Family Guy
By Jonathan Rohrbach
(Stewie is dreaming)
Stewie: DAMN YOU WOMAN!
Lois: I've read your plans to kill me Stewie, so now I'm going to have to kill you
(Lois pulls out a light saber and goes to battle with Stewie and gets his light saber Knocked out of his hands and gets swung at by Lois)
Stewie: AHHH!
(He wakes up from a dream, breathing hard)
Stewie: Bloody Hell! What was that?
(Peter Walks in to the kitchen)
Peter: I….I…I… think…. I'm…. drunk
(Falls and Hits his head on the table)
Lois: I told him not to drink too much
Brian: When does he ever listen?
(Flashback: Downtown standing at a crosswalk)
(The sign says don't walk)
Peter: Hugh
(Peter walks and looks to see no cars)
(Old lady hits him with car)
Peter: ouch! ssssss! ouh!….. Ouch! … Where the Hell did that come from? Ouh!
Old Lady: DAMN FAT MAN!
(Stewie in his room plots a plan to kill Lois and maps out the whole house)
Stewie: DAMN Woman! Who the hell does she think she is?
(With laughter)
Stewie: My God what am I going to do if she finds out? I must hide!
(Pushes a button that leads him to a secret base underground, and thousands of soldiers, spies and country leaders wait for his arrival)
Stewie: Ok, this is the target as you can see of Lois Griffin
Leaders: OOO I see
Stewie: this is a quick and quiet attack we must attack at night
(Yells at a soldier)
Stewie: imbecile, what are u doing there?
Soldier: I'm not doing anything
Stewie: well what's that?
Soldier: nothing
Stewie: give it here!
Soldier: NO
Stewie: AHHH
(Hits the soldier in the back of the head and picks up a picture of Lois in her underwear)
Stewie: What the Hell, where did u get this?
(Soldier in agony)
Soldier: it was in the folder
Stewie: well then, We attack tonight!
Leaders: Yes… Good…. Good….
Stewie: well that's done, who wants to play Life
Soldiers Spies and leaders: O...O...O... I do I do
(Family except Lois, Watching TV in the living room)
Peter: Lois! Hurry up your going to miss the news
Lois: OK be there in a minute!
(News turns on)
Tom Tucker: This is Tom Tucker
Diane Simmons: and this is Diane Simmons. This just in a Man is about to jump off Mt. Everest, here is Tricia Takanawa with this breaking news.
Tricia: Thank you Diane, this man is going to break the record for the highest jump off a mountain, let's talk to him before he jumps, how are you feeling sir?
Man: IM GONNA JUMP!
Tricia: Well there you have it, he is going to jump, let's watch.
(Lois walks in as man jumps)
Man: WHOA YEAH!
(Pulls Parachute and winds carry him off really far, and gets spun, then starts free falling with no back up parachute)
Man: AHHHHHHH!
Tricia: well there you have it, back to you Tom and Diane.
Tom Tucker: Thank you Tricia, in other news
(Family stares at TV like that was nothing)
Peter: That jump was nothing
(Flashback: Peter jumps out of a plane at freefall with no parachute laughing)
Peter: Yeah…that was great.
(That night, Stewies spies and secret agents come in the house ready to kill Lois as they walk in to the room they find Peter and Lois Making out in the bed and the agents about to strike notice what's going on and start to like what they see)
Peter: What the Hell, Who are you guys.
(Lois screams)
Spies and agents: we are here too, Top Secret Bye
(They all leave)
(Lois and Peter go back to what they were doing and here sounds, Lois asks what that sound was, silently it is quagmire trying not to get noticed)
Quagmire: (Quietly) Giggity Giggity
(Then Lois looks up and quagmire is watching them as he is hanging from the ceiling)
Lois: what are you doing here Quagmire?
Quagmire: Nothing, umm just Hanging, umm look it's an overweight Fat Man!
(Peter and Lois look as he runs away)
Peter: Was he talking about me? Bastard.
(Stewie playing with some gadgets)
Stewie: Damn! You can never find good help around here, what would you say Rupert?
(Looks at Rupert his teddy bear)
Stewie: Your right Rupert the job should be done by me, Rupert you don't look half as dumb as you look, but it's not like I can just kill her, she can't know I'm up to something, I must kill her!
(Lois walks in and Stewie jumps)
Stewie: Ahhhh! Who the hell do you think your doing listening to my conversation?