A/N: This takes place after the episode that Sean left…This is my version of Sean and Ellie.

Chapter 1

Ellie laid in bed as the annoyingly loud buzzing of her alarm clock went off. Her eyes fluttered open as she rolled over to turn it off.

It had been about three weeks since Sean had left her to return home and in that time she had only talked to him once over the phone. Her heart ached terribly for him although she'd never admit that to him or anyone else. She had lost her first love and the first person she gave her whole heart to. So understandably she felt miserable.

After laying there for about 15 minutes she threw off the covers and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Her feet touched the cool wooden floor as she slowly made her way to her dresser. With how she had been feeling school wasn't her first priority but she figured she'd go today since staying home alone all day only led to more thinking and sulking. She threw on some jeans, a dark long sleeved shirt, a few bracelets, and rimmed her eyes with black eyeliner and in ten minutes she was out the door and on her way to Degrassi.

All of the morning classes were a blur to her. Ellie couldn't remember a time where she felt so distant and withdrawn. Even though she might have skipped a couple of classes here and there she always did her homework and studied for tests. She cared about doing well in school. She had dreams of going to college and becoming a writer but now she could care less. All she could think about was :snap, snap, snap: She snapped the rubber band against her wrist. She couldn't start thinking about cutting again. Even though the thought of it was bliss she had done so well. It had been over a month since she had even attempted to cut and to give in now would be weak of her.

"Ellie? You okay?" Mr. Simpson asked as he approached the dazed girl at her computer.

Ellie blinked a couple times and looked up at her teacher. "Yeah I'm fine." Ellie responded then she glanced around the classroom noticing she was the only student left. She must have been so lost in thought she missed the lunch bell. She grabbed up her books and bag and made her way out of the classroom without a word.

She walked slowly to her locker and twisted in her combination till it opened. She threw in her books from the morning classes and took out what she needed for her afternoon classes.

"Hey Ellie!" Marco said walking up to her and giving her a hug. "I was wondering if you were going to be here today."

"Yeah…well I figured I might as well."

"Come and have lunch with me and Ash." Marco said shutting her locker for her and nudging her toward the cafeteria. As the two made their way through the lunch crowd they found Ashley sitting at a table by herself writing in a notebook and taking bites of her sandwich every few seconds.

"Hi Ash." Ellie said as she sat across from her.

"Hey El." Ash said putting down her pen and closing up her notebook. "How you doin?" she asked in her concerned voice since she hadn't seen her friend all week.

"I'm good." Ellie said with a half smile. "Honest." She added when Ashley continued to stare at her trying to figure out if she was lying.

The three of them sat around and talked till the bell rang for lunch to be over. They all said their good byes and went their separate ways to class. The afternoon went just as slow as the morning. Ellie watched the minute hand on the clock slowly moved by till finally the bell rang and school was over for the day. She made sure this time that she didn't miss the bell and she was the first one out of the doors and on her way home.

Once home she plopped down on her couch and picked up the phone. She needed to talk to him, to hear his voice even though they weren't a couple anymore she needed to know how he was. She dialed the numbers she had written on a small piece of scrap paper and waited for him to answer.

"Hello." A scruff sounding female voice answered.

Ellie figured it was his mom from the smokers cough that she let out into the phone. "Hi. This is Ellie. Is Sean home?" She asked crossing her fingers.

"Yeah. Hold on…SEAN! You got a phone call." She yelled in the background.

"Hello…" Sean said answering the phone.

His voice melted her heart. She missed his voice so much that a tear started to form in her eye. "Hi Sean, it's Ellie." She choked out.

"Wow…I didn't expect to hear from you after our last conversation." Sean said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Yeah I know. I was just calling to see how you were doing."

"I'm good. Things are going great here. I got a job working at an auto repair shop. The pay is good." He responded casually.

"That's good to hear. Are you going to school?"

"Yeah. The people here are pretty lame but things with my family couldn't be better. They're really supportive of me. How have you been?"

"Good. I'm keeping busy doing a lot of writing." She lied. Honestly she hasn't even picked up a pen since Sean had left. She had been too depressed to even think about writing anything from an article for the school newspaper to a simple poem or journal entry.

"It seems like your starting to accept and understand that I need to be with my family right now. I really appreciate that you know. I was thinking about coming for a visit once school gets out maybe we could hang out sometime." Sean said sincerely.

"Yeah of course you have my number just let me know. Maybe we can get a group thing going." Ellie suggested trying to sound not so eager.

"Okay well I have to get to work. It was nice hearing from you again. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime next week."

"Okay I'll talk to you later then." Ellie said then hung up the phone. She was again alone in her apartment with no one to talk to, no one to help ease her pain.

"This is it! I can't do this anymore…" Ellie thought to herself as she got off the couch and started rummaging through her bag till she found her CD case full of the only things that could make her feel better. She collapsed to the floor and rolled up her sleeve. She took out a blade from the CD case and griped it tightly between her fingers. She took the blade and slid it slowly across her arm till beads of blood trickled from the fresh wound. A small rush went through her body. It felt almost exhilarating to her. It was what she missed and longed for. She slide the blade across her arm four more times even quicker and deeper with every stroke this time. The blood no longer trickled from the cuts they now dripped from her arm on to her jeans staining them a crimson red.