Hello, everyone! This is a collaboration between myself and the lovely MissKluck! Go check out her work, she's a great writer.
We don't own Naruto.
It was a bright and beautiful day in Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Tsunade was in a drunken rage.
"Those damn elders are pissing me off! I've got enough to worry about without them on my ass about that Uchiha brat! I know the village is broke!" The blonde haired woman yelled, reaching for her sake.
"Tsunade-sama, please calm down!" Shizune exclaimed. "Drinking and yelling isn't going to solve anything!"
Tsunade let out an angry sigh and put her head in her hands. "I know, I know. We need to find a solution, and quickly. The village can't go on like this for much longer," the hokage said, shaking her head slightly in an attempt to clear it.
Shizune walked over to her superior, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She knew that Tsunade was stressed, and for good reason. Quite frankly, everyone in the village was under a lot of stress. The Fourth Shinobi World War had come to an end a month prior, and that was definitely something to be happy about. However, the leaf village had been almost completely decimated in all of the fighting. Rebuilding the village, as well as helping neighboring villages rebuild, left Konoha almost completely broke.
Konoha wasn't the only village that suffered. Nations all over were suffering, so there was a lot of competition for missions. Because missions were so few and far between, Konoha was having trouble supporting itself in the aftermath of the war. The village elders were far from happy because of this, and were constantly pestering Tsunade to come up with a solution. Not only were they pestering the hokage about a solution for the village's money problems, but they also wanted her to decide on a suitable punishment for a certain Uchiha.
Tsunade sat up, took a sip of her sake and eyed her attendant. "I understand the elders being upset about our financial situation, because I am too. What I don't understand is their ongoing grudge against Sasuke Uchiha. The brat has done some very questionable things, but he more than made up for it during the war, and now he's back. I put the kid on probation, and that should be enough," the blonde said.
"I agree, Tsunade-sama. However, Sasuke did betray the village and became an international criminal. Even if he is loyal now, many of the villagers still don't trust him," Shizune replied.
There was really nothing Tsunade could say to argue, because she knew Shizune was right. Sasuke did play a huge role in defeating Madara and saving the village. However, while most villagers appreciated his efforts and decided to forgive the Uchiha, others did not. Upon hearing of the Uchiha's return to the village and his lenient punishment, some villagers took it upon themselves to come up to her office and give her a piece of their mind. The elders were also enraged, and demanded that Tsunade come up with a second punishment.
"Those corrupt old bastards just make me so angry. Now that I know about the role they played in the Uchiha Massacre, I want to prosecute them so damn badly!" Tsunade screeched.
"You know you can't do that, Tsunade-sama," Shizune said glumly.
"Yeah, I know. It drives me crazy," the blonde replied with a scowl.
When Tsunade finally found out the truth about the Uchiha Massacre, her first instinct was to strip the elders of their position and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law. Unfortunately for her, there was nothing she could do. The massacre had been ordered by the elders and approved by the third hokage himself. No laws had been broken, and her hands were tied. That realization made her feel sick to her stomach.
"So what are you going to do?" Shizune asked.
"Well, I need to find a way to bring our village out of debt, as well as find an appropriate punishment for Sasuke. I don't know what to do for either of those things," Tsunade replied.
Suddenly, the door to Tsunade's office burst open, revealing a certain blond haired knucklehead. "Yo, baa-chan!" Naruto greeted, shutting the door and strutting across the room.
"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" the hokage growled.
Naruto stopped in front of her desk and raised an eyebrow, pouting slightly. "What's the matter, baa-chan? You haven't gotten pissed about my calling you that for a while now. You going through menopause?"
Tsunade promptly grabbed her nearly empty sake bottle and chucked it at the blonde's head. Naruto yelped and ducked just in time before the bottle crashed against the door to the office. "What the hell!?" he screeched.
"Tsunade-sama, was that really necessary!?" Shizune exclaimed.
"Now is not the time to push my buttons," Tsunade seethed.
