A New Adventure Began.

The human race.

I admired them.

I befriended them.

I lost many.

I loved one.

I sit here on the balcony of this flat that overlooks the Thames and swallow some of the Scotch I have taken a liking to in the past month. The night begins and over the horizon, the twinkling lights of the city remind me of the stars that I used to roam. I take a deep breath letting the cool air fill my lungs, and shiver, a very human thing. I bring my glass to my lips a second time, and catch sight of the moons reflection in the amber liquid swirling at the bottom. I dip my finger in the glass, and smile as the moonlight bends from my touch. I am the Time Lord Victorious.

Everything is bigger on the outside.

Thats my world now. Paralleled. Distorted. Changed.

I remember a time when everything is bigger on the inside.

I have been overwhelmed by domesticity lately.

The last of the Time Lords.

The Oncoming Storm.

The Defender of the Universe reduced to fetching Chinese takeout and paying the mortgage.

This was what he wanted though, or what he thought he wanted.

A normal life.

Curtains and carpets.

A proper home.

The one adventure we could never have.

Her.

I sense her behind me long before she makes her presence known.

"Its cold out here Doc...John." she says wrapping a blue fleece blanket around her as she sits in the deck chair beside me.

I nod and give her a slight smile. Her Freudian slip did not go unnoticed.

I watch as the strap from her white silk nightgown falls from her shoulder. My fingers ache to touch her. To let them gravitate up her arm from her elbow, ghosting over her skin. I imagine my lips following suit tasting the faint remnants of the gardenia scented soap she uses that causes a fire to simmer low in my belly. As if she can read my thoughts, she rises and wraps the blanket tighter around her. She lays her hand upon my shoulder and gazes up at the sky, then back at me for a second, then back at the sky again. I asked her once to run. Its nice to know that hasn't changed.

"Don't stay out here too long." her words catch some as they leave her lips.

He still has her. I get whats left.

I look like him, I think like him, same thoughts, same memories.

Same man that burned up a sun to say goodbye.

I am the orphan pseudo-doctor. A replacement for the real thing.

A gift given but not accepted.

I feel something warm and wet on my cheek, and swipe it away angrily.

-.

He misses the stars.

I watch him for the longest time from the edge of the bed, so scared to allow him to leave my sight as if he will disappear at any moment. I spent too many months wasting away in tears and tequilla for me to allow myself to let him go without a fight. I was the one that insisted that he move into my flat

Our flat.

I don't know what this doctor will do on his own. He is so young, so naive to his human frailties.

He stuck a fork in the toaster the first week he was here for Christ's sake.

Very much like the other him, thinking he is invincible. The other him, the one who I would catch tinkering at the consul of the TARDIS with a sonic screwdriver in his mouth, a cup of tea in one hand , perched dangerously close to the edge of the railing. No fear in that one.

No fear in this one too.

Enough fear for the three of us in me.

This one has taken to brooding much more than the other.

He sits there some nights for hours, star gazing , lost in thoughts that I cannot seem to find the courage to coax from him.

I blame myself .

I once mentioned to him my secret desires.

I wanted a life domestic. A life with him.

Carpets and curtains.

I took a leap and lay myself bare before him, as we gazed upon the lighted dust of worlds long since dead that gravitated toward the inkiness of the black hole overheard.

Knowing all too well that he was an endangered species that would have died in captivity.

I feel for him, knowing what its like to be ripped from his world and thrown into this one. Abandoned.

I move to the sliding glass door to the balcony outside wrapping my favorite blue fleece blanket around me to ward off the chill in the night air. He stares blankly out across the horizon

"Its cold out here Doc-John" I make the choice to call him by his newly given name. It feels foreign on my lips but I like it. New name for the new new new Doctor. He turns his head toward me and gives me a weak smile. He doesn't speak, I watch him as he swallows hard, his eyes are black with something heavy and frightening. I wrap the blanket tighter around me shielding myself from the fire of his gaze. He scowls and turns his face from me to the stars. My eyes follow his upwards to the skies. I don't know how to read him. He's a bit darker, a bit rougher , a bit more dangerous.

"Don't stay out too long" I say my breath hitching in my throat.

I place my hand on his shoulder afraid to touch him anywhere else.

The Doctor still has him. I'm just getting what's left.

He looks like him, he thinks like him, same thoughts, same memories

But I'm not the same girl he burned up a sun to say goodbye to.

I'm the pseudo-Rose.

A gift given that wasn't accepted.

I feel something warm and wet on my cheek again, and I wipe it away angrily.