Earthworm Jim Great Wormsponsibility, an earthworm jim fanfic

EARTHWORM JIM
Great Wormsponsibility
By Mike "Slomoto" Cervantes

Narrator: We Join our heroes in their native town of Turlawk just as it's being destroyed by the insidious Professor Monkey-For-a-Head.

(Jim and Peter are slowly backing away from a giant robot with boxing glove arms that is knocking over builsings as it advances on Jim and peter. They all pass by a general store where Abner and Clem are sitting in their rocking chairs as usual.)

Abner: Gee clem, it's another one o' them marauding aliens. Now, why do you think they always pick on our humble little town.

Clem: Dunno, maybe we should change the way we look on all 'o them intergalactic atluses.

(The screen changes to show a map of the United states, with Turlawk shaped like a giant red bull's-eye.)

Professor: HAHAHA No where to run to this time, worm! Once I demolish this city, you'll have no choice but to surrender the super suit to me!

Monkey: Ooh, ooh!

Professor: Oh come on! You know you don't really want me to say "surrender the super suit to us." Stop trying to control me!

Jim: Eat dirt, object a hundred times larger than I!

(Jim unloads several shots against the robot that ricochet off the surface and destroy other buildings.)

Jim: We only have once chance at survival, Fuzz buddy. I must weild the awesome power of the earthworm atomic proton punch!

Peter: No, not that! It's never been tested before! Fot all you know it can bring certain doom to us all!

Jim: Oh, you and your enigmatic warnings of damnation. Get off my back man.

(Jim winds up the socket of his arm several times until his arm speeds up creating a brilliant light and several protons to come flying out into the air above him. He then leaps nto the air and unleashes the power punch into the center of the robotic shell, sending it toppling over, and sending the Professor flying out of the windshield.)

Narrator: The massive power of Jim's patented punch sends the Professor flying endlessly thorugh some of Turlawk's most famed landmarks. Such as the museum of sharp pointy things...

Professor: (Breaks through a window at the museum) Ow! Ooh! Eeh! Arg! Ah! (Flys out the other end.)

Narrator: ...Foster's Home for Deranged Stray Cats.

(The Professor's screams are muted by the sounds of stray cats wailing and hissing.)

Narrator: And finally, Walter's house of 24 hour rockabilly music.

Professor: (Crashes in through the window) No! not that! I shall go mad! Mad, I tell you! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(The Professor finally comes to a stop in a pink room filled with stuffed animals.)

Professor: Phew, it looks as though I'm through the worst of it...

Monkey: Ooh, ooh!

Professor: What is it this time! Can't a guy bleed internally in peace?

(Standing next to the professor is a crocodile in a diaper, bib and bonnet. It waves a spiked rattle at the professor.)

Professor: Oh, this ought to be good...

-
EARTHWORM JIM!
The soil he did crawl.
EARTHWORM JIM!
A Super-Suit did fall.
Jim was just a dirt-eating, chewy length of worm flesh,
But all that came to a crashing end. Oh, Haha...
EARTHWORM JIM!
He's such a groovy guy.
EARTHWORM JIM!
He rockets through the sky.
Cruising through the universe, having lots of fun.
Here comes Earthorm Jim you know that he's the mighty one. LOOK OUT!

Despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun,
Jim is still an Earthworm, but then he's the only one,
with a super suit to make him really super strong.
Jim can be a winner if you only sing along.
ALL RIGHT! EARTHWORM JIM!
He's really mighty fine.
EARTHWORM JIM!
A Hero for all time.
EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM, EARTHWORM JIM!
Hoo-Ray for Him!

Gahhrovy!

Narrator: We join our heroes in their secret headquarters, celebrating their day's victory over Professor Monkey-For-A-Head.

Peter: Once again, villiany is but a big toe crushed underneath the sledgehammer of justice.

Jim: You got that right, fuzz buddy. And nothing quite says victory better than INDOOR BARBECUE!

(Jim is shown cooking hamburgers and sausages on a hibachi grill inside their living room, which is rapidly filling with smoke. The words "Kids, do NOT EVER try this at home!" flash rapidly on the bottom of the screen.)

Peter: There is some dangerous imitatable behavior in this room.

Jim: Nonsense, here have a hot beef kabob! (Jim takes a hot metal skewer and put it into Peter's mouth. It naturally burns him and he transforms into monster Peter.)

