddy screaming at him from across the camp.
He muttered, "Oh dear, I forgot about that luggage scam."
He walked over to his two friends. Eddy instantly interrogated, "Where the heck were you? You're leaving us out to dry here, we aren't getting any suckers to bite!"
Double D snidely responded, "Well thanks to both of your reckless actions on the bus, I sustained a direct blow to my stomach courtesy of Kevin. I'm doing better now by the way. Thank you oh so much for asking."
"Oh suck it up Hamlet, I see some potential suckers." Eddy grinned greedily as he saw the sullen Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty, and Linus.
He could hear Linus complaining, "Sociopaths! All of them, absolutely utter sociopaths!"
"Welcome to my life." Charlie Brown muttered.
Patty, noticing the Eds, groaned, "Great, it's more of them."
Eddy smiled at them, "Oh why the long faces friends? Long trip on the bus?"
Linus rolled his eyes at Eddy's sickeningly forced smile, "Not exactly. We just were acquainted with some of your friends over there."
Double D laughed and remarked, "Not the friendliest bunch are they?" but was shoved by an angry Eddy who whispered.
"Let me do the talking!" he continued his presentation, "Well I bet any run in with Kevin would leave you rather tired. That's why we are here to alleviate all your stress! We here at Ed's Bellhop Service will guarantee that your luggage gets safely to your room and unpacked! All for a measly twenty five cents!"
Linus shook his head, "Uh uh, no way. I'm not paying any of you Peach Creek nut jobs a cent. You all can stay away from me!"
Double D muttered to Ed, "Wow, Kevin and the rest of them must have laced into him pretty hard."
Ed sniffled, "I know how that is Double D. Laces can be so cruel!" He looked down at his untied shoe in sadness.
Eddy muttered, "Who needs you, blanket wearing weirdo." He then put his game face back on and asked Charlie Brown and Peppermint Patty, "How about you folks. You sure look tired. Just trust us. Ed here has the strength of two and three quarters men! He can easily handle your luggage."
Ed grinned, "I'm like a machine who you can hug!"
Eddy then pointed at Double D, "And this fellow here will make sure all of your clothing is neatly unpacked and folded to perfection."
Double D grinned, "Yes indeed. A tidy wardrobe is a happy one, right fellows? My name is Eddward by the way, but most of my associates call my Double D."
Peppermint Patty whispered to Chuck, "Well at least they are friendlier than those others. Though I don't know how much I trust this Eddy guy."
Charlie Brown shook his head, "I'm sure he's an okay guy. Besides, they are right, I am pretty tired." He reached into his pocket and produced two quarters. He smiled at Patty, "My treat."
She nudged him, "How romantic, you sly dog, you."
After a moment of his typical blushing and blundering, he gave said coins to Eddy who shouted at his 'employees', "Alright guys! Take em to the boy's barracks and get them unpacked straight away!"
Peppermint Patty growled, "Boy's barracks! I'm a girl you moron!"
Eddy squinted and asked, "Really?" while Double D blushed out of embarrassment.
She shouted, "YES!"
Eddy shrugged and ordered, "Alright, new change of plans. Ed, bring um...the bald guy's stuff to the boy's barracks."
"Charlie Brown..." Charlie Brown curtly corrected.
"Right, and Double D, take...our beautiful patron's luggage to her room!"
Double D's eyes bulged, "Wait what? You want me to enter the girl's dorm! We're not allowed to do that Eddy! Just think of the chaos that would ensue if we were to-".
Eddy shoved Peppermint Patty's bag into Double D and shouted, "Oh cut it! You can pass off as a chick anyway! You'll be fine." He looked at Ed and Edd staring at him. "Come on you slackers! Time is money!" Both boys then ran off while he groaned, "I gotta do all the work myself."
As Eddy sat down on a bench to loaf around, Patty quietly asked, "I really look like a guy, don't I Chuck."
He sighed, "You look fine to me."
"You're just saying that."
