It was Friday night in the winter-y town of South Park, Colorado. Three friends were sitting in the living room of the Cartman residence, waiting for their friend impatiently. There he was, bustling into the door with his small, chubby hands suspiciously behind his back. As he walked over he excitedly said "Hey, you guys," in his plumb school-boy voice.
"Where is the new Terrance and Phillip movie?" the jewish boy, Kyle asked, angrily. Cartman set that small, unimportant question aside.
"You'll never belive what other movie came out!" The over-excited fat boy announced.
"We don't care, Cartman," Stanley protested. "We wanna see Terrance and Phillip: Pirates of Gas."
"No! This is even better!" Cartman took his hands out from behind his over-sized coat that seemed to fit im perfectly and showed the boys a black movie box. "Scream ten." He beamed and waited for he other boy to praise him. Kyle placed his thumb and index finger to the roof of his nose and sqeezed his eyes closed as if he wanted to rid a headache. This was something he often did when people annoyed him.
"Cartman, we don't care. We want to see-"
"Come ON, you guys!" Cartman pleaded. He began to squeek in hopelessness and anger. "This movie is awesome!" Stan let out an irate sigh.
"No, Cartman."
Cartman paused for a second and the boys all looked at each other or a good few seconds before Erica shrugged and walked towards the television.
"Ah, fuck you guys. We're watching it anyways." As Cartman slipped the movie out of it's box and into the VCR, Kyle put down his fingers and sighed as well.
"Fine, fat ass. We'll watch your stupid movie." Cartman sat down next to his friends and smiled in victory.
"Why thank you, Kyle."
Televison:
A picture of the killer from Scream suddenly popped onto the TV screen. He had a phone up to his ear and a knife in his other hand. He had a voice that would make anyone nervous with fear as he spoke to a girl that was alone in her kitchen.
"Do you like scary movies?"
"Yes..." The girl said, flirtasiously in her girly teenage voice and slutty clothing. She happened to be playing with the handle of a knife and smilling to herself.
"I can see you," the killer weezed into the phone. He was standing just a few feet away behind a curtain in her living room.
"What?" Just as the slutty teenager was done saying that, the popcorn on the stove poped and burst into flames. The girl let out a highpitched scream and her killer found this the perfect time to run from behind the curtain, holding up a knife, it's silver blade shinning in the light.
"Ahhhh!" The girl screamed and caught on fire. As the girl was distracted, the killer stabbed her and fleed from the house.
* * *
- 20 Minutes Later -
The movie was over and Cartman sat on the couch, staring at the screen in awe.
"Sweeeeet..," He drawled out in amazement. The other boys stared blankly at the television screen in silence until Kenny finally spliced through it with laughter.
"Dude! That sucked!" He said in amusment.
"Cartman. You are the biggest dumbass ever," Kyle insulted.
"Yeah," Stanley agreed. With that, the three boys walked out of the Cartman residence.
"Oh, we'll see who the dumbass is," Cartman threatened with an evil smirk and began to laugh manickly for drama until the air from luaghing tickeled his throat nerves and he began to cough.
* * *
In attempt to cool off from the incedent at Eric Cartman's home, Kenny, Kyle, and Stanley retreated to their savoir, Butter's living room.
"Thanks for letting us watch the Terrance and Phillip movie at your house while your parents are away, Butter," Stan thanked his blonde friend.
"Uh, no problem guys," Butters accepted in a worried tone. "Anytime." Kyle slipped the movie in and they all sat on the couch to watch their film, eagerly. The voices of men saying "Aargh" alot could be heard comming from the television. The phone then rang and Butters walked over and picked it up, placing his ear to the reciever. "Eh, hello?" Just then a heavy breathing such as Darth Vaders in the movies Star Wars, was heard followed by a voice just like it.
"Hello....... Butters."
"Uh, h-hi." More heavy breathing could be heard comming from the telephone. "Um, w-who's this?"
"Um... um .. I - nevermind that!-"
"Well o-" Butters agreed lightly before he was quickly cut off.
"Do you like scary movies?" More dramatic breathing was heard.
"Um, well, I guess, bu-"
"Who the hell are you talking to?" Stan asked. He was getting very annoyed with hearing Butter's pointless conversation.
"I don't know..." Butters replied, completly confused and freaked out.
"Butters, give me the phone," Kyle said in aggrivation and got off the couch towards the overly worrying eight-year-old.
"Well, ok," Kyle snatched the phone from his fragile hands and placed the reciever to his own ear.
"Hello?" This time Kyle got to hear the heavy breathing.
"I'm waiting for yo-" the voice stopped mid-sentence and began coughing uncontrolably. "God damnit! Get the fuck away!" The last sentence, Kyle noticed, sounded alot like a familiar voice had yelled it.
"Cartman?" The mysterious person cleared his throat.
"Eh, no," He coughed again, trying to fix his voice, but seemed to fail horribly. "It's... God damnit! I can see you..," This time the jew knew it was his overly-plump friend. He looked around the room only to spot two small black children-sized feet.
"I can see your feet underneath the curtain, dumbass," Kyle spoke the last sentence dripping with truthful sarcasm. Just then in panick, Cartman ran out in the same exact costume from the movie Scream. He looked entertainingly embarassing. He held up and knife and let out an "Ahhh!" He began to run for Kenny when he stopped alarmingly in his tracks to see a small circular object on the table to the right of him. "Oh, donut," His voice was instantly changed to a happy, yet surprised child opening his birthday present. He took his white mask off and and began eating the chocolatey delightful snack. HE turned around to notice the other boy's faces, he instantly slipped his mask back on and pursude his running after Kenny.
