Disclaimer: Klonoa is property of Namco. Also, the format of this story does not belong to me. I was unable to contact the original owner, as appears to have mail logging problems.
Author's Note: This is an entirely new take on the Klonoa characters. What if they were actually 'units'? What would be their instruction manual?
Read on to find out Klonoa's instruction manual.
Beware, though; this is a cross between odd sense and insanity. You might find the whole thing too crazy.
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The Klonoa Owner's Guide
To the owner:
Thank you for purchasing the 'Klonoa' unit. Please read this instruction manual throughly to ensure many years of happiness and joy with your Klonoa unit. Namco Inc. is pleased to have brought out the new, revised units, and guarantees that all the bugs in the previous version has been fixed.
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Specifications and Aesthetics:
Name: Klonoa
Alias: Dream Traveller
Type: Male, Lunatean Cabbit
Age: 13
Manufacturers: Klonoa Works Inc, Namco, Japan.
Date of Manufacture: 1997. Last revised in 2005.
Description: Anthro-hybrid, known as a cabbit. Black and white with blue clothes, red shoes, blue hat and amber eyes. See the 'Mode' section below to see how this appearence can be changed.
Height/Weight: Around 90cm or 1m in height. Weight unspecified. Still a child, so is shorter than the other models.
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Mode:
The settings of the Klonoa unit is simple. Your Klonoa has two modes available, which you can switch as much as you wish.
Mode I. 'Old-School' Mode. The Klonoa unit will appear to be younger, and will have a red dog-collar around the neck along with red shorts. The blue hat will remain in place. Also, the eyes will change to black, with the irises coloured yellow.
Mode II. 'Revised' Mode. The Klonoa unit will have blue clothes, blue hat and red boots, along with longer headfur. The eyes will change to amber.
This version is a 'Revised' version, so the standard Klonoa unit will be set to Mode II. However, you can change the settings as often as you want.
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Accessories:
The Klonoa unit will have the following items:
1 Gold ring
30 Dreamstones
3 Moon fragments
1 Spare hat
The items are replaceable. Contact 1-800-NAMCO-CHAR for further information.
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Unpacking Procedures:
Your Klonoa unit will arrive to you in his own protective crate, fresh right from the factory. To keep his moving parts pristine and clean, you might wish to give it a bath and grooming before activating the unit. It is fully recommend you do not activate the unit before the bath and grooming; his feline/cabbit instincts will reject the contact with water and he is most likely to end up throwing you out of the bathroom with his Wind Ring. Remember, your unit cannot swim. Do not leave the bath unattended once your unit is activated.
Warning: Female owners, married or committed to a partner are recommended to keep your partner out of the house when carrying out this procedure. Namco Inc. does not take responsibility for divorce/fight/injury procedures due to this.
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Operating Your Unit:
Apart from the aesthetic value of your Klonoa unit, it can be utilized in many ways.
Foreign Language Teacher: Klonoa units are programmed to be patient, especially with children. Your unit is perfectly capable of teaching its language, Klonian, to your children and you. Be warned, though, as this language is extremely addictive.
Babysitter: As said above, Klonoa units are patient and good with children. If you have a Moo unit or two, the children will enjoy the sight of your Klonoa unit fighting battles with them.
Bodyguard: Your Klonoa unit, despite its deceptively cute appearence, is strong and powerful, skilled with its Wind Ring. The dreamstones and Moon Fragments will also come in handy for his level-ups. Your Klonoa unit will protect you from everything. But be warned, as Namco Inc. will not offer any refunds for any units damaged in this way.
Warning: There is a chance of fangirl/Mary-Sue mobbing. Alternate escape routes must be planned, and it is required you train your Klonoa unit to be strong.
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Interaction and Compatibility with Other Models:
Your Klonoa unit is friendly to all Lunatean Character units. However, some care should be taken when exposing your unit to several other units.
Lolo unit: Programmed to be Klonoa's best friend, they can behave as couples or friends depending on the programming.
Huepow unit: Can be Klonoa's sidekick. If you are a fanfiction writer or fanart artist looking for inspiration, please ask your local retailer for the Slash Update Kit ver. 3.56.
Guntz unit: They can behave as rivals, friends or enemies depending on the programming. But if they are supposed to behave as enemies, do keep your unit safe, as the Guntz unit has the tendency to have a terrible temper. If you are looking for inspiration, please ask your local retailer for the Slash Update Kit special ver. 2.54. KloGuntz. But it might shock you to find how they can change so quickly once the kit has been installed. Do keep children and/or your partner away from the two units if this is the case.
Chipple unit: Your Klonoa can be a patient guide to help this unit to gain confidence. The Chipple unit will socialize especially well with the Klonoa unit, and they will play beach volleyball together in the beach. No Slash Kit is available as for now, but one is due to appear in a few months.
Jillius unit: The Jillius unit is the only non-Lunatean model to successfully socialize with the Klonoa unit. This time, it will rather be the other way around, however, as the Jillius unit is one of the most powerful, most wise units ever produced by Namco Inc. The unit is perfectly capable of teaching your Klonoa unit to control its powers, and will provide some care for it. A Slash Update Kit can be attempted to be installed in those two units, but it is highly likely to fail, as the Jillius unit appears to have absolutely no capacity for that kind of behaviour in its mind whatsoever.
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Cleaning:
Your Klonoa model does not require frequent cleaning, but a grooming session once a week will do nicely. Also, those moments can provide a nice, relaxing moment for you and your Klonoa.
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Troubleshooting:
Q: My Klonoa went out for a walk one day, and staggered back with three huge gashes on its chest. It hasn't awoken since that day. What can I do?
A: It appears there is a Janga unit in the neighbourhood. Klonoa units must be kept away from this particular unit at all costs. As for the cure, the best thing to do is to buy a Pango unit and consult it for further directions. Alternatively, you may wish to purchase a Guntz unit and equip them both with a Slash Update Kit. Their undying love will resurrect the Klonoa unit within hours. This method has never failed yet. Also, seek out the owner of the Janga unit and have a talk with him/her.
Q: There are no clothing accessories available for my Klonoa unit.
A: Is that meant to be a complaint?
Q: My Klonoa unit keeps snatching my neighbour's little girl and refuses to let her go home.
A: Is the daughter amber-haired and blue-eyed? If so, your Klonoa unit might have confused her for a Lolo unit. Either your unit is lovesick, or it has been reminded of the Moon kidnapping a few years ago. Your unit just wants to rescue and bring the Lolo unit to safety. Unless you can get your neighbour to pay you for the daughtersitting, there is very little you can do. The best thing is to just buy a Lolo unit to prevent this happening.
Q: My Klonoa refuses to eat its smoothie, or its chips.
A: Do not give your unit carrot juice/smoothie, orange juice or chips with tomato ketchup. Those three things are the only things your unit will refuse to eat.
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Last Note:
Your Klonoa unit is guaranteed to last at least 20-30 years. Please call 1-800-NAMCO-CHAR often for available updates for your unit.
During the guaranteed time, your unit can be exchanged for a new one, but only in the case of malfuctions.
Namco Inc. wishes you a happy time with your Klonoa unit!
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O.o
Well, that was fun.
Do you want me to continue the series? Please tell me what you think!