Chapter I
Not today, not tomorrow, or the next day would things change. Not in a week or a month or quite possibly a year. This life brought you a certain amount of things, and sometimes others were just out of grasp. And Laura knew this. And hell the whole of frakkin' Caprica knew this.
It was so perfect that nine out of ten were in denial.
It scared Laura just to think of the consequences if the right action wasn't taken. The whole human race was under threat by the Cylons; each day of their lives was a blessing, though that should have been the case anyway.
Her father, her mother and her sisters were all gone. She was the last – the last Roslin, oh how grand it sounded. Though there was nothing grand about it.
She was just a school teacher, and that was the way she would stay. Yes there'd been pressuring and pushing from others for her to join Adar's campaign – why would she? Why would Laura Roslin really want to join him?
The answers weren't clear to the pros or cons of the situation, it was best left alone.
The Caprican government could sort themselves out; sort them all out. They didn't need a school teacher to change things – but things wouldn't change.
And as for these blind dates and 'friends' making the extra effort to make her happy – she could find her own lovers and friends, if she wanted. Right now she didn't.
She was mourning.
She was coping.
"Buck up your ideas Thrace! You think you can continue the way you're going? Well think again!"
Coach always got at her, just because she liked to have a good time. Heck, she wasn't the only one; she knew Sam Anders liked to party as much as the next guy – mostly because he was the one partying with her. Still, coach never got at him, just her, all because she had a stick up her ass...
"No—"
"I don't want to hear your excuses Thrace – nice job out there Anders."
Kara watched the smug look on Sam's face as she slammed her locker, turning her back to him with a shake of the head.
"Don't get so cut up about it."
"Don't worry I'm not," she pulled jacket around her leaving the stadium.
Frak them, frak Sam and frak the C-Bucs – she needed a drink.
Laura pulled up outside of her apartment block; she switched off her car engine a moment relishing the dark silence. It was rare in Caprica City, and sure enough didn't last long as a couple of teenagers went parading down the street laughing.
Sometimes she longed to be like them, but her mind would cast back to her family and then she'd go back to page one – a vicious circle.
She stepped out the car, leaving her school papers on the backseat; nobody would know if she had the night off. The security light flicked on illuminating the front door, and Laura let herself in automatically flicking on her answer machine checking her messages.
None, refreshing change but slightly depressing. So they'd finally taken the hint, or given up?
She let herself fall into the sofa a few moments after with a glass of white wine to help her relax.
"Hope you're all having fun up there – sucks down here," she spoke in a hushed tone to her family, metaphorically of course.
Who was she to believe in ghosts and such nonsense?
Laura flicked on the television, channel surfing out of boredom – it seemed every station was obsessed with the recent sport news.
What did she care if the Aerilon team had beaten the Caprica Buccaneers?
"Drowning your sorrows Starbuck?"
"Never quit while you're ahead Sam?"
Kara turned around in her bar stool, and away from the tumbler of ambrosia she'd been nursing,
"Are you making it your prerogative to follow me?"
He laughed, an awkward laugh,
"Not really just making sure you don't frak yourself up."
He really was something,
"Don't flatter yourself."
Kara turned back to her glass downing the liquid and ordering another straight off the bat.
"Chill out Kara – not my fault you frakked up our game."
"Oh, and you're the star player?" she raised a brow turning back at him, new glass clutched in hand.
"Well not meaning to brag but—"
"But nothing," she downed that glass too and threw her cubits on the bar, "You're an asshole Sam!"
Everyone had their bad days, everyone had their bad games – just seemed she was having more bad than good, and Sam, well, he was golden. Sure there was a hint of jealousy, not that she gave a frak. He rubbed it in every godsdamned moment possible and she wasn't about to stick around and let him rub it in some more.
"Hey Kara, don't feel too bad about it!"
"Frak you," came her muttered reply after she slammed the bar door shut on her exit, seemed storming out was her thing today.
The television had failed to occupy her, maybe a night off hadn't been a good idea after all?
Even if all she did was work lately, it was better than dwelling on the fact that she was alone – sad and alone, oh how depressing.
Grabbing her keys from her bag she made her way outside to the car.
"Scuse' me, you got a light?"
Maybe tonight wouldn't be that, uneventful after all.
"Err – yes," Laura replied burying her hand in her trouser pocket, pulling out her lighter, handing it to the mysterious blonde that had turned up quite literally on her doorstep.
Laura watched her light her cigarette, smoke appearing in a small cloud. Her face was familiar somehow, though she couldn't recall ever meeting her.
"Thanks," the lighter was returned back to her.
Laura secured it back in her pocket and started once again on her primary objective, she went to open her car door for the second time when the blonde spoke up again,
"You live there?"
She turned around seeing her smiling face, hand pointing at her front door.
Laura's brow furrowed,
"Yes – I do."
"Swanky," the girl smirked taking a drag from her cigarette; it seemed from the look she received that she certainly thought she was something.
Laura ignored it and opened the car door; she bent over the back seat to pick up the file full of work.
"Nice car too, one of those sports jobs – you have good taste."
She dropped the file back on the seat, head banging against the roof of the car in shock – the voice directly behind her.
"What is it to you? Who the hell are you?" Laura snapped turning around having picked the file up again and rubbed the sore spot on her head.
It seemed the blonde was amazed at this – not that she should have been; who in their right mind sat outside a stranger's house at night.
"You don't recognise me do you?" she blanched, and Laura just looked on impassively.
"I'm Starbuck."
Another vacant look.
"Starbuck – of the Buccaneers, the pyramid team."
"Oh – right." That hadn't been the response she'd been hoping for, at least that was what Laura surmised by the grimace on Starbuck's face – maybe she'd shot her ego.
