First time writing anything ATLA, focussing largely on Zuko and events after the conclusion of the series. This is non-cannon, there are certainly pieces that seem cannon because I've read one or two of the comics but it is all still not cannon so... yeh.
I don't own ATLA
-A-
He's awake.
For some reason that's the first thing that jumps to his mind.
After he raises a hand to his left cheek.
After all this time he's still haunted by that nightmare, that memory. When he travelled with the others they sometimes told each other of the nightmares they had, Toph would talk about going numb in her feet, Katara about Aang dying to Azula in Ba Sing Se, Aang about being unable to face Ozai, Sokka about food coming to life… they were all horrid in their own way. But they were haunted by fantasies. He was haunted by his past.
His face to the side, to the other half of the huge bed and the vast untouched expanse that lay there.
Mai left three years ago, took to some common boy who worked in a tailor's. He can't blame her. It can't have been fun, waking to an empty bed, seeing him for maybe one minute in a day, before going to bed in an empty bed again.
He understood.
Doesn't mean he likes it.
He places a hand where she would lie.
He remembers how he made her laugh here, the first day after he became Firelord, when everyone was still trying to get their heads around it. He had thought he'd be happy like that for the rest of his life.
He rises from his bed, sweeping up a robe and walking to the mirror.
He looks older.
It's strange how much ten years does to someone. He remembers looking into a mirror, ten years today, with a smile and a nod to the wise but troubled man over his shoulder. By the end of that day he was screaming, tortured, because the burning just wouldn't stop.
His eyes flicker to the grotesque mark on his face, the brand that ever allow him to forget.
It's the one thing of his father's Zuko knows he'll never be rid of. He can abolish policies, ministers even decide how much his imprisoned father gets to eat and when he eats it, but he'll never be free of the mark.
Sometimes he prides himself in it, sees it and is proud of how far he's come and how his scar marks his courage. Sometimes he wishes it had never come to him. It reminds him of too much. Maybe that's why he just can't stop visiting Azula.
At first she would scream at him.
The orderlies told him she was borderline crazy if not already gone.
When he and Mai had been an item Zuko had still seen more of Azula than his own girlfriend and all Azula would do was scream and try to break her restraints.
Until one day she didn't.
Now they just sat there and watched each other.
For hours.
The staff said it probably wasn't healthy but Zuko didn't care.
She was his sister.
He remembers his travels with the Avatar, with his friends, and remembers the pang he felt whenever he saw Katara and Sokka just happy with the others company. That's what he and Azula should be. Should have been. But they weren't. And Zuko knew, no matter what happened, it was unlikely they ever would be.
Katara and Sokka were not Zuko and Azula.
He visits his father too.
Rarely.
Once a month is usually the quota.
He hasn't told him that his wife is dead.
Ozai spilled eventually.
Maybe he wanted to see mum just as much as Zuko did. Maybe whatever Zuko's parents had ever had had been hoped to be renewed.
But she'd changed her name, and started a new family, and been buried with the birth of her third child to another man. Zuko had met the man and his three children, a man named Humi in a small remote village with his three little children. Zuko hadn't the heart to tell the man the truth.
He'd told Azula.
She'd blinked.
He stares into the golden eyes that are his own and wonders if they were always so weary.
He's tired.
The first couple of years were difficult. Establishing trust between himself and the Earth King and the political elite had been difficult after Zuko had assisted with the fall of Ba Sing Se. Chief Arnook of the Northern Water Tribe understandably had very little trust in the Fire Nation after the invasion of the North Pole. Only the Southern Water Tribe had been easy going, probably because Zuko had come to know Chief Hakoda so well through his children. Toph had done what she could to ease relations but she could only do so much.
Aang had tried, and he certainly carried weight now, but even now he lacked a scope of vision that Zuko had to take into account.
They'd argued the other week when he'd been visiting.
The Earth Kingdom was still angry that there were Fire Nation citizens in Earth Kingdom territory. Zuko had explained to them all a million times that the established colonies and families, some dating back a hundred years, couldn't just be moved, their home was now the Earth Kingdom and as Fire Nation citizens Zuko needed at least a bit of leeway to govern over them and ensure they weren't getting cheated by Earth Kingdom officials.
Aang had, predictably, sided with the Earth Kingdom and told Zuko to move his men. Zuko just couldn't understand how Aang couldn't see what he so clearly saw. It would be liked telling a Water Tribe citizen to leave their homeland. Those colonies were now established homes for hundreds of people.
Aang had instead decided he'd organise a hearing over it.
Sometimes, on very rare occasions, Zuko considered just going full Azula and telling the Earth King's that if they kept pushing Zuko there would be war.
He wouldn't do that though.
The demilitarisation of the military had secured a small amount of trust from those who distrusted Zuko, enough trust to make headway, but countless Fire Nation nobles were only too happy to criticise Zuko's policies.
Unemployment was at it's highest since before Sozin's rule.