Jim: (Turns around, revealing his "kiss the superhero" apron.) Now, take one bite of that and tell me it's not good...

(As Monster Peter begins to maul Jim, the doorbell rings, and Jim manages to scuffle his way to the front door and open it while still being mauled. Mrs. Bleveredge is standing on the other side, looking cross as usual.)

Jim: Why, Mrs. Bleveredge! Uh, would you mind giving me just a couple of minutes? Peter and I are kinda busy...

Bleveredge: Oh no, you aren't gonna worm your way out of this one, worm! (Mrs. Bleveredge leaps in and seperates Jim and Monster Peter, holding them both over her head, Peter changes back out of shock.) Just look at the mess you made of Turlawk with that heroic battle of yours.

(The screen pans around showing numerous destructed buildings, and rabid cats running around everywhere.)

Jim: Great jumping horn-ed toads! Who's gonna provide a home for all those poor deranged kitties!

Bleveredge: And that's not all! Who's gonna pay for all those sharp pointy objects that got dulled?

Walter: (Walks up wearing a pompadour hairdo and carrying stacks of broken records.) Who's gonna be payin' for all these rockabilly records that got broked.

(Clem and Abner walk up carrying a torch and a pitcchfork.)

Abner: Now we know why all o' 'dem marauding aliens pick on our humble little town.

Clem: It's 'cause they're all out to get you. And just like my 'ma used to say, when in Turlawk, form an angry, torch-weilding mob...

(Mrs. Bleverege and Walter produce torches and pitchforks too, and are joined by dozens of other Turlawk citizenry.)

Jim: Now, come on, guys can't we just talk this out like civilized human beings?

Walter: Turn 'em in-tah chum! (The crowd roars.)

Jim: I'll take that as a big no.

(Jim and Peter run off screaming thorugh their house and out the back door, into the street. Jim skids to a hault once he's gained some distance.)

Jim: Ho-kay, if this you want it, then I summon the Earthworm riot gear!

(Jim grows a giant square shield, and a billy club. A blue helmet with goggles springs out of his backpack and lands on the top of his head.)

Jim: (Shakes his club.) Go on, do your worst... (Jim is trampled by the mob who continue to run past him.) I have to admit, that was remarkably bad...

Peter: (Peels Jim off the ground!) C'mon, Jim, use your rocket.

Jim: Of course! (Jim reforms himself, then pulls out his pocket rocket. Jim and Peter Mount it and take off for space. The mob comes to a halt.)

Walter: Well, now what'n we be doing?

Bleveredge: Uhm, I think I left a roast in the oven...

All: GET THE ROAST! (They all charge off towards Mrs. Bleveredge's house.)

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the vast recesses of outer space Jim is forlorn.

Jim: Oh, I am so forlorn! A citizenry I was sworn to protect now out for my gizzard, I am lost, without perpose...

Peter: Hang in there, Jim, there's got to be some way out of this mess.

Jim: No, peter, not this time. A superhero who cuases harm to his own society is no hero at all...I am no longer Earthworm Jim!

Narrator: *Gasps* Could this be true! Has Earthworm Jim finally called it quits! And what's going to happen to my job if he does? Stay tuned to find out.

Queen: Hello, I'm Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-For-A-Butt, and this is my crib.

(The Queen stands over a, literal, crib.)

Queen: It comes fully equipped with several delightful playthings from my childhood.

(The crib opens up to reveal several drills, lazer cannons and various impliments of torture attatched to robotic arms.)

Queen: Why, I remember the days when-

(There's a huge ruckus, and a stampede of Jim's arch enemies across the room from behind The Queen.)

Queen: Uh, excuse me for just a moment. (She uses the flanges at the end of her Slug-butt to grab Bob and #4) Bob, what the
heck are you doing here? I should rip off your lips and strangle you with them for this intrusion!

Bob: Well, hey, didn't you hear? Earthworm Jim has given up superheroing forever. Turlawk California is ripe for the taking.

Queen: Well, why didn't you say so! (She Drops #4 to the ground.) An invasion! what fun! Oh, what should I wear?

Narrator: Uh, excuse me, we're filming a backup segment here.

Queen: (Pulls out her scepter and waves it at the Narrator.) Start the next scene now or I'll hollow out your skull and drink prune juice from it!

