DISCLAIMER:
Harry Potter and the characters belong to JK Rowling.
The song was written by: Tom Waits
Published by: Fifth Floor Music Inc. (ASCAP), ©1973
Official release: "Closing Time", Elektra Entertainment/ WEA International Inc., 1973 &
"Anthology Of Tom Waits", WEA/ Elektra, 1984
The story belongs to me! Hehehe…No suing!
I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You
By Berde
I entered the room nervously. All of a sudden, I don't know why I even came. Maybe because Harry and Ginny were both nagging me to go, and well, I wanted to see you anyway. I sighed, 'Would you calm down?!' I ordered myself as I took a butterbeer from the counter and settled myself on the seat at the back, while I let my eyes wander in search of you. I guess the drink has soothed me, and the slow music I remember you confessing as your favorite muggle song, Fly Me to the Moon…you have no idea how I've always wanted to.
There you are. I can't believe I'm looking at you again after three long years of being apart. I've already gotten used to you, y'see. Besides, we spent seven years together as best friends. Imagine those straight years I was being told off, argued with, and cared for—it's just impossible that you wouldn't become a part of me.
Thirty-six months after graduation and as I expected, nothing much has changed. Not with me, that is. Aside from being a sanctioned Auror, I'm still the same red-head, freckled, lanky, insecure, self-important git Ronald Weasley you knew; still the pretense, gutless, secretly-head-over-heels-with-my-bushy-haired-bestfriend, flat broke, my-love-is-all-I-have-to-give Ronald Weasley you don't and probably would never recognize. And despite that fact that is very much well-known to me, I still try to convince myself that I have nothing but purely platonic feelings for you. A denying little cow, that's who I was, I am, and I suppose I'll forever be.
Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you
Cause falling in love just makes me blue
Well, the music plays and you display your heart for me to see
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you
"Ron, I'm so glad you came!" Your shriek broke me out of my trance. I tightened my grip on the half-empty butterbeer as you made your way forward, dragging him behind you.
I stiffened for a moment, but stood up just in time to welcome you—just you. "Hermione." I uttered your name and you smiled, and my heart instantly melted, and I undecidedly leaned forward, thinking whether to hug you, kiss you, or both. I was surprised when you did the same gesture…and suddenly, I just felt discomfited. You probably have too, as both of us stopped in the middle of our open arms, started to titter tensely while we put our hands down for a shake.
"Ron." His voice reverberated through my head. Though I still wanted to hold your hand longer, I had to pull away to accept his.
"Uh huh." I acknowledged, making sure there was no way I had to pronounce his name. I felt my hand gripped tighter. Contrary with yours, his hand was rough with calluses, which only made me more jealous. He's an international Quidditch player, the most important man on the team, rich and famous, and everyone knows he did very well at school. He had practically everything I don't, and yet he had to snatch you from me. He's very selfish.
Harry, Ginny, and some of our friends from school came to greet me. The two of you left to welcome the increasing number of guests. That's when it dawned on me that it was a terrible idea that I came. I shouldn't have. You were about to be engaged with him.
"Ron," my sister began and I knew at once where the conversation would lead to as soon as I give her the opportunity to continue.
"Drop it, Gin." She was going to ask me to fight for you, and Harry being there wouldn't be able to help from throwing in his own statements. Lucky, that our fellow Gryffindors have left to socialize or I would be bombarded with the never-ending persuasions. But they don't understand. None of them does. I know that between me and him, he would always be the better one, if not the best. I'm saying that with an inner struggle of compelling myself to believe in me for once, 'Or I'll have to regret it for the rest of my life' as Ginny would put it.
Finally, they left me in peace…well, not exactly, as I was still having a mêlée of diametrically opposing thoughts. Still watching you, until the two of you separated to greet some more friends. And I thought, I would love to talk to you, and if I would have a slip of tongue and tell you how I feel, you could always slap me out or tell me how you feel the same. No. that shouldn't happen.
Well, the room is crowded, people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well, if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we can make it
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you
I decided to leave before I ruin your night, much worse, your life. I turned around as I reminisced the chances I had and let go, wondered in silence how he got in the way, tried to remember when you started to love him back as you always said he was just a friend. Was it when you went to Egypt to be a Theorist and I chose to stay behind when he followed? Perhaps that was it. Then I'd also stop to think if you ever, even for a fleeting second, felt something special for me, or was I just that too hopeful imagining the glimmer in your eyes whenever you speak to me—yes, that would even include the times we bicker.
And I asked myself, what if you have or you still do? I was getting more confused every minute. I faced your direction one more time, as courage slowly and at long last build up within me. There he was again beside you, and you lighted him a stick. I immediately directed my mind to drive the thoughts of you away. I did it flawlessly like I always have done before. I refuse to be in love with you. I refuse to know you at all.
Well, the night does funny things inside a man
These old Tom-cat(2) feelings you don't understand
Well, I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you
I walked out the room, but I didn't leave completely. I felt tranquility just outside, under the pale moonlight. From there I listened to all of your favorite songs that I gradually forgot about forgetting you—how it happens every time I would try to put you off my mind. It only saddens me but I don't mind. Thinking of you hurts but it wounds just more if I don't.
