Title: Stays Four the Same
Pairing: Pauly D/Vinny
Rating: M
Summary: Lately, it seems like there's something on Vinny's mind. Pauly just wants to help his friend out. Too bad he's in for a little more than he bargained for.
Disclaimer: I don't own shit.
Author's Note: Takes place somewhere around episode six in season one, after Pauly's DJ debut. Ah, the techical start of the story. I may go back and add in some introspective stuff from earlier, but this, right here, is where their story truly begins. I'd had this part planned almost from the start, but it took really getting in the right mood to write it. But, I got in my zone last night, and now, here it is. Hope you enjoy. =)
Warnings: Angst.
"What's on your mind, man?" Pauly asks Vinny one afternoon, strolling casually into the younger's bedroom and dropping onto the bed next to him.
The boy has been moping around the house for the better part of a week now, and normally, Pauly wouldn't give a single shit about someone's else's problems and piss-poor mood. If someone wants to be a downer for themselves, let them, but they won't bring down Pauly. But the thing is, Vinny really doesn't mope. If anything, he's typically the life of the party. It's his first summer at the shore, after all. Yet, for almost a week, that's all he's seemed to do, and Pauly actually kinda likes Vinny, so he can't help but wonder why. And, since the easiest way to figure it out is to ask, that's exactly what he's doing. Vinny, though, does his best to dodge the situation, not meeting the older's eyes as he stretches out on the bed.
"Not much. What's on yours?" Vinny fires back, and Pauly almost laughs. He's not getting out of this that easily.
"Just how upset you've been lately." Pauly responds, and Vinny frowns for a split second. Pauly reaches out, rests a comforting hand on the younger's knee. "C'mon, bro. It's just us. You know you can trust me. Seriously, what's up?"
Vinny takes a moment, looks as if he's rolling the thoughts around in his head. This might be deeper than Pauly anticipated, he thinks. But, still, he waits patiently for the boy to find the right words, finally meeting his gaze timidly.
"Have you ever had feelings for someone you know you're not supposed to?" Vinny asks, voice small and nervous.
"What, like another dude?" Pauly questions with a laugh, trying to ease the mood, help the younger relax.
Instantly, Vinny's face lights up like a stoplight, his eyes darting into his lap. Pauly feels his own eyes grow wide, his heart dropping into his stomach. This wasn't what he'd been expecting at all.
"Oh, shit, dawg. For real?" he asks almost breathlessly. He feels like such an ass, especially as Vinny turns even further away, something akin to shame painted across his features. For a moment, Pauly had thought about playing it off, ignoring the whole thing. He barely knows this kid. The last thing he wants to do is talk sexuality with him. Now, though, watching the way Vinny's face continues to darken, he knows he doesn't really have any other option. He clears his throat to get the younger's attention once more, the words pouring from his lips before he has a chance to overthink them. "I mean. Yea. A few times."
Vinny's eyes snap wide open, his full focus suddenly on Pauly. Pauly shifts nervously under the scrutiny, now nervous himself. It doesn't take long for Vinny to find his voice, now, even if it is still quiet.
"Really? What, ah. What happened with those?"
"I dated one of em. Slept with a few. Got turned down pretty hard by a couple." Pauly replies, shrugging his shoulders almost in a physical effort to shrug off his emotions. None of the people in question are particular fond memories for him. He mumbles, "Shit happens."
The younger still stares at Pauly, totally intrigued. He shifts around until he's sitting wth his legs half folded in front of him, a bit more in Pauly's space.
"You dated a guy before?" he inquires, and Pauly looks away a bit.
"Yea. It didn't go real well, though. Guy was kind of a jerk-off." Pauly explains, his voice the one that's small this time.
"I'm sorry." Vinny says, honesty in his tone. It's his turn to reach out now, rest a hand on the older's knee in an effort to comfort him. Pauly turns back to him with half a smile.
"Don't worry about it. That was, like, years ago." he replies. Then, he swiftly changes the subject back to Vinny. "So, you have feelings for a guy, huh?"
"I guess so?" the younger responds after a moment. He lets out a light sigh. "I dunno. I've never liked a guy like that before, so I really have nothing to compare it to."
Pauly chuckles softly.
"It's not that different from liking a chick, dude." he informs the boy. He leans back, reclining on his arms on the bed and meeting Vinny's eyes once more. "I guess what it really comes down to it, do you wanna get it in with him?"
Vinny startles, eyes wide and face red as he stammers around an answer.
"I-I-I wouldn't kn-know...know anything like that! I mean, I, I haven't even kissed a guy yet! I don't e-even know if I like this guy for real, and you wanna know if I want to..."
Pauly outright laughs this time. Vinny's cute like this, he thinks, all nervous and panicked. He doesn't have much time to think about it, though, too busy trying to console the younger.
"Whoa, hey, my bad! Maybe not get it in yet. Maybe just, I dunno, kiss him or something." Pauly alters his original question. Vinny, however, still looks like he can't decide, way too caught up in his own thoughts. It blows Pauly's mind; he's never seen someone so conflicted over something so simple. It comes out before he realizes he's speaking, "Surely you know if you wanna kiss the guy or not? Right?"