Narrator: Oh! Right! and now we re-join Earthworm Jim on Insecktica, the very place he has chosen to hang up his guns once and for all.

(Jim and Peter are standing in Princess What's-Her-Name's chamber.)

Princess: Are you sure you want to do this, Jim? I mean, superheroing has been your whole life. Where are you gonna go? What'll you do?

Jim: You're very kind to worry over my my flaky crusted pastry of joy, but you know as well as I, that I can in no way allow the innocent to be underfoot in my crusade against evil.

Peter: Jim, that's FORMER crusade against evil.

Jim: Right. (Presses a button on one of his wrists, ejecting his worm body from the suit. His worm body hits the ceiling, then peels off and lands on the ground. He shakes his head free of the pain.) I'm leaving the suit in your care, lest it fall into the wrong hands. Be careful of its power, as it can be quite seductive. (Jim slithers over and wraps his tail around one of the princess' ankles. ) Take care my ambrosial pound cake of delight, I hope that my lack of suit-bourne manliness will in no way mar your affection for me.

Princess: You have absolutely nothing to worry about. (The Princess Shakes Jim off of her heel.)

Peter: Well, we gotta get going if we're gonna catch the next intergalactic taxi out of Insecktica.

Jim: Take your time, Peter. It's not like there's anywhere important we have to be...

Peter: Are you sure it was such a good idea leaving the suit a mere fifty feet away from Queen Slug-For-A-Butt's castle?

Jim: Don't question me.

(As soon as the two leave, the princess looks at the abandoned super suit with a hand to her chin.)

Princess: Hmm.

(The Princess climbs into the suit.)

Princess: Eat dirt evildoers! Lo, My invincible might will stop you! The weed of crime bears bitter fruit! (Pauses) Well, this is a moment I'll be discussing with my therapist...

(Suddenly Queen Slug-For-A-Butt bursts in, destroying the door to the princess' room.)

Queen: Sister! I know you have my pink angora sweater, now hand it over, or I'll- (she gasps) the suit! Why settle for a mere invasion when I could use the suit to conquer the universe.

Princess: Just try it, sister!

Narrator: Princess What's-Her-Name and Queen Slug-For-A-Butt engage in an epic struggle of good versus evil so grandiose, that it could in no way be displayed in a low budget series like this. But as soon as the budget-friendly smoke clears.

(The suited Princess stands over the badly beaten and unconsious queen.)

Princess: I actually did it! I beat the queen! The Insecktican throne is mine! This suit is much more powerful than Jim ever let on. I feel like I could...take on the world!

Narrator: Meanwhile, all of Jim's arch enemies are making quick work of destroying Turlawk.

(The angry Mob emerges in a street filled with shatered buildings and random fires.)

Bleveredge: C'mon you mugs! If we could beat Earthworm Jim, we can certainly beat each and everyone of his enemies.

(Mrs. Bleveredge gets blasted by a gigantic lazer cannon weilded by Evil the Cat.)

Evil: Uhm, you were saying?

Bleveredge: Once I had me a pony...?

Evil: That's what I thought.

Walter: Uhm, what do we do now!

Mob: WE RUN AND SCREAM LIKE BABIES!

(Psycrow is holding Clem and Abner, and banging their heads together.)

Abner: Y'know I always wondered...why do all you marauding space aliens pick on our humble little town?

Psycrow: Well, let me put it this way...

(Psycrow ties Clem and Abner into a pretzel knot.)

Abner: Of course, it's all so clear to me now.

Princess: Allright Psy-Crow! drop the hicks!

(The super-suited Princess What's-Her-Name stands in front of Psycrow with a smoking ray gun and a pile of defeated supervillians just behind her.)

Psycrow: Oh, right away miss, heh-heh...

Princess: Allright! Anybody who doesn't want to be turned into atomic dust better clear out ot Turlawk right now!

(the supervillians all scatter for their ships and take off into space, the townsfolk run up to the princess.)

Walter: Hooray, you done saved us all!

Princess: (Points the gun at the townsfolk.) Not so fast. I plan to take over this city and turn it into New Insecktika. Nobody can stop me now! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Walter: Oh no, she is right! We be doomed! Doomed I sez to yah! Doomed in case yer ears ain't workin!

Narrator: Can this possibly be? Has the Princess gone completely mad? Has the awesome power of Jim's supersuit bent her will towards the side of evil? Oh what ever we will do? Please, somebody help us!

