Assignment: Bad Boy, a bully fanfic

"Assignment: Bad Boy"
By: Seinasu

Author's Note: This story has some implied slash (nothing major) and this story is through the eyes of a nameless student of Bullworth.

I don't know you and you don't know me. I'm just an average senior who attends Bullworth Academy, located in a crappy hole-in-the-wall town somewhere in the New England area. I'm doing a report for my psychology class and the topic I'm forced to do is why women are attracted to "bad guys." See, the thing about my school is that it's filled with bad guys—pricks, assholes, jerks, etc. A fair number of students at Bullworth are Bullies who don't care who they wail on as long as they find a victim smaller and weaker than them. Apparently, this is a turn on for some girls (God only knows why). So here's what I've gathered as to why this is the case. I interviewed a couple of girls from different cliques and asked them a couple of questions, all leading towards the answer as to "why?"

ME: So, Angie, what is it about the bad boy image that excites you?

ANGIE: Um... Hehehe... Well... I'm not too sure... Normally I don't go for that type...

ME: But you've been spotted on and off campus making out with different bad boys.

ANGIE: Oh? Really...?

ME: Let me get my notes out here. According to my sources, you've been spotted kissing certain boys who come from different cliques—Jocks, Preps, Greasers, and on occasion the Bullies.

ANGIE: Hehehe... Wow, that many? I'm normally pretty shy around boys.

ME: Shy or not, you've made out with them and probably the most infamous of these bad boys is Jimmy Hopkins.

ANGIE: Oh, Jimmy! He's so bad but at the same time he's so sweet!

ME: What is it about Jimmy that attracts you?

ANGIE: Well, like I said he's bad and he's sweet. He gets into trouble all the time but when he sees me, he gives me flowers or candies, and then we kiss...

At this point, Angie starts to giggle and space out on me. So I decide to end our interview and find my next person of interest.

ME: Christy, thank you for taking time off of your busy schedule to do this quick interview.

CHRISTY: Busy? I was only going to return this book to the library. No major hurry.

ME: All right then. What is it about bad boys that attract you?

CHRISTY: They're totally into making out with you. They all act like they're tough and everything but if you like, make out with them in certain spots, they tend to come back waiting for you at that certain spot. Boys have this kind of homing device as to where you should meet your girls and stuff. I told Jimmy that if we made out like, ten times a day, he'd live longer.

ME: Jimmy Hopkins?

CHRISTY: Yeah.

ME: He's the ultimate anti-hero of this school isn't he?

CHRISTY: Anti-what?

ME: I mean... He's a bad boy, who does good stuff once in a while, right? So what is it about him that makes him attractive?

CHRISTY: He's a great kisser and he knows where to keep his hands. He doesn't try to drive his tongue down your throat like some people do. He gets into all this trouble with everyone but he still acts all nice and sweet around me. Regular guys are just too nice and boring!

ME: That's the second time I've heard someone call Jimmy "sweet."

CHRISTY: Wait, what? Who else told you that?

ME: I'm not allowed to reveal my sources.

CHRISTY: I bet Angie said that, didn't she? I'm gonna go talk to her right now. Here, take my book and return it. I've gotta go find her.

ME: Wait! Um... oh dammit. I hate going to the library. We're ending this piece here.

After I tread into Nerd territory, I find Beatrice sitting outside of the library with her nose in a book. I've seen her kissing Jimmy on occasion and decide to question her.

BEATRICE: Human sexuality is an amazing subject. It's a part of life implied by the status quo and rules of human behavior…

ME: Hang on, hang on... All I want to know is why you like bad boys.

BEATRICE: I don't necessarily like bad boys. They don't follow the rules and the way they break your heart by doing bad things... It generates such excitement that you wouldn't feel from a regular boy.

ME: Anything you'd like to share from personal experience with a certain boy?
BEATRICE: Well...

She seems hesitant.

ME: What if I bring up the name "Jimmy Hopkins?"

BEATRICE: Ah, Jimmy! He's very kind and sweet.

ME: That's three now.

BEATRICE: What?
ME: Oh, nothing, don't mind me. So, Jimmy's a nice guy even though he gets into trouble?

