Smoking 101
By
Inu-Moon94
AN: I know that I should not attempt to make health issues funny, but admit it. A guy like Havoc just makes it all so funny! This story may also be educational! xD;
Well, read and review and please do forgive me for my OOCness!
Disclaimer: I do not own Hagaren. Boo-hoo. TTTT
C h a i n smokers just gotta know the effects of s m o k i n g
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The chain smoker of the military, First Lieutenant Jean Havoc, was bored out of his mind while waiting for the doctor to check him up. He knew that smoking in the hospital was a horrible thing to do, but his craving of the cancer stick was killing him!
He took out his cigarette and lit it, then took a long drag. He sighed with relief and was about to take a puff when a rather busty doctor with beautiful brown hair tied in a long pony tail ran over to him.
The rather busty doctor took the cigarette out of Havoc's mouth and crushed it with her plastic medical gloved fingers.
She started wagging her finger at Havoc as though she was scolding a little child and said,"Shame on you, Mister. Smoking in the hospitals is very bad since it could make the people's health even worse. It can also make your health worse."
Before Havoc could say anything, the woman started dragging him towards her office and he nearly nosebled when he started sneaking glances at her.
"Hot... Hot... HOT!" The chain smoker thought while slightly blushing. "Chief can never manage to steal her from me... Never!"
Jean was just about to start daydreaming about him and the doctor going out together when the doctor suddenly pushed him down into a chair. She suddenly slammed the door shut, grabbed a flashlight from her desk, and closed the light.
"She's a beauty, but I have a feeling that she's very hard to get..." He thought with a little sigh.
Havoc was starting to get very afraid of the doctor since she seemed pretty evil.
"If I could deal with war, I could deal with a scary doctor!" Havoc reassured himself.
Havoc's reassurance to himself was completely gone when the doctor flashed the flashlight onto his face. He let out a startled scream and covered his eyes.
The doctor clearly ignored his reaction and asked,"How long have you been smoking?" She backed away from Havoc a little and laid the flashlight on her desk, so that the light was only on her and her patient that she had a feeling was a chain smoker because of his health records.
Havoc thought about her question and scratched his chin, then finally answered,"Ten years or so."
"TEN YEARS OR SO?!" The busty and pretty freaky doctor shrieked with a very shocked gasp. She ran up to Havoc and grabbed him by his shirt's collar, then exclaimed,"Do you know what you've gotten yourself into?!"
"No." Havoc answered with a sweatdrop. "I haven't gotten myself into anything."
Though Havoc smoked almost 24/7, he had no clue what dangers there were of smoking, let alone chain smoke like he did. He knew that drugs were dangerous and all, but he had never really learned what they did to people.
The doctor smacked her hand on her head and sighed. "Have you not learned any facts about smoking?"
Havoc shook his head and then looked around the barely lighted room. "Could you turn on the lights already and stop making my appointment seem like an interrogation?"
The doctor sighed and turned on the lights, then closed her flashlight. Havoc closed his eyes suddenly for a moment because of the sudden brightness in the room along with the doctor.
They both opened their eyes in unison and the doctor sat on her chair, then turned to face Havoc with a serious expression on her face.
"Do you know what first-hand and second-hand smoke are?"
Havoc shook his head and replied,"Nope, what are they?"
"First-hand smoke is the harm that goes to you for smoking and second-hand smoke is the harm that goes onto others around you or the area where you smoke."
"Smoking actually harms me and other people? I just thought that those were all jokes to keep us smokers from smoking!" Havoc exclaimed with great shock both in his voice and on his face.
The doctor sighed with irritation and replied,"Yes Mister, smoking does harm you and other people."
"Well, how?" Havoc asked with great curiousity. He really didn't know how smoking harmed other people and he wondered how. He was in the military, so it wasn't in his duty to hurt others!
The doctor cleared her throat dramatically and then pulled down a chart with information on how smoking harmed others. She pointed at the upper section that spoke about first-hand smoke, or in more of a less fancy term, how smoking harmed the smoker which was Havoc.
"Well, smoking makes your chances of getting lung cancer and other heart or lung diseases increase. Smoking also makes your teeth yellow, your fingertips yellow, and creates these lines on your face that people call 'smoker's lines'. Basically, it makes you look far older than you really are."
When he heard the last part of what the doctor had said, Havoc actually grinned for he remembered that some women liked older men.