"Take it you don't watch the game then – I'm glad someone in this godsforsaken city doesn't," though Laura had sworn that she could detect some relief.
"No I don't," Laura shut the car door walking toward her apartment dismissively.
"I lost the game – apparently, today," apparently this Starbuck wasn't going to leave.
A part of Laura was glad.
She turned around watching her smoke her cigarette, flicking ash onto the pavement,
"Still – nice car."
Laura didn't know why she was doing this. Her inhibitions left her momentarily in a lapse of judgement,
"Would you like to come in Starbuck?"
"Sure," heck this was probably the only place she was welcome, after today's events, "Wanna' tell me your name first?"
"Laura, Laura Roslin."
"Alright Laura," she smirked throwing her cigarette end across the path; then extended the same hand to Laura's free one, "Call me Kara – since you're not a fan."
"So where'd you head off to last night Buck'?"
Sam still pestered her, he just wouldn't cease.
"A friend's."
As a plus the coach hadn't been down her throat today – she'd came to training in a good mood for a change – though her teammates were still sore about the game, most had lightened up. Sam Anders wasn't most though, he always went the extra mile in everything he did – including annoying the living shit out of Kara.
"Thought you didn't have any friends – I mean if last night was to go by, I'd say you looked pretty lonely."
Kara ignored him, and continued changing instead. It was always here, always in the locker room in front of everyone.
"I have friends, I don't need to hang about with jerks like you outside of work now do I?"
He shut up.
Laura didn't need the wine tonight, she was relaxed enough already. After last night nothing got to her – not even the fact she was behind on her marking.
Starbuck – no – Kara was a real character. She'd stopped a couple of hours and they talked, not about the big stuff just little things. She even explained the rules of pyramid to her, 'It's an important part of education,' she'd insisted. Laura just laughed it off.
Yes, she actually laughed for the first time in a while.
It seemed she could find her own friends after all.
"Hey lazy ass, come answer the door!" Kara yelled through the letter slot in the door.
Laura got up from the couch. Kara really had a way with words, but she just rolled her eyes about that. It seemed – hell she didn't know what it seemed like, but she felt like she'd known the pyramid player for years.
The door opened and Kara stood on the threshold with a smirk and her hands behind her back,
"Hey."
"Hello – and don't call me a lazy ass," Laura scolded and couldn't let it go.
"Lazy ass," Laura glared, "Kidding!"
Kara knew not to get on the wrong side of her, frak, you could tell she was a teacher.
"These are for you, a sort of thank you for last night."
She practically thrust a bouquet of lilies at Laura, the girl felt awkward it was obvious. Laura didn't want to prolong it for her,
"Thank you Kara, they're lovely."
"It's alright," the blonde ruffled her hair slightly, her hands then reaching her pockets.
"Why don't you come inside?"
Kara's eyes flashed interest a moment, but she shook her head,
"It's ok."
She didn't want Laura to think she was pushing herself on her – why the frak did she come back in the first place? It wasn't just a thank you – frak! This was dumb.
"Sure?"
Though Laura didn't seem to mind.
"Yeah better get back," to what though?
"Alright," Laura wouldn't press the issue, "Well it was nice of you to stop by."
It really was.
The lilies had wilted now. Laura had tried to keep them alive as long as they would last, but nature always took its course. It had been nice though; would've been nicer if Kara called.
She didn't though and sadly that didn't surprise Laura. Kara was young and apparently famous, what would she want with a school teacher – more pressingly – what would a school teacher want with her?
Maybe it was the loneliness finally eating its way through her; maybe she was going stir crazy.
Laura made her way into the kitchen, taking the vase off the windowsill with the dead flowers in; there came a knock on the glass. Laura jumped nearly dropping the pot in her hand.
"Did I scare you?" came the muffled voice of Kara Thrace – truth was Laura was more relieved than scared.
She set the vase on the bench, hands rising to her chest to try and help calm her heartbeat. Laura opened the door for Kara,
"Hey sorry – didn't mean to."
"Its fine," Laura smiled letting the blonde come in – she tried not to stare, or at least make it obvious.
"Decided to take you up on that offer of a visit, since I haven't had the chance to lately," truthfully Kara couldn't stop thinking about Laura but wanted to 'play it cool' – or at least that was what Sam used to call it, "I see the flowers are dead – didn't bring anymore sorry."
"I didn't expect you to," Laura felt nervous, why was she nervous? "Coffee?"
"Nah, got any ambrosia?"
Laura raised an eyebrow,
"It's the middle of the day."
"So – it's a Sunday, I'm allowed," there came that infectious smile.
Chapter II
Gods why was she here, she didn't even like pyramid!
"Are the seats ok?"
Although the reason was staring her in the face,
"Yes they're perfect."
Laura gave her best encouraging smile. Kara was all geared up in her pyramid strip, Laura wouldn't admit it but she thought it was cute.
"Great!" she beamed leaning forward and kissing Laura on the cheek, "Front row, you can't imagine what strings I had to pull to get them!"
Laura watched the object of her affection jog off onto the pyramid pitch to meet up with her team, Laura noted she received a few wolf whistles in return. Of course they weren't an item, they hadn't even kissed let alone anything else; they both wished it was more though.
Because for the first time in a while Laura felt free.
"Excuse me."
Laura stood up to let another woman pass, a blonde in a suit – she seemed familiar too, though obviously not a pyramid player. The woman sat in the seat directly next to her, their elbows touching in an annoying manner.
The game kicked off.
It wasn't until half way through that she spoke up,
"I haven't seen you cheer once."
Laura blinked,
"Excuse me?"
