Chapter 1 Notes: This chapter is just what the title describes. Jess is 17 and has just come to stay with Luke. This is what I see as his possible reaction to being pushed into the lake.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was furious. He stormed along the bridge in silence. He hated this town. Hated these people. Nothing in his life was fair. Nothing ever went his way. He was jarred from his thoughts by a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. An angry hand rushed toward him. He flinched, expecting a hit to his face or head. The next thing he knew he was breaking the surface from where he'd plunged into cool water, his heart beating fast from the shock. He coughed up some of the lake water he'd swallowed in his unexpected dunking and looked around. He saw his uncle's angry, retreating form well past him, at the far end of the bridge, and two students, a teenage boy and a younger girl, frozen in place near the end of the bridge toward the high school. They wore matching expressions of surprise, clearly not accustomed to seeing an adult push a fully clothed teenager into the lake. Of course, there had to have been witnesses to Jess' humiliation. He would have been surprised if there weren't. That's just the way things went for him. He took the few steps back to the bridge. By now the pair had walked over to the spot where he'd been pushed moments earlier.

"Are you all right? Do you need a hand?" the boy called out, bending forward and offering Jess a hand up, while the girl looked on silently, her eyes still large from the surprise. The boy had an earnest expression on his face with no sign of mockery. Still, Jess couldn't stand that these two had seen something so embarrassing. Jess pushed his wet hair back from his forehead and avoided eye contact, "I'm fine." He purposely walked up to the bridge a few feet from the onlookers and hoisted himself up. "You sure? Your dad looked really mad." He gave the boy the most withering stare he could manage under the circumstance, "Not my dad. Just stay out of it." Jess walked off in the direction Luke had gone before the would-be do-gooders could say anything else. Once he got off the bridge and turned out of sight, he slowed his pace. He hadn't been itching to walk back past the school in his dripping wet state. Everything was hard enough right now without the added embarrassment of being known as the new kid who got pushed in the lake in his first week of school. He also wasn't looking forward to the prospect of running into Luke anytime soon. He didn't know where he was going, but his head was screaming at him to get away from everyone. Being alone was always how he coped when his life felt out of control. Even when he couldn't find a place to be alone in New York, he had always been able to find solitude in books.

He ended up following a little footpath through a wooded area that seemed to circle the lake. His wet shoes were making slurping noises with every step he took, and he was starting to feel a chill from being wet on a cool autumn day. The lake ended up being bigger than he had expected from what little of it he could see from the bridge. Once he got to the far side of the lake, he felt isolated enough to stop moving. He sat down on a large rock by the water, and forced himself to think through the situation. He'd been sent to live with his uncle against his will. His mother just happened to decide he'd been getting into too much trouble and needed to be sent to his uncle's to be straightened out about a month into dating her newest loser boyfriend. This guy really didn't appreciate having to share Liz's attention with her teenage son. Overhearing the fight about that the night before Jess had been shipped off to his uncle had made the boy laugh out loud. As if he ever got any of Liz's attention over the men in her life. Hearing Liz accept the guy's apology for shoving Jess into a wall and smacking him across the face for talking back had been even worse. The apology, if it could even be called that, was basically comprised of 'Gee, I lost my temper and took it out on your son because he was being a frustrating little shit'. Liz had accepted the explanation as if it actually explained anything. As though lashing out with violence was the inevitable course of action for a grown man who'd lost his temper with a teenager. He was now stuck in Stars Hollow with a man who clearly didn't want him here, and he needed to come up with some options before his current situation escalated into something resembling the one he'd just left. He couldn't take any more of this. Between Liz getting drunk and blaming his mere existence for the sorry state of her love life every time another relationship ended and her boyfriends pushing him around, he was so tired of adults using him as someone to dump their shit on.

Luke had seemed ok enough to start with. The first day or two it had even felt like Luke hadn't minded having him around and had wanted to make him comfortable. He'd even given Jess his own bed the first night when Jess had complained about the inflatable mattress. Jess had kept his guard up so far, either being silent or responding to Luke's questions with intentional attitude, hoping it would make him stop asking so many. But, nothing seemed to stop the questions. They kept coming. Was Jess hungry? Did he need anything? Where was he going? Was he feeling ok? How was his day at school? Jess had really started to think that the unending questions were the worst thing he'd need to endure with Luke as his guardian. He hated to think now how naïve that had been. He knew better than that. You never knew the worst you had to endure from a new man who had any kind of authority over you until you got him mad. Jess knew that. He'd gone through this so many times over the years with his mother's boyfriends and husbands. You needed to get them really angry, like lose-your-shit angry, to see how they reacted before you bothered getting attached. If they were going to belittle you and call you names or threaten you or smack you around, it was better to know from the jump, so you didn't waste your energy on the ones who weren't worth it. When you got them mad, it became clear who actually gave even the slightest damn about you, who was pretty neutral, mostly ignoring you and merely tolerating your existence to be with Liz, and who was itching for the chance to put you in your place with humiliation, intimidation or violence, often behind Liz's back. The men who gave a damn were few and far between. Jess couldn't remember the last time Liz had dated one. The neutral ones were by far the most plentiful, but members of the last group were always the most memorable and seemed to have been becoming alarmingly more frequent as Jess had gotten older. He figured his attitude toward them was probably a lot more provoking coming from a seventeen year old than it had been when it had come from a ten or twelve year old. And now that he'd gotten Luke angry, he was confident he could place him in the last group. This wasn't a surprise to Jess, but it still hurt because he'd let himself hope for something better with his uncle. This was a man who was his real family, related to him by blood, not through an interest in his mother. He had let himself hope that might mean something.

