Hey everyone! So I know this isn't a update on Gone For Good, but I just can't seem to get into the mindset for that story since the show has me so frustrated right now! Jason is being an idiot and I sometimes feel like they hide Sam in a box…but enough on my rant…This is just some JaSam dealing with the lies and Kristina's abuse. I feel like we got the shaft on their scenes and the writers missed out. I know we're well past that now and most have moved on to Kiefer's hit and run and Sonny's trial, but since I wrote it I want to post it. I hope you don't mind!
Summary: Jason has been keeping secrets from Sam involving her sister and the investigation he instigated, it's about time Sam found out about it.
Disclaimer: I don't own General Hospital or the characters!
Stepping off the elevator Jason's thoughts kept wandering back to the hospital. He couldn't get the image of Kristina lying in that bed crying over the punk Kiefer out of his head. Jason would never understand the urge to mourn over someone who caused you so much pain. And Kristina was in a lot of pain, both physically and emotional. While sitting at her bedside Jason couldn't help but place Sam in her sister's place and it brought out a rage in Jason that he hadn't felt since Franco had taken her from him. Jason didn't even want to imagine Sam in that amount of pain and having to sit with Kristina forced him to. And he was forced to think about the pain he put Sam through. He may never have actually raised a hand against her, but Jason wasn't foolish enough to try and claim total innocence. This whole Kristina situation had forced both Jason and Sam to think about the past and Jason wasn't ignorant to what was happening. He could see Sam pulling away from him slowly, he felt the distance she placed between them.
There was a time Sam would've leaned on Jason and seek comfort in his arms, but not anymore…instead Sam physically kept pulling back. He hardly even saw her anymore. There was also a time Jason wouldn't have waited for Sam to make the first move to find comfort, he would've just offered it to her. Now he just wasn't sure how to proceed. Everything this time around was so much harder because of how far they both had fallen before. Jason just knew that something would have to give soon because he missed Sam.
Pulling his keys out of his pocket Jason stops when he hears loud voices coming from the other side of the door. He was confused since he knew that Spinelli was standing, well sitting, next to Maxie's bedside night and day so it couldn't be them. Sonny was with Diane working on damage control at the moment and if he wasn't there he would be at the hospital. That left Sam, who did have a key, but Jason didn't think she would leave her family right now. She hadn't for the last couple of days anyways. Opening the door he is surprised to find that Sam was there…and she was arguing with Carly. Closing the door loudly Jason isn't surprised they don't even acknowledge his presence, it was just like old times…the two of them fighting.
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Sam had let herself into Jason's penthouse after leaving an exhausted Molly under the care of Viola. Molly had cried herself to sleep on the car ride home and Sam was a little grateful. She didn't think she could stay strong for her sisters another moment, not when she was silently kicking herself for not realizing sooner what was really going on. Sam had prided herself on her instincts and being a good sister, but she had failed… Badly. She hadn't been surprised not to find Jason at home, what with the trial, Michael, and Kristina Jason had a full plate. Sam also wasn't disappointed that he wasn't there either. She did miss Jason, but it was hard to be around him and not lean on him, to seek comfort from him. Something she wasn't comfortable doing at the moment.
She knew they were going to have to talk about it. Knew that she couldn't continue to skirt around the issue, but it was just easier at the moment. But Sam knew it wouldn't last forever. Jason would want Sam to open up to him, to let him be there for her. And when that time came Sam would have to admit out loud, that should didn't trust him enough to do that. Sam stared at Krissy and saw herself in that situation. And earlier when she had told Jason that Kristina wanted to talk to him she, for only a split second, had looked at Jason and been reminded of the man who had tore her to pieces. She didn't know where the thought had come from, since Jason had never physically harmed Sam, but in that moment Sam had been reminded of all that pain. Pain Jason had inflicted without a thought to who he was hurting. Closing her eyes Sam shivers at the memory and runs her hands up and down her arms for warmth. The knock on the door breaking Sam out of her thoughts she turns and without hesitation opens it, regretting the action the second she sees Carly standing on the other side. The two of them had been getting along a lot better lately, but Sam didn't have the patience for the other woman right now.
"Is Jason here?" Carly asks without a hello and brushing past Sam.
"No he's not." Sam says holding the door open for Carly to go back out.
"Do you know where he is? I really need to speak with him." Carly says ignoring the tired look on Sam's face. "What are you doing here? I figured you would be at the hospital."
Sighing Sam shuts the door and turns towards Carly. "I was just there, but after taking Molly home I decided I needed to get some time away. Or I'll be of no use for Krissy or Alexis."
"Oh please don't worry yourself over Alexis Sam." Carly rolls her eyes and gets comfortable on the couch. "That woman doesn't deserve your comfort right now, not when Kristina is so obviously screwed up because of that woman's controlling ways. I know she may be your mother, but Alexis is a sorry excuse for the word."
Clenching her jaw Sam crosses her arms over her chest. "Look Carly. Alexis has made some mistakes with Kristina, but she is just trying to do her best. She really doesn't need you or anyone else for that matter criticizing her and her parenting skills."
"Please Sam. I get defending your family, but even you have to admit…Alexis was clueless to what was happening! Even when it was under her own roof!"
Sam had had enough. Alexis had made mistakes, Sam had said that numerous times before. But now was not the time to point fingers and say I told you so. "We were all clueless to the situation Carly. Alexis isn't alone in this. I have to hold some of the blame! Kristina had come to me for advice and comfort and I failed her!"
