Title: Through it All

            Author: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)

            'Ship: I'm sorry, do you not know me? PLEASE! S/V!!

            Rating: Eh... We'll go with PG-13

            A/N: This was the first thing I ever wrote for fan fiction and decided to go back, re-work some of it and do some actual editing. It's was written off some Counteragent spoilers so it doesn't exactly follow suit to the show. It's basically AU after…oo... the first two chapters?! It has some things the same but I just didn't feel like going back and re-writing the entire outline. It's basically… FLUFF.

Ch 1 - Emotionless

She walked into the small room, the mechanical beeps and murmurs surrounding her, echoing, making her head ring. She walked towards him slowly, blinking back tears. She willed herself not to cry, knowing that her tears would only make things worse, would only make it harder. She wanted to go back to the feeling of relief she had when he called her in the restaurant earlier, informing her of his health. He had said he was fine.

            As she neared his bed, she could hear his steady breathing, aided softly by the think tube across his nose. She promised herself she wouldn't break down as she stopped by his side, his body encased in a plastic curtain, a single hole on the side allowing hands to sneak through.

            He could feel her presence from the moment she had entered the room, and while he kept his eyes closed he knew it was her. Only Sydney Bristow walked like that. Only Sydney Bristow made his heart rate quicken.

            As she stopped by his bed, he knew she was fighting the urge to cry. He turned his head towards her and slowly opened his eyes. "Hey."

"Hi." She smiled at him, only slightly, cringing at the weakness in his voice.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him slowly, barely rising above a whisper.

            "I've been better." He replied smiling, hoping to cheer her up.

            "I can imagine." She paused for a moment, tears in her eyes.

"I need to ask you to do something for me, Syd."

She was shocked by his statement but she nodded all the same. "Anything."

"I need you not to cry." She was completely shocked by his demand. She had tried so hard to keep her emotions masked but her eyes betrayed her.

"OK…"

"I need you not to cry, because every time you do, I get this urge to hold you and make your stop and I can't do that now. You can cry all you want when I'm better." He finished with a weak smile.

She let out a soft wispy laugh at his remark and wiped at the tears threatening to drop. "Ok. I'll try." She brought a chair from the wall to his bed and sat down next to him, placing her hand just outside the opening at his side. "This is all my fault." She told his as the tears she tried to hold back cascaded down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. "You wouldn't be here if you hadn't come with me to Taipei. God, I've almost killed you twice in one mission. That should be me in there, not you."

"Sydney, no." He stated as he reached for her hand and gripped it tightly. "Don't even for one minute blame yourself. I followed you to Taipei on my own. You had nothing to do with it. I am my own person. You cannot blame yourself for other people's actions." He gripped her hand tightly as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You have to be ok. Do you understand? I can't do this without you. I won't do this without you. Vaughn, I need you." He smiled at her and held her hand with all the strength he could muster.

"Don't worry."

"Yeah, in a couple days you'll be doing wind sprints."

"Yeah," Vaughn said. "I was thinking about a triathlon."

She knew that it was risky, staying there as long as she was, but it might be her last chance. Those words in his eyes… she had heard them. She needed him to know she heard them. "... Everything we do... all the time we spend together... and I don't know anything about you, really..." She tightened her grip around his fingers, protectively, trying to reassure herself that he was still there, that he could hear her as his eyes blinked slowly, before drifting shut. "I don't know what movies you like, what books you read... what music you listen to. I don't even know where you live. But I've always thought... that someday... after... after all this...that I'd get to know those things." She looked down at him, his once steady shallow breathing almost non existent.

"Vaughn? Vaughn!"

            The heart monitor at his side began to stream a steady line accompanied by a high pitched beep that rang out mocking her helplessness. Her entire body jumped at the noise and she felt her heart contract as she began to panic.

The doctors began to stream in pushing Sydney out of their way as they began to wheel him out of the room and towards the O.R.

"Wait, wait! Is he going to be ok?" She frantically called.