"No, I think you're really pretty."
She groaned, "Stop patronizing me, Chuck!"
Eddy laughed at him, "Dames, right buddy? Who can figure them?"
Peppermint Patty snipped at him, "Oh shut your mouth!"
…...
"THE ED EXPRESS IS COMING THROUGH!" Ed shouted as he plowed Jimmy down while running through the front door of the boy's barracks.
"Right on Ed!" Johnny cheered.
Schroeder looked at the tall boy and asked aloud to nobody in particular, "What the heck?"
"Time to unpack like a boss!" Ed gushed as he opened Charlie Brown's brief case. Like a dog digging a hole, he tossed a number of Charlie Brown's yellow shirts throughout the air, scattering them across the room.
One landed on Pig-Pen's bed, which was already covered in soot. Pig-Pen picked up the stained shirt and sighed, "He's not going to want this back."
Schroeder muttered to Pig-Pen, "Charlie Brown's wardrobe sure is...limited."
Pig-Pen scoffed, pointing to one red striped shirt in the mix that had made its way atop the forehead of another boy. "Now way Schroeder, see there's a red one! That's some variety."
Unfortunately, the head upon which the red shirt had landed was that of Thibault, the ill tempered boy with obnoxious sideburns. "Who was the moron who threw this on me!" Schroeder and Pig-Pen, out of a desire to not deal with him at all, quickly pointed poor Ed out to Thibault.
Thibault, though much shorter than Ed, waltzed over to Ed and standing on his toes, did his best to intimidate the lovable oaf. "So, striped shirt? You must be friends with that Charlie Brown loser, huh?" Ed, confused, simply stared at the short boy. "What's wrong with you Lenny? Answer me?"
Ed smiled, "Oh I get it, you must be a gnome!"
Thibault twitched in anger, "A gnome! Why you little no-good-"
Ed smiled and embraced the small boy in a bear hug, "AWW GNOMES ARE SO COOL! I play a level 18 gnome rogue you know!"
Thibault, through gasps of desperate breaths, shouted, "LET ME GO!"
Ed obliged, dropping Thibault on the ground. He brushed himself off and then demanded, "So why are you doing Charlie Brown's bidding! You're his friend aren't you?"
Ed, raising his eyebrow, just said, "Um he paid me to unpack."
Thibault began to grind his teeth, "I knew it! That no good jerk! Thinking he's soooo much better than everybody else! He has his own servants now!" Thibault stormed out of the barracks.
Ed looked at Schroeder and Pig-Pen and shrugged, "He was a very nasty gnome."
Pig-Pen nodded, "Gnomes, who knows what their deal is, right?"
Schroeder however was not so amused, "You are planning on cleaning this mess you made up, right...Ed is it?" Pig-Pen scoffed at Schroeder who defensively retorted, "There are some of us who would prefer not to live in a dump, Pig-Pen!" Schroeder grumbled, "I pity whoever gets stuck with you as a bunk mate."
Ed grinned and smiled at Schroeder, "No problem boss!" He then rushed around the room and picked up all the shirts. He then picked up one of the bunks with one hand, and shoved all of Charlie Brown's shirts under it, causing it to become lopsided. "All unpacked! Eddy's going to be so proud."
Pig-Pen laughed while Schroeder just groaned.
…...
If it can be imagined, things were much worse at the girl's barracks. Double D nervously walked into the building as Lucy, Sally, and Marcie were unpacking their stuff.
Sally instantly shrieked, "A pervert!"
Double D, sweating profusely, apologized, "Oh is this the girl's dorm, oh my mistake I'm so sorry."
Marcie, noticing the suitcase he was carrying noted, "That's Peppermint Patty's bag...what the heck do you think you are doing?"
Sally shouted, "This creep is probably going around kidnapping girls!"
"Oh dear, oh dear..." Double D turned around to exit but was blocked by Lucy, who was brandishing a baseball bat (never go to a strange place unprepared after all).
