A/N: There's been a lot of talk about Sasuke looking fat when he took off his shirt in the latest manga chapter, so when someone made a comment about him and Kabuto staying up late and eating junk food, I couldn't help myself. XD
Warnings: Language, OOCness, Girltalk!Sasuke and Kabuto, Implied SasuNaruSasu and OroKabu
Disclaimer: I taught Kishimoto everything he knows.
"What movies are we going to watch?" Sasuke asked as he set out the bowls of popcorn and trail mix.
"Pretty Woman and Purple Rain," Kabuto answered as got down on his knees and began hooking up the DVD player to the big screen TV in the den. Sasuke scowled before going to retrieve the bowl of unsalted mini pretzels and other goodies from the kitchen.
"Purple Rain? Isn't that the movie with Prince? Too corny," Sasuke called from the kitchen before reentering with snacks in hand.
"What, and Pretty Woman isn't?" Kabuto asked as he checked to make sure all the cords were in the correct color slots. Sasuke glared as he plopped down on the large, overstuffed faux-snake skin couch and made himself comfortable.
"Pick something else," he ordered as he took his gloves off, he didn't want to get them all greasy with popcorn butter.
"Yes your highness," Kabuto rolled his eyes, receiving another glare from the ice prince Uchiha. He crawled over to his and Orochimaru's extensive DVD collection and began fingering through the alphabetically organized titles. "Okay, how about Beaches?"
"Do I look like a girl to you?" Sasuke scrunched up his nose in disgust, "Keep looking."
Kabuto wisely chose not to answer his question and kept sorting through the films. He pulled one off the movie rack and held it up.
"Party Monster?"
"Too gay," Sasuke responded immediately, picking out some dirt that lodged itself underneath his fingernail while training.
"Someone's in denial," Kabuto muttered as he watched Sasuke hold out his hand and inspect his cuticles. An icy glare was sent his way as he turned around and put the movie back on the rack, resuming his search.
"What?" Sasuke hissed; the sounds of a chidori firing up beginning to crackle from the couch.
"Nothing," Kabuto answered calmly, used to the Uchiha's fiery temper after 3 years of their movie nights. "How about The Breakfast Club?"
"Two hours of listening to a bunch of teenagers whine about their problems?" Sasuke scoffed, deactivating his chidori and sharingan, "I'll pass."
"Try three years," Kabuto mumbled as he continued his search for a movie to shut Sasuke up. Thankfully, the Uchiha hadn't heard him that time. "Rocky Horror Picture Show?"
"We watched that last night."
"Braveheart?"
"No."
"The Notebook?"
Sasuke gave him a weird look before answering, "Fuck no."
"Animal House?"
"No."
"The Fast and the Furious?"
"No."
"Vacation?"
"Which Vacation?"
"European Vacation."
"No."
"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?"
"No."
"Clerks?"
"No."
"Why not?" Kabuto sighed in exasperation, sick of looking through movies by now.
"It's moronic," Sasuke glared.
"Then you pick one!" Kabuto shuffled to the side so Sasuke could read the movie covers and pointed to them in frustration.
"No."
"And why not?!"
"I don't feel like getting up," Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest and crossed his legs, not intending to move anytime soon. "Pick one. Now."
Kabuto sighed again and shook his head. Honestly, he didn't know why he bothered asking. The Uchiha brat did this every freaking night for crying out loud! He mumbled a stream of curses under his breath and crawled back to DVD rack once again. "Fine then," he grumbled, adjusting his glasses as he scanned the names once more. "Fight Club?"
Sasuke paused in a moment of consideration, "That has a lot of blood in it, right?"
"Buckets," Kabuto answered, receiving a nod in response from the black-haired boy. "Fight Club it is then," he said, sliding the movie out of the rack, opening the case, and popping the film into the DVD player. He hit the play button and stood up, remote in hand.
"And next time you decide to just wear your robe around the evil lair, put on some underwear. Orochimaru may appreciate the view but I do not," Kabuto commented as he walked over and sat down on the couch next to the glaring Uchiha, grabbing a handful of popcorn to munch on in the process.
"Jealous?" Sasuke smirked as Kabuto glared at him. He picked up the bowl of mini pretzels and sat them on his lap, hogging them as he stuffed a hand full into his mouth.
"Of what, your fat ass?" Kabuto scoffed and stole an unsalted pretzel from Sasuke, "Orochimaru may desire your body but that doesn't mean he desires your body. I'm not even sure if he wants to use you now that you've been packing on the pounds. I think he was better off going for that Uzumaki kid if you ask me, at least he's a hot, skinny little thing." He plopped his stolen pretzel in his mouth and chewed it thoroughly, secretly loving the outraged look on the Uchiha's face.
"What did you just say?" Sasuke growled as he yanked Kabuto closer violently by the silver-haired man's shirt collar, the wheels of his sharingan already spinning.
