Soooooo...

Instead of updating any of the stories I said I'm going to update, I've decided to try my hand at crack fiction. (ducks thrown objects) Yeah, I know. I'm just not really feeling like updating any of my exisiting stories right now. Sorry, guys.

Anyways, this story is inspired by the Harry Potter fic Hagrid and the Skoolgurlz, which you should go and read because it's crazy awesome.

With all that said and done, read on...(and leave a review while you're at it!)

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Chapter One: In which Gwen is spontaneously fed up with everything and forms a band.

It was a normal summer day in Arizona. Why Arizona? I don't know.

A bird was tweeting happily, landing in the middle of the road after a long and fun flight.

It was then promptly run over by an RV.

RIP, random bird.

Inside the RV was and old man named Max and his two ten-year-old grandchildren, a boy and a girl named Ben and Gwen. Ben was currently in the process of annoying his cousin, who was doing her best to ignore him.

Unfortunately, she couldn't ignore him forever.

"THAT'S IT!" she shrieked, causing Max to hit the brake and the RV to swerve.

Gwen then grabbed both Ben and Max by their collars and began to rant. "I have had enough of you being a little brat and me being forced to eat shitty food! I'm going on my own road trip and neither of you are coming with me! Sayonara, suckers!"

With the strength and skill a ten-year-old should not be able to muster, she then proceeded to throw them both out of the RV and drive away from there as fast as she could.

Ben just stared at the now-leaving RV. "Um, what just happened?" he asked.

Max quickly got to his feet. "Who cares?! She's getting away with my precious RV! We need to stop her!"

Ben nodded, and the two started running in the direction of the long-gone RV.

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Meanwhile, Gwen was recklessly breaking as many traffic laws as she could, munching on Goldfish crackers, and listening to Max's collection of unambiguously lewd music.

Satisfied with what she'd done, she started talking to herself. "Now that I have complete control over this vacation, what should I do?"

Her eyes lit up. "I know! I'll form a really famous girl band and get filthy rich! And I won't even need any people with musical experience to do so!"

She noticed that, during this decision, she'd crossed the border from Arizona to Nevada.

Specifically, Las Vegas, home of clubs, gambling, showgirls, and strip-teasers.

Once she found a decent place to park (and ran over a few pedestrians while doing so), Gwen set to work. Finding a conveniently empty building, she put up a sign saying "UNDERAGE GIRLS WANTED FOR BAND; INQUIRE INSIDE!", set up a table and chair inside the building, and waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, a girl of about twelve came in. She had white hair in a ponytail, glowing green eyes, and a cheerful expression.

"Hi! I'm Dani!" she introduced herself. "I'm a half-ghost, half-human hybrid, and a play a mean bass! What do you think?"

Gwen smiled. "I think you're hired! Go wait in the RV."

"Swell! Thanks!"

The next girl that came in was a teenager with pale pink hair and pale yellow skin. Following her were a dozen small animals of varying species.

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Are you a Disney Princess?"

"Er, no," the girl responded. "I'm Fluttershy. I'm pretty good at singing and writing songs, and I have a fake ID, so we can all go to bars and stuff."

Gwen's eyes lit up at the mention of the fake ID. "Great! Welcome aboard!"

The last two who entered were brown-haired twins about Dani's age. The female of the pair was significantly more hyper, while the male had his face buried in a book.

Gwen was immediately smitten with him.

"HI!" the girl said. "I'm Mabel and this is Dipper! I can play the drums!"

Gwen smiled. "You're hired on one condition."

"Name it!"

"Your brother comes along with us."

Mabel stopped bouncing. "Er, well, he was only here to offer me support during the audition..."

"It's OK, Mabel, I can be the band manager," Dipper responded, not looking up from the book.

Gwen nodded. "Sure!"

After that, Gwen took down the sign out front, feeling she had enough members in her band, and met with the others in the RV.

"Alright, ladies!...and eye candy. Congrats on making it into the band! From now on, we shall be known as...THE RV GIRLZ!"

Nobody questioned how she'd come up with this amazing band name, considering it was pretty fucking obvious.

Gwen continued. "Fluttershy, you'll be our lead singer; Dani, you get the bass; I'm gonna be on guitar; and Mabel, you're on drums! Dipper will be our manager."

Everyone nodded, happy with what was going on.

"So, where are we playing first?" Dani asked.

Gwen smiled. "Great question! I managed to book us at the one...the only..." She held up a brochure. "...GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL!"

Fluttershy took a look at the brochure. "That's a picture of it from the 50s," she observed.

"Don't care. Anyways, we'll be playing there tomorrow at three. Plenty of time to practice until then!"

"Oooh! Can I go through the shark tank slide?" Mabel asked.

Dani smirked. "Can I cheat a bunch of suckers out of their money at the games?" she asked.

"Can I sit in the corner and read quietly?" Dipper asked.

"They're letting us have free run of the hotel, so...yes, yes, and definitely yes!" Gwen responded.

The RV erupted into cheers.

"GO RV GIRLZ!"

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What will happen next? Will the band's first gig go smoothly? Will Gwen's crush subplot go anywhere? And what about Ben and Max? All the answers to this and more, next time on...

HOW TO SUCCEED IN MUSIC WITHOUT REALLY TRYING!