Narrator: While the citizens of Turlawk cower in fear over their all powerful Monarch, Earthworm Jim peacefully works out the details of his outer space exile.

(Jim, wearing a paper hat and name tag, wraps his tail around a microphone attatched to a cash register.)

Jim: (In a dull, unspirited tone.) Welcome to Rothgar's sticky Waffles, where you may feast on the only good thing left in your otherwise pitiful and meaningless existence. My name is Jim, can I take your order?

Voice from the drive through window: Yeah, two sticky waffles and a side order of coleslaw to go.

Jim: Coming right up... (Jim slithers over to a waffle iron and opens it up. Placing his tail onto the surface of the waffle he peels it off, only to find himself stuck to the waffle.) How do people eat these grotesque things?

Peter: (Walks up dressed in a paper hat and a fancy dress suit.) Well, why do you think they're called "sticky waffles?" Now I believe that customer ordered two, and do I have to ask you if you understand our rules of hygiene again?

Jim: No...

Peter: No, what?

Jim: No...manager...

(A door chime sounds, as Peter turns around he accidentally smacks Jim causing him to fly into the wall. The sticky waffle attached to his tail sticks him upside down against the wall.)

Peter: Hey, another customer. Welcome to Rothgar's Sticky Waffles, where you may feast-

Queen: EARTHWORM JIM!

(Queen Slug-For-A-butt enters looking fearsome as usual, however as soon as she makes her way in she immediately bows down to the floor sobbing.)

Queen: You've got to come out of retirement! Princess What's-Her-Name has the suit, and it's driven her mad with power! She's taking over Turlawk, and soon the entire Earth! It just can't be done, I wanted to take it over first! (She continues to bawl.)

Peter: Can you think of anything more pathetic than the sobs of a defeated supervillian?

Jim: Well, yeah...Earthworms...that are stuck to the wall...with a STICKY (microwave beeping) WAFFLE!

Peter: Well, Big fella, what do you think we should do?

Jim: I'm not sure...My blissful moist towelette of efervescence is conquering the earth, my worst enemy is groveling for my aid, but if I return to Earth, I'll only end up causing more damage, what should I do! Oh Great Worm Spirit who on weekends doubles as a Christopher Walken impersonator, why have you forsaken me?

(Jim continues to scream and rant in untintelligible tongues.)

Peter: Well, he's finally snapped. Hey Queen, do you think you could use a sidekick?

Narrator: Indeed, the great moral conflict which stands before Jim has weighed heavily on his four hyper-intelligent brains.

(We see Jim's 4 brains, holding stacks of cards.)

Brain 1: Hey, you got any threes?

Brain 2: Go fish.

Brain 3: ...So...uh...you got any threes?

Brain 1: Oh wait, here's one...

Brain 4: Gin!

Narrator: But amidst the chaotic synapses firing inside Jim's brain, a serene occurence happens.

(Jim's blue translucent spirit separates from his twitching body and floats up into outer space.)

Jim: Wow, I've achieved a state of astral projection. Groovy! Maybe now I'll discover my higher perpose in life.

(A cow comes hurtling through space towards Jim.)

Jim: Well...I suppose I knew it all along. (Jim shuts his eyes, bracing for impact.)

(The cow comes to a halt just above Jim and floats ominously above him.)

Cow: Earthworm Jim...it is I...the Great Worm Spirit. I have come to you in a form...you most associate with great conflict.

Jim: Of course, you're symbolizing the gravity of the all too important decision I'm about to make.

Cow: Well, to be honest, I rather enjoy...this form.

Jim: Why is that?

Cow: Well...to be honest...I could use the milk.

(Drum fill.)

Jim: Oh Great Worm Spirit, in order to restore myself to my former greatness I would have to bring my one true love to her knees. What should I do?

Cow: You should do...what you have done...since the day you were created. Remember...with great power...comes great wormsponsibility...If you want to know more, you can buy my latest book...it's called..."With great power comes great wormsponsibility...plus some handy tips for weight loss." you can order it...online...from my website.

Jim: You're right. I can not worry about myself when others need me. There is mayhem to be had, and by gum, I'm gonna be a part of it!

Cow: I said..."Buy my book" I said nothing about buying any gum...no matter...you seem to have learned from my teachings...so now I will return you to your body.