BEATRICE: He's very exciting and there's never a dull moment when you're with him. He's a nice break from all the studying and reading. And he doesn't mind kissing someone with cold sores.

ME: That's disgusting. But thank you, Beatrice.

BEATRICE: Would you care to join my friends and I for a round of Grottos and Gremlins?

ME: Um... No thanks.

No sooner do I leave the library do I spot my next subject. She isn't part of any clique yet, but she's young and her answers will most likely be less complex.

ME: So Melody, why do you like bad boys?

MELODY: You know, I don't know! I guess they're pretty exciting! It's funny to see them get into trouble! Some bad boys are really mean but some of them can be pretty nice.

ME: Can you name one person who's a bad boy but who's nice to you?

MELODY: Mmm... Jimmy?

ME: You think Jimmy's a nice bad boy?

MELODY: I think so! I wish I could find a nice boy but the ones here are just...

ME: Boring?

MELODY: Yeah! You know what I'm talking about! I'm so attracted to bad boys and it bugs me but at the same time it doesn't. That's all!

For my next couple of interviews I'm forced to go into dangerous territory and my first person of interest is the queen bee of the Jocks and captain of the cheerleading squad.

ME: Thank you for granting me an interview.

MANDY: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's get on this—I have to get ready for cheerleading practice.

ME: All right. So, why do you like bad boys?

MANDY: Who said I ever liked bad boys?

ME: Well... sources tell me you're dating the school's star quarterback Ted Thompson.

MANDY: Well, duh.

ME: But on a certain number of occasions you were seeing kissing Jimmy Hopkins, a notorious bad boy.

MANDY: What the hell? No way! You're lying! Wait, wait, it's coming back to me... Yeah, Jimmy... You know for a short, tubby kid he isn't that bad. Yeah, he gets into a lot of trouble but he's really sweet. He's helped me out here and there. He deserved the make out sessions I gave him.

ME: Does Ted know about these run ins with Jimmy?

MANDY: NO! And if you tell him or anybody else I will personally see to it that your pathetic, loser self is stuffed into a locker so deep that they'll have to dig a hole to China just to bring you back.

ME: Don't worry, Mandy, I'll be sure to bleep your name out in my final draft.

I make sure Mandy's name is emphasized in big bold letters on my paper before I search for my next person of interest. This time I head off campus into the Town of Bullworth and eventually into the New Coventry area. It's a run-down area of town infested with mostly bums and low-income families. This is where I find Lola, the only female member of the Greasers clique.

ME: You are known for dating many different guys. What do you like about the bad boys in particular?

LOLA: Are you calling me a slut?

ME: No, I never said—

LOLA: Because I am not a slut! A slut is someone who puts out way too early. I wait at least until the second date before I let them even go through my precious belongings.

ME: Uh... okay... So, Lola, any bad boys you can think of?

LOLA: All of the boys I date are bad in their own, cute little ways. I was with Gord last year and while he was nice and sweet and everything, I had a feeling he really wasn't interested with me. He seemed a little... fruity if you know what I mean? But he was so kind to spend all of his money on little ol' me, despite our different classes and all. Then there was…

She goes through a list of other guys that she fooled around with, and it lasts for ten minutes before she finally hits pay dirt.

LOLA: Johhny is my beloved one and only. But he and Jimmy Hopkins are so alike it's scary. I find both of them to be the prime examples of manly-men. They're quick to anger and not afraid to fight for what they believe in. I just especially love it when they fight for my attention. They don't care what they do as long as they get their prize—me!

ME: Yeaaah. Right.

LOLA: I don't know what it is about me. Am I really like Helen of Troy? I can't help how beautiful I am. I attract all types of boys. It's the bad boys that really get my heart racing.

As soon as I finish talking to Lola, I'm quickly chased away by her 1950s impaired buddies. I find my way over in Old Bullworth Vale, particularly in front of the town's only movie theater. To my luck, I find my next subject standing in line, apparently waiting for somebody. The featured movie is entitled Not Another Goddamn Sequel! The Movie Part IV.

PINKY: Where were you? You're late! Twenty minutes late! You're the absolute worst!

ME: What?