"Sam…I didn't mean…" Carly says a little surprised at how upset she was getting.
"I even had suspicions about Kiefer before all of this happened, but I did nothing about it! I ignored my better judgment! Krissy came to me numerous times and I just ignored the signs. Even after she was released from the hospital I didn't see it! I wouldn't listen! And because of that Kristina was placed in the hospital at the hand of that punk Kiefer again! So if you're going to blame anyone Carly blame me! I failed Kristina!"
"Sam you were just upset." Carly says rising from the couch. "Understandably so, what with your own history in a situation similar to this, no one blames you for defending your sister. Luke certainly might, but I think after talking with Jason even Luke won't hold it against you. Jason made it very clear when he was investigating Kristina's story I was to tread carefully after I got involved. That's why he eventually involved Lucky since I obviously can't handle subtly." Carly says the last bit with a smile, unaware of the blow she had just given Sam.
Sam had known Jason had doubted Kristina's story. Sam had known that Lucky was still investigating on his own, but she had thought it was because Ethan was his brother. She had known that Luke would try and protect Ethan to the best of his ability. She even knew that Carly would find some way to get involved, never wanting to be one left out of all the action. But Sam had not known that Jason had had a hand in all of it. That he had been working with Carly, he called in Lucky to investigate, and he even knew what Luke was up to. "Jason is to blame for Kristina being questioned by everyone? Jason is the reason you all kept badgering my hurt little sister! You all kept pestering her about this when all she wanted was for everyone to just stop and let it go. It's because of Jason!"
"What did you expect Sam?" Carly asks clearly confused. "Sonny was demanding Ethan be punished for harming Kristina, Jason couldn't without clear proof do anything. He had to know the truth."
"I told Jason to leave it alone. He agreed that if Kristina wanted to drop the charges and move on that it was what we should do. And the whole time he was going behind my back and investigating? He couldn't just respect what she wanted. What I asked of him." Sam shakes her head and paces away from Carly to stare into the fireplace. "He couldn't just trust the situation to handle itself."
"Well can you blame him Sam? Sonny was out for blood and with Kristina's history…Jason had every reason to doubt her. Kristina has a poor track record…"
"She was a beaten little girl that you all just swarmed trying to get your answers!" Sam snaps turning to glare at the other woman. "She was scared and confused. You all should've just left her alone!"
"And let Sonny have Ethan's blood on his hands, I don't think so! Sonny is already dealing with Claudia's murder and the fact he is to blame for her being forced on all of us for months. He didn't need to deal with anymore. Not when it all could've been easily avoided! Jason just was doing what he had to. He was protecting Sonny!"
"Like always." Sam grumbles turning and rolling her eyes. "Carly if you're just going to sit here and berate me and my family, than please…just go. If I see Jason I will let him know you're looking for him."
Carly wanted to argue more, but instead reached for her purse to leave. "Just be sure to tell Jason we have to discuss Sonny's trial. Speaking of which…Diane needs to sit with you to go over your change in testimony. It's going to be very crucial that you and I keep our stories straight."
Sam stared at Carly incredulously and lets out a humorless laugh. "Do you honestly expect me to risk perjuring myself now, when my family is going to need me?"
"What are you saying Sam?"
"I'm not going to take any chances on the stand Carly." Sam shakes her head and stands her ground. "I'll stick to my original statement, but that's it. I can't be in lock up when Krissy is going to need me."
"You can't be serious!"
"I'm dead serious Carly. I will do everything in my power to protect Michael, like we all agreed upon from the start, but that's it. I will not put myself in Claire Walsh's way just because Sonny demands it. Right now my family is more important."
"Sonny is on the verge of being convicted Sam!" Carly shouts slamming her purse back down. "Now is not the time to change your mind. We all knew the risks when this trial started!"
"That was before my sister was hospitalized twice because her boyfriend had beaten her! Carly do you honestly expect me to turn my back on my sister? On my family at a time like this? They're going to need me to be there for them!"
"What about Sonny?" Carly asks, knowing that concerned Sam very little. "What about Jason?" Carly then asks and can see the pain that flashes in Sam's eyes. "He's going to need you too Sam. And if Sonny goes to prison, who's to say Jason isn't next? Claire Walsh isn't just going to stop with Sonny and you know it. Jason will be the next one on her list and with Sonny gone her job will be easier."
"Jason isn't in danger here Carly."
"Oh please, you can say that all you want, but you and I both know that Sonny is only step one." When Sam lowers her gaze Carly knows she's made her point. "Can you honestly say that you are ok that your unwillingness to change your testimony might put Jason in jeopardy?"
"Jason will understand." Sam says quietly.
"At first he might be." Carly agrees crossing her arms over her chest. "But will he be so understanding all the way from Pentonville?" Carly asks, her voice shrill. "Do you remember what happened the last time Jason was sent there Sam? Do you?"
Sam's head snaps up at that. "Do I remember? Of course I remember Carly! I lived through that hell once before!"
"Then why can't you understand you have to do this! Jason needs you to do this! I understand your sister is going through a really hard time, but what about Jason? We have to do this for him, for both of them!"
Neither one noticed Jason had entered the penthouse and was waiting for his first chance to speak.
