A/N - Just like in my other KH fic Kristallnacht, this follows in my deep descriptive writing style, not really story-telling. Usually it's confusing, leaving you to figure out what exactly is going on. I like it like that. It could be plenty of different things; you interpret how you will. ^_-
Disclaimer - I do not own Riku or Sora, nor do I own 'Carol of the Bells'.
H o m e
Ding, dong, ding, dong
Deep baritone booming inside my head. So low, so threatening. With every beat, seconds coincide, inching closer to midnight, start of a new day, a new start, a new heartache. I can't bear to see those crystals fall from those eyes... This isn't home...
Hark! how the bells
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say,
"Throw cares away."
Hah! the new Machiavelli. Those sweet bells bleed lies into young virgin ears who haven't tasted regret, sorrow, the suffocation of ones own memories, ones own sinful thoughts; their last sanctuary; a betrayal. They sound beautiful, so very delicate. What an act! They are a catalyst to tarnish easily... just like silver. It's beauty's on the outside, just like its pretty, filthy veneer. Please, don't look into my eyes... you see right through me. I don't know how long I can conceal myself. From you.
Christmas is here
Bringing good cheer
To young and old
Meek and the bold
And what about us in the middle? Nothing. I'm not young. Youth is innocence, untarnished, carefree, a heart born and surrounded in light, not ever swallowed in the black . I'm not old. Old is being cascaded in wisdom, a pool of thoughts, answers, revelations, and happiness; being able to fade away with a smile on your face, a warmth you have brought. You. I'm not meek. No, that's an understatement of what I am. I turned away from you, brought the darkness in only to hurt you, crush you, my own selfish needs. But I should have known I would not be unable to cover up my feelings. I was terrified of those true feelings. For you. I'm not bold. How could I ever rescue you when I'm the one who caused you all that harm? I was your danger. Only me. Only to you.
Ding, dong, ding, dong
Slipping... slipping... my heart beats in rhythm to that tenor. My skin ice cold, getting colder. Shiver off this burning current of flesh that surrounds me, suffocating. It's only a matter of time. You stand there beside me, I can't bear the sight even as you try to force me to. I'm causing you even more pain, more heartache; a white knight of treason is what I've become. I won't soothe your pain, I won't ease your strain. But why does it feel so right? Yes, it's you.
That is their song
With joyful ring
All caroling
I clench my fist, so tight I'm sure the cream sheet under me has shed from my nails. This pain is unbearable. I don't care anymore, I need you. I want you. I want to feel you under me. I want to know every curvature and bend of your body. I want to inhale your sweet, silver, innocent scent; let me tarnish it, let me be your catalyst. I want to taste your fears, create new ones; for isn't that what I'm already doing? I sense your eyes wide with fear, wide with curiosity. You have no cognition of what I'm doing; my true intentions. Do you want to? Do you want to see behind these eyes?
One seems to hear
Words of good cheer
From ev'rywhere
Filling the air
I scream. My throat is burning, tearing. So vehement it's silent, piercing any sanity I have left; rip it to shreds. My body becoming numb, delightfully aching. I don't know who can hear, nor do I care. Because it's you. You do this to me - unnervingly oblivious. So ignorance is bliss; and I'm prone for misery. At least in the darkness I had control. My feelings, my emotions... I could make them synonymous. Until you enter my thoughts. Only you.
Oh how they pound
Raising the sound
O'er hill and dale
Telling their tale
Tell me your secret! My eyes reveal what my throat withholds. What power do you wield that puts me under your submission? It's unorthodox. Your beautiful being unlocks my private sanctuary, my consciousness. You dissolve my barrier, see right through my facade, put a crack in my demeanor. I have to now laugh. Of course. A crack... that's how the light gets in... You get in.
Gaily they ring
While people sing
Songs of good cheer
Christmas is here
Such a whimsical creature you are; you're a complete mystery to me. How am I a glass panel to you while you are a brick wall to me? Please, tell me your secrets, tell me your desires, tell me... tell me... You smile. It sends a chill down my spine, a frozen course throughout my veins. I blink. You tilt your head, that crooked grin analyzing my movements. Reading me. Taunting me. With you.
On, on they send
On without end
Their joyful tone
To ev'ry home
You win. I succumb again. I cannot bear not to reach out, just a little... Placing my hand over your chest, over your heart. The sweet, delicate thud of your life... your light. I want it, I need it, I need you. Aqua meets lapis lazuli. You smile. Not that devious, bent smile. The one that graces you the most, brings me to you, makes my sick heart ache, saved me. For the first time I realize my corrupt silver conscience's game. Twisting those flooding memories, driving me from you. Telling me you hated what I had become, what I had brought in, my betraying actions. You never cared. You fought for me as I fought for you. You love me. Always have. You.
Ding, dong, ding, dong
Deep baritone booming inside my head. So low, so threatening. With every beat, seconds coincide, inching closer to midnight, start of a new day, a new start, a new journey... with you. By my side. This time, I smile. A promise. We'll go together... This is home.