"I think it's a good idea though. You... kids... I can see it."

"You were serious, weren't you?" I asked her as we exited the jet. Emily had been subdued the whole flight home and, despite her reassurances to Hotch, I knew the issue of Carrie's placement was still on her mind. "It wasn't just that you could afford to or you could handle it. You wanted to."

Glancing at her face, I found Emily regarding me with those dark, soulful eyes of hers, deciding how much to tell me.

"I was serious too," I added, hoping it would make a difference. "Em, you'd make an amazing mother."

"I probably won't ever have the chance," Emily admitted dismissively and I saw her glance back at Reid and Morgan, who had fallen behind us. Rossi and Hotch were now so far ahead they were almost out of sight. They'd been in a rush to leave but I was in no hurry.

"Why not?" I asked. "You're still young enough and you're—well, you're you." Great, Jennifer. That was really articulate. "Anyone would be lucky to have you."

"I'm young enough now," Emily agreed, still sounding hesitant. She threw another glance over her shoulder and I was intrigued. What was she so afraid the others would hear?

"But...?" I prompted. I didn't want to push too hard. Emily had a tendency to fall back just when you were getting close to her. It was a defence mechanism I had only begun learning to intercept.

"But it's not as easy as finding someone and getting knocked up," was the answer Emily came out with. "For me... Well, I'd have to find someone, obviously I'd have to trust them completely, and we'd both have to be serious as hell about raising a child. Then it would either be adoption or IVF and both can be long, long processes..."

So that was it. "Em, if you've got fertility problems that's nothing that can't be—"

"I haven't got any fertility problems," Emily interjected and now she wouldn't meet my eye. She fell silent and seemed to be waiting for something to hit me, which of course it did.

"You're gay," I realised belatedly. "Why didn't you just say so?"

She looked at me now and I perceived tightness in her lips. Embarrassment, maybe? Guilt at having kept this from me? She was tense, in any case, and said nothing as we entered the car park. Our own cars were back at Quantico and the SUVs we'd driven to the airport before the case awaited us. Hotch and Rossi had already gone on but Morgan and Reid weren't far behind us. We waved them goodbye and Emily waited until we were safely in the car to answer my question.

"It's personal," she hedged. "And it's hard to predict how people will react. Sometimes good people hold views that you'd think would be out of character for them. Anyway, It's not a dimension I thought needed to be added to the team dynamic."

"I get that," I replied truthfully, watching as she diverted her attention to starting the car and pulling out of the space. "But did you really think I wouldn't understand? We talk about men all the time. And I thought you went on dates? With men, I mean. Don't you?"

Emily shrugged, seeming glad to be able to focus on the road rather than meeting my gaze. "I date men occasionally," she divulged. "I was serious about Carrie, Jayj. I want kids, at least one. I always have. But there's no spark for me with men and in the end dating them only makes me—and them—feel bad. That's hardly the point of the endeavour, is it?"

"Hardly," I agreed, a small smile quirking up one corner of my lips. Then, hesitantly I added, "I'm attracted to both men and women, you know. I could've teased you just as hard about your girlfriends as I did about your boyfriends. No judgment here."

"No, you— Really? You're bisexual?"

Hearing it put like that made me feel uncomfortably like an experimental college student, but I guess that was how I'd be classed if I put any stock in labels. Still, the blush that lit up Emily's cheeks was more than worth the discomfort. I found myself laughing as she glanced at me, trying not to take her eyes off the road but unable to resist a look. I think she thought I was joking.

"Really," I promised. "I thought you'd realised by now or I might have mentioned it. I suppose I date men more often because, like you said, I want kids. It's just so much easier with guys, isn't it? You don't even have to try half the time..." It wasn't long before we were pulling into the car park and climbing out, ready to find our own cars and go home. "Just do me a favour, Em," I asked her. "Don't give up just yet. I really believe you'll be a great mom."

Emily's smile was sad but it was honest too and that made my heart swell unexpectedly. "Maybe," she said. "I hope so."

I leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to her cheek, just by her ear, surprising even myself. Waving goodbye, I turned before she could see the matching blush that was rising in my own cheeks.