"We don't know, but you have to wait out here." A white clad nurse informed her, carefully putting her body between Sydney and the O.R., Noticing a meek looking blonde behind Sydney, she leaned in closer towards her, whispering, "Your designated cover: you're with the State Department's Bureau of Arms. You name is Rita Stevens, you only a colleague. Give no details of his illness."

What the hell! I'm worried about him, I'm not brain dead! She wanted to scream as the nurse briskly turned away and walked in the direction of the OR. Turning around, Sydney came face to face with the one thing she never expected.

The young blond woman approached her with tears in her eyes. "Is he going to be ok?" Sydney could barely move. He mind raced back to one of her first meetings with Vaughn and the picture on his desk, she recognized the woman in front of her instantly. Her hair was shorter and the smile was absent from her petite features, but she was still the same woman, she was still Alice.

"Um…Um…I…I…"Sydney couldn't think. She glanced back towards the OR straining to see where Vaughn had been taken only moments before when she was pulled back into the room by Alice's weak voice, thick with tears.

"Do you know Michael? Can you tell me what's going on? I don't know, they just called me and began asking all these questions, when was his last meal..." Her voice was shaking and despite her attempts to stay cool, Sydney felt a pang of jealousy as she realized she wasn't the one who would be called. She wasn't the one who would know the answers to those questions.

"Why, why would they call you?" Sydney asked. Hadn't they broken up? She thought to herself, jealousy surging through her veins.

"I'm Michael's emergency contact. I'm his girlfriend, Alice." She stated, extending her hand to Sydney. "How do you know Michael?" She questioned seeing the hurt and questions in Sydney's eyes.

Sydney reluctantly took Alice's hand and automatically began to compartmentalize. "Rita Stevens. I work with him. I was just stopping by to see how he was doing." She shook Alice's hand slightly before letting go. Just being in the presence of this woman was like knife to her heart.

            "I hope he's ok."

Sydney could see the fear in Alice's eyes and hear it in her voice. "He'll be fine. He'll be fine." Sydney voiced her observations with all confidence, comforting Alice but at the same time coming to a decision. "Excuse me." Alice nodded as Sydney turned and walked in the opposite direction of the O.R. and out of the hospital.

She entered the Task Force building and proceeded straight to her mother's cell, completely ignoring her father and Kendall's questioning stares as she passed them. She reached her mother's cell and slammed her hand on the window to get her attention. "I did a lot to get you back here. Don't make me regret it. Is there an antidote to the virus?" Sydney peered at her mother completely emotionless. Everything was taking a back burner compared to this.

"Yes." Was the reply, simple, cold.

"Where is it, how can I get it and once I do, what do I do with it once I have it?"

Her mother looked back at her for a moment studying the severe lines in her daughter's face and the pain, anger and fear that danced in her eyes. It only took her a moment before she answered her daughter.

Sydney left the holding cell without so much as thanking her mother. In her mind, her mother didn't deserve it, not this time. She walked quickly to Kendall who was standing, conversing with her father.

"Get me on a plane." Kendall looked at her questioningly and was about to reply when Jack stepped in.

"To where?" Sydney looked at him, shocked but decided to ask questions later.

"Paldiski."

Jack nodded and bent down to the computer next to him and began to type. When he had gotten what he wanted from the computer, he stood back up and looked at his daughter. "You leave in an hour."

Sydney nodded and turned towards the door to leave when Kendall stuck out his arm and gripped Sydney's wrist. She whipped around and stared at him directly in the eyes, heated threats spurting out of her fiery eyes. "Stop. What do you think you are doing? The CIA has not given you an assignment."

"I suggest you let go of my arm. No one is going to stop me from getting this antidote." Sydney threatened him.

He looked at her, surprised at her sudden disregard for his authority. While neither of the Bristows had ever been completely forthcoming when it came to authority, Sydney had never been one to use her force in a matter. He slowly let go of her wrist, making sure to keep eye contact. "I just got word that Agent Vaughn has stabilized again."

"Good. All the more reason why I should be leaving for this antidote. I'll see you when I return, antidote in hand." She wheeled around on her heel and walked out of the building all emotions drained from her face and her mind completely focusing on one thing.

Saving Vaughn.