Together
He's watching her, has been for the last several hours. He doesn't feel inclined to stop anytime soon. Believing if he can keep her in his sight then she will be safe. He acknowledges the flaws in this theory, but his jangled nerves keep him clinging to the foolish notion.
Patrick Jane has inexplicably lived through another day filled with almost unimaginable horror, and the temptation to run is burning close to the surface tonight. He wants to get in his Citroen and drive as fast and as far as he can. He wants to leave this place and find some way to get his overwrought emotions back under control. He needs quiet, peace, and time to think.
He wants to leave this place.
But Patrick Jane is caught, gloriously trapped in a way, and he can no more leave here than give up his decade long quest to bring a serial killer to face his own form of justice.
So he stays and he watches. And he waits.
She can feel his eyes following her, knows that he's been doing this for the last several hours. She wishes he would stop; being the object of the full focus of Patrick Jane's attention is devastatingly distracting. She doesn't need to be distracted tonight; Teresa Lisbon needs to find her way back to being the focused and professional agent she lives to be. Her day has been unforgivingly long, terrifying in so many ways, and she needs to make peace with it before she allows herself the luxury of going home.
But she remains quietly terrified that Jane is working up the courage to leave. She knows he has been overwhelmed with the events of the day and how close she came to losing her life. Or rather how close she came to an agent of Death and yet lived. She hopes that her resolute presence in her office, her determined hours spent dealing with the minutia of her life as a senior agent, will have comforted him in some way. She hopes it will make him want to stay, just a little longer.
Teresa Lisbon could use some comfort for herself though, and finds she's surprisingly unwilling to deny what she usually avoids whilst at the office.
She puts aside her paperwork, sits straighter in her chair and touches her right hand to the beloved cross she wears round her neck. She closes her eyes and starts to pray.
"Praying for forgiveness for your imagined sins, Teresa?"
She heard his quiet approach before he gave voice to his gentle teasing. She sighs a little, bone weary and unwilling to dance around the inevitability of the conversation to come. She permits herself several seconds more of keeping her eyes closed and indulging in the protection of her prayer.
She gives in all too soon though, and opens her eyes to find Patrick Jane next to her desk, leaning across the divide to gaze intently at the place her fingers meet her precious cross. Teresa feels the heat of his regard all the way down to her bones. She counts to five before she dares to give voice to any of her possible responses.
"I wasn't Jane, no."
"You should go home Lisbon if you've succumbed to using your religious symbols to keep your focus here."
"I was praying for you, you idiot."
She's suddenly irritated by his lightness and his apparent intent to tease and talk and to say nothing. She is so tired of all the nothing they say to each other.
"Don't waste your breath on prayers for me Lisbon; they do me no good after all."
"It comforts me Jane, it does me good. Can you understand that? I'm not asking for approval, just for you to acknowledge that this is real for me."
She yells most of those words at him, the stress of the day manifesting in her quickness to anger. He is looking back at her with such obvious hurt in his expression that Teresa doesn't quite know how to proceed.
"I'm apologise, Lisbon."
"No, no. I'm sorry for yelling. I'm tired, I'm not myself…"
"Of course you're tired, my dear. The question is; are you ever going to go home?"
They stare at each other across the divide of her desk, the back and forth of their silent debate as palpable as always. Teresa moves both of her hands to lie flat against her desk, for once unwilling to back down in the mutual battle of their contemplation.
"I can't go home Jane."
"Why ever not my dear?"
"Because I'm terrified if I go home then you'll be long gone and I'll never see you again."
It's Jane's turn to sigh, and he pushes himself away from the desk and stands forlornly in the middle of Teresa's office. She doesn't allow herself the time to change her mind, simply moves over to where Jane stands to force their conversation to some sort of closure.
"I don't want you to run, Jane. He wants you to run. You are so much safer with all of us. Stay with us, stay with your team. Please don't run."
She is on the verge of tears now, her self-control closer to the edge undoubtedly because of what she's been forced to endure today. Although it's not what they do, she reaches out and curls her hand around the fabric of his suit covering his right arm.
"Please don't run."
Jane's answering gaze indicates how very close to emotional collapse he appears to be too.
"I've thought about it Lisbon, but I find myself unable to do that after all. I remain the selfish man I always have been. I don't believe I am safer here, I simply believe you are all in more danger because I am here. Today proves that beyond any doubt my dear."
He's crying now, lone tears descending both of his cheeks. She wonders if he is even aware of this. It takes everything in Teresa to resist leaning forward and wiping his sadness from his beautiful face.
