"...THAT'S IT. REVIEW OVER. I LOVE IT!" the man said, removing his horsehead mask and chugging down a bottle of milk cleverly disguised as beer. "Oh sweet relief," he said, "Oh god... Thanks for watching. Remember to like, comment and subscribe to Hot Pepper Gaming, and to me, Tomska." He took another drink following those last words. He placed his head down on the table and breathed a sigh of relief. He put up a single hand to wave goodbye to the camera.
"Aaand that's a wrap!" Vernon said, emerging from behind the camera and placing a hand on Tom's back, "You did good buddy." He was followed by Erin and Jared, who couldn't help but burst out laughing the second the video ended. "Damnit Tom, what made you think you could handle a scotch nonnet Scotch?" Jared questioned after his laughing died down. Tom glared at him and, after a brief moment to drain another milk bottle, responded with an angry "It was your damn idea, Jared. Why do you think I did it?" Erin quickly chimed in with "Come on guys, break it up. Tom did really well. Not many people can last for a 7 minute review of Mass Effect 4: Yep, We Made Another One." "All I can say is, you guys owe me a drink," Tom said in a way that was half-grumble, half-annoyed. "I can go for that," Vernon replied, "Come on guys, let's get Tom some victory shots." Tom got up from his seat as everyone else headed for the door. As he was about to retrieve his checkered tie from the floor(which he had tossed down just minutes before in an attempt to relieve his suffering), his eyes met with an object on the table. The bowl of scotch bonnets. A Grinch-like smile crept across his tear and sweat soaked face as he grabbed a handful of peppers and stuffed them in his coat pocket. He walked towards the door to join his companions.
Tom offered to drive, but Erin took the wheel, saying that, "It isn't that we don't trust you Tom, but you did just down some spicy alcohol. You might still be a little out of it." Tom nodded in agreement and took a seat in the back. Under her breath, Erin muttered. "Not to mention you're from England, where everyone drives wrong…" Tom questioned what she said, as he couldn't hear, but his question was drowned out by the engine as the car sped out of the driveway. With no "pure" bars in the area, they drove to a nearby BJs for a drink at their bar and some decent food. Jared and Vernon both ordered a Brewhouse Double Deluxe Burger, while Erin ordered a Santa Fe Salad, and Tom ordering a Grilled Chicken Club. What Tom ordered to eat however, was irrelevant. As the beer he ordered was larger than the sandwich itself. As they all sat at the bar waiting for their meal, Jared excused himself, receiving a phone call from an unknown source. In the few minutes he was gone, their plates arrived. Tomska's Grinch smile appeared again as he removed one of the peppers from his breast pocket, crushed it slightly between his thumb and index finger, and placed it under the bun of Jared's burger. Erin didn't notice, as she was distracted because of a conversation she struck up with the bartender while she was waiting for her food. Vernon, however, did notice, but instead of trying to stop it, he tried to suppress a bit of laughter as Tom did it. Moments later, Jared returned, apologizing for his absence. "Who was on the phone, your girlfriend?" Vernon asked, with an obviously sarcastic voice. "Nope. Yours," Jared quickly replied. Before he had a chance to feel proud of his witty retort, he was countered with "Oh, so it was you mom? Tell her I said hi. Vernon reached over and high-fived Erin for, what he described as, "The comeback of the century." Jared sat down at the bar with his friends, a slight "Shut up…" heard coming from under his breath. He ate a handful of fries and nursed his drink a bit before finally going for the pepper-infused burger. He picked it up, tapped his fingers on the top of the burger as if to test his grip, and took a bite. He pulled the burger away from his mouth and chewed slightly. After a moment, he swallowed. A confused look spread on Tom's face, he knew the burger had a pepper in it, so why didn't it work? He glanced at the bite mark on Jared's burger, and noticed a distinct lack of pepper on the inside. At that time, a scream came from Vernon. A quick inspection of his burger revealed a bit of a scotch bonnet sticking out. Not just that, but from the pepper came a flood of seeds, as if that was the only contents of the pepper. A smile crept across Jared's face that seemed to suggest, "Wow, you really thought that would work on me." As if to respond to this unspoken fact, Jared revealed the quick switching of his and Vernon's plates when Vernon high-fived Erin. What happened next was a blur.
Tom and Erin were sitting bedside to Vernon, currently in the hospital with a broken arm and 3 broken ribs. He lost control of his actions after ingesting the burger. Maybe it was the pepper, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was burger itself, but something caused a pepper-burned Vernon to run outside of the building and into the path of, ironically, a truck delivering peppers to the local farmers market. "I'm really sorry Vernon. I never intended for this to happen," Tom stated with a heavy heart. "It's alright Tom," replied Vernon in an obviously strained voice, "I'm not blaming you. It's that guy who deserves the blame." As he said this, he gestured over to the other bed in the room, the one containing Jared. "How is it my fault?" he inquired. Jared was obviously in much better condition than Vernon. He was only in the hospital because, after Vernon's accident, he released a girlish gasp, put the back of his hand to his forehead, and fainted. "If you had just been a man and eaten the damn pepper, none of this would have happened," Erin retorted, having long sense been informed of Tom's scheme. "Well if Tom hadn't put the pepper there in—" Jared began to say, but was cut off by a nurse who closed the curtain around him. "Damnit…" Tom said," I'm really sorry Vernon, but I need to go catch my flight. I hope you get better soon." Tom started to walk out but Vernon weakly called out, "Wait a moment Tom, take one of these damn Jell-Os. They won't give me anything else to eat until these are all gone and I can't for the life of me stand them." Tom accepted his proposal and grabbed one of the small Jell-O containers from the half table that stood over the bed. He quickly vacuumed up the small container and set it back down. Moments later, he screamed in agony, falling to the floor, "THE BURNING! IT'S WORSE THAN THE SCOTCH FROJM THE SHOW!" As he writhed in pain on the floor, Erin ran out of the room to procure some milk for her friend. Jared pulled the curtain back from in front of him and shouted "Scorpion Pepper infused Jell-O, bitch! Now THAT'S the comeback of the century!" He reached out and high-fived Vernon, who then proceeded to scream as well. Not from burning of peppers, however, but the fact that Jared high-fived his broken arm.
~Fin~