Dead Roses.
By: Naomi Hunter.
tooku de me o hikarasete mezameru monotachi matte iru
I've been charmed by your eyes from far away; wake up and wait for me
(deguchi no nai) shougeki ni taeru tsumori nara
(kuzureru hodo) itsuwari o misete
(there is no way out) if you plan to endure the impact
(until it collapses) a projected lie
(sotto dakishimete kowasu you ni)
(hold me gently as I break down)
(deguchi mo Naku) (kuzureochiru)
(cry for a way out) (it crumbles down)
todokanu hikari no yukue azayaka ni mau omoi o egakou
michibiku kotoba ga koborete shimawanu you ni utsuru toki o osorenaide
Now tell me where the light is, sketch it as it dances vividly
Guided words overflow and come out in times of fear
(sotto dakishimete zutto tsukamaete motto kokoro made kowasu you ni)
(hold me gently, catch me forever, do more until my heart breaks down)
- "Sleepless Beauty."
I sit on the floor, alone, save for my precious Kumagorou-chan. I hum quietly to myself as I run the pink crayon back and forth, across the figure's hair. My headphones are hooked around my neck, blaring Bad Luck's newest single--a tale of heartache, turmoil and sorrow. Shuichi and his writer-lover are no more. Yuki is staying in New York, trying to pull his life back together. I cry silently for Shuichi, behind my bunny suits, smiles and childish glee. I weep for my love. I silently hate Yuki for taking Shuichi's love from me--if he hadn't been around, Shuichi would have loved me…or I wish I could hope it would have been that way. I clutch Kumagorou close to my chest, nuzzling my nose into his soft powder-pink velveteen fuzz. I hate how adult I must be, remembering how my mother sold me into Show Business and took money from my trust fund to buy herself diamonds and nice houses-not to mention boyfriends. I never knew my father, Mother told me he was a singer she had a one-night-stand with; she said that's where I got my voice. I never met him because a few weeks before I was born he died of a drug overdose. I don't mind--I don't think he would have made a good father anyway.
But, most of all, I hated how my childhood was cut oh-so-short and I wasn't free to do things like other guys. I hated living my life in secret and not being able to be myself in public. I admire Shuichi so much for being able to come out--even if Yuki did it for him. I'm even happier it didn't hurt Bad Luck. See, if I came out, Nittle Grasper would be finished. All those screaming fan girls would form riots and burn down N-G records and all of Tokyo for the matter, leaving only a small percentage of very happy fan boys. Besides, Tohma, he would never let me. He's a manager before a band-mate.
I hate my fame, I really hate it. A lot of the times I just want to throw it out the window and be normal. I don't understand what all the goddamn fuss is about. My looks, my voice. I look average, a little too skinny even. Okay, my eyes are pretty cool, but I only think that coz Shuichi told me so. My voice is average. The only time I shined was when I was singing with my beautiful Shuichi.
I sigh and sit back against the wall, patting Kumagorou between his floppy ears and listening to Shuichi's lovely voice. Sometimes, I like to pretend that he's singing about me…yeah and so do over 2 million fan girls and boys. But, I really do imagine that he's singing about his love for me, his burning, passionate love…that doesn't exist. I really hate Yuki for telling him his Lyrics were horrible--that just shows how cold and unmusical he is. He has no heart to listen to the words, to feel their beauty…and I know it's there, because they go right through me. Shuichi's lyrics strike me right in the heart…I've even cried. I finish shading in the hair and accidentally get pink crayon on the hardwood floor. I wince--Oh, no…I'm going to make Tohma angry again…He gets mad when I draw on the floor…
I turn Kumagorou around and he gives me a 'Oh, you poor darling' look. He tells me that I have to forget him….but it's so hard when you see them everyday and they are so absolutely radiant. My shoulders shake as I try not to cry. Kumagorou pouts and tries to comfort me. For the first time in my life I want to rip his head off. Instead I place him on the floor beside me, I give him another fumbled pat and look back to my childish picture of my love, Shuichi. I add the final touches.
My hands tremble and my writing gets sloppy. I write:
"My dear Shuichi,
Keep shining. You're the best when you shine.
I love you, with all my heart.
~Ryuuichi.
-Ps: Please take care of Kumagorou for me.
Remember to give him lots of hugs or he gets lonely and sad."
I take a deep breath and put the crayon down and then pick it up again. "I love you, always," I write on the floor, Tohma can't yell at me when I'm dead, but I feel guilty about it anyway. On the paper and the floor, the I love you's sound so fake and hollow, but I don't care. I'm in Bad Luck's recording room…I wonder, will Shuichi cry for me? Will he be the one to find me? I laugh softly and begin to down the entire bottle of medicine, taking the pills one by one. I counted; 25 of them should be enough. I can already see the headlines. "Nittle Grasper's lead singer, dead of an apparent suicide at age 20." After I've taken all of them, Kumagorou whimpers at me, I could swear he was crying. I slowly pulled him into my arms, holding him as tight as I could. I cried, sobbed. I wanted this…I always did. I'd tried it when I was 17, before I'd met Shuichi, and failed. The makeup artists were always angry with me, trying to cover up the lacerations on my wrists. Everyone at NG knew it too…save Bad Luck and the other newbies. I almost died in my dressing room in America…made a big bloodstain on the white carpet….idiots….who…who puts in a white carpet….? Everything's getting calm. And all I hear is Kumagorou's sniffling and Shuichi's beautiful voice, lulling me into a deep sleep. I can see the clock still, but just barely; it's four am. It's five am when I feel it really taking effect. I hear the door open and a crown of dark pink hair.
"Ryuuichi!" He stammers. I smile at him weakly and slip off into darkness.
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A/N:
Hi, all, I'm Naomi Hunter, I'm new to the Gravitation scene. About where I stand on the series I happen to like Ryuuichi/Lung . He's a cutie pie and he's great to transform into an angst-festering Bishonen. ^-^; I am a Nittle Grasper addict, I mean, c'mon, compared to Nittle Grasper, Bad Luck is inferior. "Sleepless Beauty" can beat "The Rage Beat" anytime. *laughs* actually I'm probably biased coz of Ryu-chan or that "osorenaide" part. *runs around happily* I've been playing that song for about an hour straight now. V_V. I'm pathetic.
This was a quickie on inspiration. It took about 3 hours for 3 chapters with a ½ hr lunch break. My Gravitation DVDs are subbed with the Chinese names: Showe, Hoze, Ying, Pany, Shun, Tungma, Mayweh, Lingma, Hung &Lung and so on and so forth. I'm proud that I didn't call Ryu-chan "Lung" once. But then…I said his name, what, once? ^^;
The Kumagorou part--personification rather, was inspired by the book Gingerbread…unfortunately I'm experiencing a brain freeze and cannot remember---Rachel Cohn I think. *laughs* Yup, I'm a freak. ^-~
I hope you all like it.
There shall be one follow up chapter and an epilogue which is pretty short. Barely a full page.
Please read and Review!…isn't it stupid to say read and review there…since you're all down here and….*laughs* I'm a spaz.
Love & Peace,
-Naomi Hunter.
Disc: I own nothing, duh.