By the time Jess had pulled himself out of his thoughts, the sun had gone down and he was starting to really feel the chill from his still damp clothes. He knew he needed to make a decision, but he wasn't sure what he should do. He just knew if he had to live with a man who didn't want him around, he'd rather do it back in New York, where at least he had friends, and a school he was used to. He'd choose the devil he knew, rather than take his chances here. He didn't know anyone in this town. It would just be him and Luke here. Even though he had to admit it could have been worse, and that Luke hadn't caused him any real, physical pain when he'd pushed him into the lake, he'd humiliated him and shaken him pretty badly and he wasn't eager to hang around to give his uncle a second crack at him. He'd need to get on a bus back to New York. He'd try to show up back at Liz's with promises to stay out of her way just until he turned eighteen and graduated high school. Then he could get a fulltime job and a place of his own somewhere. And, he wouldn't have to put up with getting bullied at home anymore. He was done with that. He was ready to take care of himself. He pretty much already did. If she wouldn't let him stay, or if her boyfriend hassled him too much, he had a couple of friends he could probably crash with for a bit, at least until Liz and the current boyfriend were done, which given Liz's track record, probably wouldn't take very long. He knew she'd take him back then. Hell, she'd probably come looking for him at that point. She hated being alone, and once she got past the initial stage of blaming him for the breakup, she liked having him around more than being by herself until the next guy came along. He really wanted to go back to Luke's and get his stuff though. Get a warm shower and a change of clothes before getting on a bus for three hours. If there were even buses running this late at night. He needed to stop by the bus station and check the schedule. If he needed to sleep on a park bench or something to wait for a bus the next morning, he'd really need warm, dry clothes. He was already starting to shiver a little and he could imagine it got a lot colder overnight. He didn't want to end up with pneumonia because he was too scared to face Luke. He knew he'd warn out his welcome, but maybe if he explained to Luke that he only wanted to grab his stuff so he could go, Luke would be cool about it and let him. Jess shivered against the cold as he climbed down from his rock and started back toward the diner.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Luke had just set down two plates of food in front of customers when he heard the bell over the door ring. His head jerked up toward the door as it had every time it had opened in the past few hours. Once again he was disappointed as he watched a couple walk in and sit at a table. It was now a little after eight o'clock. It was dark and cold out. There were only a handful of customers in the diner. He knew he needed to go out and look for Jess. Ceasar could handle things here and close up. He should have gone looking for the boy hours ago when he didn't come home. Luke had told himself he was giving them both time to cool down, but he knew at this point that he was just delaying facing Jess after what happened. He wasn't proud of what he'd done, and he didn't know what Jess' reaction was going to be. Making a decision, he put his order pad and pen down on the counter and called into the kitchen, "Caesar, can you come out front and take an order? I think I need to go look for Jess." He waited just long enough to hear, "Sure thing, boss," before heading out the door. He hadn't made it more than ten steps from the diner when he almost ran into Jess coming around the corner.

"Jess, there you are! Are you all right?" The boy looked pretty miserable. He was hunched forward with his arms crossed over his chest to protect himself from the cold. He was shivering and his normally gelled hair was lying flatter on his head than Luke had ever seen it.

"Just d-d-dandy," the sarcastic delivery of Jess' response was diminished by his chattering teeth when he shivered. "I love a good fully clothed October swim. Doesn't everyone?"

"Oh, God, Jess! Let's get you inside and out of those wet clothes." Luke reached a hand out toward the boy's shoulder to guide him back into the diner, but Jess flinched away before he could make contact. "The last time you t-t-touched me, it didn't go so well for me." Jess bit out before walking past Luke and into the diner. He made his way upstairs with Luke following a few steps behind. He was grateful for the heat as soon as he stepped into the apartment. Jess turned to face Luke, "I just wanted to grab my stuff, and maybe take a shower before I left, but, I stopped by the bus station and the next bus to New York isn't until the morning. Is it ok if I stay here one more night? I'll stay out of your way, and then I'll be gone by eight fifteen tomorrow morning."

"Jeez, Jess….." Luke looked distraught.

Jess continued on before Luke could get a chance to say no, "I know you don't want me here, but I don't have anywhere else to stay tonight." Jess didn't want to have to beg the man for a bed for the night, but he knew he would if he had to. He was wet and cold and didn't have any other options for tonight. "Please. I don't know what else to do," he added in the off chance he could move Luke with his desperation.

"Jess, of course you can stay here tonight! You're living here. You don't have to leave. I don't want you to leave. I'm sorry for pushing you in the lake. You were being impossible, and I didn't know what to do, and I got frustrated."