Shizune sighed and turned to Naruto, who had backed away slightly in fear. "I'm terribly sorry, Naruto-san. Tsunade-sama is under a lot of stress right now," she said apologetically.
"It's not your fault, nee-chan," Naruto replied, smiling at the brunette before turning back to Tsunade. "What are you so stressed about?"
"You know our financial situation, Naruto. The elders have been pressuring me to come up with a solution, as well as an additional punishment for Sasuke," Tsunade replied.
"He's already on probation until further notice. What else could they want?" Naruto asked with a frown.
"If they had their way, Sasuke would be dead or in prison. Unfortunately for them, there's no way in hell that'll happen, not after his actions during the war," Tsunade replied.
"Do you have any ideas in mind on how to solve this?" Shizune asked.
"I can help you come up with something! I mean, I am the hokage in training, after all," Naruto said with a grin.
"That you are," Tsunade smirked, "So tell me, what did you have in mind?"
The grin left Naruto's face, and he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Heh, I'm actually not so sure. Whenever I needed extra cash, I'd sell something of mine. Too bad I don't have anything worth an arm and a leg!"
Tsunade suddenly froze, and a look of realization dawned on her face. Naruto and Shizune stared at the hokage, wondering what she could possibly be thinking.
"Naruto, you just gave me an idea," Tsunade said.
"I did?"
"He did?"
"Yes, he did. We can hold an auction," the hokage stated.
"An auction? But Tsunade-sama, what could we possibly have to auction off? The village no longer has anything of value," Shizune replied.
"Oh yes, we do. We have many young, handsome ninja. Ninja that are very eligible bachelors," Tsunade said, smirking.
"Wait a minute, you can't possibly be thinking-"
"That's exactly what I'm thinking. Konoha will hold a festival, and during that festival, we'll hold an auction. People will come from villages all over just for a chance to date our shinobi. The highest bidder will be the winner," she explained.
"Uh, baa-chan? I think this is all of the sake talking," Naruto said slowly.
"Yeah, probably. But that's beside the point. Not only will this help solve the village's money problems, but it'll solve our other problem too," Tsunade replied.
"What other problem?" Shizune asked.
"Sasuke, of course. I've decided that he'll be one of the ninja we auction off," Tsunade said.
"WHAT!? Hey, wait a minute! Sasuke may be a teme, but he's still my best friend. You can't just auction him off like that!" Naruto exclaimed.
"I'm going to have to agree with Naruto-san. I don't see how this could possibly work," Shizune said, concerned.
Tsunade reached for her sake, but frowned upon remembering she'd thrown the bottle across the room. She really needed to reel in her temper. She looked up at Naruto and Shizune, entirely unconcerned. "Sasuke would never willingly go along with this, which is exactly why I'm making him do it. We bring in money for the village, Sasuke gets punished, and the elders get off my back. It's the perfect plan," Tsunade stated.
"You're seriously going to let Sasuke be auctioned off to some random girl?" Naruto asked with a frown.
"I highly doubt we'll have to worry about just any girl getting their hands on him," Tsunade said with a smirk, thinking of a certain pink haired student of hers.
As if on cue, said pinkette and a blonde haired girl entered the office. "Tsunade-sama, Ino and I have a question about this patient- Oh, hey, Naruto!" Sakura greeted.
"Hey there, Sakura-chan, Ino-chan!" Naruto greeted back with a grin.
"Hello, you two. You have perfect timing," Tsunade said.
"We do? What's going on?" Ino asked.
"You two may want to take a seat," Shizune warned, pulling up two chairs for the girls.
The girls cautiously walked over and took a seat in front of Tsunade's desk, not knowing what to expect. Knowing Tsunade, it could be anything.
"I've come up with a solution to the village's financial problems," Tsunade stated.
"Really? That's great news! I know you've been really stressed about it lately," Sakura replied with a smile. "What did you come up with?"
"We're going to auction off Konoha's most eligible bachelors," she said simply.
The room immediately went silent. Sakura and Ino simply stared at their superior, wondering if they'd heard right.
