AN: DON'T OWN DON'T SUE! LOT'S OF OOC ABOUND, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'M JUST HAVING FUN FOR THE HELL OF IT! YES, IT MIGHT SEEM STUPID BUT THIS JUST POPPED INTO MY MIND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I JUST COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND UNTIL I GOT IT DOWN ON THE SCREEN. I THINK IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN A ONE-SHOT. IT MAY OR MAY NOT. I DUNNO. WE'LL SEE.

How She Feels (Xemnas Version)

A Kingdom Hearts Story

Chapter 1:

When You Brought Me Here

Amaterasu was up on top of the Alter of Naught waiting for four member of the Organization that she had called up there. She was severely nervous. She had been in The Castle That Never Was for about a year now and she was having a hard time being there. Even though she had feelings, the men around her did not, and according to them they would never have them. She was so torn between what she felt though.

Each of the four Organization members that she had called up here had saved her ass at least once on the missions they had went on and she had become attached to them quite a bit. The attachment had grown into something more as time had passed and Amaterasu wasn't sure what to do except tell them. But she had no idea how they would act. She didn't even know if they would understand what she was talking about. As she waited for those four Organization members to join her, Amaterasu walked to the edge of the alter.

Looking over the edge of it, she watched all of the lights twinkling below her.

'Goddess what am I going to do...' she thought to herself, 'I don't even know if they will understand what I am telling them. And if they do understand, will they even be able to return what I want to give.'

Just as Amaterasu turned around, Xemnas was seen coming up the last few steps of the alter.

"You wanted to see me, Amaterasu?" he asked, tilting his head in a way that made Amaterasu's heart clench.

His hair glinted in the Kingdom Hearts moonlight, perfect and radiant as molten silver. His sun-set orange eyes glowed like hot coals and sent shivers down her back. His caramel skin looked dark and rich and she wanted to run her hands along it, but she resisted. And his deep voice echoed around them. Amaterasu nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, though there are a couple others that I wanted to talk to as well. So just give it a few more minutes, k?" she smiled.

Turning back around she hoped that he didn't see the light blush that tinged her cheeks. If he did she might be in trouble. A Dark Corridor opened and Saix stepped through. He noticed Xemnas and nodded his head at him.

"Amaterasu, you wished to see me?" he intoned, his voice seemingly unperturbed that he was asked up to the Alter.

"Yes, there are a couple others that I am wanting to talk to and I need them here to do so, so we need to wait." she said without turning around.

She was afraid to turn around. If they saw the look that was on her face right now they would become concerned and she would never be able to get out what she wanted to say. A few seconds later, another Dark Corridor opened and Zexion walked out and at the same time Marluxia was seen walking up the last few steps of the Alter. At the sounds of their boots Amaterasu looked over her shoulder and saw that all four of the men that she wanted to talk to were finally present.

'Okay, you can do this girl, just come out and say what you want to. If they don't know what you are talking about, so what. At least you actually said something, you were able to get your ass up and confess. Unlike your brother, who couldn't confess to the one he loved. You've got this.

They're up here, now just turn around and say it.' Amaterasu coached herself in her head.

Turning around, Amaterasu looked at the four Organization members that she had gathered on The Alter of Naught. Xemnas was standing off to the side, closer to one side of the stairs than anything. Saix was on the other side of the stairs. Zexion had drifted to the middle of the Alter, and Marluxia had started to make his way closer to Amaterasu.

"What seems to be troubling you so much that you have asked all of us up here Ami?" Marluxia asked her, bringing an arm around her shoulders.

A light blush pulled itself up onto her cheeks and she pulled away from Marluxia. Shaking her head, she backed away from him.

"What I wanted to say was...Well actually I. Damn it." she muttered.

"Amaterasu, whatever it is you can tell us. We won't be angry with you. Or has someone hurt you? If someone has hurt you, you need to tell us. We'll make sure they are properly taken care of." Saix said gently, looking up at her with yellow eyes that gleamed with interest.

"No, no one has hurt me. It has to do with you guys. It's...it's just you guys...Ugh, how do I say this..." Amaterasu sighed.

Xemnas stood from where he was sitting and walked over to her. Sliding a finger under her chin, he lifted her face so that she was looking him in the eyes.

"There is nothing you have to worry about. Whatever you have to say, you can say it. No matter what it is nothing will change." he whispered to her.

Amaterasu pulled away from him.

"That's the problem. What I say will change what happens between all of us. Especially between two of us if that someone decides to accept it." she replied shaking her head.

"What do you mean?" asked Zexion.

"You all are very dear to me, and I care about all of you very deeply. All of the Organization, I care about you. But the four of you I care about you the most. But I have recently come to realize, that it's more than friendship that I feel for the four of you. I don't know if you will understand.

Over time I've come to find that I like you as more than friends. When I see each of you all day by day, I find that my heart flutters each time I see you. I can't concentrate when I'm on my missions with you. That's why you've had to save me. I'm distracted by you.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel love for each of you. But I can't decide which one of you that I want to be with. Which is why I'm giving you guys the choice of whether or not you would want to share my heart with me. I'm sorry I sound so stupid I know. But I just had to say something instead of staying quiet.

It was just killing me. If you don't want to do anything about this, we can forget it. But at least tell me that you hear what I'm saying." she said very fast.

Zexion gave a ghost of a smile from where he sat on the edge of the Alter then stood and walked over to her.

"While I cannot share a heart with you because I do not have one, I can share friendship. And if you will share that with me, I would be content with that. Are you willing to do so?" he asked her, raising a hand to put it on her shoulder.

Disappointment showed on Amaterasu's face, but she quickly hid it then nodded her head.