That night I couldn't get Emily's face out of my head. The vulnerability she'd shown on the jet, the earnest yearning in her voice. It was more than just thinking she'd like kids one day. For her to actually offer to Hotch that she could take Carrie home across state lines, that was desperation from her. She wanted children now, while she was still young enough to see them and maybe their children grow up.

I remembered Will, the New Orleans detective I'd briefly dated. He'd been unbelievably sweet and his flirtations had made me feel like a goddess, yet there'd been no magic for me, especially with our dates so few and far between. What I missed most now that we'd gone our separate ways was not the relationship itself but the conversations. Cuddled on the couch, talking 'til all hours. Why couldn't that have been enough for me? What more did I want?

I wanted to talk to Emily again. I felt it as a deep pull in my chest— something telling me our conversation wasn't over, that there was more for us to say on this subject. But I was too tired and too uncertain as to what that was. I didn't think I could focus on breaking through Emily's walls at the same time as figuring it out.

So I called Will instead. His gravelly voice on the other end of the line was a relief.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" He answered, sounding surprised but not unhappy to hear from me.

"I need someone to talk to," I admitted, falling back on my sofa, a glass of wine in hand. "And I missed you. Can we talk without it being about us? I'm not calling because I want to get back together."

Will chuckled quietly. "I know you well enough to know that, Jayj. Your decisions are final." There was no bitterness in his tone. "Bad case?"

I took a sip slowly. "Good and bad," I told him. "The case itself was horrible. Whole families murdered in their homes... But because of it we got a house full of kids out of a bad situation."

"Sounds like a victory to me," Will answered kindly. I heard him let out a soft puff of air as he dropped onto his own couch. I guessed he was lying back, the way he always used to when we were together, staring up at the ceiling in contemplation. "What's eatin' you up?"

"Emily wanted to take one of the girls home," I found myself blurting out. "An orphan. She thought she could keep her. Well, she has the means to do it, definitely. And she's committed. And loving. And— I don't know. I guess what's bothering me is that I never saw her as a mother before but now that I have..."

"Jayj, do you have feelings for her?"

I choked on my wine and immediately sat up straighter. "What?" There was no way he could tell that just from how I was talking. I hadn't even voiced that possibility to myself yet! "Will, w-what makes you say that?"

"I always suspected it," Will told me and I could hear a smile in his voice. He sounded almost relieved. "But I think the way you're reacting right now just about proves it. Tell me—is that maiden blush of yours flaring up again?"

I pressed a hand to my cheek disbelievingly. "Yes," I groaned.

"Even I could tell Emily was gay when I met her, Jayj. To be honest, it made me a little uncomfortable. I got the picture she didn't like me flirting with you."

"Will, are you being serious right now?" I whispered, losing my voice out of nowhere. "I only found out Em was gay a couple of hours ago!"

Will whistled cheerily and followed it up with a laugh. "Darlin', you're the profiler and you're telling me you didn't know!"

"S-she told me I should call you back!" I protested. "When we were in New Orleans the first time. Why would she tell me to call you if she was jealous!"

"Because she cares about you, darlin'," Will replied, his voice softening. "It probably took a lot o' gumption for her to do that. Honestly, if I know Emily—and maybe I don't but we'll see—I think she would have quietly assumed she had no chance with you and done her best to get past her feelings by encouraging you with others. Now I think maybe she's the one with the wrong idea. ...Were you ever really attracted to me, JJ?"

I felt my heart break at that. If only he were angry. He just sounded sad. "Do you think I would've called you if I wasn't interested? Will, there's no way I would've, no matter what Emily did or didn't tell me to do. It's not that I'm not attracted to men at all..."

"It's men and women, I get it," Will accepted. I knew it wasn't easy for him but I also knew he'd been trying harder ever since he found out about his friend Charlie being gay. I knew he was changing, adapting, even as we spoke. "I think it's pretty clear why you called, Jayj. You're scared because talking to Emily about having kids made you think about having kids with her and now you're feeling all these things you've been biting back for such a long time and its overwhelming. I understand."

"How come you understand and I don't," I sighed and there were tears coming down my face now. I didn't even care if he could hear that I was crying. "Will, I want kids. You're right about me being attracted to women too, but I decided to only date men to avoid all the bureaucracy and difficulties of trying to have a child with a woman. At least if its inside me I know no one can take it away, it's mine..."

