A/N: I had my iPod on shuffle and the song 'You Were Meant For Me' by Jewel started playing. I was listening to this right after I finished New Moon and I thought that the song perfectly described how Bella was feeling about Edward during her zombie period. It is set about a month after he left her. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon. It is all property of Stephenie Meyer. I do own the iPod that I was listening to Jewel on. You Were Meant For Me is property of Jewel.
I was dreaming. I absolutely had to be. He was there with me – Edward. I was gazing into his liquid topaz eyes, forgetting how to breathe. I was in awe of his beauty. He was in front of me, a Greek God, while I was the simple girl-next-door. It embarrassed me. I haven't seen his beauty in months. I missed him more and more everyday. The hole he ripped in my chest where he took the piece of him I held there never shrank. It was open and every day it would hurt me, even when I thought that I was getting better.
I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far from where I've been
Sunlight penetrated my eyelids. It was a rare occurrence here in Forks. My alarm clock began to sound. I reluctantly left my angel in my dream world, where he will always be. I slipped a periwinkle plush robe over my pajamas and headed downstairs. Charlie was already leaving for work, which was a good thing. I hated him seeing me like this.
I got my eggs and my pancakes too
I got my maple syrup, everything but you.
I break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
My days were beginning to take on a rhythm. I would wake up after crying for him in my sleep. I would drag myself out of bed, wishing that when I got up, he would simply be sitting in my rocking chair like usual. Everyday I was disappointed – he was no where to be found.
I began to make my breakfast. I cooked some eggs. Breakfast for the human. I reflected on when Edward would cook me breakfast, despite his lack of tasting ability. I ate very little of it. I could never eat anymore.
I wipe the spots off the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels on the floor anymore
I began to clean the house. There was nothing else to do. I thought of the Cullen's perfect house. It was gorgeous mansion. Esme did an excellent job of refurbishing it. The Cullen household was a second home to me. No, the Cullens were a second family to me. Esme loved me like a mother would love her own child. Carlisle treated me excellently also. The hole in my chest just got bigger. I closed my eyes and wished that they would come back. It did not work. My angel did not appear in front of me. I will always love him.
Dreams last for so long
even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
After cleaning the house, I had nothing much to do. I did not like going out. My old friends from school were not very welcoming when he left me. I have been getting cold stares from them. Being alone was better than anything. When you are alone, there is less chance of you getting hurt.
I called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
I tried calling Renee. It was no use – she was out with Phil as per usual. Charlie had her come here about a month ago, right after it happened. She tried to drag me to Florida. I did not want to leave. What if he came back for me? What if he saw that it was a mistake? I couldn't go. I needed to be here. No one, not even my mother, could change that.
I looked at the newspaper Charlie left opened on the table. The wolves, bears, whatever, were attacking more hikers. It was a serious problem. I bet if the Cullens were here, they would have taken care of that problem quickly.
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause
It was raining now. The ten minutes of sun was obviously the only allotted amount for today. The rain fit my mood – melancholy. It was raining because I had no more tears left to cry; my eyes refused to produce more. Nature decided to take care of it for me.
I tried to be social for Charlie's sake. Everything that I did reminded me of Edward. Any romantic movie, horror movies even. School reminded me of him. Even sitting in my car reminded me of him. I will always love him.
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you.
The day went by uneventfully. I kept myself locked up in the house. My life has not been the same since they retreated to sunny California. I stared at the phone, wishing he would call. I tried so hard to forget him, but it was no se. How do you forget the one thing that makes you happy?
The phone rang and I lunged for the phone. An instinct. It was not for me. It was Billy Black from La Push. He wanted to talk about the wolves with my father. I told him that he was at the station and to try him there. I went back to doing absolutely nothing. Thoughts of Edward filled my head.The hole grew. I wondered if any other girl my age felt lke this when they were dumped by their boyfriend. Probably not. Edward was much more than a boyfriend. He is my true love. Unfortunately ther is nothing I could do about it now.
I go about my business, I'm doin fine
Besides what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday.
Another day was ending. Another day spent in a comatose state. Another day without love by myside. Another day of barely hanging on. I looked out the window in the handkerchief-sized livingroom. It was twilight. I thought of Edward, how he tld me twilight was the end of another day for him. It was the safest time for his kind. I shut the blinds and looked away from the beautiful sight outside.
I went up to my bedroom and decided it as time to start getting ready for bed. Charlie was not home yet, still trying to track down whatever was atacking hikers.
I made my way into the bathroom and took a good look in the mirror. My hair hung limp around my heart shaped face. My eyes were red and swollen, as they have been for months now, from continual sobbing. My lips were chapped. I was paler than usual due to my refusal to leave the house. I stared at my mouth. It looked as if it forgotten how to smile. I noticed another thing about my eyes - they had no life in them. Life was now in Los Angelas. It left me alone in the woods and never returned.
I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I began to brush my teeth and wash my face. I was too tired to get into the shower. When I finished in the bathroom, I clicked the light off. I slowly entered my room, hoping he climbed through the window and was now seated on the edge of my bed waiting for me. I was alone.
I needed something to keep my mind busy, no matter how tired I was. I decided it was the best time to read. I was not sure what book I was in t he mood for so I picked up the first one I saw. I held it in my hands for a moment before looking at the cover. It was a copy of Romeo and Juliet. I traced the letters forming the two lovers names. Forbidden love always ends badly. Violent delights have violent ends. I inhaled deeply, knowing the tears were going to pour out of my eyes any minute. Instead, nothing came out. I was dry sobbing. I flung myself onto my bed.
I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
This is how it had been. I was a walking corpse, empty inside. My world had crashed down right when it was at the highest point. I suppose all good things come to an end, even though we do not want them to.
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight
I crawled under the covers, longing for a deep, dreamless slumber. I murmured his name over and over to myself. Each time I uttered a syllable, the hole in my chest felt fresh. I put my hand over my heart, trying to stop the pain. It would not subside. I buried my head into the pillow. I wanted him back.
Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon I know you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
I will always love him.