"I said you're fat, Uchiha. Now I know why they call them 'calves'," Kabuto teased, trying to pry the Uchiha's hands from his shirt. After three years with the boy Kabuto was past being scared and even used to his explosive temper, now knowing when to run and when to joke.
"I am not fat," Sasuke ground out between clenched teeth, wrenching the medic ninja so close that he was almost nose-to-nose with him. "Take. That. Back."
"Oh please, I bet after sex you smoke a ham." Kabuto jumped off the couch just in time to dodge the chidori that flew past his head, slamming right through the back of the couch. He sighed and shook his head, looks like he'd be giving the furniture store another call. That was the third time this week that had happened! They should've gotten a punch card for the amount of furniture the Uchiha ruined in a week.
"Alright fine, I take it back. You're just… robust," Kabuto smirked as he ducked to miss the ashtray that was chucked at his head.
"For the last time, I'm muscular, not fat," Sasuke grumbled as he stuffed his face with more artificially flavored popcorn.
"Alright, alright I got it. I'm sorry," Kabuto put his hands up in a defensive stance. Sure, the boy was fun to tease, but Kabuto always remembered that if he ever did anger the boy enough to kill him, he would in a heartbeat. "Forgive me?"
The Uchiha glared at him out of the corner of his eyes, "Get me a soda."
Kabuto took that as the stoic boy's way of saying 'yes' and retreated into the kitchen. He reemerged moments later with two sodas and a large bag of Doritos and set them all on mahogany coffee table before plopping back down on the couch.
"…You really think Naruto is hot?" Sasuke asked as he grabbed his soda, opened it, and began sipping on it.
"Ever since the Chunniun exam," Kabuto confessed, popping open the bag of chips and starting to munch on them. "Why do you think I kept such a close eye on him? It wasn't like Orochimaru wanted him or anything."
Sasuke nodded in response, trying to listen to the movie over his crunching and Kabuto's talking.
Kabuto rolled his eyes when he realized the Uchiha wasn't listening anymore. "You know… I bet Naruto will have a thing or two to say about your sudden weight gain."
Sasuke nearly choked on his soda. "W-what are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying—there's a good chance Naruto will like the skinny Sasuke better. You were pretty scrawny when you first got here…" Kabuto smirked wickedly at the wide-eyed look on Sasuke's face.
"It's muscle, and everyone likes big muscles," Sasuke growled out, stuffing another hand full of popcorn in his mouth, barely chewing before swallowing.
"Naruto might not. I saw the way he looked at you when you were just skin and bones," Kabuto popped another Dorito into his mouth. "Maybe you should lay off the creatine powder and protein shakes."
"But he used to always complain about me being bony when we would…" Sasuke caught himself mid-confession and coughed in his hand. "…Train."
"Yeah, train, and me and Orochimaru never play 'doctor'," Kabuto smirked, taking another sip of his soda.
Sasuke made a disgusted face, his attention still focused on the big screen, "See that guy there?" He pointed to a blond guy surrounded by people on the screen.
"Yeah?"
"I'm picturing you as him right now," Sasuke said right as the blond guy proceeded in getting the shit beat out of him, his face literally getting rearranged as his nose was punched and twisted in an impossible angle.
Kabuto paled, "Why don't we watch some Pretty Woman now?"
"No. I like this movie," Sasuke said, taking two large hand fulls of popcorn.
"Hey! Eat it one at a time or else we're going to have to get up and make some more in the middle of the movie!" Kabuto scolded, earning a trademark Uchiha death glare in response.
"You mean you're going to have to get up and make more," Sasuke corrected in tone leaving no room for argument.
"Yeah, yeah…" Kabuto grumbled, putting his elbow on the couch arm and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
The rest of the movies consisted of Kabuto gossiping about Orochimaru's other hench-men, Sasuke eating all of the junk food, Sasuke half-heartedly trying to beat Kabuto's face in, and both of them pointing out plot holes and commenting on a scene to one another.
Sasuke finished off the last dark chocolate bon-bon just as Pretty Woman ended. Kabuto got up and stretched, walking over to turn off the DVD player and putting the movies away.
"Same time tomorrow?" Sasuke asked as he stood up and cracked his back, groaning as he noticed how late it was on the sidewall's clock.
"Sure, but Sasuke?" Kabuto said, closing the DVD case to Pretty Woman and putting it away.
"Hn?" Sasuke answered, already beginning to walk back to his bedchambers.
"Next time, let's have those '100 Calorie' snacks and skim milk instead."
"…I hate you."
Yes, I know Kabuto usually wouldn't be brave enough to say those things to Sasuke and if he somehow DID he'd be dead in five seconds. But c'mon, they've been bonding over movie night for three years, that's gotta bring them SOMEWHAT closer together, right?? XD –shot-
Reviews are loved, as always!
(And never apologize for leaving long ones, I love those. :D)