"You have one minute to convince me not to knock your head off."
Double D got on his knees and pleaded, "Show mercy please! I'm just here to unpack that Peppermint Patty girl's luggage! That's it. Her friend...Charlie something or another paid for me and my comrade to unpack people's stuff. That's it! My fellows and I are running a bellhop enterprise for some extra cash."
Sally shouted, "I don't believe him! The guy's a Peeping Tom!"
Marcie nodded, "He certainly seems the type. I can't believe this, ten minutes in and we have a stalker."
Double D pleaded, "No, no, no, it's nothing like that at all."
Lucy poked him in the shoulder with the bat, causing him to wail in pain. She muttered, "Talk about overly dramatic. Look at the guy." Double D had proceed to crawl into the fetal position sobbing for his life.
Sally stated, "Wow, I thought my brother was bad."
Lucy shouted at him, "Get up you pansy!" Edd did as he was told quickly. She glared at him, "I'm going to take your word for it this time, but if I ever see you here again, I'm hitting a home run. Got it?"
Double D nodded, "Oh yes! Your sports metaphor is quite clear, as well as its dire implications!" He saw he wasn't winning any points with his choice of dialog and quickly rushed out the door.
Lucy shook her head, "I thought people we weird enough back home."
Sally nodded, "Amen."
Marcie laughed and thought, It's funny, many would see you two as being no better than him. She then spoke up, "Well that certainly was disturbing. I'm going to go outside for some reading. I'll talk to you later." Marcie picked up her book and head outside, noting that she was pretty much ignored by the other two, Typical.
Marcie left the building and made her way into the woods to find some peace. Thibault, who was still in a foul mood noticed her and decided to blow of some steam by making her life miserable. With a terrible grin on his face he followed her slowly from behind.
Watching the two walk off into the woods in close proximity to each other was Rolf who sneered, "Rolf sees you two planning on making the hanky-panky hullabaloo in this great bastion of wilderness. The mountain sprites must be returning! Rolf with have none of it!"
…...
Marcie had found a stump on the path in the woods where she perched herself. She opened her book up and began to read. She couldn't get through two sentences before the book was snatched out of her hands by Thibault. "What are you reading now, four eyes? 'Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions'? What the heck is this?"
"It's an interesting take on the interactions between dimensions, not that you'd understand." She grinned, "It's based on mathematics."
Thibault crossed his arm and scoffed, "Oh so you think you're going to be some sort of physicist or something? Get real, your place is the kitchen or the laundry room. Take your pick."
Marcie groaned at him, "Can you please just give me my book back. I don't know why you always seem so keen on picking on me."
Thibault laughed at her, "What are you going to do about it?" He turned around with his eyes closed and walked straight into the figure of Rolf, who was looming above him.
Rolf's eyes narrowed as he examined Thibault, "So Rolf was wrong, there isn't the mischief of those cursed mountain sprites. No, all Rolf sees is a nasty little thief preying on an innocent girl."
Thibault, straightening his posture as to not seem intimated by Rolf sneered in return, "What's it to you?"
"In Rolf's village a tome such as the one you are absconding with could cost a shepherd a week's earnings! Rolf will not allow such a blatant act of disrespect!"
Thibault looked at Rolf in disbelief for a moment, before a smirk crept onto his face, "You're not from around here, are you? You're from a different country." Rolf impatiently nodded. Thibault crossed his arms, "Well then you have no right telling me anything you darn foreigner. I don't care how you do things in whatever backwater, third world, stink hole you come come from but this is my country and I ain't letting any stupid foreigner tell me what I can and can't do!"
Rolf's nostrils flared and his eyes bulged, "You mock the old country?"
Thibault stepped towards Rolf, getting in his face, and spat, "Looks like I am!"
Rolf then began to shout, "You have sullied Rolf's honor, he with the ridiculous side-hair! Prepare yourself for combat! Choose a weapon!"