The woman laughed,
"Well the C-Bucs have just scored two points in the last three minutes – unless you're rooting for the other team?"
She raised a brow at this, the woman's tone was hinted with a deeper meaning – she laughed,
"Well I'm here for a friend."
Why on Caprica was she telling her this?
"Me too actually – I'm Gina by the way."
Gina extended her hand and Laura actually shook it, "Laura, Laura Roslin," it was nice to have some likeminded company, even if it was just for an hour or so.
"Oh so you're the teacher Adar keeps preaching about?"
"I suppose I am – you know the mayor?"
"Yes, I'm his personal secretary – he was supposed to be here today actually, couldn't make it."
"Is it bad of me to say that I'm glad?"
Gina shook her head smiling,
"No not really."
Laura looked back at the pitch seeing Kara tackle another player for the ball; she won it scoring another point. After shooting it into the hole she looked back into the crowd waving at her, Laura waved back, Gina noticed.
"So that's your friend – Starbuck?"
"Hmm."
"She's got quite a reputation for herself," Gina smirked glancing at Laura.
"I'm sure she has," Laura dismissed it.
Both Laura and Gina sat in silence for the rest of the game, when the full time whistle blew Laura got up to make her way out – she was stopped by a fragile hand.
"I'm sorry if I offended you earlier, but it was really nice—"
"Look, let's stop the small talk Gina," Laura looked pointedly at Gina's hand, that happened to still be gripping Laura's arm, she released it, "I know why you're talking with me, I'm not joining the campaign."
"No," the woman shook her head, soft blonde curls falling around her face, "No really – it bores me as much as the next person. Business is business, but it was a pleasure talking with you Laura, really."
"Alright then," Laura went to leave again – yet again a hand stopped her.
"Wait, here," Gina handed her a business card, "Take it – please, I'd like to talk to you again, maybe under better circumstances."
Laura wasn't sure whether this woman was shamelessly, still, trying to get her to join Adar, or whether she was asking for a date. Either way Laura still took the card,
"I'll consider it."
Since Kara was the one to ask Laura to come see the game, she was the one who drove her there and back – courteously; who could leave a lady waiting anyway?
"So I noticed you talking with someone today."
Kara finally spoke up. Laura had waited for her for about half an hour after the game, and she seemed a little quiet. In fact there'd been silence for about five minutes until now. Kara was worried in case she'd frakked things up, or if Laura was pissed off at waiting, or—
"You had time to watch – weren't you supposed to be playing a game?" her tone was light-hearted – phew!
Kara eyes glanced from the road to Laura,
"I'm still a woman you know, though I might act tough – I can multitask!"
The older woman laughed,
"I'm sure you can – watch the road, you can't multitask and drive."
Laura's hands almost took over the steering wheel; luckily Kara had time to swerve the car herself from a neighbouring driver, who in turn flipped her off.
"Frak you too!" came her holler hardly audible over the sound of the car horn and Laura's laughter, "I'm glad you think its funny Laura."
There came that raised eyebrow she'd grown used to and Kara had to agree to disagree, joining in with the laughter.
They eventually pulled up outside of Laura's house; Kara couldn't help but feel the cliché about the situation.
"Guess this is you," she spoke turning off the car engine.
"So it is yes," Laura went to unbuckle her seatbelt, Kara's boyish hand softly slipping over the top of hers at the buckle.
Laura didn't move, her heart practically jumped in her chest – her eyes met Kara's.
"I-I kinda' just wanted to say, um," she cleared her throat clearly feeling awkward, if anything, "Thanks, you know, for coming today."
Unlike Kara she'd perfected the art of 'keeping her cool', she surmised it came with being a teacher; it was hard not to lose your temper half the time,
"Its fine – it was nice of you to invite me I enjoyed it."
Kara nodded seemingly frozen – oh frakfrakfrak. Maybe she should just tell her? Or – no, play it cool, treat them mean keep them keen; Gods she couldn't be mean to Laura,
"Good. In fact, I'm glad you did – I know you're not a sports fan."
"Yes."
"Look, err, Laura I—"
So much for playing cool.
"Kara—"
"No, no – lemme' say—"
Laura never gave her a chance. She'd lent forward brushing her gentle lips against Kara's. It lasted only a second, but it was enough to render Kara dumbstruck for a moment.
"Are you alright?" Laura's enquiry came with a small smile; she didn't seem to regret her actions.
"Err, yeah!" Kara was practically beaming.
"Well thank you Kara, for the lovely evening," Laura finally unbuckled her belt opening the car door.
"Hey, wait," she turned around to face Kara as she spoke, "Thanks again, and I'll call you?"
"You can call me Kara – yes," Laura got out of the car, the electric window rolling down behind her.
"Laura just – don't believe everything people tell you. You know who you are, don't forget that."
"Hello you've reached answer phone of Gina Inviere. I'm sorry I'm not in the office at the moment. If you would like to leave your name, number, and a short message I'll return your call as soon as I get back."
"Hello Gina, its Laura – we met at the pyramid game. You asked me to call, so...I'll call back another time."
Gods what was she thinking lately?
Things had been going well between her and Kara, but for some reason everywhere she turned there was Gina. Even when she looked at Kara sometimes she thought it was Gina; she didn't even know the woman for frak sake!
Laura knew the relationships in her life were strained. She never saw her friends anymore, and Kara was about to give up on her. She kept saying she paid no attention to her. She was distant. She was always 'busy'.
But she was.
This woman was eating away at her soul, and it intensified as time progressed. The best thing to do was to call her, and maybe that would clear her thoughts?
She could get on with her life, maybe...
The phone rang, she answered after two rings, "Hello."
"Hi Laura? It's Gina," or then again, maybe her life would change.