The price of peace.
He glances over the letter on his desk.
Sokka and Suki's wedding invitation, two weeks away.
He still doesn't know whether he'll go.
The Fire Nation is precarious right now, all too many times has he heard whispers of officials, listened to ministers labour him on his lack of a bride, commoners come to his throne and beg him for even a crumb of bread.
Instability was the problem. Zuko could leave Firelord and return prisoner.
It'd only be a couple of days but even a couple of days could spell disaster. Zuko wasn't entirely sure what would happen if Azula sat the throne, but his father? Even without his bending he was a sly and cunning foe.
He hasn't seen anyone but Aang since the high period after his coronation.
Ty Lee sometimes visits home again but Zuko can only rarely find the time for her. And when he does the disapproving looks he receives from his ministers and the whispers of 'commoner' do not fail to fall on Zuko's angered ears.
It would certainly be nice to see them all.
Aang.
Sokka.
Katara.
Toph.
Suki.
The gang all back together. But none of them have to deal with the vast web of problems that Zuko has to combat. Aang has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders but after defeating Ozai anything he says is almost law. He's proven himself, undoubtedly, but now with Ozai gone Aang's responsibilities seem to pale when placed against the tower building in Zuko's arsenal.
He wants to.
But he can't.
He goes for a walk.
He tells himself not to but he does.
Ten guards follow and escort him.
There have been ten assassination attempts since his coronation.
He doesn't know when he reaches the cell.
He doesn't even know if the occupant will be awake.
But he enters and the man's sitting there, and Zuko sits across from him.
"Firelord."
"Father."
"What a pleasure it is to see you again. May I ask why it is you brighten my day with your presence?" He knows. Of course he knows.
"It's been ten years."
"Yes. I know." He stares at those eyes, those golden murky eyes, and is reminded of his own.
"This is never going to work. Is it?"
"No. I told you that the second time you visited. It's good to see you maturing."
"I won't make the mistakes of our family again."
"Mistakes? Your great grandfather sought to bring glory and prosperity to the world, as did your grandfather, as did I. Firelord Sozin forged the Fire Nation into an empire of might and power. All you have done with your reforms is strip that power. What glory is there in mediocrity?"
"Glory?" Zuko asks, "who needs glory when it comes with such a price. How many have died in the name of our glory? How many Air Nomads? Water Tribe? Earth Kingdom? How many Fire Nation families have been slaughtered in the name of glory?"
"Those who died died honouring and fighting to support our nation and ensure its victory. How many lives have been wasted because of your vision?"
"We're at peace now."
"Peace?" the old man laughs cruelly, "and for how long? Throughout history war has come and gone. There will be more wars and more death and more violence. Our war would have been the war to end all wars, the victory to end all victories. Your cowardly surrender has condemned this world to further suffering. So, in many ways, you and I are not so different. I simply had the spine to face those deaths and put them to a greater purpose." Zuko's not sure whether he's mad, cruel or right.
Because he is.
Right.
There will be more war.
More suffering.
But absolute rule by the Fire Nation and Ozai. It's like he'd told Aang six years ago. If they hadn't stopped him there wouldn't have been a world left.
"Mother's dead." The smirk across from him fades.
"What are you talking about?"
"My mother. You told me where she was. I found her grave."
"What?" there's something there. Something distressed that gives Zuko some sick pleasure.
"And that's not all. She'd met another man, taken a different name. They had three children."
"You're lying."
"Am I?"
"Your mother was stronger than that. She wouldn't dare mother offspring that were not mine."
"I can give you their names."
"I don't care-"
"Soya, Jodo and Syra."
"Shut up! I am done hearing your pathetic lies!"
"She didn't love you. She didn't care. She never wanted you."
"Quiet!" the shout is chaotic, disorderly, and internally Zuko smiles. The look in his father's eyes is not confidence. It's confusion.
"If this is true," Zuko raises a brow, "then she never came back for you. She never tried to contact you, even after you were at sea. She didn't love you or care for you or want you either!" there's a tone of triumph there but Zuko hides his own emotions well.
"Maybe we are alike then." Zuko rises and he sees his father stare on. "But there's a difference between you and I," Zuko opens the door and looks back to the dirt ridden man he once called father freely, "you marked me. And in the end, that's all you'll ever have to your name."
He's in his room.
He can't remember how he got there.
The sun is beginning to rise on the horizon.
He has a meeting with the generals today, they're trying to push for some of the military to be reinstated.
He looks into the mirror, his scar clear and red across what may have once been a handsome face.
It's funny.
Because he thinks.
If you took the scar away.
That he looks far too like the man he most despises.
-A-
A/N: I might write more for this but probably not. Zuko, for me, is one of the best story arcs I've ever seen in a character and he's far and away my favourite character. I love how often he fails but never fails to pick himself back up. I like how he struggles and is conflicted and manages to push onwards anyway. It's why I've written something almost solely about him.