Will was silent for a few moments then he spoke quietly. "Jayj, if you ever need someone... You and Emily, or just you... I don't mind donating. I'll waive parental rights and Emily can adopt. I— You know what I'm saying?"

"I know what you're saying," I murmured disbelievingly. "But are you serious?"

"I'm as serious as you are," Will replied, which was roughly equivalent to saying more serious than I've ever been about anything in my entire life. "But you gotta talk to Emily first."

"She doesn't know I like her," I said, suddenly uncertain.

"Darlin', don't say like when it's not what you mean. You're an adult," Will directed me softly.

"I love her..." I realised. "Oh my god, Will. I'm in love with Emily!"

"There you go," he praised me. His voice was gentle, reassuring. Why had I gone so long without calling him? "It's up to you to decide what to do with those feelings, Jayj. But my offer stands, whenever you're ready... I've missed talkin' to you."

"I've missed you too, Will," I breathed. "And I can't thank you enough—"

"You don't need to thank me at all," Will promised. "We're friends. I want to see you happy. Happier than I could make you."

"You're still making me happy now," I told him. "Let's not leave so long before talking again."

"Whenever you want, darlin'."

I took a deep gulp of wine as he hung up the phone, then tipped back the rest of the glass as I made a decision. This wasn't something Emily and I could talk about at work, which meant I'd have to go to her house. Right now, while I had the balls to go through with it. The only question was whether or not to call ahead.

Call ahead, I knew was the only answer. If I didn't I'd almost certainly chicken out on the drive over. Oh yeah, driving... Maybe I shouldn't have had that wine. Too late now.

"Emily, are you at home?" I asked too quickly as she picked up the phone.

"Yes..." She replied slowly, cautiously.

"Alone?"

"Except for Sergio," Emily acknowledged. "Why? You thinking of robbing me, JJ?"

Her use of my name made me realise I'd forgotten even to say who was calling. Still, she'd obviously figured it out.

"Can I come over?" I asked, wasting no time in explanation. "Please?"

A pause. "Of course you can," she replied, concerned. "Have you eaten?"

"What?" Food was so far from my mind that it took me a minute to process what she'd said.

"Have you had dinner?" Emily tried again. "I was just about to make something."

"I can come later—"

"Jayj, I'm not telling you not to come," Emily sighed. "I'm just asking how much pasta to put in the pot. You know you're welcome."

I was still debating a response when my stomach decided to growl loudly. When Emily laughed on the other side of the line I knew she'd heard it.

"Okay," she said. "That settles it. If you leave now I should have something ready within ten minutes of you getting here. How's that for service?"

"That sounds amazing," I breathed gratefully. "I'll see you soon."

When I arrived at Emily's house she was still wearing her work clothes—a pair of wide-legged black slacks and a dark red blouse—but the blouse had been unbuttoned to reveal the black singlet underneath and her feet were bare. She also wore an apron folded in half around her waist like a server in a restaurant. Wait. She was just making pasta wasn't she?

I could smell it the second she opened the door. "Just" pasta was apparently an understatement.

"Em, that smells incredible," I sighed appreciatively. "You didn't have to go to trouble."

"Save it, Jennifer," Emily replied, ushering me inside. "All I had to do was double the recipe I was already making. To be honest, you're saving me from eating my dinner on the floor next to Sergio."

She was joking and yet her grin faltered. I found myself reaching out to touch her elbow gently.

"You're wondering what it would be like if Hotch had let you take Carrie home," I guessed, keeping my voice low and non-threatening. Please, don't pull away from me, Em.

For a brief moment Emily lifted her eyes to meet mine. "That was stupid of me," she said. "I should've known Hotch wouldn't approve. Anyway he's right. That's the job..."

"…And this isn't," I finished. "Please don't treat me like your colleague right now. I'm not here as someone you work with."

I watched the curiosity grow in Emily's eyes, could feel her straining to understand, taking me in. Still, she didn't ask me why I had come, or in what capacity, and I was glad. I didn't know what kind of answer I was ready to give.