"We're… what?" Ino asked, dumbfounded.
"Konoha is going to hold a festival, and people from far and wide are going to compete for a chance to date our shinobi. As punishment, one of these shinobi will be our very own Sasuke Uchiha," the hokage explained.
"Um, with all due respect, Tsunade-sama, I don't think this is-"
"That sounds like an amazing idea!" Ino exclaimed.
The pinkette looked over at her best friend, glaring daggers at the blonde. How could Ino possibly think this was a good idea? Sakura huffed and turned back to her master.
"No, it's not! We can't just auction off Sasuke-kun like that!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Why not? You're not jealous, are you?" Tsunade smirked.
Sakura immediately shut up, a blush rising to her cheeks. She hoped nobody noticed, but that hope was dashed as her master's smirk widened. "O-Of course I'm not jealous! I just feel that this is morally wrong!" she stuttered.
"Oh, lighten up, Sakura-chan! This could be fun! Who knows, maybe you could be the highest bidder for Sasuke-kun," Ino teased.
Sakura shook her head, trying to will her blush to go away and failing miserably. "I'm not bidding on anyone," Sakura growled.
"Try not to be mad, Sakura-chan! I know it sounds a little crazy, but it's definitely not the worst punishment for Sasuke-teme," Naruto said, hoping to make Sakura feel better.
Ino nodded her head in agreement. "Naruto is right. Besides, you can deny it all you want, but you know having a chance to date Sasuke-kun is a dream come true for you," she said, smirking at her best friend.
The pinkette glared daggers at the blonde. "Shut. Up."
"I'm sorry, Sakura, but the decision has been made. Two weeks from now, we'll be holding our festival," Tsunade stated.
"But Tsunade-sama-!" Sakura shouted.
"No buts!" Tsunade barked, effectively silencing her student, before turning to Shizune.
"Shizune, I want you to make a list of the most eligible bachelors in Konoha, and tell them to come to my office immediately," she ordered.
Shizune nodded and bowed at her master. "Of course, Tsunade-sama," she said, immediately heading to the other side of the room to begin making her list.
The hokage turned back to her pupils. "I'm sure you two can figure out the answer to your question yourselves. You're smart girls. Go back to the hospital and see the rest of your patients. You're dismissed," she commanded.
Ino immediately got up and bowed. Sakura on the other hand stayed in her chair for a few moments, glaring at her master. When she came into the office to ask the hokage a simple question, she never expected to hear of this crazy scheme. She was shocked, disappointed, and quite frankly, jealous. Sakura slowly stood up and silently walked out of the office without another word, Ino following closely behind.
It didn't take long for Shizune to make out her list and send for Konoha's bachelors. All of the shinobi entered the room one by one, each wondering why they were summoned so suddenly.
"All right, before we begin, I'm going to take roll. Kakashi Hatake," Tsunade called.
"Aa."
"Sasuke Uchiha,"
"Hn."
"Shikamaru Nara,"
"Yep."
"Kiba Inuzuka,"
"Here!"
"Sai,"
"I'm here."
Satisfied, Tsunade folded her hands on her desk and regarded the shinobi in front of her, while Naruto and Shizune looked on in silence. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here so suddenly. I'll make this quick. I have a mission for you all," she said.
"What kind of mission?" Kiba asked.
Tsunade went on to explain how the village had been having a financial crisis in the aftermath of the war, and how the village would be hosting a festival. She informed the shinobi of the auction and exactly what it entailed, as well as letting Sasuke know that participating would be the second part of his punishment. After she finished explaining everything, she sat back in silence, letting the information sink in.
"You can't be serious," Sasuke growled, incredibly annoyed. He couldn't believe this. He didn't want to be auctioned off to some annoying girl that he didn't even know. He had no interest in anyone, and he really didn't see that changing anytime soon. The only person he felt even slightly comfortable with winning the auction would be Sakura, and she'd seemed to be avoiding him like the plague recently.
