Hi, my name is Rachael and I'm an addict...okay. I lied. I'm a lazy writer who got too busy with not failing out of college and writing original stories that I neglected to do anything else. I know. I suck. But that's why I'm bringing you this gloomy little ditty. As a "hey-I'm-not-dead-just-lazy" gift of sorts.

So go ahead, enjoy the angst and the shonen-ai-ness.

Destroyed

A gloomy KaixTala fic

The lawyers and shrinks had all assured him that the allocution would help to give him a sense of peace and closure. It was supposed to be therapeutic to hear the man own up to what he did and be punished. It was supposed to help Kai put everything behind him and left go of all of the anger and self loathing that he had been harboring.

It didn't.

Seeing that man, trash dressed up in an expensive suit to help appeal to the court, watching him stand so calmly next to his lawyer, only filled Kai with rage. No matter how many times he tried, whether in therapy or on his own in the cold hours of early morning when he desperately sought peace. He couldn't find it in himself to even come close to forgiving that man for what he had done.

His fists clenched, feeling that all too familiar feeling of hate rising to the surface again. That man had destroyed everything. Why was he the one that was expected to forgive anyone?

"Tell the court of your crime."

Beside him, Tyson squeezed Kai's wrist, trying to offer some kind of weak support. Kai tried to swallow, but he throat was too dry.

The man gave a kind of shrug. "I killed that man." He looked to his lawyer briefly, and the receive a nod in reply. "I dunno why. I was drunk I guess."

"You'll have to elaborate."

"I was drinking at this bar, you know, and he was sitting across the room from me. You know. With his boyfriend. I knew they was gay together cause they'd been holding hands."

Kai could hear the distaste in the man's voice. His stomach clenched.

"His boyfriend left, and I had another drink." He shifted and cleared his throat. "I just remember staring at him and thinking about what a faggot he was. I...I guess I was angry that a faggot like him was coming to my bar, so when he gots up to leave, I followed him..."

Kai stood, sliding past the knees of his friends and heading towards the exit of the courtroom. Someone, maybe Rei, tried to grab his coat as he passed, but he pulled away. He didn't need to hear anymore. He had seen the crisscross pattern the re-bar had left on Tala's face when he had gone to identify the body. He remembered the way Tala's nose had looked broken and how his pale face had swollen up.

He didn't need to hear the details about how the man had beaten him.

Rei was the only one smart enough to know where to look for Kai after he had left the courthouse. He found Kai hours later, in his new favorite spot: on the ground near Tala's grave.

Rei didn't say anything at first, just stood there and joined Kai in his contemplation of Tala's marble headstone.

"The judge gave him 25 years to life."

Kai didn't move. "He should have gotten more."

"You know there's no death penalty here, Kai."

"I don't care! He should have gotten more than 25 fucking years for what he did!"

"You know what the County Prosecutor said. A trial is never a sure thing. They agreed not to charge him with a hate crime, and he goes to prison for sure rather than maybe."

"Not to mention saving the state the cost of a trial." Kai responded bitterly. "They didn't think Tala was good enough to get a trial!"

"I don't know Kai."

They were silent for a long while. When someone finally spoke, it was Rei.

"You have to start moving on with your life, Kai. That man is going to prison for a very long time. Tala's gotten justice."

"Not the justice he deserved. The only person I ever loved is rotting in the ground, and that scumbag is going to get out in 25 measly years. How is that justice?"

"I don't know." Rei responded quietly. "But Tala wouldn't want you to destroy yourself over this."

When Kai didn't replied, Rei gave him a supportive touch on the shoulder and started to leave. There wasn't anything else he could do for Kai. Until Kai decided that he wanted to heal, there was nothing anyone could do.

From over his shoulder, in voice so small Rei wasn't even sure he heard it, Kai replied.

"I'm already destroyed."

This defiantly isn't the best thing I've ever written, but oh well. I needed to do something to try and get back into the mood. And yes. I plan to update Win me Back and When Our Eyes Meet, just as soon as I resolve the gaping plot hole in WMB and re-read WOEM for all the minor little details that become important later. Dear lord. I didn't realize it was so long. How did anyone sit through the whole thing? -.o

Anyway, please review and let me know what you think! .