TITLE: October Fools 1/1
AUTHOR: Sam (Lestrade42@juno.com)
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: I swear I'm almost done. Just humor me a little longer.
DISCLAIMER: All established characters belong to a group of people a hell of alot richer than me.
This is the 7th installment of the "Vacation Week" Series.
_______________________________________________________________________
Colonel Maybourne sighed as he recapped his pen. The last report was done. And now it was time to go home and enjoy a nice quiet weekend.
"Colonel Maybourne, you have a call on the red phone. Maybourne, red phone urgent," a voice called from the PA system overhead.
"Damn," he said, hoisting himself out of his chair. As he walked down the hallway to the private phone lines, a crash sounded behind him. He turned quickly. Nothing there. Some intern probably dropped a beaker or something. He grabbed the phone. "Maybourne." Someone giggled in his ear, then hung up. As Maybourne pulled the phone from his ear, he noticed it was wet. He reached up. His fingers came back full of pink bubble gum. "What the...?" He pushed the intercom button on the wall. "Desk, this is Maybourne."
"Yes sir," a female voice called back.
"Who was on the phone for me?"
"I don't know, sir. They didn't identify themselves by name."
"Fine. Get maintanance down here."
"Yes sir."
Maybourne walked back to his office, furiously trying to get the bubble gum out of his ear canal and side burns. As he opened the door to his office, a flood of water landed on his head. He looked up. A large bucket was teetering on the edge of his doorjam. "Sergeant Barrie!"
"Sir?" A young man covered head to toe in silly string ran up behind him.
Maybourne looked at his personal secretary in disbelief. "What the hell happened to you?"
"I don't know, sir. I was finishing up my paperwork when suddenly three people dressed in black just jumped out of nowhere and shot silly string at me. Then they ran off. I would have been here sooner but the floor around my desk was covered in dish soap. I couldn't get my balance."
"Call security now!"
"Yes sir!" The young man saluted and turned to leave, forgetting his shoes were still covered in dish soap. He slammed to the ground, sliding halfway across the corridor.
Disgusted, Maybourne entered his office. "Only on a Friday could this happen." He dropped himself into his desk chair. A whoopee cushion went off underneath him. He tried to stand up, only to find himself glued to the chair. He pulled a second time, nothing. A third... he fell over backwards. Above him on the ceiling in florescent ink were a few words. 'Ha ha hemorrhoid boy.' Maybourne's face turned bright red. "Barrie!" he screamed.
Sergeant Barrie came sliding past his office door, hit the ground, then pulled himself into Maybourne's office. "Sir!"
"Get me out of this chair!"
Barrie slid into the room and kneeled next to Maybourne's chair. After a minute, Barrie blushed. "Sir, the only way I can see for you to get out of here is for you to take your pants off... sir."
Maybourne tried to move his arms. They were glued to the chair as well.
Barrie gulped.
*~*
Barrie looked both ways out the main door. "All's clear, sir." Barrie walked out the door and motioned for the Colonel to follow him.
Maybourne, clad only in boxer shorts and socks, came running full speed to the parking lot. He jumped in the drivers side and threw the car into drive. As he backed the car out of the parking space, he made a sharp right turn. Suddenly his two back tires came flying off, the hubcaps rolling over to Barrie's feet. Maybourne sat stock still and began to cry.
*~*
Three sets of binoculars peered out of the window from Maybourne's office. Suddenly they fell to the floor. Jack, Sam and Daniel were rolling on the floor in tears.
"Oh my God," Sam said between breaths, "I don't think I've ever seen anything funnier in my life!"
Daniel wiped a tear from his cheek. "I wish we would have video taped it."
Jack sniffled." Yeah. Hammond woulda gotten a kick outta seeing Maybourne cry." He pulled three Mike's bottles from his pockets and tossed them to his comrades. "Lady and gentleman, we have outdone ourselves this time. I'm proud of all of you, my children." Here heres went up all round and the Mike's flowed freely from their bottles.
Suddenly Daniel started to giggle again. "Hey, let's see what's in his desk." Jack and Sam slowly lowered the bottle from their lips, then jumped to their feet.
"I got his file cabinet!" Sam ran to the other side of the room.
"I got Barrie's desk!" Daniel ran outside, slid slightly on soap residue.
Twenty minutes later, papers were strew all over Maybourne's office. Sam slammed down the last folder. "Nothing interesting here. Except that I know who shot JFK, where Jimmy Hoffa's body is, and where the alien bodies from Roswell are."
"Boring," Jack called.
Daniel ran into the office. "Check these out!" Daniel held up a pair of black lace underwear. "Found 'em in Barrie's back pack. I think someone's got a secret." He began to giggle again.
"Hey guys, take a look at this." Jack waved them over to Maybourne's desk. He was looking at the folder Maybourne had been working on before he left. "It's a proposal from a place called the Phoenix Foundation. Something about wanting to test a new kind of RADAR." He turned the page and came to a picture of the research team.
Daniel leaned over Jack's shoulder and pointed to a long haired man in the picture. "Hey. That guy looks like you, Jack."
"Nah, he looks like some hippie freak." He looked at the caption on the picture. 'MacGyver'. Jack tore through the rest of the paperwork and found his address.
"Whatcha thikin', sir?" Sam said, Mike's dribbling down her chin.
"Get 'em."
_____________________________________________________________________
Okay, I'm thinking of combining Saturday and Sunday into one part. I don't think I've got enough plot for two different parts. So that means, ONLY ONE INSTALLMENT LEFT!