"Oh, hello – how did you—"
"I pressed last number redial."
"Thank you for meeting me at such short notice," Gina stood up from the table to greet Laura, giving her a friendly hug.
"No, no, it's fine really," Laura spoke acting dismissive as she sat in her seat – if only Gina knew.
Gina was the one to ask for the meeting, and Laura couldn't have felt more relieved – even if she was neglecting Kara, she'd understand, she always did. She also decided to book the table and even offered to pay the bill, stating that all Laura had to do was show up – so she did.
"I'm glad you called actually, I was about to resort to scouring the telephone directory," Gina laughed when Laura blushed at the comment.
"What would you ladies like to drink?" the waiter appeared handing them both a drinks menu.
"Your choice," Gina implored.
"A bottle of chardonnay will do fine."
"Is it funny that I saw you as a red wine drinker?" Gina spoke as the waiter left.
"Is it funny that I saw you as a drinking out of the ambrosia bottle kind of girl?"
"Touché."
"Just tell her how you feel Starbuck!"
Sam Anders, regular agony aunt.
Oh they'd kissed and made up since the game against the Aerilon team, he started acting like less of a jackass – though it was impossible for him not to be sometimes. Though right now, he was kind, caring and sweet, in a unique Sam kind of way.
"I can't do that man, she'll laugh at me," Kara couldn't look up from the tabletop, her fingers absentmindedly tearing a soggy beer mat; she wasn't good with heart to hearts, or feelings for that matter.
"What's she going to laugh for?"
She shrugged,
"I dunno'..."
"Exactly, it's all in your mind man."
"I dunno' Sam, it's like she's got this hold on me and I'm a different person around her."
"What you're actually nice?"
That earned Sam a nice dig in the ribs – and a smile from Starbuck, for a change.
"No, Sam, it's like – frak. I have no clue about feelings and, shit."
"Course' you do!" he wrapped an arm around her slumped shoulders, "You love her right?"
"Yeah."
"And she loves you too?"
"Well, I don't know – kinda' think so."
"That'll do for me," he laughed rubbing his hand up and down her arm roughly, "Just tell her, you're Starbuck, you don't frak about – well—"
She sat up straight this time hitting him playfully across the head,
"You're right – I don't frak about, I stick by it all the way! I'm gonna' tell her!"
Her chair slid with a squeal across the wooden floor. She quickly drank what was left in her glass practically running out the door, beaming all the way, calling a quick,
"Thanks Sam!"
Laura had offered to get herself a cab home, but Gina had insisted that she should walk her home. Laura had persisted that it wasn't safe for her to be out alone on a night in the city, but Gina wouldn't listen. She said she'd get a cab from Laura's if she had to. She said she didn't believe in not making sure her date was safely home.
Was that what this was, a date? Laura hadn't thought of it like that. Although it did feel nice, having her hand held by Gina; she was a total contrast to Kara.
"Thank you for this evening Laura, we'll have to do it again sometime," they were outside her door, that was funny Laura couldn't really remember the walk here.
"Yes most definitely," was she really saying that?
"I'm glad you feel that way," she was smiling; her green eyes seem to lighten up her whole face. It was funny, it gave Laura an odd feeling that wouldn't go away – it felt wrong, but right, "I guess I must be leaving you."
"Goodnight Gina."
Gina leaned forward slowly, her hand still clasping Laura's. She couldn't let it go; she was so close to—
"You frakking bitch!"
Laura shot away from Gina as if she'd come out of a trance, her eyes meeting Starbuck's.
"Kara I—"
"Frak you!"
Chapter III
"I'm so glad that we finally got you onboard," Adar was grinning ear to ear, Laura had only revulsion for it.
Adar wasn't someone she could trust, he was the type of man who would do anything to get his own way – Laura surmised so and Gina had told her so; she was the only reason she accepted the offer. It'd taken a few days persuasion but here she was.
Though all she could hear in her mind was Kara's voice, 'Laura just – don't believe everything people tell you. You know who you are, don't forget that,' she couldn't forget her words, but she could no longer comprehended them.
Once Laura knew who she was, the last Roslin, a teacher, a loner – alone – then Kara made that change and she was Laura, just Laura – free, happy, and loved.
Now she was secretary of education. Now she wasn't so much alone, but she didn't feel so much as loved. There was an infatuation, a spell of sorts she was under and she couldn't break out. Over the past few days Gina Inviere had really gotten to her.
She was under her skin and in her head.
"That's fine – really you should thank Gina, she was the one who twisted my arm," it felt more literal than it should have.
"Yes, she really is quite something. She already has my thanks," he was taking her hand and with the same slimy lips kissed it, "My dear Laura."
She withdrew herself with a faked smile,
"Where is she mayor?"
"Oh please do call me Richard – she's meeting with the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet, I believe she's trying to arrange a meeting for the campaign, the military need to vote too I believe."
"I see."
"Yes, and if it works out Laura I'll make sure every single one of my delegates get to visit the Battlestars – including you."
Oh joy.
"So with the general elections over, what will the new President Adar bring to the twelve colonies? Apart from the new secretary of Education of course, Laura Roslin."
Kara groaned getting up off her sofa as soon as she heard Laura's name. She'd been lying there all day and she had to admit days off work were boring now without Laura.
Laura – what a frakking fraud. She didn't even want to think about her, didn't want to care – but she did.
She made her way to the kitchen for a refill, her glass of ambrosia getting empty for the fifth time since midday, it was only half one right now.
"She really could be a refreshing change couldn't she? That is if she can call off the teacher's strikes."
In her drunken stupor she made her way back to the sofa, the contents of her glass spilling over the rim as she walked,
"Frakkin' bitch – you broke my heart."