"Oh cut the whole stand by your man act Carly!" Sam sighs. "It's a cliché and it doesn't even work in this situation or have you forgotten that neither Sonny nor Jason is your man. Or have you totally disregarded Jax already?"
"You have no clue what I'm going through with Jax." Carly says stepping closer to Sam. "Just like you have no clue what it means to stand by your man. You have proven on numerous occasions that you aren't capable of standing by Jason. Why should I be surprised that you're flaking again. Jason should've learned his lesson the first time around with you…you can't handle his life no matter how tough an act you put up. I just hope he will finally see you for the selfish, self serving, manipulative…"
"Carly!" Jason shouts. "That is enough!"
Carly whips her head around shocked to see that Jason was there, she was then embarrassed that he had heard what she had been saying. Quickly turning back to stare at Sam she finally truly sees the other woman for the first time since having barged into the penthouse. Sam looked so small and tired, now with tears streaking down her cheeks. "Oh my god." Carly gasps realizing what she had been saying. "Sam…" Carly was speechless.
"Carly just be quiet." Jason grounds out through clenched teeth coming to stand between the two. Annoyed at Carly and worried for Sam, Jason sighs because both women looked truly upset, but Carly had crossed the line.
Sam shakes her head and wipes at her cheeks, she hadn't even realized she had started crying until that moment. "No Jason, let her finish." Sam wasn't sure how much he had heard or how long he had been there, but he was there now. Sadly she felt very little comfort from that fact.
"Sam I am so sorry." Carly says shaking her head slowly from side to side. She hadn't meant to go off like that, she didn't even know where it came from. "When you said you weren't …when you said I…I snapped."
"Carly just stop." Jason sighs shaking his head. He could see how truly apologetic she was, but right now nothing she said was going to make it ok. Reaching out towards Sam he hides his dismay when she steps away from him to stare at the mantel.
Carly turned her gaze on Jason and then briefly back to Sam and she knew that whatever problems the two of them were facing she had just made worse. Something she once would've found pleasure out of, but not anymore. Carly hadn't meant what she had said to Sam. Sam was great for Jason, she helped him, put him first when everyone else didn't. Sam had become everything that Carly, Courtney, and any other woman for that matter, could be for Jason. She was his true equal. Carly just finds it hard to ever admit it aloud. And now, watching as her best friend and the woman he loves slowly drift further apart and she had a hand in it, Carly knew it was time for her to leave. "Jason…I'm sorry." Carly says grabbing her purse and heading towards the door.
"I know Carly." Jason says following her outside the penthouse and closing the door behind him. "Sam just really didn't need you yelling at her right now."
"I didn't plan on attacking Sam when I came over here, I didn't even think she would be here." Carly says turning to face him. "I was looking for you to discuss the trial and then Sam was there and I just…I don't know what came over me. This whole trial is starting to get to me Jason, things are looking really bad for Sonny and I know you both think my testimony can save him, but what if it can't? What if you both give me too much credit? Sonny could be sent to prison and we both know that can't happen. He won't last in Pentonville Jason, you know that as well as I do."
Sighing and rubbing a hand over his forehead Jason looks back at the door of the penthouse and wonders what Sam was doing now. "Carly I can't really discuss this right now."
Carly's first instinct was to get angry that Jason was just brushing aside her concern, but she knew she had already caused enough damage today. Sighing she nods her head. "Alright fine. I get you need to talk to Sam and the sooner the better…but what about Sonny Jason?" Carly can't help but ask.
"I'll think of something Carly!" Jason snaps wanting to be done with this conversation.
Knowing she had over stayed her welcome Carly turns to leave. After pushing the button to summon the elevator Carly realizes Jason may not know how big of a mistake she had made. "Jason before you go in there I think you should know…I slipped up and told Sam about the hand you played in the private investigation of Kristina's abuser."
"What are you talking about Carly? What exactly did you say?" Jason asks with a gut wrenching feeling, things had just gotten a whole lot worse.
The elevator had arrived by then and Carly held out a hand to hold the doors open. "I didn't really have to say much, she sorta jumped to her own conclusions. Most of them were right…but still, Sam is blowing this whole thing out of proportion Jason."
"No she's not Carly." Jason shakes his head. "Sam has every right to be upset with me. I've been keeping this from her and it had everything to do with her and her family. She had every right to know."
"You were just trying to protect her." Carly disagrees.
"Sam isn't going to see it that way." Sam was going to see it as a betrayal…and she would be right.
"I'm sorry Jason." Carly says again, knowing it wasn't enough and it would fix nothing.
"I know." Jason nods his head.
"Call you later?" She asks with a hopeful smile.
Jason shakes his head. "No…wait for me to call you." He waited for the elevator to start it's decent before turning to enter the penthouse. Jason didn't know what to expect when he walked through the door. Sam had every right to be angry with him, but Jason just wished she would understand. She wouldn't hold it against him. But he knew the chances of that were slim. He deserved everything Sam would have to say. He just hoped after she was through she would still want to be with him.
Entering the penthouse Jason found that Sam hadn't moved from her spot by the fireplace, her back was still to him so he had no idea what she was thinking or feeling. Making as much noise as possible so she wouldn't be startled Jason came up behind her and cupped her elbow turning her to face him. When she stiffly refused to budge Jason dropped his hand and sighed. "Do you want a beer?"
"Got one." Sam says simply raising the hand holding the beer in the air so he can see it. She still hadn't turned to face him.
