Returning

Summary: Tag for S.05 E.19 Point of No Return, contains spoilers for S5 up to that episode. Poor Dean. He's had a totally crap life, and people are being ridiculously unsympathetic to him in S5, it's grating on my nerves. I want my favourite angel to help him. So this is Dean angst and Dean Cas friendship for the end of that episode.

Point of No Return: If you haven't seen it, turn back now. If you have but can't remember it, it's the one where Dean nearly says Yes to Michael, and Cas beats him up in anger.

Castiel found Dean staring into space next to his car. Or really, glaring into space. Dean didn't acknowledge his appearance, but he was aware of him.

"You are no longer considering saying Yes." Castiel stated, but it was somewhere between an order and a question. Dean turned to glare at him, and Cas had no idea why. Maybe because he'd beaten him up. Well, truth be told he was still a little pissed off. Dean wasn't the only stubborn one.

"I won't say yes. Thanks for beating me up by the way. Real angelic way of getting your point across."

"You were-"

"Shut up."

Cas sighed. "I-"

"No. Look at me Cas", Dean turned angrily and grabbed the shoulders of Castiel's trenchcoat. He stared intensely into his eyes. "LOOK at me." Castiel looked into his eyes, and took an unconscious step backwards. The sheer depth of brokenness and pain alarmed him. Cas looked at him uncertainly.

"I know you've given a lot, Cas. Don't think I don't appreciate it, cos I do, really I do. But I'VE GIVEN MORE!" Dean's rage and pain troubled Castiel.

"So don't you DARE tell me to stop whining, or suck it up, or be a man, because I can't take hearing that one more time - and not from you. Not from you Cas - I'm sick of it. So just give me a goddamn break all right? Don't tell me you're disappointed, don't tell me I'm a failure, don't tell me I've let you down along with 6 billion others, I know, Cas, I know. And I don't give a shit. I'm sick and tired of giving a shit. And I can't do it anymore. So just give me a fucking break."

Cas knew Dean was lying about this. Anyone else, maybe. But Dean could no more stop caring about other people than he could stop forgiving his little brother with boundless forgiveness and love. That was why Cas respected him in the first place. Dean let him go with a shove and walked away. Cas felt troubled...and out of his depth.

"You misunderstood me." he stated, feeling just a little bit guilty that his charge was in so much pain and he hadn't helped. Dean turned steely, unbelieving eyes towards him.

"I'm ...sorry Dean. I know this is a heavy burden and it's unreasonable to ask anyone to have to bear it. It is just that...I would prefer it in future if you talked to me before doing anything...drastic. You can talk to me. I will not accuse you of "whining". " he gave him a small, sympathetic smile. Dean leaned against his car, and slid to the floor. Cas hesitated, then sat down next to him.

"I'm just one person Cas." Dean said, shaking his head as he stared ahead of them. "And...I do care about those 6 billion people, but I'm just one person."

"You can do this, Dean." Cas said, a little awkwardly, then a little more firmly: "I believe in you."

"Yeah, whatever." Dean mumbled. Cas somehow sensed that it had been the wrong thing to say. Dean wanted someone to give a damn about him, instead of the apocalypse. His brother had lost that role by his version of Heaven. If only he knew what to say.

"Dean. " He started, hoping for the best. "I think you should stop drinking so much."

"What, you think my judgement is impaired? Well guess what, if I don't sleep it will be even more impaired"

"This is not about the apocalypse. This is about you. You will destroy yourself. Let me help you..."

"Oh yeah? How." It was said in the same bitter tone, but Cas detected an almost pitiful glimmer of hope that someone gave a damn about him.

"I'll help you sleep. Take away the nightmares."

Dean looked at him sideways.

"Haven't you got to reserve your strength for more important things?" he said with a touch of amusement.

"You ARE important, Dean. And if we get out of this alive, you will need the use of your liver." He hesitated, and then put his hand on Dean's shoulder, in a hopefully reassuring gesture. He felt Dean tense, but after a second relax just slightly. Dean chuckled slightly at the angel's awkward gesture of affection. With one more sympathetic look at him, he disappeared. And hoped it was enough to help buoy up his charge. Thank goodness Dean was as strong as he was...anyone else would have crumbled under the weight of pain and darkness suffered. He sighed, wishing he could do more to help. As it was he designed a safe, peaceful dreamworld for his friend.

A/N: Ok so Dean is a little OOC. I know he wouldn't complain - he doesn't know when to give himself a break or stand up for his own well-being like he does in this story. I just really wish he did, cos it's ridiculously unfair at the moment.

I've only seen up to S05E20 but right now, it bothers me that Dean keeps getting told to stop "whining" and that no one is addressing his fall into depression and self-destruction. His brother doesn't seem to have his back anymore. And Cas isn't doing anything to help either, really, as much as I adore that angel. This is my antidote.