Her body slumped down on the sofa; she took a gulp from the tumbler at the same time so as not to spill anymore – even though her white rug was already stained green.
"Well who could argue with a face like that," the news reporter joked as a picture appeared on screen."
"This is a frakkin' joke," with a grumble and six attempts of pressing the buttons on the remote, Kara managed to switch the channel over.
Sports – home territory.
She'd been lying on top of her bed, fully clothed in the middle of the afternoon – but her head was swirling and she needed a lie down. She'd let herself in for more than she bargained for. Firstly, secretary of education – she wasn't a politician, she was a teacher; so much for letting the government sorting themselves out.
Secondly, she hurt Kara and honestly she missed her. Laura thought she actually loved her. But then there was Gina.
They were likeminded. They had more in common. Yet there was less of 'spark' and just more of – more of Gina being rooted into her being. Laura felt like she couldn't cope without her, and things were progressing from bad to worse.
"Laura you can't hide anymore."
Laura blinked but Gina didn't disappear, she rubbed her eyes but she still sat on the edge of her bed. She was breathing, Laura could hear it. She was smiling, Laura could see it. She was caressing her cheek and Laura could feel it.
But Laura knew this wasn't real.
"I'm not hiding," it couldn't be, this was one of her visions, and this was Gina; she'd latched onto her soul.
"I'm afraid you are – you've lost grip on what this is about."
Laura sat up,
"And what is this about?"
"It's about you – helping yourself by helping others," Gina neared her. This vision touched her arm – it felt perfectly real; she even shivered, "Helping me."
"Why would I be helping you?" she choked, breath ragged and gasping – she was so sure she was going mad.
"You know the answer to that question already. You care for me. You would do anything for me," Gina leant even closer her lips brushing against Laura's ear, a whispered tone following, "You love me."
"Yes – yes I do," the words came from her mouth and she couldn't even recall forming them on her tongue.
"Good."
Gina's hand came to rest on Laura's shoulder. Her eyes, her honey blonde hair looked so real – it was real; she reached out and touched the locks, smooth and silky, like she always remembered.
Gina smiled and leant forward kissing her, pushing her back against the bed – there'd been no protest, Laura let her. In fact she didn't want it to stop, she didn't not want to have this; she couldn't think of anyone else, and yet she wanted to.
"You'll forget her then?" Gina's tone was hopeful between the feverish kisses.
"Who?"
"The bolshie blonde girl."
"Who?"
"Kara Thrace."
Laura jumped hearing a knock at the front door. She looked, but Gina was gone.
Frak, why was she here again? Oh yes that was it, to make up with Laura and have peace with the whole of the frakkin' world – hell yeah!
Starbuck knocked on Laura's front door just the once, but it was loud and proud marking her drunken state. She's walked here from across town, luckily not getting knocked over but she did a few stumbles here and there.
Thankfully though people gave her a wide berth seeing as the sun was still up and she was walking through downtown with a bottle of ambrosia in hand. If anyone had actually recognised her, or taken a picture – she'd be in deep tomorrow with the team.
If she wasn't already, according to Sam she sucked. Apparently her passing was all over the place, and well she couldn't shoot for shit – man, but that was a compliment really. At least they were paying attention to her.
"Laura!"
The door opened and Laura Roslin stood there, perplexed and slightly flustered. Kara noticed,
"I'm not disturbing you – got – g-got that hot blonde," hiccup, "In bed?"
"Kara I suggest—"
"What? That I go frak myself, you already did that to me sweetie – you, frakked with my head!"
Perturbed Laura didn't invite Kara inside; she literally dragged her hoping none of the neighbours had caught wind.
"What the frak you doing?" Kara groaned drunkenly falling back against the closed door, "Get off me!"
"I'm not doing anything Kara," Laura tried to remain as stoic as possible – but what sort of mentality was this?
She herself had been driven into insanity, and Kara – Gods poor Kara.
"She's clearly lost it," her eyes glanced upward to see Gina leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Shut up," the words were directed at Gina.
"Wha?" Kara was the one who answered.
Gina had walked past her now to Kara's side; she leant forward to seemingly coo in her ear. And by Kara's blatant reaction, of well, nothing, it was clear only Laura could see her.
"Poor thing – look what you've reduced her to," Gina's eyes met Laura's as her hands stroked Kara's messy hair, "A drunken wreck."
"Kara, why are you here?" Laura spoke sadness etched in her voice, on her face.
"You can't ignore it Laura, you can't ignore me."
"B-Because I saw you on TV – I saw you on the frakkin' news."
Gina smirked, Laura sighed, and Kara kept slurring her words, "You frakked it up. You did it," she drank another mouthful from the ambrosia bottle, "But I still – I – I love you."
"Now isn't that sweet?" Gina was at Laura's side, sliding her hand into Laura's, "Don't you think?"
Laura faltered not knowing whether to say something or not or—
"I knew it; you don't give a frak about me do you?"
"No that's not it at all!"
Laura moved forward her hand breaking contact with Gina's; she turned a split second to find she was gone – though Kara was definitely still there, crying.
"I do care, it was all just a misunderstanding," yes that was what it was.
"Keep fooling yourself," Gina appeared by her side again, her face that close to Laura's she could feel her breath on her skin.
"Go away!" she hissed.
"Oh, yeah right," Kara responded, "You frakking user!"
The words stung, Laura was never very good in a confrontation.
"Listen to her vile mouth – are you going to stand for it?"
"Shut up!"
There was a smash, as the bottle was thrown – the world went black.
Chapter IV
This was not how she expected to wake, in a hospital gown on a bed with slightly crinkly sheets – it was a far stretch from paradise.