Sighing again Jason scratches the back of his neck and takes a step back. "I'm going to go grab myself one." Sam doesn't even signal she heard him Jason pauses to stare at her. "Will you still be here when I get back?" When Sam just nods her head Jason frowns not liking Sam's calm silence. It meant things were really bad when Sam was quiet.
Still unsure of whether to believe she wouldn't go anywhere once he left the room Jason moved fast. Knowing if Sam did leave she could make it impossible for him to find her. When he returned to the living room he found she was now sitting on the couch looking down at a framed picture that she had taken from the mantle. Looking over her shoulder Jason sees a picture taken of just the two of them and they both looked so happy. Something they hadn't seemed to be in a long time.
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Sam knew Jason was standing behind her. Even if she hadn't heard him return she could feel his presence in the room, feel his gaze on her back. She had always been hyper aware of Jason. It was one of the reasons Sam knew he was the love of her life. It was one of the reasons he had so much power to destroy her. Something he seemed to be able to do without even thinking about it. Setting the picture down on the coffee table Sam picks up her beer and picks at the label, not even wanting the beverage anymore, but she needed to do something with her hands.
When Jason sat down next to her on the couch Sam knew he had left the few inches of space between them for her benefit. He wasn't going to pressure her or crowd her. That wasn't Jason's style. And at the moment Sam wished he would. She wanted Jason just to disregard all her boundaries and hold her close. Because then Sam might be able to forget this pain she felt. She would be able to just find comfort in his embrace, something she wouldn't let herself do…but she just wished that Jason would this once. Just once he wouldn't make it so easy for her to pull away.
Turning to face him Sam had to divert her gaze from his because if she continued to look into those blue depths she would forget how upset she was. Avoiding his gaze Sam continued to pick at the label of her beer. She had so much she wanted to say, but knew once she started there really was no going back. And she feared once everything was said and done…would she still be welcome? Would she even want to be? These were questions that Sam had never hoped to have to face with Jason, but she should've known it was inevitable. They had slowly been building to this point for months, Franco just prolonging the wait. Who would've guessed that it would take Sonny going to trial for murder and Kristina being beaten would be what finally pushed Jason and Sam to this point.
"Sam Carly really didn't mean to say…" Jason finally asks, unable to bare the silence another moment. He knew the longer Sam spent thinking about everything the worse it could get.
"You don't have to defend Carly to me Jason!" Sam shakes her head. "I understand she's going through a lot right now. And she's Carly…which means she kinda gets a free pass when it comes to irrationality. You can't hold much of what she does against her and I've known that for some time now. And don't worry about what she said to me…about me…I learned a while ago to not take her words to heart. She is going to say whatever she has to say to get what she wants, which right now is for me to fall in line. But I'm not Jason. I can't." Sam finally turns to face him, but still avoids his gaze.
"Can't what?" Jason asks. He had come in at the end of the argument and missed what they had been fighting about.
"I can't change my testimony now." Sam says fearing Jason's anger that she was screwing up the trial. "I can't risk Claire Walsh having me in her sights for perjury. Jason she is ruthless enough to actually have me arrested if I get in her way. You see the way she is about Michael…and he's a young man who has had a traumatic year and she still won't let him be. I can't even begin to imagine what else she's capable of. I can't Jason!"
"Shh!" Jason urges reaching out to brush Sam's bangs back from her face. "I get it Sam. You have every right to be worried about what Claire Walsh will do. She has proven she has no scruples in this trial."
"But what about Sonny? I know I've been preoccupied lately Jason, but I know the trial isn't going the way we all had hoped. Diane hasn't even found the opportunity to stop by the house to visit Alexis or Kristina because she's trying to work some legal magic as she puts it. If Diane is worried there has to be a reason Jason. And Carly made a valid point earlier! If Claire gets Sonny convicted what's to stop her from coming after you?" Sam hadn't wanted to admit it in front of Carly, but her words had really affect Sam. "Now not only do I have to worry about what might happen if I do change my testimony, but what if I don't? What if Claire comes after you next?"
"Carly is just overreacting Sam." Jason shakes his head cursing Carly for upsetting Sam. "Sam we have more than enough to worry about right now, we don't need to go looking for problems, which is just what Carly is doing. It's how she is. You know that." Jason continued to run his fingers through Sam's hair. "Claire Walsh isn't going to win this."
"But Carly said…" Sam says shaking her head and pulling back from Jason's touch.
"Carly will say anything to get what she wants." Jason says repeating Sam's words back to her.
Sighing and running her hands over her face Sam nods her head. "You're right…which is why I can't change my testimony Jason. I can't do it for Sonny and I can't do it for you." Staring into his eyes Sam is grateful to see understanding there. Wanting nothing more to lean in to him and rest in his strength Sam does the opposite and stands up from the couch. With her arms wrapped around her waist Sam walks to the mantle to stare at the picture of Michael and Morgan. There were no pictures of Kristina here, Sonny's only daughter and middle child. "Kristina always seems to get lost in the shuffle Jason when it comes to Sonny's life and priorities. It's almost like people seem to forget that she's his kid too…you know?" She asks looking over her shoulder to see he was looking at her in confusion. "Carly has some excuse since Michael and Morgan are her boys, but what about Sonny? He never seems to really consider Krissy until it suits him."