Marcie piped up, "'Combat'? Wait a minute, boys please let's not do anything-".
Thibault snapped at her, "Stay out of this woman!" He turned to Rolf, "Weapon? I don't need a weapon! I'll rip you apart with these two bad boys!"
Mockingly Rolf retorted, "Those 'bad boys'? Why Rolf bets that they have never so much as massaged the back of a yak! Your defeat is inevitable." Rolf reached into his pocket.
Marcie gasped as Thibault leaped at Rolf and growled, "Alright you Commie...er Euro-trash...oh whatever you are supposed to be! Prepare to-" Rolf however had taken that brief moment to produce a whole salmon that he had kept in his pocket which he brandished with surprising efficiency. He knocked Thibault out with his fish with one blow to the head.
Rolf smiled, satisfied that he had maintained his family's honor. He turned and bowed at Marcie, "Rolf is pleased to have defended your honor as well." He picked up her book and presented it to her. "If you'll excuse me Rolf must talk to his fellow Urban Rangers in order to receive his 'Book Delivery' badge. Thank you!"
As Rolf walked off, Marcie nervously called out to him, "Oh um...thank you?" She stared at Thibault, who was more or less seeing stars and quietly asked to nobody in particular, "What should I do with Thibault?" She then thought of all the bullying he subjected her to on a regular basis and shrugged, "Eh, he'll be okay" and walked off to rendezvous with the rest of the kids at camp.
…...
As Marcie returned to the main area she saw that Peppermint Patty was in the middle of a shouting match with some short kid who seemed to be friends with the 'Peeping Tom' who intruded a little while earlier who look rightfully mortified. They were with a taller boy who seem happily ignorant to his surroundings. Finally Charlie Brown was standing behind Peppermint Patty, looking about as uncomfortable as the Peeping Tom.
"I told you before, no refunds!" Eddy shouted as he held a jar comically filled with only two quarters close to his chest.
Peppermint Patty seethed at him, "But your boys didn't get their jobs done! Chuck had to clean up the entire boy's dorm thanks to your Tasmanian Devil of a friend."
Ed blushed, "Aw, I always saw myself as more of a Pepé Le Pew. Hug me!"
The rest of the participants in the argument ignored him. Charlie Brown mildly whispered to his friend, "It's really not a big deal Patty, it's just fifty cents."
Peppermint Patty roared at him, "Just fifty cents! It's not about the money Chuck, it's the principle! These guys are rip-offs, no good con-artists!"
Charlie Brown moaned, "But it's really not worth..."
Peppermint Patty groaned at him, "What do you mean not worth? Sheesh Chuck aren't you ever going to grow a spine! If you aren't going even to try and stick up for yourself why the heck should I bother?" With that she stormed off.
Eddy, surprised that he had gone so long without having to surrender his cash, instantly took the chance to gloat at his victim, "Oh man, shot down Romeo! She's got you whipped!"
Double D pleaded, "Eddy, can't you please just refund the guy's money?" Double D whispered to his short friend, "Don't you emphasize with him at all, he obviously just as pathetic with his peers as we are with ours."
Eddy shoved Double D off of him and shook his head defiantly, "Hey, I earned this money! Melon head over there can take a hike."
Charlie Brown sighed, "Yeah, yeah, I get it." He shook his head, "And I'll get this over with, people tend to call me 'blockhead' so that should make things easier on you next time you rip me off."
Eddy smirked, "Thanks buddy!"
Double D elbowed him and hissed, "Eddy!"
Ed meanwhile pondered aloud, "Whoa? He has a block from a head? If I hit it would I get coins or a fire flower?"
Charlie Brown sulked past Marcie and muttered to her, "Meet the new town, same as the old town, huh?"
She frowned and walked to keep up with him, "I wouldn't beat yourself up over those guys being jerks to you. It seems that everybody from their school holds them with very low esteem." She paused for a moment, "With very good reason."
Charlie Brown groaned, "Well those other kids are in with Violet and Patty now, so it looks like they all hate me too."
