I received this beautiful diary as a wedding gift today (from Maria) and the first thing I want to make known is that I've never been so happy in my entire life.
This morning at about six I woke up to clear weather and tiptoed over the girls who came over to spend the night for the bachelorette party to feed the animals, just in my pajamas. Sure, it was cold, but I was feeling so nervous already that I figured I could numb myself for a little while. That was, until Gray caught me and sent me back inside.
Popuri says she can't understand how I could possibly even think about farm work on my wedding day. But she'll find out for herself how important it is, someday. For some reason I'm the only one who can see her marrying Gray. It's a puzzle I've been trying to solve forever, and now you'd think it would be obvious to the whole world.
Anyway.
So then she and the others refused to let me out the door until I've been scrubbed so hard that I shine again. And she was very serious about it this time, because all four of them were so stubborn they eventually succeeded in pushing me into the tub like last night. My skin was actually starting to peel off, and I think I'm going to smell like lilac soap for the next five years.
Dad only saw me for about fifteen minutes before the ceremony actually began. For the first time I laid eyes on my mother's wedding dress that I was only told a few times in my life that I would eventually wear. And it was so pretty, long and flowing with a bell-like flare at the bottom and just a fairly simple bead pattern on the front. I was so relieved I actually had enough curve to hold it up front if you know what I mean, and even more relieved when Popuri and Karen let me pull my hair back into the bun for the ribboned veil to fit; they'd been arguing about how to do my hair for well over an hour last night.
Then Lillia and Anna came over to wish me good luck, giving me homemade perfume and a statuette of the Harvest Goddess. Since my mother passed on when I was very small, they've both been trying to be my mother-like figure because I happen to be friends with their daughters. But to tell the truth, I honestly like Sasha. She's so businessminded, and I suppose she figured there were going to be many people in my way as it was.
I think the only thing that went my way was compliance with my wish to ride Cliff to the chapel. The girls refused to let me walk outside in my dress, so after I watched from the window and laughed at their tries to saddle a horse, I spent a lot of time gazing at myself in the mirror. I've grown up so much, but I still feel like I'm only six and dreaming of winning horse races, thinking I'll never get married and settle down the way girls like Popuri and Elli still want to. I was overwhelmed, but I wasn't allowed to cry either.
Getting married is so hard. I'm glad it's something I'll only do once.
Seriously. I still know almost nothing about weddings, which is why I rode up late at a full gallop, showing up at the chapel at 11:45. Popuri, of course, was complaining 'cause she wanted everything perfect, Karen just laughed, Maria was shocked, and Elli just cheered like everything was going just fine. They shoved me up in front of the altar and that's when everything became so dream-like for me.
There was Jack, still in his favorite cap and hiding his hat-hair, but in a really cool white suit. Needless to say, I swear he looked hot as hell if you'll excuse my French. For the first time I was able to look at him differently than I did my Best-Friend-Jack that gave me butterflies in my stomach. Now he was a strong and handsome man, with ambition in his eyes. For me to love, to honor, to hold... whatever it was Pastor Brown was saying. All that really mattered to me was the one phrase that was ringing in my head the second I got a good long look at him beside me: "I do." And I know it sounds silly, but I think I really fell in love with him for the first time standing there in the church.
(He's standing outside at the moment talking with Dad, most likely being congratulated for the thousandth time. So I'm happy I can let the tears flow now, when no one's watching.)
Everyone lined up on either side of the chapel doors. In synch we walked, stopped in the middle like we rehearsed two days ago, and he kissed me like it was the very first time. Deeply, sincerely. More than just a playful smack on the lips. Long, soft... You get the picture. I blushed 'cause I'd never kissed anyone in front of Dad before, and now I begin to wonder if the other girls will still have their composure when they get married. I can see Popuri collapsing into Gray's arms someday. I have got to get those two together.
I am so, so tired. I only hope I'll be able to write again tomorrow. I decided I'll use this diary as my own book on married life as I go on little by little. There are so many changes I'll have to face. All my things won't be moved into Jack's--our--house until next week. Ann