About six years ago I endured a visit from Nantukos, the evil muse of limerick poetry. She took over my life for several days and forced me to summarize an episode of Due South in twenty-two limericks, even though I had never written limericks (or any other form of poetry) before. It was a horrible experience, and when I finished the "Epic Limerick from Heck" I swore I'd never limerick again.
What can I say? She's ba-a-a-a-ck! I'm resisting as hard as I can, but I spent an hour at the office this morning trying to come up with rhymes for "Nasty Sauce."
This is a work in progress. I don't know if I will be able to finish it, although I won't have much choice as long as Nantukos stays stuck in my head. I never expected to have this many limericks done in less than a day!Disclaimer:
It's
painfully obvious to see
that
this episode's not owned by me.
I'll
borrow it briefly
for
poetry, chiefly
then
return it to Butch gratefully.
The Ultimate Limerick
by: Bluemoonalto
While
Valerie checked out the tower
at
Amity's last peaceful hour,
Dark
Dan interrupted—
defenses
corrupted!—
"Hey,
girlfriend! Check out my new power!"
Observants
observed it with scorn:
but
non-intervention they'd sworn.
"Unforgivable
crime,"
said
the Master of Time,
"'twas
better he never was born!"
Cue
Credits: A lad of fourteen
inspected
his parents' machine.
inside
he was trapped,
his
DNA zapped,
and
now he can fly, phase unseen.
Said
Lancer, "Please make no mistake,
C.A.T's
the worst test you will take.
"Ignore
it? Your loss!
Ivy
League? Nasty Sauce?
It's
only your future at stake!"
Jazz
saw that her brother was stuck,
the
sample test gave him no luck.
She
shared her trump card:
"Number
one: study hard;
number
two: do your best; and three: DUCK!"
Clockwork
brought in a little ghost lass,
"You'll
help me resolve this morass.
We'll
give him one chance;
you
just show him your dance.
There's
a much harder test he must pass!"
"The
Box Ghost and Lunch Lady? Ew!
That's
an image I'll never undo.
I've
a strategy that'll
award
me this battle,
using
highly explosive au jus."
The
restaurant barely survived,
but
Danny's good fortunes revived.
For
the answer key packet
was
stuck to his back—it
seemed
his rosy future'd arrived.
The
observants said, "Clockwork, you blew it!"
Tucker
said, "Sam, we can't let him do it!"
Sam
replied with aplomb,
"I
am not Danny's mom.
It's
his choice. He has to work through it."
There
followed a timely intrusion
by
a ghostly/mechanical fusion.
Danny
said with despair,
"What?
This just isn't fair!
Are
all of my foes in collusion?"
Tuck
hacked in with his PDA
And
sent Skulk/Tech flying away.
Danny
followed him skyward,
And
then fell, or so I heard:
I
guess flagpoles just don't work that way.
oooo0ooooo
If anybody knows how to exorcise an evil muse, please let me know!