"Yes friendship is perfectly fine, Zexion. While I would enjoy much more than that with you, if you feel that you cannot do more than that with me, I understand. Can we still have our little book meetings every so often? I would so miss our discussions about the books that we have read." she asked him, a smile on her face.

Zexion nodded his head and Amaterasu basically jumped him in happiness at his answer. Then remembering that Zexion was not the touching sort, Amaterasu quickly let him go.

"Sorry Zexion, I forgot." she said sheepishly, watching him straighten out his coat.

"Perfectly fine Amaterasu. I know you forget sometimes." he said looking up at her as he finished with his coat.

Giving her one last nod he opened a Dark Corridor and walked through it. Watching it close, Amaterasu was startled when Saix put his hand on her shoulder.

"The offer you have given me is a honest one Amaterasu. However I cannot accept it. I am a friend to you Amaterasu, but I can be no more than that. I have my loyalties elsewhere and I cannot go against them. It would be interesting to have a relationship with you, but I cannot. However friendship is an option. I hope that is still open on your end." he said softly.

Amaterasu turned and nodded to him and reached out for a hug. Saix met her halfway surprising her. He had never been one for hugs and she didn't know why he was voluntarily giving her one now, but she wasn't going to question him about it. As Saix pulled away, Amaterasu smiled up at him, thankful to have him as a friend.

"Thank you Saix. It's good to know that you are a friend. I hope that everything will go fine from here." she told him, he smile bright.

Saix nodded, then proceeded to walk down the stairs of the Alter and back inside the Castle. Then Marluxia pushed himself off the edge and opened a Dark Corridor.

"Marlu-" Amaterasu started.

"A beautiful rose such as I has no time for an ugly weed such as yourself. The only reason that I saved you on those missions would be because Xemnas would have been disappointed to lose what we have recently gained. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm leaving." and he was gone, the Corridor gone with a dark flourish behind him.

Amaterasu stood rooted in place where she stood. She had thought that she and Marluxia had at least been friends and now she had found out that he had only put up with her to appease Xemnas. How could he do that to her? She had opened her heart to him hoping to share it with him and he had thrown it back in her face.

Why would he be so cruel to her? Arms circled around her from behind and drew her back against a firm chest.

"He has no idea what he is talking about. He is the ugly weed and you are the beautiful rose. I don't know how he can't see that, and he will pay for his words, and for wounding your heart..." a voice whispered next to Amaterasu's ear.

She started and turned around to find Xemnas right behind her. He suddenly pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest.

"You will never be hurt again. You will never be touched again. Those around will see you but never be able to touch you. Those around you will never be able to harm you again. They will covet what I have but never be able to touch it. You are mine and mine alone." he whispered to her.

Amaterasu laughed to herself.

"Possessive much?" she asked him, laughing.

He pulled back and looked down at her.

"What is mine, I do not allow to be harmed..."

"As I said, possessive much?" she asked again, still laughing.

She pulled away again and continued laughing as she stood in front of him. Xemnas stared down at her with his sunset-orange eyes. Looking back up at him, Amaterasu smiled and leaned her body into him again. For once Xemnas was able to smile with actual happiness. All the other times that he smiled, his smiles had been fake.

He swung a hand behind him and a Dark Corridor bloomed itself open. Without Amaterasu noticing, he quickly pulled her through it and into his room. When Amaterasu looked up again, she found herself looking around Xemnas's room. She gasped as she looked around. It was huge.

A huge bed sat in the middle of the room embedded in the floor with curtains around it to obscure the view of anyone who wanted to look in on its occupants. One of the walls was a floor to ceiling window that had a beautiful view of the Kingdom Hearts moon. There were book shelves across two other walls. The third wall was bare except for another door. Amaterasu was led over to the bed and Xemnas pulled the curtains back from one side and pinned them so they would stay.

"Here, I know you are tired. Rest so you can regain your strength. I will be here with you to protect you from any harm that will try to come to you." he whispered to her.

Amaterasu looked to the bed then back to him. Nodding her head she slipped off her boots then kneeled down onto the bed. The sheets were softer than silk and the bed itself was like a cloud. She felt like a doll when she laid down with how big the bed was, and with how she sank down into it. Xemnas joined her a second later, his coat removed and his boots also gone.

He unpinned the curtain and it slid shut, shutting out most of the light. The glow of the Kingdom Hearts moon could be seen through the curtains as a dark blue glow as Xemnas and Amaterasu settled back against the pillows that were arranged on the bed. Xemnas pulled Amaterasu up against him, putting his arms around her drawing her close to his chest. Amaterasu's hands rested against his chest as she looked up into Xemnas's eyes. Xemnas slid a finger under her chin and leaned down, gently pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

Amaterasu gasped against the kiss, but Xemnas never forced it and as the kiss continued she melted into it, loving how gentle he was being. Xemnas never seemed like a gentle man when he was out in the field or when he was commanding the Organization to do their tasks, so this was a new side of him that Amaterasu had never seen. She was slightly frightened of it, but she also had fallen in love with it instantly. She brought her hand up and cupped the side of his face, her fingers gently brushing into his hair. Finally she slid her hand into his hair and gave a gentle tug, telling him she needed air.

He pulled away, and Amaterasu took in a deep breath, pulling back slightly.

"Are you sure...you want this..." she whispered to him.

"Do you really need to ask?" he asked her, pulling her into another kiss.

But this one was more forceful, more demanding of her. But it did not scare her, she welcomed it and she loved it. Pulling back from the kiss, Xemnas looked her in the eye.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked.

Amaterasu nodded her head. She didn't need to ask anything else.