Jess had been trying to stay calm, thinking it would be easier to finagle a bed for the night with humility instead of his usual attitude, but Luke's explanation ignited something in him and he felt a flare of anger. "You 'didn't know what to do' and 'got frustrated' so you pushed me in a lake? Seriously? Is violence how you normally deal with uncertainty and frustration?"

"What? Violence…no, Jess! Of course, it's not! I'm sorry. Honestly. It was wrong of me. I just kind of lost it for a minute there. That's all."

Jess could feel his self-control starting to ebb away from him like a receding tide. "Oh, I see. You 'just kind of lost it', huh? That's all?" Jess pretended to muse. "Gee, ok, so what happens next time you 'just kind of lose it' and there's no lake within pushing distance? Do I just get hit? Because, you know, when you 'just kind of lose it' you need an outlet for your frustration and all?" Jess could feel himself gaining momentum.

"No, of course not, Jess!" Luke felt his own voice rising, and he could feel that he was quickly losing control of this conversation. "I would never hit you! Ever! That's not me, I promise!"

"So, what exactly do I have to look forward to the next time you 'just kind of lose it,'?"

"Nothing, I won't lose it like that again, I swear!" Luke was almost yelling now in his effort to defend himself.

"Really? Cause you seem a little worked up right now, Luke?" Jess snaps, his anger taking on a life of its own, barreling along like a freight train. "You sure you don't want me to get you a belt or something? A yardstick? Maybe a dog leash? What's your pleasure?"

"Jess, don't say that. I would never hurt you like that."

"No? Physical attacks not your thing? You're more into public humiliation, huh? Want to take me outside and tell me how worthless I am in front of the neighbors?" Jess' tone has shifted past sarcastic to hateful. "Did you know that people saw you knock me into the lake? Now I get to be the kid who no one gives a shit about, not even his family. Again. Just like at home. Cause it wasn't going to be enough fun for me to try to fit in here without that, right?"

"Jess, I didn't mean to humiliate you. I wasn't thinking. I just didn't think!"

"Right, of course, because you 'just kind of lost it.' Can't think when you're in the process of 'just kind of losing it,' right? Anything you do in that state of mind totally can't be your fault, right? It must be my fault for being so damn frustrating in the first place!"

"I'm not saying that, Jess. Of course it's my fault and I'm sorry. I should have thought about what I was doing! I will never do anything like that again! I really do want you to stay here."

"Oh, c'mon, drop the act! I've been pushing your buttons since I got here. Don't deny it! I bet you'd love the chance to smack me around." There is a frightening amount of venom is Jess' voice now that Luke can tell goes way beyond this conversation. "Don't you want to teach me a lesson? Put that stupid kid in his place! Make me learn some respect! Wouldn't you like that?" Jess has kept half a room's distance between them, but to Luke it felt like he was right up in his space, backing him into a corner.

Luke took a step back from his nephew, his hands raised, palms out in surrender, trying to gain some control of the situation. "No, Jess! I don't want to hit you, please stop this."

"I think you'd like it!" Jess spit out. "I think kicking my ass would be a lot more satisfying that pushing me into a lake! Lots of Liz's boyfriends found it highly satisfying, if the smiles on their faces while they were whaling away on me were anything to go by, that is!"

"I'm so sorry, Jess." Luke felt so lost and didn't know what else to say. Lorelai was right. He wasn't equipped to handle a kid, especially not this kid who's got so much baggage. He didn't know what he was thinking taking this on. "I'm sorry." He repeated. "I'm so sorry." He was sorry. For pushing Jess and for all the pushing Jess had to tolerate from the men who came before him. Luke lowered himself to sit on the arm of the couch and raised a hand to his head. He couldn't do this. He wasn't capable. He'd made everything worse. Maybe Jess would be better off just going back to New York.

Jess looked at his uncle and really saw him then. The man looked distraught, a mix between concerned, scared and maybe, actually genuinely sorry. He felt whatever had been set off inside himself start to wane. He was trembling slightly, but he no longer felt like he was about to blow. He just felt tired and empty. He realized he still needed to get out of his wet clothes. "So, uh, can I take a shower?" Luke looked toward Jess, confused, but relieved at the boy's neutral tone.

"Yeah…of course," Luke responded hesitantly, as though he was worried about falling into a trap. "Are you hungry? I can, uh, make you something for dinner while you're in the shower if you want."

"Thanks." Jess dug a change of clothes out of his bag by the inflatable bed and went into the bathroom without another word. As soon as he shut the door behind him, he started to tear up. He hadn't planned on attacking Luke like that and he felt spent and overwhelmed by the residual emotion it had stirred inside him. He'd basically called his uncle an abusive jerk and still the man was letting him use his shower and making him dinner. He wasn't sure what to make of this and kept turning the situation over in his mind. Maybe he'd read Luke wrong. If Luke still wanted him to stay, maybe it was worth giving him a second chance. He could try to give him a lot less attitude and see how things worked out then. It felt so impossible to not feel like an idiot for holding out hope, but the reality of his situation was that he didn't really have any better options. And hope felt pretty good.