"Where are you going with this Sam?" Jason asks rising from the couch and coming to stand behind her. He just sighs when she steps away from him.
"That no one seems to think of what Kristina needs." Sam was including Jason in that and they both knew it. "So in this instance I am going to have to be the one to stand up and say that she needs me more than Sonny does. She needs to come before this trial and Michael." Sam pauses, giving Jason the chance to argue and is grateful when he doesn't. "Jason I know you can't agree with me, because you have sworn to protect Sonny and Michael is like a son to you, but… don't hate me for this."
Frowning Jason shakes his head. "Sam I could never hate you." Ignoring the fact she kept distancing herself Jason reaches out and pulls her into his arms and places a kiss on the crown of her head. "If it's possible I love you even more for standing up for Kristina. I know it can't be easy for you…"
"It's not Jason, but it's what I have to do." Sam quickly says pulling back to stare up at him.
"It's ok Sam." Jason assures her, cupping her face in his hand.
Finding comfort from the contact Sam closes her eyes and gets lost for a moment in the feeling of contentment before realization hits her. Jason still was keeping secrets from her. Opening her eyes Sam tries to read his face to see if he was feeling anything over that fact, any signs of distress or fatigue from the burden…but there's nothing. He was looking at her with such openness and love that Sam wished she hadn't found out. That she could just enjoy this time with him, but she can't. Because Sam did know and what made it even worse was how capable Jason was of keeping it from her.
Keeping her expression neutral Sam steps back and runs her hands through her hair and has to resist the urge to pull. She was angry at Jason, but she was also angry at herself. For not realizing what he was up to and for falling back into her pattern of depending on him. Not only had she been depending on him she considered him in every choice that she made. And it hurt to find out that he so obviously didn't do the same for her. Cursing herself Sam prepares to confront Jason, but before she can even speak the ringing of his cell phone stops her. She watches as he quickly pulls it from his pocket to check the ID. "Who is it?" She asks, even though it didn't really matter to her.
"It's Diane." Jason sighs looking up at Sam apologetically. "I have to…"
"Answer it Jason." Sam says waving a hand towards the phone. "It might be something important…" She mumbles turning away from him to pace in front of the desk.
Frowning at Sam Jason considers just ignoring the call anyways so the two of them could continue to talk. But he knew Diane would just keep calling until he answered…possibly even show up in person to berate him. With a silent curse at the impossible situation Jason raises the phone and doesn't bother with a hello. "What's going on Diane?" Jason asks his eyes staying on Sam as she paced the small space, wishing he had the ability to just toss the phone and go to her.
Sam didn't really pay attention to Jason's conversation. All she really heard was him mentioning a plea bargain and she tuned out the rest since it obviously had to deal with Sonny's trial, something she no longer was going to concern herself with. Stopping her pacing she turns and finds his gaze resting on her and she notices the concern still lingering in his eyes…but concern over what? Concern over deceiving her for weeks? Concern for Sam herself because she obviously was on edge lately. Or was it concern over whatever Diane was saying on the phone?
Tired over all the thinking and arguing and talking Sam rubs her forehead to relieve her headache. This trip over to Jason's was supposed to give her a chance to relax and escape from all the pressure, but Sam was feeling more tension than before. She watched as Jason slowly turns his back to her as he continues to talk on the phone and Sam decides she didn't want to stick around and wait for him to finish his conversation with Diane. Sam knew if she did they would end up talking about the latest crisis in the trial and she didn't want that. Especially right now when she couldn't even look at Jason without feeling betrayal. How would she be able to offer support and assurance over the trial now? She couldn't.
And knowing her limitations Sam grabs her coat from the desk and rests it over her arm as she stares at Jason who still had his back to her. She knew he had obligations to Sonny and she knew that in his list of priorities she was low maintenance enough that he rarely had to worry. Sam knew all this and had accepted it a long time ago because it was all part of being with Jason. And she even loved him for being so responsible. But it didn't stop it from hurting too. It didn't stop her from silently hoping that just once he would put her first for no reason, but just because. It was her biggest insecurity and Sam knew if Jason had any idea she felt that way he would try to fix it, but Sam would never tell.
Hesitating in the open doorway Sam considers signaling to Jason she was leaving, but knew if she did he would try to hurry off the phone and stop her. Now wanting to be caught Sam slips out quietly. She knew they needed to talk, but for the moment Sam just wanted to be alone. She had so many thoughts running through her head that she needed to clear out. More importantly she needed to figure out what she felt over the bomb Carly had dropped. Jason's betrayal this time left Sam feeling so angry and so hurt…it was a blow she hadn't seen coming from a man who she had been depending on.
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Jason heard the sound of the door and turns to see Sam was gone, quickly looking down at the coffee table he sees that her beer was still there and her coat was gone too. She had left without even telling him. She had left when they hadn't even really finished discussing her testimony and what was happening with Kristina. Frowning Jason realizes Sam hadn't even mentioned his hand in the private investigation on Kristina's story. Running a hand through his hair Jason wonders what it all meant. Nothing good that's for sure. Sam was normally the one to face a confrontation straight on, especially when she knew she was in the right. Which in this case Jason had to admit Sam would be, she had every right to yell at him. So why didn't she? That question worried him the most. Sam was now not only pulling away from him when she needed comfort, but she didn't even try to pick a fight she would win.
"Jason! Jason Morgan! Are you even listening to me?" Diane yells into the phone.