"I get lonely," she admitted suddenly. "Like we all do, I guess. Coming back to an empty house after seeing what we see… I'm glad you're here. That's what I'm saying, Jen."

Jennifer, Jen. That was twice she'd called me by my real name since I'd walked in the door. Maybe I was reading her wrong. Maybe she wasn't trying to treat me like a colleague at all... I blushed as the quiet music that had been playing as I walked in had a chance to wash over me. God, the sight of her standing there in an apron with dinner on the stove, listening to soft jazz... It was doing something very unexpected to me. (Although I probably should have expected it.)

"Can I get you a glass of wine?"

"What are you drinking?" I asked and she walked around the counter, into the kitchen, and raised the bottle with the label facing toward me. It wasn't something I recognised.

"Try it," she offered, lifting her half-empty glass.

As I took it both of us seemed to notice at the same time a faint outline of lipstick on the rim. Our eyes met and, keeping my face impassive, I placed my lips over the same place she had and took a sip. I licked my lips as I handed the glass back and noticed, with some interest, that her eyes followed the subtle movement of my tongue. "Mm, that's good," I replied with a smile.

I watched her eyes searching again, trying to get a read on me. Failing, she turned back toward the stove. "Sit down," she called. "Dinner won't be long."

I leaned against the counter separating the kitchen from the living room and considered joining her instead but I decided against it. I wouldn't push her too far too quickly. Let her think that she was in control. I was beginning to feel quite powerful now. I'd realised that Will was right. Every flicker of her eyes, every simple touch, told me that Emily was mine if I wanted her. And, God, did I want her.

I walked over to the CD player and turned the music up. I started with a couple of slow turns, dancing myself around the living room, and I smiled invitingly as Emily turned her head to watch.

"You're beautiful."

The words had tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them. I knew because I witnessed the exact moment she realised she'd spoken aloud: the fear and embarrassment, quickly replaced by confusion and then desire as I laughed softly.

"Do you think so?" I teased and, swallowing, she nodded.

"Do you want to come and taste this, see if it's ready?" She asked, changing the subject.

I was by her side within a few strides, standing close beside her. Taking the proffered piece of cutlery, I dipped into the pot and took a mouthful. Emily didn't step back, leaving us shoulder to shoulder. I was shorter than her and watching me meant she had to look down, highlighting the thickness of her sensual, dark lashes. I let a small moan escape my throat as I tasted her food, delighting in the way she tensed beside me.

"That's amazing, Em. Let's eat."

We ate on the couch with our bowls in our laps and for a while the intensity between us died down. We talked about simple, easy things and laughed naturally. It was as if we'd made a silent pact to avoid serious topics of conversation until the meal was over. She didn't ask me why I'd come. Once, she jokingly wiped a spot of sauce off my chin and the feeling of her thumb brushing my skin made me shiver.

When we finished eating she seemed reluctant to place her bowl down on the low table in front of us. It took her a moment or two to build herself up to it. Then she turned toward me on the couch, lifting one leg to curl beneath her. "Are you okay, Jennifer?"

The sound of my name on her lips was toxic to me. None of my friends had called me that in years and, coming from her, it sounded intimate and special. Her naturally husky and resonant voice didn't help matters.

"Do I look like I'm not okay?" I countered, mimicking her position and inclining my head toward her.

"Something's different," she replied.

"You know what it is," I surprised myself with my own boldness. "Don't doubt yourself."

Emily's eyes crinkled slightly, a sign of curiosity, understanding. She smiled. "You're flirting with me. You have been all night. Why?"

"Why?" I repeated. "I think you're old enough to know why one person flirts with another, Emily."

Emily lifted her wine glass from the table and took a deep sip before setting it back down. The way she looked at me through those thick eyelashes of hers was something else. I found myself unable to tear my eyes away as she leaned toward me. The brushing of our lips came almost as a surprise.

"Are you teasing me because I told you I was gay or is this really what you want?" She asked me. Her lips hung torturously near to mine and her voice was smooth, even.

"Em," I breathed, lifting my hand to her cheek. "I wouldn't tease you like this if I weren't serious. Before I called you, I was talking to Will." Okay, that was definitely jealously in her eyes. Good to know! "As a friend," I added. "He understands that it's over between us and when I talked to him tonight he said he understood why. He told me he thought you'd been jealous of him during our first case in New Orleans but, God, Em if I'd known that I would never have called him back." The last bit came out almost as a whine: "You never even told me you were gay."