"No!" Kenny managed to mumble out before Cartman punced on him and stabbed him multiple times in his head. After Kenny was dead and Cartman noticed the blood all over the ground around him, he realized the knife was real.
"Oh my God! you killed Kenny!" Stan yelled out in horror.
"You bastard!" Kyle screamed at Cartman.
"Aw, damnit!" Cartman threw the knife under the couch in disappointment and took a second one from his pocket. He paused to look up and ran for Butters, tackling him to the carpet.
"Ahh!" Butters screamed in pain. Eric slammed the plastic knife a number of times in Butters's chest. "Ahh! I'm dying. No! I... I can see the light.." Butters gasped dramtically adn clinged his hands to his chest before falling back and letting his eyes roll to the back of his head. After his victory, Cartman went for his next target of Stna and Kyle.
"No, Cartman! Ahh!" The targets yelled in unison, both covering there faces in fear. Cartman hadn't realized how tired he was getting and was now running in slow motion.
"Meh!!!........." He called out. When the other two living victims realized they weren't dead or hurt, they slowly lowered their hands to see what was happening. They noticed Cartman was actually running in slow motion, but that's normal... it's actually how he can run... So Erica ran for them and stopped to catch his breath. He ran some more and stopped once more for air. Seeing as this was getting no where, Stan and Kyle let themselves stroll out of the room, shaking their heads and leaving the fat boy to run in slow-mo. "Wait. Where the fuck are you guys going? No. Stop! Come back!" He moaned and kept running for the boys.
Stanley and Kyle ind themselves outside of Butters's house once more, only they're fixed on walking home.
"Cartman is such a dumbass!" Stan exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Kyle agreed and they both went home.
Back inside, Cartman finally made it to the couch, panting all the while.
"Oh, damnit!" He sat down and started eating donuts and popcorn, watching Pirates of Gas. He glanced over to Butter who was still complaining as he lay on the ground.
"I'm dying. Help. I still se the light.....aeee" Then he moaned and Eric prayed he would finally shut upwhile he looked back to the television.
* * *
- Next Day -
Stan and Kyle are yes, once again, in Butters's living room.
"Thanks again, Butters. For letting us watch Terrance and Phillip: Pirates of Gas.
"Yeah, Cartman is the biggest dumbass," Kyle agreed with the thanking.
"Yeah," A voice was heard from someone else in the room. The boys looked at their teacher who was standing next to the couch.
"Mr. Garrison?!" Kyle asked, stupefied.
"Dude, what are you doing in Butter's living room?"
"Uh, Mr. Hat wanted to watch the movie," He turned to the Uncle Sam look-alike on his hand. "Right Mr. Hat?" The puppet nodded. The boys stared at Mr Garrison for a while. "Damnit! Fine! Let's go Mr. Hat," With that, he grabbed a box of tissues ad abottle of lotion he had behind the curtain and walked out of the house exasperatedly. So, with the break of another awkward silence, Butters slipped the highly wanted movie into the VCR once more.
Television:
"Aargh," A man bellowed.
"Ahh!" A woman screamed. Just then two men walked over to the scene.
"Hello, Terrance," Once said to the other.
"Hello, Phillip," He replied to Terrance.
"We must save miss Swann!" Phillip demanded. "Aargh!"
"Yes! Aargh!" Phillip acknowledged with a loud fart. The two of them laughed.
Just then the phone inturupted once again.
"I'll get it," Kyle walked to the phone and and answered. "Hello?"
"Hello, Kyle," The familiar, mysterious voice was heard, alng with his heavy breathing.
"Cartman! We're trying yo watch a movie! Stop being a dumbass, fat ass!"
"Oooo, is it a scary movie? I like scary movies." Kyle was growing impatient.
"Cartman, I know it's you," He looked around the room and saw a pair of feet under the curtain. "I can see your feet, again." The voice laughed.
"I'm watching you," And there was a click and the phone was dissonnected. Kyle couldn't stand Cartman;s behavior while he was simply trying to watch a damn movie! He grabbed a baseball bat, irratedly, and stomped over to the curtain. Just then a tall, slim man ran out from behind the curatin with a knife in hand. It wasn't Cartman. The boys all screamed all together. Kyle panicked, the baseball bat then collided into the intruder and the jew went crazy as he continued to beat the man on the ground. Butters and Stan helped with kicked the killer on the sides.
* * *
- An Hour Later -
The paramedics are being helpedby the police in taking the man in the scream costume away. Cartman walked over to the boys with a donut box.
"Ha ha. You guys suck," He taunted. "I got donuts and you almost get killed," He laughed while he was eating and chocked.
"You know what guys, I learned something today," As Kyle spoke that, uplifting music chimed in. "Never leave the house without your donut box or else Cartman will take it," Butters and Stan nodded.
"Yeah."
"Y-yeah," Butters repeated. Then there was silence. nly Cartman was still chocking and fell to the ground. The boys took one last look at the pathetic fat boy and walked away. Eric looked at his box of donuts beside him and stopped.
"Oh, donut," He struggled to reach the donuts when his mother came along. "Meh-m. Mehmy?"
"Yes honey?" Mrs. Cartman asked in her sugar sweet voice.
"Can you hand me the donuts?" As Eric lay on his back, his mother hands him the donuts and walks away.
"Come home soon, dear," Cartman began eating and sining at the same time.
"In the ghetto. On a cold and gray chicago morning, a little baby child is born.
In the ghetto....."
------------------------------------------------------
Fat Ass Scream Man
© XPuppet A.K.A. Brandi & Ashley
This fanfic cannot be reproduced or redistributed without the author's permission. No infringement intended. All rights reserved.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of South Park. No money is being produced as a result of this fanfic's publication. This was written on mine and my friend's time, alone.