"What? Yes Diane I am. Claire Walsh wants to make a deal." Jason says trying to recall everything else she had been saying. But his mind kept straying to Sam…wondering if he left now could he catch her before she made it out of the building.
"Jason you haven't heard a word I said!" Diane scolds him.
"I'm sorry Diane, but what's the problem? Doesn't Claire wanting to deal mean we're doing better that expected in the trial?"
"I don't know what it means Jason. This woman doesn't seem to have an understanding of how to conduct herself in court and under normal circumstances I would be rejoicing in a plea bargain, but I don't even want to consider what she has up her sleeve."
"Well Sonny can't take any plea that puts him in prison Diane."
I'm aware of that Jason." Diane says annoyed that the kept reminding her of that fact. "We're just going to have to work this in our favor."
Still frowning over the fact Sam had gone Jason struggles to keep his focus on the trial. "We do." Picking up Sam's beer Jason returns it and his to the kitchen. "I have to go now Diane, but I'll think of something. Ok?" Jason says returning to the living room and without really listening to her response he hangs up the phone and reaches for his coat. Leaving the penthouse he starts to think of all the places Sam would go.
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Walking towards her door Sam can see the dark figure sitting on the floor. "You could've used your key." She says without making eye contact. She felt Jason stand up behind her as she fit her key into the lock.
"I know." Is all Jason says in response resisting the urge to turn her to face him. He wanted to see her face, there he would find the answers he needed to fix this and for the past two hours that's all Jason could think about.
Turning the lights on as she enters she keeps her back towards Jason. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Jason shakes his head before realizing with her back to him she can't see it. "No, I'm fine." Jason watches as Sam proceeds to take her jacket off and toss it down on the couch. "I was surprised to see you left while I was on the phone with Diane." Jason says after a minute of silence.
"I wasn't sure how long you two would be or if you would have to meet with her so I just left." Sam shrugs her shoulders going for a look of nonchalance.
"Where did you go?" Jason can't help but ask. He had looked for her all over, going to her normal spots. He started at Kelly's, but Mike hadn't seen her all day. He then went to Jakes, but with Coleman sequestered the place was empty of anyone who would recognize Sam. She hadn't been at the pier or down by the docks. He even thought to check her and Spinelli's office even though she had temporarily closed since she was helping with Kristina and Spinelli had been in the hospital. He then had stopped by the hospital, but no one had seen her since that morning. He disregarded the idea of the Metrocourt knowing Sam would want to avoid any possibility of running into Carly at the moment. Truly lost for where else to look he had decided to try her loft, but she wasn't there either. Instead of continuing his search Jason decided to stay there and wait to see if she would show up soon. He was just contemplating calling one of his men he had at Harborview Towers to see if Sam had returned there when she had appeared stepping off the elevator.
Shrugging her shoulders again Sam can feel his gaze and she can practically feel his confusion and concern, it weighed heavy on her. Sighing she finally turns around, but doesn't face him, still not really ready to talk. "I just went for a drive, got some air." Which was the truth, Sam had driven up to their spot on the cliff where she then sat for over an hour, the only reason she decided to return home was in case Alexis tried to find her.
"Why didn't you let me know you were leaving?"
Because you would've stopped me, was what Sam was thinking, but figured Jason wouldn't appreciate the brutal honesty. "It sounded like an important conversation, I didn't want to interrupt." There, not a total lie.
"You had me worried when you just disappeared like that."
"Wasn't my intention…just thought I'd give you some privacy. Business and all that."
"You know I wouldn't have mind you staying." Sam had become more involved with the business than Jason ever thought possible. There was once a time where Sam would only be able to get the bare essentials out of Jason about what he was up to. That time had long past. It was more likely Jason would sit down with Sam and they would work out a solution together. She had truly become his partner in every way, even more important to him than before.
"I'll remember that for next time." Sam says looking away, wondering if there would be a next time.
"I tried your cell." Jason says still trying to keep the conversation going. Hating the fact Sam would answer and they would fall into silence again.
"The battery died." That was a lie. She shut it off, not wanting him to be able to reach her. Part of the reason she returned when she still wanted to be out of reach…She wanted to be there for Krissy.
Once again they were in silence and Jason ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Sam wasn't acting like herself and because of that Jason was unsure of how to proceed. Normally he wouldn't have to dig for her to talk, normally she would be in his face. Jason wanted her to get in his face. He wanted his Sam back. "Sam is everything alright?"
Rolling her eyes and fiddling with a loose string on her shirt Sam resists the urge to smack him. No everything was not alright and for him to ask upset her even more. Sam knew she was a little emotional and stressed out, but was it too much to ask for Jason to be the one person she could depend on? "No." Sam simply says finally bringing her gaze up to Jason's. She hated the concern she saw and the longing, because she wanted nothing better to go to him. "No everything is not alright."
Sighing Jason shoves his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out for her, she wouldn't appreciate it or accept it if Jason's was reading her right. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what exactly?" Sam asks. She knew Carly had probably told him everything already. He probably had already worked through his whole argument and if Sam wasn't careful Jason would be able to talk her out of her anger.
Watching Sam Jason could feel the walls building around her and without even having to move she was creating distance. Whatever argument he had Jason knew it wasn't going to be good enough. This involved family and Sam would take it very personal. "Sam." Jason says on a sigh reaching a hand out in her direction, almost working as a lifeline, but for who? "Talk to me Sam." Jason urges.
