Ok, so this is my first attempt at a fanfiction. Let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!
She hated this feeling. Her evaluation with Dr. Kranston had brought back too many memories. Painful memories that she had tried her best to push away, but they always somehow seemed to come back.
When Gibbs finally told them to go home, she was relieved. Now she could go home and not worry about having to fight back tears, because no one would see her. Ziva shuddered at that thought. Would she ever have anything to come home to? A husband? Kids? A family? Her words from earlier came flooding back. 'I want something permanent. Something that can't be taken away.' She knew that somewhere inside of her, this had always been true. Some part of her had always had the dream of growing up and having her own family.
She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the elevator ding. She looked up to see that McGee had left, and Tony was packing up his stuff. He caught her gaze and asked, "You okay?"
"I'm fine. I was just about to leave," she said and grabbed her things.
"Alright then," he said following her towards the elevator. "I'll walk you out."
The elevator ride was silent, but as they started walking towards her car Tony asked, "So, you wanna go grab a drink?"
Ziva opened her car door and looked at him. "Not tonight, Tony. Thank you."
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." And with that, Ziva got in her car and drove away.
Tony stood there a minute and thought. Ziva had been acting weird ever since her talk with Rachel. Bad memories had been brought up for him, he couldn't imagine what she was dealing with right now. He decided that she probably didn't want to be alone tonight and frankly, neither did he. So whether she liked it or not, he was going to grab dinner and a movie, and go over to her place. If she wanted to talk, great. If she didn't want to, fine, he wasn't going to make her. He just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone.
NCIS
It was 10:00 when Ziva got home. She took off her shoes and coat, threw her back-pack down, and went to change into something more comfortable. At 10:30, she was lying on her couch watching TV when she heard a knock on her door. She got up to answer it, and when she looked through the peep hole, she wasn't really all that surprised to see Tony standing there. In fact, she had almost been expecting it.
During that summer that Gibbs left, this was a normal occurrence for them. When things got hard for either one of them, the other would show up with dinner and a movie. They'd eat and watch the movie, and when it was over, sometimes they would talk and other times they wouldn't. Sometimes they'd spend the night together even.
She opened the door and let Tony in. "Hey," she said.
"Hey, uh, listen. I know it's been a long day and all, but I figured you could use some company."
Ziva nodded and let him in. He walked towards the kitchen and put the Chinese food and movie on the counter. He grabbed two plates from the cabinet, and Ziva watched as he put the food onto the plates.
"Here," he said as he handed her a plate and grabbed the movie.
"Thanks," she said and he followed her to the living room. "So, what movie did you bring?" she asked as she sat down on the couch.
"From Russia With Love," he replied as he put the movie into the DVD player. He grabbed the remote and came to sit by her. She smiled at the fact that he remembered her favorite Bond movie. He saw her smile and knew he made the right choice.
NCIS
About halfway through the movie, Tony noticed that Ziva wasn't paying attention at all. She seemed as if she were somewhere else, and he wanted to know what she was thinking. So he grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the TV off. When he did this, Ziva didn't even move. She hardly even blinked.
Tony turned to face her on the couch. "Ziva..." Nothing. He tried again, this time a little louder, "Ziva!" Still nothing. "ZIVA," he said once last time practically screaming. This time, he got a response.
"Hmm, what?" she asked startled.
"You sure you're okay? I mean this is the second time you've been out of it like that today," he asked concerned.
"Sorry, I was just thinking," she replied.
"About..."
"Things," she said and he gave her a look that said he wasn't buying it.
"The doctor got you talking, didn't she?" Ziva looked at him obviously not wanting to admit it out loud, but she knew he got the hint. He always does." Yeah, she got us all taking," he assured her. They sat there a minute before she finally spoke again.
"Tony, can I ask you something?"
"Sure. Anything," he said giving her his full attention.
"Do you sometimes, ever wish that Kate was still your partner?" she asked and looked straight ahead, away from Tony.
Tony sighed, now realizing what was bothering her."Now why would you ask that?"
She sighed, "I don't know, I just, well, it just seemed like everyone was avoiding me today. And I figured since she was Kate's sister, that's what everyone talked about. I went down to talk to Abby today and overheard her and McGee talking." She turned to look at Tony and he gave her a look that said 'go on'. "I heard her say that she wished Kate was still here."
Tony interrupted, not wanting her to start assuming things."That does NOT mean that she wishes you weren't," he said reaching out to put a hand on her arm to get her to look at him.
She did and continued. "I know. It's just sometimes I feel like everyone still holds a grudge against me." Tony tried to say something, but she continued anyway. "I mean, I know I didn't pull the trigger, but I can't help but think I could've stopped it. I was Ari's control officer. I should've known where he was and what he was doing. It would have saved a lot of pain and suffering." She turned to look away from Tony trying to hide the tears that were forming.
He couldn't take it anymore. "Hey," he said and brought his hand up to the side of her face to turn her towards him. "Look at me." She looked up at him and it broke his heart to see her blaming herself for something that was clearly not her fault.
"Ari was rouge. He was betraying Mossad. There was nothing you could have done to stop him. In fact, if you had tried, he might've killed you too." He paused and used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear running down her face.
"But..."
"No. No but's. You have got to stop blaming yourself for this. Yes, Ari killed Kate, but Gibbs killed Ari, and it's over now. And because of all of that, you were able to stay here with us. Away from Mossad and your father. And we are so thankful for that." With this, Ziva started crying harder.
"No," she said shaking her head.
"No, what?" he asked confused as to what she meant.
"No, Tony. Gibbs didn't kill Ari. I did. I killed my own brother." A sob ripped through Ziva's body as she said the last word and it made Tony's heart break.
He didn't know what to say, so he just pulled her onto his lap and held her close. She hid her face into his chest and grabbed a fistful of his favorite OSU t-shirt, when another sob tore through her tiny body. One of his hands was rubbing circles on the small of her back, while the other hand was holding her head close to his chest and running his fingers through her hair.
"Shh, Ziva. It's gonna be okay. I promise," he said burying his face into her hair.
She continued to cry and he continued to hold her. When she had calmed down a bit, she looked up at him. "Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked. "Please. I don't think I can be alone."
"Of course. Come on," he said and picked her up to carry her to her room. She kept her hold on his shirt and closed her eyes as she laid her head back on his chest.
When he laid her down on her bed, she still wouldn't let go of him.
"Come on Ziva. You've got to let go," he said bringing his hand up to her face.
"Don't leave me," she said and Tony hated how desperate she sounded.
"I'm not gonna leave. I was just going to go turn off the lights and lock up," he said bending down to kiss her forehead. "I'll be right back, I promise."
She just nodded and let go of his shirt. He came back about a minute later and climbed into the bed bedside her. When he laid down, he pulled Ziva back to him and she laid her head on his chest. He put his arms around her and resumed rubbing circles on her back to comfort her.
"Tony," she said barely audible
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, and by the way, Zi, I don't ever wish that she was still my partner. Because, now, I have you, and I promise, I will never leave you."
Ziva smiled and snuggled closer to Tony. That night, she slept the best she had in a while, because she wasn't worried about what tomorrow would bring. She was happy where she was.
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