"I'm very serious," Tsunade replied.
"There's no way in hell I'm doing this," the raven hissed.
"Listen up, Uchiha. I'm doing you a favor. If it was up to the elders, they'd have your head. You should be grateful it's this and not jail!" Tsunade boomed.
"Why would I want to date some random, annoying girl!?" Sasuke yelled.
"Because it'd be good for you! Maybe you can find yourself a nice wife and get to work on some Uchiha babies!" the blonde yelled back.
"Tch," was all the Uchiha said. He looked away, knowing there was nothing he could do or say to change the hokage's mind. Sure, he'd wanted to revive the Uchiha clan, but not like this. He wanted a strong, intelligent, kind woman to revive the clan with; not some stupid, weak village girl. He sighed to himself, resigning himself to his fate.
'Who knows, maybe some good will come out of this,' he thought.
"This whole thing is so troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.
"Question. Why isn't Naruto a part of this auction? He's the hokage in training. Wouldn't he be perfect for something like this?" Kiba asked.
Naruto grinned at the Inuzuka and shook his head. "Nope! I'm not a part of this auction because I've already got myself a woman!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Who would that be?" Kiba asked.
"None other than Hinata-chan!" the blond said, grinning from ear to ear.
"WHAT? You're dating Hinata-chan and neither of you told me!?" came Kiba's shocked reply.
"Wow, I'm surprised. I never thought dickless would actually get himself a girlfriend," Sai chimed in.
"HEY! What is it with you and the dick comments, you asshole!?"
Hoping to diffuse the situation before it escalated any further, Kakashi stepped forward and spoke up. "Alright, you guys. That's enough. I know you may not like this, but we need to make the best of it, and that includes getting along," he said calmly.
"Thank you, Kakashi. Pipe down, all of you. Also, Naruto. You will in fact be part of this auction," Tsunade said.
"What!? But I have a girlfriend already!" Naruto bellowed.
"Your girlfriend comes from the main house of one of the most prestigious clans in Konoha. I'm sure she has enough money to outbid everyone else," Tsunade smirked.
"Well, that's greedy," Shikamaru muttered.
"Being philanthropic won't pay the bills," Tsunade retorted.
"Don't I get a say in this!?" Naruto screeched.
"No, you don't. This is a direct order to all of you, and an official mission. Two weeks from today, we'll be holding the festival, as well as the auction. The preparations are to begin immediately. You're all dismissed," the hokage said, leaving no room for argument.
The shinobi that had been summoned bowed to the hokage and left the room, except for Sasuke and Naruto. The Uchiha stood in front of Tsunade, Naruto, and Shizune, and glared daggers at all three of them. "I can't believe you're making me do this," he muttered.
"I can't believe you're still in my office," Tsunade retorted.
"Tsunade-sama, be nice!" Shizune scolded.
"Nice, my ass," Tsunade muttered.
Naruto immediately groaned in disgust. "I really don't want to think about your ass, baa-chan," he said, still bitter about being forced into this auction.
Tsunade growled and glared at the blond, beyond fed up with everyone. "That's it! Get the hell out of my sight, all of you!" she yelled.
Knowing better than to argue, the three other occupants of the room quickly shuffled out the room, not wanting to face the hokage's wrath.
Sasuke walked out of the hokage tower and into the direction of his apartment. He walked slowly, trying to let what had just happened sink in. So, he was going to be auctioned off and forced to go on a date with some random girl. Great. He supposed it wasn't as bad as going to jail, though the more he thought about it, jail may have been better than going on a date with some annoying girl. He'd certainly rather rot in a jail cell than have Karin try to seduce him all of the damn time. He could only hope that the woman who won the auction would be someone worth his time. Though with his luck, this was bound to end badly.
Sasuke sighed to himself as he made his way into his apartment. This would certainly be interesting.
Hope you enjoyed! What could possibly happen at the festival? Who will be the winning bidders? Stay tuned for the next chapter! Don't forget to review, follow, and favorite!