Laura's senses were just coming back to her. Vision came first, because her eyes kept staring at the surgical white walls. Then came smell – that same hospital scent she dreaded and hated from many an hour sat by her dying mother's side. Lastly was sound, and her hearing was crystal clear.
Laura heard Starbuck and Gina Inviere talking, and it seemed they were 'getting along'. The conclusion being only one to Laura, it had to be a dream.
"I care about her."
"Then stop being all het up and emotional."
"I'm trying to calm myself down."
"We have to do this for her, if they're bad – she's gonna' need support from those closest."
It was an odd sensation watching them talk, their back to her both seemingly locked in an important discussion. She couldn't think what about. Not that right now was a good time to think, her mind was hazy.
"It does that to you," a voice cooed in her ear. Laura blinked and there she was, Gina.
Her eyes went back to where they'd been focused before, and yes there stood Gina with Starbuck – still conversing. This had to be a dream, it was too crazy.
"I know what you're thinking Laura – but they can't see me, and they can't help you, not like I can."
Laura opened her mouth to try and speak but Gina placed a finger over it,
"Don't – they'll hear you, and you don't need that yet."
The same hand, with the same soft touch smoothed Laura's hair from her face,
"Something bad is to come. Something you can't prevent. But I'm the only one who can help you through."
"Get away from me!"
"Laura!" the collective calls of Starbuck and Gina echoed across the room – Kara was the one who rushed to her side.
This was beyond a dream, it was a nightmare. She was losing it...
"Thanks for letting me come with you."
Both she and Kara sat in the cold hospital waiting room. It had been a week or so since the 'incident', and Kara hadn't touched a drop of liquor since. They'd rekindled whatever it was they had, both on a mutual understanding that, frankly, they needed each other.
"It's fine."
Though in all honesty, Laura would've preferred to have been alone for this – not that she really got to be alone any more. Gina – or at least the Gina Laura admitted was in her head – seemed to 'visit' often, and at inappropriate times.
Fortunately this wasn't one of them.
Unfortunately, another thing Laura was trying to cope with was losing her mind. Because let's face it, she had to have been – there was no rational explanation to keep seeing someone who clearly wasn't there.
Then there was this, this whole meeting. Laura had a gut instinct another problem would be added to her list.
Kara thought she knew her so well, but did she really. Today there'd probably come a shock – to the both of them.
"Do you feel better at all with me here?" Kara had a hold of her hand, a hopeful look spread across her face. In truth Laura knew she was concerned, and probably happy she let her come. However, Kara had been grovelling ever since their first hospital 'outing' and it was beginning to annoy – she'd already forgiven her!
"Of course," Laura would lie just to try and make that face go away, but Kara would see straight through her.
"You're not are you? If it's about last week, I've told you I—"
"Like frak is it about last week Kara," she wanted to explode, to yell and scream – but that would've been unseemly, "Just stop mentioning it."
Her voice was cool and collected, which unnerved the young pyramid player.
She knew since the incident what was the happen, they'd found something wrong with Laura – frak, she couldn't lose her! She couldn't understand it,
"How can you just be so cool about it?"
"Cool about it? Cool about it?" Laura breathed.
"Temper temper," there was Gina again, her voice whispering in her ear – cooing her into a lulled state.
Laura could feel her soothing hands on her back as she faced Kara, her own hands beginning to tremble in the blonde's, then her whole body.
"Frak," Kara was holding her now; "I'm sorry," she was soothing her.
Gina was smiling,
"Better."
"Ms. Roslin, we have your results."
Laura hadn't said anything on the drive back home, which was understandable given her unexpected news. Kara could see she was shell-shocked, and frak so was she. To find out that the person you care for most has terminal cancer – it isn't exactly a joy!
It's a frakkin' nightmare!
"Y-You alright there?" Kara asked.
They'd been inside Laura's house for a few minutes now, and the secretary of education had just walked straight to the window – staring out of it; though Kara swore it looked like she was talking to herself. Crying?
She was on the verge of tears herself, but she couldn't cry – she had to be strong.
"Laura?"
"I said I'm fine!"
The yell hadn't been the answer Kara expected. Then again what had she expected anyway? A huge frakkin' round of applause, "Great goin' Starbuck," she muttered.
The two of them were in silence for what felt like hours to Kara. She'd made about six cups of coffee but they'd all gone cold. She wanted to talk it through, wanted to devise a plan – Laura wouldn't go down without a fight, she couldn't.
But the quiet just worried her, and Starbuck being worried wasn't a good thing.
"Say somethin' please?" she caved in – Laura was still at the window.
"What do you want me to say?"
There was a pause,
"Anything."
"Anything?" Laura turned to face her, an eyebrow raised – Kara didn't like it this time, "Anything at all?"
"Stop it."
A few more minutes passed in the same way, but Starbuck didn't move it was Laura; she finally left the window and joined her on the sofa. Her hands cold as ice – Kara noted – but her smile, still just as warm as it used to be.
"I've decided that life will go on."
"So you'll fight it?" Kara was hopeful.
"As I said Kara – life goes on. Therefore I will live my life until I can't anymore."
Laura was oddly happy, but certainly sincere.
Kara was helpless – although she wanted to drum sense into her, she couldn't; she always was a pushover.
Laura woke with Kara by her side still on the sofa, an empty bottle of wine on the table next to her – so much for not drinking.
She checked the time, three am, great.
She couldn't sleep. Truthfully, she was terrified she wouldn't wake up – but she had to stick by her decision.
"That's right," Gina sat across the room, her face illuminated only by the moonlight shining through the window, "You stick to your plan – you stick to it, and you'll be remembered for being strong huh?"
