DISCLAIMER: This story contains suicidal thoughts and actions. I do not condone these actions. Suicide is never the answer, and if you are struggling with this please call a suicide hotline and get help. You are always worth it. The national suicide hotline prevention number is 1-800-273-8255, they do a lot of good.
Lily lived a very normal life, she had a normal family, she wasn't ever abused. She had a normal job, while going to school to get a normal college degree. Nothing exciting ever happened to her. But Lily herself was not normal. She didn't connect well with people, she was often cited as being unenthused and depressed. And she was depressed, she pretended like she was fine being different, alone. But being so disconnected from your fellow human beings leaves a fissure in you, that grows larger the more you realize how completely and utterly alone you are. Only made worse by the fact that she'd done it to herself.
So it didn't come as a huge surprise to some when Lily was found dead in her room at the tender age of 20, she had overdosed on a toxic cocktail of sleeping medication and liquor. There were those who grieved for her, but because she had isolated herself away from everybody for so many years now, it was almost as if she had already been dead to them. The blow was softened somewhat. She had been just a shell of a girl to the people around her, silently going about her day, leaving no impressions.
When Lily woke up it was with a sense of disappointment. She knew what she had done, and she had prepared to never wake up again. So as she slowly opened her eyes, she was prepared to be disappointed, to be in a hospital with disapproving people surrounding her. But to her surprise she saw a bright blue sky above her, and as she twisted her head this was and that, she saw trees! Lily didn't believe in heaven, but surely she must be there. Away from the prison of her home and life. Tears rushed to her eyes and she wasn't sure if she was relieved, because she would now live in paradise free from everyday troubles, or disappointed that she was still aware at all. She just lay there for a minute, contemplating her emotions. When she realized she was getting nowhere she decided to explore her new plane of existence. With great difficulty she struggled to get up, she was having a hard time getting her body to cooperate. Finally she made it to her hands and knees, but staring down at her hands she froze, those were not her hands. Those were the hands of a small child. Where were her slender fingers and long arms? Those couldn't be her hands, could they? Thumping back onto her bottom, she looked at the pudgy digits. She stared dumbly and tried to wiggle them, yup, it seemed like they belonged to her.
Lily was numb, she had been so ready to be done with everything, yet here she sat, alive and somehow completely different. She couldn't deal with this right now, she didn't have the mindset to. So she shoved all of her new problems to the back of her mind and crawled weakly beneath a nearby tree. She lay her head down on a soft patch of grass and closed her eyes. She hoped with all of her might that this was all a drug induced hallucination and when she opened her eyes, if she ever opened her eyes again, this would all be gone.