"You want me to talk?" Sam asks staring at his hand. "Fine…let's talk." Taking a step back Sam watches his hand before bringing her gaze to his face. "Let's talk about the fact you not only were suspicious that my sister wasn't being totally honest, but deemed it necessary to call in reinforcements to investigate for you." She watches as his hand falls limply to his side. "And not just anyone Jason, but Carly who bulldozes over anyone who is in the way of what she wants? You released that woman on my sister Jason!"
"I didn't Sam!" Jason defends, but his words fall on deaf ears.
"She brought Kristina to tears Jason and you let it happen!"
"Carly got herself involved Sam. I didn't even know she went to Kristina until after it happened. And by then it was too late to do anything about it." When Sam just glares at him Jason sighs. "That's why I decided it would be better to have someone besides myself and Carly to look into Kristina's story."
"Yes and you decided that person should be Lucky! He's Ethan's brother Jason! Do you know how it looked having him snooping around? Especially after the charges were dropped? Kristina just wanted the whole thing to be done Jason and you just couldn't do that! Not even after we discussed how important it was for Kristina's wishes to be respected."
"I had to find out the truth Sam. Before Sonny did something reckless on his own. You know he would only give me so much time to do something about Ethan. I had to be sure."
Sam nods her head, because she knew Jason had a point. Ethan would've been an innocent victim if Jason had just acted on Sonny's order. "But did you have to keep it all from me Jason?" Sam asks feeling her eyes water. "Did you have to go behind my back with this?"
"I didn't want to upset you further Sam. You already were dealing with so much."
"You still should've told me Jason!" Sam says pointing a finger in his face.
"I did tell you Lucky was investigating." Jason reminds Sam reaching out to clasp her hand in his.
Pulling her hand from his grasp Sam storms away in angry indignation. "You did not tell me you were the reason he was investigating Jason! You just let me assume that he was trying to clear his brother's name or working as a favor for his father. Never once did you mention that you were the reason Lucky got involved."
"Would it really have mattered Sam? You had made it very clear that you trusted Kristina and that you wanted no part in what Lucky was doing." Jason says turning and rubbing his forehead.
"Yes it mattered Jason! It matters that you kept this from me."
"I didn't…" Jason turns back quickly to stare at Sam, desperate to get across that he didn't mean anything by not telling her.
"This is just another instance when you decide what's better for me and I'm sick of it Jason! Kristina is my sister! I had every right to know that the reason she had to keep reliving that horrific night is because you were pushing the issue! You totally disregarded everything that she had asked for Jason. All Krissy had wanted was for people to leave it alone." Sam says shaking her head, not giving an inch.
"She was lying Sam." Jason groans wanting to grab her by her shoulders and shake her, but he never would. "Kristina wanted everyone to drop the abuse charges and speculation because she was lying and didn't want Ethan to be punished for what Kiefer had done. I was just trying to find out the truth."
"Well you finally got the truth Jason. And you were right… don't you just feel special for being right all along?" Sam asks shaking her head, trying to ignore the burning sensation behind her eyes. "Does it feel good being right Jason?"
"Sam…"Jason sighs hating the sadness in her eyes. If she was angry he could handle that, he could work with angry. But the fact that Sam was close to tears made him want to just hold her, her resistance be damned and comfort her. He didn't want to talk anymore. It just seemed to always make things worse for them.
"You may have been right about the fact Kristina had been lying, but you were completely wrong for not telling me what you were up to. You had plenty of opportunity to inform me of what was happening, but you didn't. You just kept investigating and digging without pause." When Jason just hangs his head Sam wishes he would argue some more… make it easier for her to hold on to her anger. But the tired sighs and reluctant argument wasn't helping.
"Sam we're just going in circles with this." Jason says shaking his head. "Kristina was lying Sam. And her lie was going to cost an innocent man his life. Kristina knew what Sonny would demand of me, she knew that Sam and she lied anyways…"
"She was scared Jason." Sam interrupts him.
"I know that Sam I'm not blaming her. She was scared and confused and very traumatized. No one can argue that. But that was why I couldn't just take her word that Ethan did it. I had to be sure before a mistake was made that cost Ethan his life."
"I understand that you needed proof." Sam nods her head. "But she's my little sister Jason." Sam says before wrapping her arms around her stomach. "Not only is she my little sister, but my baby girl…" Sam's voice cuts out and she wipes at the first tear that gets loose. "Our daughter saved her life Jason." Looking into his eyes she can see the concern for the moment be replaced with shock and then quickly filled with anguish. "You would think after so much time and with everything that's happened since then that would be one of the last things on my mind, but it's not…it's always just there…in the back of my thoughts. I can't help it. Especially recently, seeing Krissy so hurt…I just can't help but think about my little girl."
"Sam…" Jason was speechless. He hadn't even considered baby Lila's connection to Kristina and it pained him to admit it. The two were just so separate in his mind and to be honest Jason, never one to dwell on the past, tried really hard to repress the memories.
"I know it's not Lila, she's gone." Sam says wiping at both her cheeks. "But Kristina, even if it's only a little bit, is a connection to that little girl." Sam rubbed her arms to fight off the chill she felt. "And you just kept after her, trying to prove your theory. Trying to find the truth…even at the expense of Krissy."
