You're sat on the floor as Jade runs her rubber-gloved fingers through your hair, massaging the Red-Velvet hair-dye into you scalp. The silence surrounding you was originally comfortable, but now it's awkward, ever since you asked her if she would care if you were a lesbian, at first she looked you with a puzzled expression but then she gave you one her rare Jade smiles; the ones that are warm and comforting, the ones that make you forget everything bad in the world.
"I can't wait until your birthday Jadey!" You exclaim happily, hoping for a laugh or a smile.
"Why Cat?" But instead you get a dry, humourless reply, your friendship is a vicious circle, you argue constantly, with her putting you down on numerous occasions throughout the day, and her publicly embarrassing you, in front of all your friends, but then there are the times, where you share a bath together or, just sing to your favourite song: in or out of tune, when you cry into her shoulder, without her having to say anything at all, but just being near her, makes it all ok.
"Because then we can watch The Scissoring together; I told you I was buying that for you" You reply; trying to keep the conversation going, but failing miserably, because you feel you put 80 percent of the effort in with her putting 20 percent in.
"No, I want to watch it by myself, you'll just talk all the time" That hurt. You feel your heart slowly break and a lone tear stream quickly down your face and into your turquoise tank. She notices your tear and begins to harm the tune to your current favourite song; Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap, most people wouldn't believe you like that song, because your Cat Valentine. You're bubbly and hyper. How wrong could people be?
"Oh, OK. Sorry" You say sheepishly, she sighs. You've annoyed. Well done Cat, you have to annoy everyone and ruin everything, well done. Wait; she's still humming it.
"It's fine Kitty, can you play Hide and Seek on your phone please?" She says sweetly. You oblige, of course you do. Anything to please her, you find yourself bending to her every need. You do her work for her if she is tired, you take the brunt of her wrath if she is in a bad mood, you never know why; but you just do, you find yourself, lending out money to her you need, giving her your lunch, and saying you're not hungry, when in fact you didn't eat since yesterday. By the time you've ranted this in your thoughts you realise you've scrolled past it. You scroll back up and hit play, letting the music take over your thoughts.
Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.
You stopped needing to speak a long time ago, now you're just sat here, waiting another 3 minutes until you can wash the hair-dye out. The only reason you re-died it because she pointed it out. She told you your hair looked stupid when your roots show; but you didn't screech, you just laughed along with everyone else at your table. Because you're used to taking insults now. Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.
Jade was the first person you told , when you wanted to be a singer. She told you, you couldn't, because she told you a week earlier and that you were copying her. It was the same with going to Hollywood Arts and getting your ears pierced and dying your hair. You don't know why she assumed you were copying her but she did. Sometimes you feel like telling her not to flatter herself, but then you realize; well, why shouldn't she? She is beautiful, and an amazing singer and actress, and that's when the idea hits you; you worship the ground she walks on. Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.
You remember how you met. She made you cry by calling you a freak, but your saw the shock in her eyes when you cried, and she instantly takes it back. Then she makes it her job to make sure you never get hurt. You feel like you owe her for being your friend.
Hide and seek. Mmm, what you say? Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. You don't care a bit.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Because it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
But you do care, quite alot, you realize your head is in the basin and she is washing the die out; because she is amazing and beautiful and perfect. And although not many people see the side of her that you see, you're grateful because it makes you feel special and not as worthless as you usually do. But instead, loved. That's the feeling you get.
Cat, you do care. Just admit you do. She is your best friend. And you would die for her.
"All done Cat"
"Thank you Jadey" And when you hug her; expecting to be pushed off, she hugs you back and that's when you know. She loves you too.