AUTHOR: Sam (Lestrade42@juno.com)
RATING: PG
FEEDBACK: I swear I'm almost done. Just humor me a little longer.
DISCLAIMER: All established characters belong to a group of people a hell of alot richer than me.
This is the 7th installment of the "Vacation Week" Series.
_______________________________________________________________________
Colonel Maybourne sighed as he recapped his pen. The last report was done. And now it was time to go home and enjoy a nice quiet weekend.
"Colonel Maybourne, you have a call on the red phone. Maybourne, red phone urgent," a voice called from the PA system overhead.
"Damn," he said, hoisting himself out of his chair. As he walked down the hallway to the private phone lines, a crash sounded behind him. He turned quickly. Nothing there. Some intern probably dropped a beaker or something. He grabbed the phone. "Maybourne." Someone giggled in his ear, then hung up. As Maybourne pulled the phone from his ear, he noticed it was wet. He reached up. His fingers came back full of pink bubble gum. "What the...?" He pushed the intercom button on the wall. "Desk, this is Maybourne."
"Yes sir," a female voice called back.
"Who was on the phone for me?"
"I don't know, sir. They didn't identify themselves by name."
"Fine. Get maintanance down here."
"Yes sir."
Maybourne walked back to his office, furiously trying to get the bubble gum out of his ear canal and side burns. As he opened the door to his office, a flood of water landed on his head. He looked up. A large bucket was teetering on the edge of his doorjam. "Sergeant Barrie!"
"Sir?" A young man covered head to toe in silly string ran up behind him.
Maybourne looked at his personal secretary in disbelief. "What the hell happened to you?"
"I don't know, sir. I was finishing up my paperwork when suddenly three people dressed in black just jumped out of nowhere and shot silly string at me. Then they ran off. I would have been here sooner but the floor around my desk was covered in dish soap. I couldn't get my balance."
"Call security now!"
"Yes sir!" The young man saluted and turned to leave, forgetting his shoes were still covered in dish soap. He slammed to the ground, sliding halfway across the corridor.
Disgusted, Maybourne entered his office. "Only on a Friday could this happen." He dropped himself into his desk chair. A whoopee cushion went off underneath him. He tried to stand up, only to find himself glued to the chair. He pulled a second time, nothing. A third... he fell over backwards. Above him on the ceiling in florescent ink were a few words. 'Ha ha hemorrhoid boy.' Maybourne's face turned bright red. "Barrie!" he screamed.
Sergeant Barrie came sliding past his office door, hit the ground, then pulled himself into Maybourne's office. "Sir!"
"Get me out of this chair!"
Barrie slid into the room and kneeled next to Maybourne's chair. After a minute, Barrie blushed. "Sir, the only way I can see for you to get out of here is for you to take your pants off... sir."
Maybourne tried to move his arms. They were glued to the chair as well.
Barrie gulped.
*~*
Barrie looked both ways out the main door. "All's clear, sir." Barrie walked out the door and motioned for the Colonel to follow him.
Maybourne, clad only in boxer shorts and socks, came running full speed to the parking lot. He jumped in the drivers side and threw the car into drive. As he backed the car out of the parking space, he made a sharp right turn. Suddenly his two back tires came flying off, the hubcaps rolling over to Barrie's feet. Maybourne sat stock still and began to cry.
*~*
Three sets of binoculars peered out of the window from Maybourne's office. Suddenly they fell to the floor. Jack, Sam and Daniel were rolling on the floor in tears.
"Oh my God," Sam said between breaths, "I don't think I've ever seen anything funnier in my life!"
Daniel wiped a tear from his cheek. "I wish we would have video taped it."
Jack sniffled." Yeah. Hammond woulda gotten a kick outta seeing Maybourne cry." He pulled three Mike's bottles from his pockets and tossed them to his comrades. "Lady and gentleman, we have outdone ourselves this time. I'm proud of all of you, my children." Here heres went up all round and the Mike's flowed freely from their bottles.
Suddenly Daniel started to giggle again. "Hey, let's see what's in his desk." Jack and Sam slowly lowered the bottle from their lips, then jumped to their feet.
"I got his file cabinet!" Sam ran to the other side of the room.
"I got Barrie's desk!" Daniel ran outside, slid slightly on soap residue.
Twenty minutes later, papers were strew all over Maybourne's office. Sam slammed down the last folder. "Nothing interesting here. Except that I know who shot JFK, where Jimmy Hoffa's body is, and where the alien bodies from Roswell are."
"Boring," Jack called.
Daniel ran into the office. "Check these out!" Daniel held up a pair of black lace underwear. "Found 'em in Barrie's back pack. I think someone's got a secret." He began to giggle again.
"Hey guys, take a look at this." Jack waved them over to Maybourne's desk. He was looking at the folder Maybourne had been working on before he left. "It's a proposal from a place called the Phoenix Foundation. Something about wanting to test a new kind of RADAR." He turned the page and came to a picture of the research team.
Daniel leaned over Jack's shoulder and pointed to a long haired man in the picture. "Hey. That guy looks like you, Jack."
"Nah, he looks like some hippie freak." He looked at the caption on the picture. 'MacGyver'. Jack tore through the rest of the paperwork and found his address.
"Whatcha thikin', sir?" Sam said, Mike's dribbling down her chin.
"Get 'em."
_____________________________________________________________________
Okay, I'm thinking of combining Saturday and Sunday into one part. I don't think I've got enough plot for two different parts. So that means, ONLY ONE INSTALLMENT LEFT!