"You don't know anything about my feelings, I have no plan."
"Oh, I know different – everything you think and feel and remember, I do, I'm a part of you Laura – you can't hide that," she crossed her legs, a smirk on her face.
It seemed she thought she had the upper hand, Laura thought different. She stood up crossing her arms, head tilted,
"For the moment maybe – however you still know nothing of my feelings."
"I know that your mother died of cancer, you watched her wither away into nothing – a vague memory, a shell of the person she once was, and you hated that," Gina was practically grinning now as she stood up herself, nearing Laura, "And you promised yourself, you would never go through that. You've seen what happens – you feel hopeless, scared and alone."
No what she felt right now was aggravation. Aggravation at the fact Gina was circling her, the same grin on her face.
"I don't – if anything I feel annoyed, I feel pissed off," Laura took a step near Gina to stop her moving, "Get. Out. Of. My. Head!"
"Laura?" she heard the confused and sleepy groan come from the couch.
"Sorry – I must have been sleepwalking. Coming to bed?"
"Will you call me when you get there?"
Kara, for one so young, could be very overprotective at times.
"Yes, I'll call you," Laura smiled gently touching her cheek.
She was off to the Battlestar Pegasus as Adar had arranged – she was off to keep living her life as she'd arranged too. There'd be a b-line at the Scorpion Fleet Shipyards, and then she was going to meet with Admiral Helena Cain.
Oh the excitement practically bubbled in her, as sarcastic as that was. She didn't want to leave Kara, she was good to her.
"You better!"
"I promise," Laura smiled and Kara noticed – it felt good. They kissed briefly before Laura spoke again, "You better beat the Aerilon team this time Kara – I'll be making sure I'm up to date on the score!"
"I will – no drinking, remember?"
There came an impish grin.
"Good, I'll miss you Starbuck."
She turned around and was whisked off by government personnel to the carrier ship that would take her to Scorpion. She turned her head back and saw Kara waving, a blonde head bobbing up and down in the crowd.
Laura didn't feel lost, she felt numb without Kara. She was headed into the unknown.
Cylons were the last thing on her mind.
Chapter V
"Laura," Gina was there on the 'other side' to greet her. She'd already had rendezvous with the Admiral and seemed to know her way around the Battlestar rather well.
"Gina," they hugged briefly – Laura had to remind herself that this Gina was real and wouldn't manipulate her, hopefully.
"Did you have a safe trip?" she asked as they walked along one of the many corridors. This place seemed an endless maze to Laura, she was sure to get lost – if she already wasn't.
"Yes," the answer was simple, and Gina just smiled. It was nice, but odd. She seemed to be ignoring what they'd been through together; though Laura was thankful.
They walked together in silence; Laura gathered it would be to an arranged place to meet with the Admiral.
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you," Gina's tone was sincere and Laura sensed she really did feel sorry – but Gods if only she knew.
"That's fine," Laura kept herself stoic, or at least tried. Her response was somewhat cold but there was something in the back of her mind telling her to keep so – anyone would be if they saw what her apparition was capable of.
"I wanted to be – really."
"I understand."
"Please don't shut me out."
Laura didn't respond, and Gina didn't try to speak. There was silence until they stopped outside of a door, which was opened to reveal a small living area. Laura concluded this would be where she was to stay for the next few days – her bags had already been left on the bunk.
"The Admiral will be here to see you shortly."
Laura glanced back at Gina who stood by the door, eyes full of unshed tears and guilt. It was funny really, very convincing. Laura found herself wondering if Gina actually knew about her ghost that harassed her.
"She doesn't."
Her head turned toward the bunk where she was — the apparition, the spectre,
"Think of me whatever you like Laura – it's not going to make me go away."
She felt the satisfaction roll forth from her; she grunted and turned toward the doorway. The real Gina had left.
"What do I keep saying? Get out of my head."
"And I keep telling you, no," the woman's tone was just as assertive, "You can push me all you like, but I'm going nowhere. I'm a part of you – you need me."
"Why would anyone need a thorn in their side?"
"Good question Madame Secretary."
Gina and Helena Cain smirked in unison.
"And this is the CIC."
If there was one thing that had been apparent during the tour, it was that Helena Cain hated showing people around her ship – especially lowly secretaries. What in Tauron was their interest with the military?
Adar's cabinet was really frakked, and Helena was glad she hadn't voted for him. Honestly, Laura seemed lost and distracted during the whole thing.
There was just no point.
The sooner the woman was off the ship, the better for the both of them. Yes, she was Admiral and had to be more than just accommodating – and Laura seemed a nice enough woman. But she had no time to waste. With human/Cylon relations tensing she had to prepare for the worst, not babysit.
"Impressive," though Laura's voice didn't sound it.
"Indeed," Cain spoke standing upright and rigid by her side.
Laura was trying, she really was. But she was a teacher at heart and not militant, not really.
"You seem uninterested Madame Secretary."
She had to give it to her; the Admiral could certainly read people – a good quality for someone in command. Not for Laura at the current moment however.
"No, not at all," she lied – thinking up any excuse for her silence, "I was just – observing."
Her eyes quickly scanned the room to see anything she could question, or appraise, or wonder about.
"Where are," everyone was standing, and something clicked, "your chairs Admiral?"
Admiral Cain smirked finding herself mentally scoring a point to Laura. Maybe she'd been wrong, maybe having a lowly secretary around a while could be amusing – this game could be fun,
"You won't find many chairs on this ship; I find my crew pay more attention whilst standing – more efficient, don't you think?"
Touché.
"Yes," Laura agreed, a smile on her face for the first time since leaving Caprica, "I may have to adopt that idea myself sometime."