"Sam…I didn't…I" Jason shakes his head and steps in her direction, but freezes when Sam holds up a hand to stop him.
"And as hard as it is to believe I can forgive that." Sam says still holding a hand up, in case Jason still had any ideas of coming to her side. She needed to get this out. And if he touched her, she would crumble under the need of his embrace. "I can even understand why you had to do it Jason. You couldn't with a clear conscious go after Ethan without clear proof of his guilt."
"I'm sorry for having to do that Sam I didn't mean to upset Krissy even more." Jason says releasing a relieved breath. He had really thought Sam wouldn't understand, he had feared the worst when Sam mentioned how Kristina always reminded her a little of Lila. But all was not lost. Ignoring Sam's raised hand Jason steps forward and pulls her into his arms, but pauses when he feels Sam freeze in his grasp. With a small step back Jason stares down at her in confusion. "Sam…?"
"But what I can't understand… is how you went about it." Sam shakes her head in a jerky motion. "You snuck around to cover for yourself so I or Sonny wouldn't find out what you were up to, sent Lucky to do your dirty work…and Carly." Sam says the woman's name with a look of disdain. "Carly, who I know has no real compassion outside her tight circle of people she cares for, went to Krissy." Shaking her head Sam brushes back her bangs. "And it was all because of you and the fact you didn't want to get caught."
Jason shook his head and tried reaching for Sam again, but she stepped out of his grasp. "No Sam. Not because I didn't want to get caught, but because Kristina would never open up to me out of fear of what I might do. I knew Lucky would have a better chance of finding the truth since Kristina knows he would never let someone harm her real attacker." Jason could tell Sam still didn't agree and tried again to convince her. "By my staying in the background he was able to work without suspicion. As Ethan's brother and a cop Lucky was much more capable of handling this the right way."
"You could've told me." Sam's voice was tiny, she felt so small and vulnerable. "You could've mentioned this all to me when you got Lucky involved or after Carly went on her little rampage for the truth." Wiping at her cheeks Sam is grateful there were no more tears. "Even if you were afraid of upsetting me more. Even if you thought I would get angry."
"Sam I didn't think…"
"No you didn't!" Sam shouts, surprising both her and Jason. "Because if you had thought you would've realized that lying to protect me was the worst thing you could possibly do. If you had taken a moment to really think it all through…you would've realized that the last thing I need was for you to try and protect me from the truth." Sam wondered if Jason even saw the similarities from before, but she did. "You can't keep doing this Jason. It's not fair to me and I can't let it happen…not again…not after before."
"I wasn't trying to Sam." Jason insists. "That wasn't my intention."
"It never seems to be Jason. You never seem to try to hurt me, but you do. And after the last time I said that I would never let it happen to me again, I would never let you get to me like before. I would never let you have that control…"
"I'm not trying to control you Sam." Jason interrupts wanting to stop her there. "I love you."
"I love you too." Sam assures him. "But your love Jason hurts sometimes. It hurts so much it's almost unbearable…"
"Sam…" Jason was never one to feel fear. He walked into situations most ran from feeling calm. But right now with Sam he was afraid.
"We can't keep doing this Jason." Sam felt fresh tears forming. "We can't." Shaking her head Sam lowers herself to the couch. She had been thinking about this since she left Jason's penthouse earlier. "I can't continue this relationship if you are always going to keep things from me, especially when it concerns something so personal…so important. I can't Jason."
"Sam are you saying…are you saying…?" Jason couldn't finish the sentence, he didn't even want to finish the thought. Sitting down next to Sam on the couch Jason sits close enough that he can touch her, but not close enough that he's crowding her.
"I'm saying that you have to be honest with me Jason…always…even when it's hard." Sam says clasping her hands tightly together, wanting to reach out and touch his face, run her fingers through his hair.
"I can do that." Jason raises his hand tentatively and runs it down the back of her head, her wavy curls soft to the touch.
"Can you?" Sam asks facing him fully on the couch.
"Sam I can…I will..." Cupping her cheek in his hand Jason caresses her lower lip with his thumb. "I love you." He says again, wanting to be sure she knew it and wouldn't doubt it.
Loving the feel of his hand Sam closes her eyes and finally feels some of the tension leave her body. Leaning towards him Sam loves the warmth that envelopes her body when he wraps his arms around her. "I know you do." Sam says after a moment, silently wishing he would just be better at showing it. "I love you too." Sam murmurs resting her head on his chest. She just wished the niggling feeling of trepidation would vanish, but it never would. Because for her and Jason there was always the possibility of trouble.
Jason felt better having Sam in his arms and to hear her say the words Jason felt a weight lift from his chest. Sam was back in his arms and he wished they could stay like that forever. But he still had Michael to worry about. And then there was Claire Walsh's deal that Jason had to figure out. With a tired sigh Jason runs his fingers through Sam's hair and pushes all other thoughts away, if only for the moment they were together. He wasn't going to let anything wreck it.
Ok so it got rushed at the end, but that because I really wanted to get this finished before all the JaSam angst is over with completely! Like I mentioned this is about two weeks of writing that I slowly kept adding to as way to release my frustration that turned into a oneshot. I know we're already past most of this in the show, but after all the writing I felt it was a waste to just delete it. So I hope you all enjoy and I can't wait to hear what you all have to say. Thanks for reading and the reviews! You guys are the greatest!