A/N: I own nothing that you recognise.

Wilted

Don't hesitate.

Carry on walking and everything will be fine.

Don't think about them. Don't even think of their names. They are nothing. They mean nothing. They are –

No. Stop it.

Now.

Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. You know what it's like.

I do. I know that there is a departure and an arrival and that I am somewhere in between and I am far from the finish. So, so far. I can't remember the name of the place I was aiming for: escape? recluse? haven? heaven? Does it really matter? I am walking and walking and I want to run but I cannot lose myself. I can lose my way and lose them and lose everything else but not me. I must remain true. I must stay firm. I must.

Good girl.

Stay strong.

Wipe your eyes, sweetheart.

I do. I cannot let on to anyone – not that there is anyone, not anymore – that this has weakened me. I don't want them to see me. I do not want to see them either. Eyes of shadowed coral and of ocean green will never sweep over me again. They will not judge me as I will not judge myself. I did the right thing. I was honest. They were not. They were not and they broke me.

Ssh, don't think like that.

You're being silly.

Calm down. Deep breaths. Count to ten.

I do. I do not want to think about the difference. Not now and then, it is merely now and what will be. The future. Looming ever closer and never arriving. I want to arrive. I want this to end and it has to end because my soles are wearing down and my body aches and I want to sleep a sleep that will end the pain and I can't. I can't. Not yet, not ever, not …

Stop.

You promised.

Look at what might yet come.

I do. I can see it, if I look far away, lurking on the horizon. It is a hope but it is nothing more than a line of faint grey scorched on a black and blue sky. Hope comes as rekindled beauty and newfound friendship and shy fear and everything that hope has. But I will never be beautiful again and friendships need my stolen trust and I fear openly and overtly and avidly. I fear it all.

You need to get over this.

Calm down.

Have faith.

I do. I try to. I try to convince myself that my shining mark will come to me, will drift nearer because I don't think I can climb to it anymore. I want a shortcut past grief and anguish and pain and suffering and sickness and health. I want death do us part because there is no forever and ever.

Don't be silly.

Calm down.

Now, think.

I do. I know death is a serious matter. I know I should not wish it on any living soul but I do. I wish it on me and on them and on everyone who watches me walk without offering salvation. I want them to suffer like I do because nobody else can. Nobody else can know the feeling of a lover born. A lover scorned. A lover torn apart by selfish desire for her and him and not for me. I want an end. I want him back. I want my happy ever after.

It will come.

Baby steps.

Have patience.

I do.

It will come.

I know.

It's not the end.

It's just the start?

You're only young.

When did you get so wise?

I always have been.

Stop me.

I will.

Save me.

I will.

Love me.

A/N: Massive squishes and thank yous go to Rita (llyralen) at HPFF for being an angel and looking over this for me, and for her brilliant comments and critique of it.

Just a note on the ending. Is it a bit abrupt? I have another option if you don't think it works.

I've left a lot of this up to your interpretation. I know who I imagined this being, and who I imagined the voice in italics to be but I'd really like to hear your views on that.