"Indeed."
Laura lay on her bunk, finally having a moment's peace to herself – she enjoyed it. It felt mundane and normal.
She'd finished a day's work. She'd called her 'girlfriend' and told her how much she missed her. She'd showered and changed. Now she was able to unwind like any other normal person, and listen to pyramid scores on the radio as promised.
Cancer and Cylons be damned.
"You're awfully quiet."
Gina lay down by her side squashing against the wall. Laura tried to ignore the movement of the bed and her hand lying flippantly across her stomach.
"Don't..."
"I'm not doing anything."
"You're existing, and you shouldn't be."
"Now really Laura, you know yourself how irrational you sound," Gina purred into her ear, her hand snaking underneath her blouse.
"Don't."
"What's the matter? Don't say you're scared."
She couldn't help but laugh, albeit a small pathetic laugh; she showed her amusement easily,
"Why would I be scared of something that isn't real?"
The hand underneath her blouse slid upward, making contact to her sensitive skin – Laura shuddered.
"I know that feels real to you."
The corridors were silent among the upper section of the Pegasus, where her quarters were located – and Gina's and Roslin's – she'd just paid the young blonde a 'visit'; she always found a good side to Military relations.
Usually she'd retire herself but something drew her to Laura's door.
Helena Cain wasn't what anyone would call a caring person – in this world you had to be tough – but something troubled her about the woman, she couldn't quite place it.
She cared.
It wasn't just for a quick frak or fumble like she acted with others. This was genuine.
It was pity and protection. It was concern and comfort. It was new.
She knocked upon the metal but received no answer. She could hear a voice talking inside, but Laura had to be alone. Gina was definitely in her own bed. Nobody else on the ship would—
"Why would I be scared of something that isn't real?"
Cain's brow furrowed her hand reaching to open the door – suddenly hesitant. There was a moan, a gasp, a breath.
"Laura?"
The noises stopped, her ears picked up on the occupant rushing around the room – Helena's mind picked up on one thing only, she wouldn't voice her opinion though.
"Come in Admiral."
And so she did.
"Laura," the pleasantries she was good at, "I trust you are comfortable?" getting down to the nitty-gritty she wasn't.
"Yes," the woman seemed flustered, her hair slightly out of place, her hands trembling, "More than adequate Admiral."
"Please, call me Helena."
She walked further into the room, noticing the radio on a low volume on a desk by the bunk. She touched it gently leaving the volume as it was – Laura's eyes were practically burning into her, it was slightly amusing.
"Ad—Helena may I ask how I can help you?"
Clearly the woman was nervous, and for obvious reasons too – she'd nearly caught her in an indiscretion. She could have her balls for that; metaphorically of course.
"I think the question should be. How can I help you?" she turned her attentions away from the radio and faced Laura, who looked like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar.
"I beg your par—"
"Oh cut the crap Roslin, I know there's something wrong with you – it's like I've been talking to thin air all day."
Laura's timid demeanour turned shocked and almost violated, she scowled at Helena – who smirked in return. Seemed Laura wasn't used to this kind of authority; another point to herself for that.
"Trust me I'm not one for emotions – don't have room for them in my line of work, I assume you're the same time of woman. That's why I'm appealing to you now."
"I can assure you there is nothing wrong with me."
"Come on Laura, you can't fool me. I've interrogated thousands; I know when someone is lying."
Laura looked at the woman. Tall, rigid, powerful – how could she possibly tell her everything? The Admiral was a stranger, a cold hearted fierce militant—
Yet there was something beneath her eyes. Laura sensed something made her this way, a loss, she gathered.
"Alright, you win."
They spoke of everything, though for everything to emerge it took a few glasses of wine – sadly Cain was partial to red wine instead of white, but Laura made it do. Honestly she was glad of the company.
She started with the death of her family, and told her about Kara, then her brief affair with Gina, the accident, the cancer – but not the woman in her head.
By the end they were laughing and telling stories of days gone by.
For both it was, nice.
They were never able to loosen up much.
"You know I've never actually been in love," Helena spoke the mood becoming slightly more atmospheric.
Was it getting warm or was that just Laura?
"You're not missing much," Laura took a sip of her wine, leaning back against the wall her bunk was against – she fanned herself with her hand, "Really – it's overrated."
"I thought you loved Kara."
"I do, she's a sweet girl," she looked back at Helena who seemed to be leaning closer, seemingly interested, "She was there for me – I do love her, but—"
"She's not your type?" Helena was laughing now, noticing the flush on Laura's face.
"I suppose so, maybe," Laura frowned setting her glass down on the floor, sitting back against the wall.
"Maybe doesn't cut it – what is your type Roslin?"
"Roslin – so we're on last name terms now?"
Laura's eyes rolled and Helena smirked scoring a point to Laura.
"No I just think it has a nice ring to it."
"Alright Cain – I have no idea what my 'type' is," she even raised her fingers in the air to emphasise the word.
Another point to Laura.
"Well what is it you go for in – a partner?"
Laura hid her face knowing she was practically glowing.
"No idea."
A point to Cain.
"Oh, come on?"
"Well – strong."
"Yes?"
"Reliable."
"A-ha?"
"Understanding."
"Anything else to add?"
Laura looked up laughing; she nudged Helena in the arm earning a raised eyebrow.
"So do I tick all those boxes?"
They were both putting their feelings out there, on a whim – on a quick, cheap, frakking whim. Both would hate themselves tomorrow for it, but neither cared. This moment was all that mattered, and at the moment both had consumed a little too much to drink.
Both out of character.
Both searching – Laura especially.
"Yes."
Both somehow needing the kiss that followed.