PINKY: You heard me! Twenty—no, twenty-one minutes late now!

ME: I just got here and um, I'm not on a date with you.

PINKY[looks at me really close then reels back like I smell like fish or something. You're right. I'd never someone as homely as you. Must've been mistaken. Sorry.

ME: I'm sure. I understand you're engaged to your cousin?

Pink sighs at me.

PINKY: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. What is it about marrying in your family that people don't understand?

ME: So if you're pretty much set for life with Derby, then why not just stick with him? Why venture towards someone like Jimmy Hopkins?

PINKY: Understand that Derby is just a bad boy as Jimmy Hopkins. It's just that at times... Derby doesn't want to get his hands dirty. He gets other people to do it for him, that's why he's where he's at today. Meanwhile Jimmy doesn't mind getting down and dirty and it's actually kind of cute. It's nice to know that there are guys out there, no matter what their social stature is, who will do whatever it takes to make you happy.

ME: Derby doesn't mind Jimmy kissing you?

PINKY: Oh, he minds all right but what can you do? We're going to be married anyway, he and I. The thing about Jimmy is that he's so exciting and dangerous. Derby can be dangerous too... er, sometimes... But Jimmy doesn't care about what he does. He has that devil-may-care attitude and it's just so stimulating! Now, are you going to get me some popcorn money or am I going to have to do everything myself?

I slip away from Pinky and head back to campus. On my way back to the main building, I run into Zoe, a formally expelled student who was re-enrolled during the summer time.

ZOE: What do you what?

ME: Quick question—bad boys, yes or no?

ZOE: Bad boys? Like Edgar or Jimmy?

ME: Which ever you prefer. Or bad boys in general.

ZOE: Are you saying that you're a bad boy like them?

ME: Oh god no. I'm just doing this for my psychology class. I need to do this for my mid-quarter final.

ZOE: Okay then... Um... Jimmy's pretty fun to be around. He doesn't mind getting into trouble with me. Our first date together involved seeing how much stuff we could break. Ha, it was loads of fun! He's not a bad kid, y'know? And oh man, the way he kisses is just unbelievable! Even though he acts all tough, he's an all around nice guy. He could've kicked Edgar's ass at the abandoned plant but instead he helped him out. He's someone you'd really want to have on your side.

ME: So he's a bad boy but... at the same time he's good?

ZOE: I guess you can put it that way. He doesn't like listening to authorities and seeing him outrun the teachers is pretty damn hilarious. Someday, I think he's gonna be taller than the rest of us. Then he'll be able to outrun us all with those long legs of his!

ME: Uh-huh.

ZOE: Jimmy's just a guy you can really have fun with—that is, if you can keep up with him.

ME: So, Eunice, what's up with Jimmy? Why do you like him?

EUNICE: On his first day of school, he got my stolen chocolates back and he even made out with me.

ME: ... Oh... Okay...

EUNICE: He lets me hug him and kiss him and he's such a good kisser.

ME: That's what I've been hearing.

EUNICE: What? From who? Who else has been kissing my main squeeze? I can't believe he'd do that to me behind my back. I thought what we had was special!

ME: I'm... gonna go now. Thank you, Eunice.

EUNICE: JIMMY!!

I believe I have all the data I have necessary but then just for fun, I decide to interview some of the more "curious" boys in to see how they react when I ask them about the bad boys and why they like them. Like the girls, they all seem to talk about Jimmy as the prime example of being a bad boy.

TRENT: He's a totally awesome kisser! When we kiss, it's just like one of those romance movies!

ME: Okay... So being a bad boy makes you a better kisser?

TRENT: I dunno what it is, but that makes sense. I mean, you push people around and you have all this power, and then you turn around a kiss someone and it's like, whoa! It's just so awesome! It's different from kissing a nice, normal girl. Girls are great and all, don't get me wrong, but kissing a bad boy is just another level of happiness.

ME: ... Right.

CORNELIUS: Jimmy's not bad! He's a very nice boy! A little rough around the edges... but he's so wonderful and marvelous! Bad boys are scary. They're Bullies who have nothing better to do than pick on people who actually use their brains. No, not Jimmy. Never Jimmy.

