Hey there, people! I had this idea, so now I'll put to work. I just got contacts and stuff so.. yeah.
Disclaimer: I own nothing (except contacts). The title was actually ripped off from 's rejected titles page.
Harry Potter sat the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall eating his breakfast when a letter dropped onto his toast with cheese. He stared at it for a moment before Ron nudged him and informed him to open it. Sighing Harry opened the letter and read:
Dear Harry Potter,
It has a occurred to us that you still wear your glasses on a daily basis. This, we are afraid, must stop. You see, your glasses were cute when you were younger. A small twelve year old boy in glasses is considered adorable. But a sixteen year old wearing the same pair of spectacles for God only knows how long? -Come on! There for, we, the loyal members of you fan club, have set up an appointment with one of the best optometrists in Britain for you. Your appointment is this Saturday at eight o'clock in the morning, with a follow up appointment, the following Tuesday, where you will learn to put in and handle your new contact lenses. Enjoy!
Your loyal fans,
The Official Harry Potter Fan Club
"What?" Harry whispered.
"What is it?" Hermione asked, between bites of cheesy-toast.
"My fan club has set up an optometrist appointment for me to get contacts!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his cheese covered toast to the ground. Ron quickly scooped down to pick it up, because the cheese was gone and he wanted cheesy-toast.
Hermione laughed, "You've actually got a fan club?!?!"
"Yes," Harry said, turning rather red.
"And they 'ant 'oo to get 'ontacts!" Ron said through a mouthful of yummy-yummy-cheesy-cheesy-yum-yummy-cheesy-cheese-cheese-toast.
"When I find out who's in this club I swear-" Harry began.
"Harry, look at it this way: you're getting free contacts out this!" Hermione said.
"Oh," Harry said, "I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess I'll go..."
That Saturday
Harry sat in the waiting room of the eye doctor's office, filling out an information form. For once he was glad that he had problems seeing distance because he had to fill the form out with his glasses on. The doctor's assistant was currently getting his prescription.
A few minutes later, Harry sat in an examination room where the doctor checked all parts of his vision. Then she measured his eyes with a strange machine, and did the glaucoma test, which is a surprise puff of air in each eye.
After that, Harry returned to Hogwarts and sulked because this stupid eye doctor's appointment made him miss his date with Cho.
That Monday Cho dumped him.
On Tuesday morning Harry walked in a Ron and Hermione snogging. Then he ran into Ginny, who asked him out for that Saturday. He said sure.
Then, on Tuesday night Harry went into the eye doctor's. The assistant made him watch a stupid video on No-Rub Opti-Free Express. The video really seemed more like a ten minute long commercial.
Then the assistant sat Harry down in front of a mirror to teach him how to put in his contact lenses. First Harry had to wash his hands. Then Harry had to open the small container holding his contact lens for his right eye. The assistant then instructed Harry to rinse each side of his contact for five seconds with the solution. Then she taught Harry how to recognize if the lens was inside out of not. Then she instructed Harry to hold down his lower eye-lid with the middle finger of his dominate hand, with the contact on his index finger. Then he had to look up, and gentle put the contact on the white part of his eye and apply a small amount of pressure to remove any air inside the lens. Then Harry had to move his eye down to position the lens.
Harry repeated the process with his left eye, and then had his vision tested. The was then instructed on how to remove the contact. First he had to place his index finger on the contact lens in his right eye and slowly drag it down until it showed signs of folding. He was then to take his index and middle finger and remove the contact. Placing the contact in the palm of his hand and rinse both sides with the solution for five second before placing it in the case fill with solution and on the side marked "R" for right.
After going over the procedures for putting in and removing contacts the assistant went over a list of Do's and Don'ts with contact lenses.
"Alrighty, DO always wash your hand before you handle your lenses. Avoid deodorant, Pump, or moisturizing soaps.
DO keep fingernails neatly trimmed.
DO handle lenses with your fingertips, not your nails, to avoid ripping and breakage.
DO inspect the lens before insertion for debris, lint, etc. and scratches or nicks.
DO work one lens at a time to avoid mix-ups.
DO apply make-up AFTER you lenses are inserted."
"Do I look like I wear make-up?" Harry asked.
"That's just what it says," and so he continued to ramble on. Harry only caught a few Don'ts like "DON'T swim in your lenses!" and "DON'T use waterproof make-up or oil-base make-up remover!" It also said not to use saliva on lenses. (DUH!)
So that night Harry Potter went home in his new contact lenses. All the girls at school suddenly thought he was "So hot!" or "Dreamy." And they all were jealous of Ginny.
The moral of the story is: If you have a fan club, milk it for all its worth.
That's it! And, if no one noticed I just correctly instructed all those fanfiction authors that say that Harry got contact and just put them in, how to put in contacts!!!!!