"I'm still here, Jane, he didn't kill me. He was playing with us today, he was playing with you. He let me go, terrified you, and led us no further to the truth. That doesn't mean we stop, that doesn't mean we aren't as close to him as we have ever been."
"I don't want you to be close to him ever again."
At his quietly impassioned words Jane almost reaches out to touch Teresa's face. She watches as he struggles to bring the movement of his fingers under his control, finally stuffing his left hand in his jacket pocket to prevent the much longed for contact.
"He wore a mask and body armour today for a reason Jane if it was even him at all, and not some sycophant doing his work for him. He wanted to terrify you and mock me and my perceived position of power. He did both, but that ends now. We both need to agree that. Red John and a couple of his followers manhandling me for an hour doesn't mean the end of the world."
"But it very nearly did, Teresa, you must realise that."
And this time he doesn't bother controlling his bodies' involuntary response to all that he feels. He gathers Lisbon's slight frame in his arms and holds her against him, resting his lips in her hair as he tries to remember how to successfully breathe in and out.
"When Red John told me today that you couldn't come to answer your phone, I saw you Lisbon. You must know that I saw you. I saw everything that could have been. You were eviscerated and everything was over. I'm still there Teresa. I can't leave here, because I'm still there. If I leave, if I stop looking at you I'm afraid that every minute of my life will be spent thinking about how close you came to being killed by Red John. So, selfishly, I won't leave because I need to be reassured of your continued place in this world. I would be a better man if I could walk away, but I find myself unable to do that despite the danger I know I continue to bring to your life."
He tightens his hold on her, knowing he should be careful of the bruises she inevitably gained today while being manhandled by Red John and his followers, but the relief of clasping her solid frame in his arms is too good to resist.
"We're better together Jane. We forgot that today. I stand by what I said earlier, Red John is my case and you do work for me – but I know that we're partners on this one, and I value the privilege of you thinking I am your equal in our shared quest for Red John. I need us to always be on the same side in hunting him, it's the only way we're ever going to win."
Her words are slightly muffled by the proximity of her face to his chest, but he hears her. He acknowledges the truth of her words.
He loosens his hold on her and stands back to face her. He can see the confusion in her face, and the worry. She thinks he's about to leave, to retreat to his attic and let her alone.
"I'm sorry we fought earlier, I'm sorrier than I will ever find words for that you ended up with Red John because of that. But it's focused my mind, Lisbon. I know what I want to happen now."
Her beautiful eyes appear huge in her lovely face; Jane can see the obvious dread she has of what he is going to say.
"What do you want to happen, Jane?"
"I want you whole Teresa, nothing is more important than that."
He watches in bewitched fascination as she releases a deep breath of relief, a brief smile haunting her wonderful face.
"I want that too, Jane. Don't you know I want that for you too? You have to be more careful with yourself and accept that I want you to be whole too."
He rocks back on his heels, trying to give her what she clearly deserves; his attention and his honesty.
"Okay, I'll try to remember that when I get stupid in the weeks and months to come."
"Okay. Thank you. Where does that leave us?"
She's pushing, and she knows that's not her usual role, but today has made her unwilling to wade through the bullshit any longer. He moves slightly closer to her, bending slightly to intently stare into her eyes.
"I'm not sure, Lisbon. If I'm saying what I actually want then it's that I get to slowly map every inch of your skin with my eyes and my fingers so I can finally know that you're healthy and not marked by today."
She inhales and looks away from Jane, all at once suddenly aware that they are still at work. That despite the lateness of the hour and that the rest of her team has gone home hours ago, they are in public and as on display as they always are within these walls.
"That's probably not something we should do here."
He risks a smile, suddenly thinking how a few hours ago he was in a place where he might never have gotten to smile again. She smiles at him in return, she is obviously exhausted but even her fatigue can't disguise how utterly lovely she looks with the light of love so openly displayed in her eyes.
"Probably not Teresa, you think I should follow you home?"
"No. Leave your car here; I'm not sure I'm ready to let you out of my line of sight just yet."
"That actually makes a lot of sense my dear."
"You'll stay with me, Jane? If you come home with me, you absolutely have to promise that you're staying."
He looks at Lisbon with all of his adoration for her issuing from every part of him, she smiles in genuine happiness when she realises what he is telling her. They've always survived on these beautifully silent conversations after all.
"My dear Teresa, I'm staying for the rest of my life."
With those words he places his warm hand on the small of her back, and they leave to go home.
Defiantly together.