Time flew by. I didn't know exactly how long I have been standing there with thoughts of you. Because when I do that, my world would stop, and nothing else matters but your memories. I wouldn't have moved, actually, had I not heard footsteps behind. I was dazed to see you there, looking straight into my eyes. Your chocolate eyes were missing of the glimmers I used to see. Was it solitude? I noticed you tried to hide it with a smile, and it only confirmed the sadness in your face.
'What am I doing?' I asked myself, 'Am I really sacrificing to give you the best or is it me who is being selfish?' But you must understand, I'm not worthy of you.
"Congratulations, 'Mione." I said as I pull up the widest grin.
You nodded, "Thanks." and answered almost inaudibly. You looked down and gently rubbed your eyes. I knew there were tears on them, but I kept my position instead of comforting you.
"I'm happy for you." I assured, deep inside it was a lie.
"Thank you for doing for me what I cannot do for myself, Ron." You said meaningfully.
"If there's anyone worth of your love, 'Mione, it's him. I'm sure he would be able to give you everything you need." I had to mentally hex myself.
"It's funny how you can say that when you can't even mention his name." you scoffed, "You used to like him, then hate him, and now…" voice trailed off and was replaced by an ironic laugh.
"Things change, I suppose." I kept a stern voice and look, while my mind shouts to me to just tell you how I feel…how I always felt.
"Yes." There was disappointment on your voice, "There was a time when I thought I found the man I was going to marry, but then, here I am, engaged to another man completely different from the one want."
"Well, at least you got the right man." My eyes were caught by the sparkle of the large stone on your ring finger. 'Yes, he should be that man.'
"Yes." You smiled and for a moment it felt like my heart fell into million pieces. Hearing you admit that he is the right man. "Although, I don't think he could give everything I need. I don't need anything." You turned around to go back to the party, all I could do was watch you. Lose you again for the nth time.
'Yes, he should be that man.' I repeated to myself.
I can see that you are lonesome just like me
And it being late, you'd like some company
Well, I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me
The guy you're with he's up and split, the chair next to you's free
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me
I stayed a little long. Too long, in fact, until the gathering was over. Guests were one by one coming out. It was when my attention was called by a little boy who went back the room and was holding a red-colored balloon when he went out the second time. He handed it to a girl of his age.
"The pink one was gone. This one, when I came in, someone was already untying it, I just had to fight for it." The boy told the story as if it was the grandest thing he has ever done in his life.
The girl squealed with glee, "It doesn't matter, it's still a balloon! Thanks."
I realized, when you want something, all you have to do is to fight for it. When someone special to you wants something, you'll have to fight for it for that person. I realized there are risks if what you fought for would be appreciated, but you just have to go by your intuition of what you believe the person would feel. It wouldn't matter, and there wouldn't be regrets. No could've, would've, nor should've.
"Harry." I call to our other best friend as he passed by without noticing me.
He stopped, "Ron, I thought you left." Ginny gave me a suspicious look. I couldn't guess less, I know how much my sister knows me.
"Harry, Ginny," I breathed their names shortly as I got excited to announce my latest realization, they looked at me expectantly, "I love Hermione. I love her. I always have." I said in a tone that only the two of them would hear. As if letting someone else hear this would take away the sudden bliss it just brought me.
Both widened their eyes. "Ron…" Ginny sounded as excited, but looked mystified. "Ron…" she repeated as she tried to grasp the right words.
"Ron…" Harry said in the same manner Ginny did. Slowly, their expressions changed into disappointment. I understood right away. The engagement ceremony was over. I knew as good as them that as soon as it's concluded, you and Viktor would go back to Egypt. After another three years, that's when you'll go back to London and get married. But I still looked around for you, and I wouldn't stop just inside that room. If I have to go to Egypt, if I have to give up my job, if I have you reject me in spite of that…I don't care.
Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout
Well, I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you
I don't care anymore.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This song is really nice and sad. If you have time to download it to listen, it won't be a disappointment. I hope you liked the story, although it was sad as well. It's just a break from my Around Their Necks fic which I am planning to update sometime soon (please bear with my busy schedule). I wish you'd take some time to review, it wouldn't eat much of your time…and it all depends on you if this would be just a one-shot or multi-chaptered. If there's a lot who would demand for continuation, I most probably will…Thanks in advance for leaving you comments, and constructive criticisms. And I hope you'll get to read my other fics and review as well. Ja-ne!
(1) Blue: adj. 1. late 18C-19C confused, terrified, disappointed. 2. late 18C miserable, depressed
(2) Tomcat, Tom cat v.i., v.t.: 1. Orig., to dress up in one's best clothes, as a dude or sport, and walk the street, visit public bars, nightclubs, and the like in search of a female; to seek a female, esp. a promiscuous one; esp., to dress in one's best clothes, visit a girl or young woman, and mix boasting and sweet talk in an attempt to persuade her to enter into sexual activity. n. A woman chaser (Dictionary Of American Slang, Wentworth/ Flexner ) 2. The male cat.