"Jayj," Emily protested. "It may have been a surprise to you that I want children but it's no secret that you do. You come from a big family and you have such a big heart..."

I took her face in both hands before she could pull away. "Emily, are you really telling me you would've asked me out if you weren't worried about not being able to give me children?" I asked seriously.

"I don't know if I would've," Emily admitted. "But Jesus, Jen, I wanted to. I didn't think you'd be interested. I thought Will would've been better for you than me so I told you to go for him. To make you happy."

"Will said he'd donate," I blurted out. It definitely wasn't how I'd imagined telling her—I hadn't been planning on telling her tonight at all. We weren't even a couple, for God's sake. But the thought had me so excited that I had to say it out loud, make it real. I had to let her know just what I was in for, what we could have if she let us.

"What?" Emily's voice was entirely uncomprehending. My outburst had come out of nowhere.

"I didn't ask," I quickly explained. "He offered. He said he understood that I— That it was you I was in love with. He said if I—if we—ever needed, he'd be our donor. He'd waive his parental rights and, Emily, you could adopt. God, I know this is too fast. It's not like I'm suggesting we go and do this tomorrow, I just—"

Tripping over my own words, it was Emily's lips that finally cut me off, and this time it was no chaste peck we shared. Her hands gripped my neck and moved into my hair, her mouth open and sliding against mine. I only pulled away when I felt her hands shaking. She was struggling not to cry.

"Oh my god. Em, are you—"

Emily held up a hand for silence as she caught her breath. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at the couch where her knee leaned against mine. "Are you really saying what I think you're saying?" she asked disbelievingly.

"I-if what you think I'm saying is that I'd like to have a child with you, then yes. I think I am," I whispered, taking her hand. "I know it's sudden. And I understand, obviously I do, if you don't want—"

"JJ, look at me," Emily insisted, raising her head. Her eyes were wet and intense. "Do I look like I don't want this?"

"I don't know, Em. It's so sudden that it's insane but I want— I don't think I'm thinking rationally. Maybe—"

"You do know. Don't doubt yourself," Emily repeated my words from before. "Jennifer, saying goodbye to Carrie today nearly broke my heart. I'd already let myself hope... And if this is you and me, doing this— I can't believe it but…"

"But it's okay?" I whispered, trying not to sound like I was pleading. I needed to know.

Again, Emily kissed me in lieu of answering. Her lips on mine were desperate, full of want. I felt like a teenager, exploring the shape and feel of a new mouth, a new landscape. I wanted to touch her but I still wasn't sure what this was, what we were agreeing to.

"It's amazing," Emily reassured me, pulling away. "But before we bring a baby into the world, we need to know if we can live together, be parents together."

"What are you suggesting?" I asked, tucking my face into her neck. "A trial period? Some sort of cohabitation experiment? Putting Sergio in a diaper?"

"If I say yes to everything but the diaper, will you move in here? You don't have to give up your place," Emily promised. "Say three months. By then we should have developed some sort of rhythm. We'll have an idea of where we stand, whether we could have a child together."

"And work?" I asked, hating to be the one to bring it up.

"They don't need to know," Emily replied. Then she quickly qualified her statement. "It's not that I don't want them to. It's just, for this to be an experiment in the true sense of the word, we need to control the variables. We don't want anyone but us to weigh in on our decision."

"Three months," I agreed, and then wondered, "You really think we can trick a team of profilers into thinking nothing has changed between us for three months? While we're planning to have a baby?"

"We'll have to be on our best behaviour," Emily acknowledged but she was grinning widely.

"We really will... Em, could you love me? I mean, regardless of any child. Could you love me?" I couldn't stand the uncertainty that was transparent in my own voice but Emily's arms around my back smoothed away my fears.

"Jennifer, I've loved you for so long," she murmured into my hair. "You just never saw it."

"I think I've been falling for you since we met," I answered honestly. It was easier to say with my face tucked into her neck, not having to meet her eyes.

"Keep falling," Emily told me. "When you get there, I'll catch you."