The doctor seemed to have read Havoc's mind and slapped her hand on her forehead, then shook her head and sighed.
"If you're thinking that you look older in an attractive way, then that is not true at all. In fact, it makes you UGLY." She emphasized the word 'ugly' so much that it made Havoc flinch.
Havoc frowned and crossed his arms across his chest. "Well, I object. I think that I look quite attractive and I don't notice any lines on my face or yellow colours on my teeth or fingertips."
The busty doctor stepped over to him and thrust her face in front of him. "Oh yeah?" She snarled. She grabbed Havoc's hand and took a magnifying glass that was in her pocket.
"Look at your hand through this magnifying glass. You'll see yellowness on your fingertips."
Havoc did what the strange and scary doctor said, then his jaw dropped.
"Wow..." He began in shock. "My fingertips are... Yellow."
The doctor smirked and grabbed a mirror that was on her desk, then passed it to him. "Now smile and look at your teeth closely. You'll definately notice yellowness and tiny lines on your face."
Havoc obeyed her order once again and noticed both the facts that his teeth were yellow and that he had a few very tiny lines on his face.
The doctor took the mirror away from him in a couple of moments, then continued on her lesson. She cleared her throat to get Havoc's attention and pointed at the lower part of the poster that talked about second-hand smoke.
"Second-hand smoke Mister, is a horrible thing for it harms those around you and I bet that half the people around you haven't ever touched a cigarette in their life!"
Jean Havoc still had his arms crossed across his chest, but he still listened to the doctor that he was starting to think was a perfect example of the saying 'Not everyone is how they appear to be...'.
The Second Lieutenant thought that she was the most mind-blowingly attractive woman that he had seen in quite a while, yet she was actually just plain mad and insane... Or at least she was that way towards him.
"Some things that second-hand smoke does is kill or give people diseases such as lung cancer and other lung or heart diseases. It also gives them asthma, a rather annoying disease. I had it and it was no fun at all." She shook her head and wagged her finger when she mentioned the bit about asthma being no fun at all and Havoc couldn't help but smiling.
She looked so cute doing that!
The doctor noticed his smile and narrowed her eyes, then asked,"Why are you smiling? Is it amusing to listen about the danger that you create?"
"You just looked quite cute shaking your head like that, that's all." Havoc answered rather calmly with a smile.
Havoc finally noticed something that he thought was human by the doctor and that was the fact that she blushed deeply at his compliment.
She faced the poster for a moment and just stood there until the crimson shade of embarrassment escaped her face.
"A-as I was saying..." The doctor began hesitantly, now feeling a bit shy. Many men complimented her looks, but it embarrassed her and left her feeling all nervous on the inside.
Havoc looked at her encouragingly with a smile and asked,"Yes?" He now started thinking that she acted more like her appearance and wondered whether to ask her out or not. While waiting for her to reply, he was debating that inside his mind.
"So, yes or no? Yes or no? I'm sure that Chief would be jealous and that he wouldn't be able to swoon her no matter what!"
The doctor regained herself again and continued on explaining the dangers of second-hand smoke.
"Well, second-hand smoke causes those different diseases and it also makes the person get colds and headaches more often. It makes it more difficult for them to get rid of colds quickly as well."
Havoc gulped and shuddered, then said,"I'll avoid smoking in front of people then, especially those close to me."
"Why don't you just stop smoking instead?" The doctor asked with a small mischievious and somewhat evil-looking grin, even though she already knew the answer. He smoked so much that he craved cigarettes too much.
Before the military man could answer, her small grin turned into a huge one. The man seemed like one that loved to date and the doctor had to admit that he seemed quite charming to her, so she decided to try to help him quit smoking or at least smoke less plus get a chance to possibly date him!
"If you smoke only five times a day, instead of nearly every single time you finish a cigarette for one week, I will be your girlfriend."
Havoc's jaw nearly dropped and he suddenly jumped off the chair that he was sitting on, then saluted at her.
"I will try my very best, Doctor!"
The doctor smiled and replied,"Good." She pointed a finger at the door after that and said,"Good bye, it was nice teaching you all that I did. I hope you remember it all. Now, go off for I have many more patients to deal with."
Havoc had a giddy expression on his face as he walked out of the doctor's office. As he walked towards the headquarters to tell everyone about his deal, he thought,"Wow... I have got to go to the doctor's more often... It's a total chick meeting place!"
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C h a i n smokers just gotta know the effects of s m o k i n g