Marcie pat him on the back, "Well you still got me, Linus, and Peppermint Patty." Charlie Brown gave her an annoyed look and she remembered, "Oh yeah, she just stormed off from you. Well she does this daily right? You guys will be fine soon enough." She tugged at the sleeve of his shirt, "Come on, let's see what they have to do around here. We need to cheer you up."
Charlie Brown rolled his eyes and laughed lightly, "Alright, alright."
As they walked off, Double D watched Eddy lustfully eying the two quarters in his jar, his large green tongue sticking out as he contemplated what to do with his loot. Double D, in his most shrill voice, began to scold his friend, "We've been here for what, an hour?" He checked his watch and gasped, "Less than a hour! In less than sixty minutes we have managed to run our names completely into the dirt! We've done more damage to our name in an hour than Caligula did to his during his rule of Rome!"
Ed cheered, "It's a new record!"
"Those kids from the other school must think we are utter sociopaths! Uncivilized brutes who only care about cold hard cash!"
Eddy grinned, "You got it baby! And cash is what we got, I knew this plan would work!"
Double D face-palmed in exasperation, "If profit is the only thing you care about then please explain to me how you expect anybody to fall for any of your schemes again? Nobody is that stupid, Eddy!"
Eddy impishly grinned and pointed to his temple, "Double D, this here is a scam factory. I got it covered!" He then gushed, "But that's for later, we got jawbreakers to buy!" He threw his arm over head who was already salivating at the mere thought of those succulent orbs.
Double D shook his head, "Once again I hate to be the one who has to ruin our fun but where do you propose we buy jawbreakers? We are at camp, there are no candy stores around here."
Eddy's smile disappeared and he grumbled to Ed, "I hate when he does that."
…...
It didn't take Thibault too long to regain conciseness. He glanced over at the kids scattered in their various little groups and seethed in anger. He was supposed to be the one calling the shots, pushing everybody else around. Yet he was unceremoniously trashed with a fish by that foreign kid. Fuming with anger, he stormed deeper in the woods, to collect his thoughts and decide how he could find a way to intimidate the other kids in order to follow him. He knew Peppermint Patty would always be against him taking charge, but if he could bully some of the kids from the other school, she wouldn't matter. Unfortunately that Kevin kid seemed to be top dog, if he could think of some way to deal with him, he might be able to –
Thibault's train of thought was interrupted by rustling in the woods, he snapped, "Who's there?" He didn't get any response, "Must be some stupid chipmunk." He continued walked and heard more rustling. This time he could swear that he heard someone laughing at him. He shouted, "Who's there? Show yourself now!" He heard multiple voices laughing at him now. They were distinctively feminine, though they lacked any sort of grace.
"Girls..." he muttered. He took a deep breath and called out, "I'm not afraid of any girls! If this is you trying to scare me Peppermint Patty I'm going to kick your butt!"
"Ooooh short stuff here is going to kick our butts!" a deep and seemingly dimwitted voice called out.
A much higher pitched and somewhat raspy voice added, "He thinks he's a tough guy! That's a refreshing change of pace from my normal boyfriend. Sometimes he's just too nice for his own good."
A third female voice, much deeper and huskier than the other two laughed, "This guy reminds me of my Eddy! I call dibs!"
Thibault backed himself against a tree; his heart was pounding against his chest, yet he still verbally lashed out, "I have no problems beating up girls! You better get out of here now before I really get mad!"
"This guy is really rambunctious, I like that!", the second voice gleefully shouted. It was then that Thibault saw three tall figures appear out of the woods.
The first voice lovingly cooed, "Let's kiss him!"
…...
The entire camp stopped whatever they were doing for a moment as they heard a bloodcurdling scream come from the direction of the woods.
===============================To be continued===============================
Next: Enter the Kanker Sisters
A/N: I love both Peanuts and Ed, Edd, n Eddy so here they are together. Problem?