ME: What about the trouble he's gotten into over the course of time?

CORNELIUS: That's because he didn't have me, his beloved Juliet at his side.

ME: Juliet?

CORNELIUS: Didn't you see my performance last year? I was the best Juliet the school ever had in over twenty years since the production began!

ME: Right, right, I forgot. Thanks for your time.

GORD: What a deliciously dirty thing to talk about! Boys make life more exciting. They can be quite troublesome at times but then again, what's life without a little sprinkle of vicious people here and there? Bad boys... What a delightful thought! Kissing them is like stepping into the line of fire! It's like dancing with a hobo!

ME: What?

GORD: You know, someone like you but riddled with disease and absolute filth.

ME: Thanks, glad to know I'm being distinguished. [I mutter "jackass" under my breath but of course he doesn't hear me.

GORD: Jimmy's tongue is so strong and manly—just thinking about it sends chills down my spine. Oooh!

VANCE: Bad boys? What do you think I am? Johnny and me and the gang—we're bad to the bone. So what if I dress like a pirate? Got a problem with that? I can't help it if I look good wearing a patch and a peg leg! We run from the law and fight against it if we gotta. We constantly get into trouble because of who we are and what we represent.

ME: What do the Greasers represent?

VANCE: Individualism.

ME: Wait, that doesn't make sense—

VANCE: Now if you wanna talk bad, besides Johnny, I think Hopkins can rank up there. He doesn't care who he pisses off but... just between you and me, he's a great kisser.

ME: Uh-huh.

VANCE: It's nice to kiss someone who isn't taller or bigger than you. Jimmy's just right. If he can run alongside us and keep up with us, then he's an okay bad boy in my book. I just wish he'd stop by and see me more often.

KIRBY: I'm telling you right now, if you say anything—and I mean ANYTHING—about this to anyone, I'll pound cake your ass into next week!

ME: Deal. What is it about bad boys you like?

KIRBY: God, could you stop saying that?

ME: Saying what? Boys?

KIRBY: YES! Say bad girls or something that doesn't make me sound gay!

ME: But from what I heard, aren't you a little... y'know…?

KIRBY: A little what?!

ME: Haven't you kissed any boys?

KIRBY: Are you calling me gay?

ME: No! NO! It's just people have seen you kissing Jimmy and at times, seen you with Trent.

KIRBY: Oh man, oh man… People saw us?!

ME: I have a feeling we're not getting anywhere with this.

KIRBY: Yeah, that's right. Now scram! Before I bust your head open! ... Oh hey, nice shoes by the way.

DUNCAN: I may be a dropout, but I know what I like and I like hanging out with Hopkins. He's a cool kid and he's like us, a bunch of troublemakers. Bad boys... Did I mention he's pretty nice with gifts?

ME: Is he a good kisser?

DUNCAN: Er, um... Yeah, I guess. Just for the record, he came onto ME first.

ME: Got it.

DUNCAN: I'm trying to convince him to play Grottos and Gremlins because in that game, you can kill a bunch of things and take their stuff. I wish I could do that with Jimmy someday.

ME: You mean kill people and take their belongings?

DUNCAN: Oh hell no! Beat people up and take their stuff and just run off together.

ME: ... Alright. Whatever you say.

In conclusion, I have decided that the people I interviewed for my assignment are a bunch of idiots. They are poor representations of this academy and of Bullworth in general. Their reasons for liking bad boys turned into worshipping Jimmy Hopkins. I admit he did a lot to turn our school into a more tolerate place, never the less, he raised the bar to a level so high, the rest of us average guys can't even get a girl to look in our general direction unless we stuff someone in the garbage or trip an innocent pedestrian with marbles. There are people who want a serious relationship—but none of them go to this school! They don't mind kissing and passing around a guy who's practically locked lips with half of the students in Bullworth. Boys or girls, clean shaven or littered with cold sores, I suppose bad boys can get away with anything as long as they can charm the pants off of their victims.

I believe it's time for the bad boys to step down, I'm talking to you Jimmy Hopkins, and let the average Joes kiss a girl or a boy who hasn't been tainted by your bad boy ways!

THE END