The way Vinny stares at him catches him off-guard. It's like he's contemplating something, really rolling it around in his head. Pauly's brow furrows just a bit as he watches the younger. Just as he's about to open his mouth, ask the boy what he's thinking so damned hard about, Vinny's speaking again, though mostly to himself.
"Well, there's only one way to find out."
The next thing Pauly registers are Vinny's lips landing solidly on his own, the boy's hand coming around to hold the back of his neck tenderly. Pauly makes a noise of pure shock, hands flying up to grip Vinny's shoulders tightly. He doesn't push the younger away, though, just holds him there and lets himself be kissed. He tries not to react, figures he'll just let the younger get it out of his system and try and ignore the feelings that are bubbling up inside of him now, too. But then, Vinny's lips are moving against his own, tongue sliding out cautiously to brush against his lower one, and Pauly lets out a light sigh, pulling Vinny the slightest bit closer. Vinny jumps at the first touch of their tongues, and for a moment, Pauly thinks he's going to pull away entirely, nerves taking over. The younger suprises him, though, diving in a bit deeper and letting their tongues tangle together, move languidly against each other for several long minutes. At some point, Vinny's hands must have moved around to cup Pauly's face, because the DJ finds himself relaxing into it, kissing the boy even more soundly as time passes. Suddenly, Vinny lets out a soft whimper, and Pauly is viciously yanked back to reality. He breaks the kiss with a loud, wet smack, holding Vinny at arms' length when the younger tries to chase after him.
"Hey, whoa, no. Vin, hey, we can't." he says, and it kills him to watch Vinny's face fall, watch the younger begin to actually retreat into himself. He shakes Vinny's shoulders just enough to make the boy meet his eyes. "No, listen to me. Seriously. This is a terrible idea. I am such a bad, bad person for you. Can't you see that?"
Vinny lets out a sad sigh just loud enough for Pauly to catch it, turning away from the older completely.
"If you don't like me, just say it. You don't have to try and play the 'it's not you, it's me' crap. I swear, I'm a big kid. I can handle a simple rejection." Vinny manages, voice carrying a slight waver.
Pauly finds the honesty spilling from his lips before he even really has a chance to fully process the words himself.
"But then I'd be lying to you, and I don't want to do that, either."
Vinny's head snaps up so he can lock eyes with his friend. Pauly keeps talking before Vinny has a chance to interject.
"Look, the last thing I want to do is hurt you right now, Vin. That's why we can't do this, though." Pauly tries near desperatly to explain. He's not sure why he wants so badly to make the hurt disappear from the younger's eyes, but he does, so he plows on. "You've never even been with a guy before. I don't want to be the asshole that ruins you for the rest of them. I know me, and I know I will be. I'm just not cut out for relationships."
"How do you know that for sure?" Vinny questions softly.
"I don't, and that's the problem." Pauly says sadly, reaching out and taking one of Vinny's hands in his own. He rubs the back of it with a slow thumb, tries to ease the kid's hurt that he never meant to cause. This was so not the conversation he'd imagined having when he walked into the bedroom what feels like ages ago. "I'd rather know for a fact, without a doubt, that I'm going to have you here as my friend than take a risk and fuck things up with you forever."
Vinny falls silent for several long moments, something changing in his whole demeanor at the older's words. It seems as if Pauly may have finally gotten through to him, as much as it sucks (for both of them, he thinks). Then, the younger meets his eyes again almost nervously.
"We're still friends, though?" he asks.
Pauly smiles at him, attempts to lighten to mood.
"Of course we are! This doesn't change anything." Pauly replies, reassurance lacing his tone (he won't acknowledge that he's trying to reassure himself just as much as his companion).
After a minute, Vinny nods.
"Okay. Alright, cool." he says, voice still quiet. Then, "I'm sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry for. It's all good. I'm glad you at least told me. That took some guts, man." Pauly responds with a light laugh. He watches Vinny relax the slightest bit, the smallest of smiles beginning to form on his face.
"Yea, yea." Vinny mutters. After a moment, though, his face falls once more, and Pauly falls silent, meets his eyes. "Will you at least think about it?"
It's Pauly's turn to nod, now, without even thinking.
"Yea. I'll at least think about it." he agrees softly.
Vinny's smile grows significantly larger now, and it does wonders to ease Pauly's nerves that he wasn't aware he'd get about the situation. Then, Vinny is rubbing his hands over his own thighs, standing carefully from the bed.
"Well, I need to go ahead and take a shower, because I have to work later, so I guess I'm gonna do that." Vinny informs the older almost sheepishly.
"Oh! Yea, sure, man. No problem." Pauly says, standing up off the bed as well and making his way towards the door. Then, he suggests casually, "We can hang out when you get off later on, or whatever."
"Yea, sounds good, man." Vinny agrees, smile growing even wider as he nods again.
Pauly's just turning to exit the room, way too much on his mind, when Vinny's voice cuts through his thoughts once more, makes him whirl around to face the younger.
"Oh, and Pauly? Thanks."
Pauly's entire demeanor softens, shooting the boy an easy smile.
"Anytime. What are friends for, right?" he asks softly.
With that, he heads off to the kitchen. This was definitely not the way he'd expected the afternoon to go, he thinks. He's never needed a drink more in his life.
(Later on, as he jerks off in the shower to the memory of Vinny's tongue comfortably exploring his mouth, he can't help but realize how wrong he was earlier. This changes everything.)