(The cow completes his decent onto the top of Jim's head and in a flash, Jim returns to his body, still stuck to the wall by a sticky waffle.)

Jim: Woah... what happened..? and why is my mouth so dry?

Peter: Sorry Jim, you were drooling so much that I decided to just wipe off the counter with your tongue.

Jim: Nevermind that, Fuzz Buddy, we must hasten towards Earth, and free the Princess from suit-imposed insanity!

Queen: SO that means you'll help! Oh happy day! Quickly, to my ship!

Narrator: And so, with our heroes restored to their former lack of self-preservation, they head towards Earth, which is currently under the heel of the now tyrannical Princess What's-Her-Name.

(The Princess is hurling vinyl records towards Walter, who is shaking in fear.)

Princess: Rockabilly! I hate rockabilly! Zurbs! have this man shot!

(Two zurbs advance on Walter and drag him away.)

Walter: Boy...do I ever wish that was the first time I be hearin' dat...

(The Queen's ship lands before the Princess' throne. Jim, Peter and the Queen pile out.)

Queen: I hope you have an amazingly cunning plan for this.

Jim: Not terribly, but still amazingly effective: We must appeal to the princess innermost sence of peace and justice.

(Jim slithers up to the throne.)

Jim: My twisty funnel cake of delight, it is I, Earthworm Jim, your lover boy, your knight in shining armor, here to-

(The princess pulls out her ray gun and blasts Jim.)

Jim: Okay...take it Queenie... (Passes out.)

Queen: Well okay, but you know I'm not very good at this mushy stuff. (She clears her throat.) Dear sister, all the times I've pummeled you, and locked you up, and hideously tormeted you, I just want you to know that... I really should have done every individual torment ten times worse! WUAHAHAHAHA!

(Lazers start flying around the Queen, she starts running with the angry Princess chasing after her and blasting at her.)

Peter: (Shakes Jim to revive him.) C'mon Jim, we need another plan!

Jim: Whuah...Of course! Peter, how could I have been so foolish? We've known all along the one foolproof way to the Princess' heart. Quickly, to the general store!

ONE QUICK TRIP TO THE GENERAL STORE LATER

Princess: Eat dirt, fowl defiler of childhoods! (Blasting at the queen.)

Jim: Oh princess...It's time for eats!

(Jim and peter stand next to a massive pile of food from the general store.)

Princess: I will destroy- Hey...free buffet!

(the princess zips over to the table and begins gorging herself with food.)

Jim: So...are we still evil?

(The Princess is to busy stuffing her face to respond.)

Jim: Well, then you wouldn't mind letting me have the suit back would you?

Princess: Oh yeah, sure. (The princess shimmies her way out of Jim's suit, and Jim leaps back inside.)

Jim: Hah-hah, Earthworm Jim, back in the suit and ready to...say, are you gonna eat all that potato salad?

Peter: Once again order is restored to an entirely chaotic and eventually doomed universe.

Jim: You really gotta stop reading so much, little buddy.

Queen: Aw, it looks like I've missed the whole invasion...Well, come on Sis, I'll give you a ride back home.

Princess: (Picking the last bit of food on the table clean.) Hey (gulps) you're not planning on hideously tormenting me all the way back to insecktica, are you?

Queen: Well, I promise I'll only use the torments that hurt a little bit.

Princess: I can live with that.

(The Princess and the Queen walk into the Queen's ship and take off for outer space. The townsfolk re-appear and crowd around Jim.)

Abner: Hooray! We are saved from the marauding aliens!

Clem: Way to play out a catchprase, Abner.

Jim: Aw, tweren't nothing. It's all in a day's work for Turlawks stalwart guardian. Oh wait, I mean...former stalwwart guardian.

Bleveredge: Oh now, Earthworm Jim, we've misjudged you, please, we want you to stay.

Walter: Yeah, havin' yous around is bad, but ain't nearly as bad as not having yous around,

Narrator: And so, with confidence at last restored in Earthworm Jim's superheroing abilities, he returns triumphant to his secret HQ.

(Jim opens the front door to his house which is filled with deranged stray cats.)

Peter: Uhm, looks like we'be been nominated to take care of them until the foster home is rebuilt.

Jim: (sighs) It's all in a day's work for Turlawk's stalwart guardian...

Peter: Well, at least it can't get any worse.

(A cow falls and lands on Jim and Peter.)

THE END