Disclaimer: I don't own 90210.
Summary: Waiting could only do so much. Life must go on. But everything remains in the eye of the sun. Ethan/Silver. Oneshot.
Author's Note: My third Ethan/Silver story! I'm only writing oneshots for them because I'm not sure I could create enough for them for a long term thing… But anyways, here it is! This takes place after the finale in which Annie hits Ethan. I'm not too crazy about how I ended it, but oh well...
In The Eye Of The Sun
by: The Vicious Circle
His room was an escape. She escaped the unpleasant heat with the cool air-condition in his room. She escaped the lecturing sister with his calm and quiet room. She escaped the buzz of the 'vicious circle' in the summer with him in his serene little room. But she couldn't avoid the one thing she wanted to elude the most. She couldn't avoid the truth. The fact that he was sleeping in a coma made everything else seem so trivial.
How could life really just go on? She was the only one left hanging around. Had they all forgotten? Had they all moved on?
"Silver? Are you home?" Kelly asked through the phone.
"Yeah. What's up, Kelly? Adrianna okay and everything?" she asked. She was so tired. The party at Naomi's ran its course and the sun was almost rising now. Silver returned home to take a shower and change clothes so she could get some sleep. But she knew, there would be no sleeping, not when the Ethan Ward kissed you less than an hour ago and confessed his love for you. No, there was no sleeping, not with all the West Bev. drama happening.
"Adrianna's fine. She's fine… But, um," Kelly started but stumbled.
"What's wrong, Kelly?" Silver asked half awake and trying to listen.
"Well, there's been an accident," Kelly said truthfully. Silver raised an eyebrow. Who now? "I heard about the party at Naomi's, and uh, well…" Kelly said faltering again.
"Kelly, who is it?" Silver asked getting impatient.
"You didn't happen to see or talk to Ethan there, did you?" Silver stopped dead at the mention of his name. "They just brought him to the hospital. He's looks bad and is unconscious. Do you-" Kelly explained but she was cut off. Silver ended the phone call right then and there. She dropped the phone, grabbed the keys to her car, and drove at top speed to the hospital. This was not happening.
It was the last day of summer vacation and she bet everyone was trying to savor their last day tanning at the beach or something. After school had been released in June, the whole group often came daily to visit him to see if he was doing any better and if he was going to wake up. But day by day, week by week, they started giving up hope. They meant well, but they chose to move on with their lives, saying that they were thinking of him in their hearts. That was bullshit, and Silver knew it. They just didn't feel like sympathizing anymore.
The last two had been her and Annie. Annie, of course, was only feeling responsible. Annie, who was supposed to be Silver's best friend, had now become somewhat of an enemy. She wasn't at the hospital to care for him. She was at the hospital to make sure that he would wake up and that her perfect little record wasn't tarnished.
"What happened?" Silver asked in a panicky voice seeing him lying unconsciously on the hospital bed. Everyone in the room was crying. Nobody paid attention to the fact that she actually cared about what happened, about him.
"It's all my fault," Annie confessed. She looked like a mess as she was still in her prom dress with makeup smeared all over her face from crying. "I… I… I left Naomi's after she kicked me out, and…" Her words came out choppy due to her sobbing. "I was just driving and, I… I didn't see him," she confessed. She didn't need to say anymore. She probably couldn't either.
Silver stared at him on the bed, looking somewhat peaceful in his deep sleep. She was expecting this to be a joke. She was expecting him to wake up any moment to relieve them.
But he still hadn't woken up yet. He kept on sleeping in his coma as if he enjoyed it. Only Silver could find logic in that. The need and want to run away from everything so ordinary and painful about reality made that coma look like heaven. Maybe heaven really was approaching after all. It made living on earth seem like hell which sometimes it truly was.
So why was Silver still around then? Why didn't she jump in front of a truck to join him in his peaceful sleep then if she wanted him to wake up so badly?
She believed in him. At this moment, she believed in fate. There was a reason he was in this coma right now, and she had figured it out. It was a test, to see how she really felt about him. He who had already confessed his true feelings, and now awaited his answer after letting her have all this time for contemplation. Therefore, he was going to wake up, most definitely.
"Hey, Silver," the nurse said. She came here so often that most of them knew her by name now. Well at least she had some connections to the hospital now.
"Hi," she replied with a small smile.
"Isn't today your last day of summer vacation?" the nurse asked. Silver nodded without hesitation. The nurse raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment any further. Silver knew what she was thinking. Why did they all think the same way? Just because the new school year started tomorrow, didn't mean that every kid would be outside instead of in.
Silver wasn't going to leave him alone.
"Silver, we should get home. Sammy is still at the sitters. You too, Dixon," Kelly commented. Most people had headed back already, promising to come back later when they were refreshed to fully analyze the situation. Only Silver, Kelly, and Dixon remained.
"You can go ahead, Kelly," Silver said nonchalantly. "Pick up Sammy first. I'll be home soon," she said since she drove here in her own car. Kelly sighed and reluctantly agreed. She patted Silver and Dixon on the shoulder before she left the room. Dixon was standing at the edge of the bed. Silver did not move from her seat next to Ethan. She knew what was coming next.
"You went after him," he said a little too calmly. But Silver didn't flinch either. He knew it, so why try and deny it? "You went after him," he repeated. "And something happened between you two," he said. Dixon seemed to know everything.
But he knew nothing.
Silver was tired, physically and mentally exhausted. She was tired of this charade, pretending to be something she wasn't. She made that loud and clear in her speech earlier. The differences were becoming too drastic no matter what Ethan had told her. No matter how much they tried to make it work, things would never be the same again. They weren't functioning on the same level anymore. He wanted his prom king title and popularity. He just wanted to fit in after being alienated before. She wanted the exact opposite. She could care less about what other people thought. She just wanted to be herself.
But it wasn't good enough for Dixon, so she tried to change.
Silver knew things would never change. People were who they were and at this point in their life, it was hard to make that one-eighty change. Praise Ethan, for he had tried. He had tried his damn hardest to leave his popularity throne, and Silver saw it. He wanted change, but falling in love with her wasn't part of the plan. Silver knew he never intended for it to happen, and that's why he never took action. Sweet and loving Ethan Ward never wanted to hurt anyone. But it seems that he hurt everyone. Some said he deserved this. Silver thought they were out of their mind. He tried to make people happy. He tried to make everyone happy. He tried to live up to all their expectations of him, and at the same time, he tried to find and keep a little of himself in tact. It was harder for him to forget and not be bothered by them.
"Hi," she said softly and sweetly as she entered the room and walked over toward the seat next to his bed. There was no response, as usual. She sat down in the chair and gently touched his arm. She smiled. Even like this, he was able to get a smile out of her. Only around him now did she genuinely smile from ear to ear.
"Ethan…"
"You know what? I don't even want to know," Dixon exclaimed. "This has just gotten, too hard," he said. Silver barely even blinked at his words. In a way, it felt as if she had been waiting for them to come for a while now. "It's over, Silver," he said. Those were the words. If she wasn't too busy trying to please him so much before, she would've said them herself a long time ago. It was like a huge sigh of relief.
"It's been over for a while now," she admits boldly. She could never be the one he wanted, and it was just time to move on. The silence stood too long for him, she guessed. She heard footsteps and the door click open and shut. Just like that, he was gone, out of her life.
Three seconds later, Silver dropped her head down onto his limp arm and cried.
"You gotta wake up, Eth," she said gently holding onto his lifeless hand. Words became limited over time. It made her happy to see him and be alone with him, but everything was morbid due to the fact that he could not respond. He couldn't even listen.
And she was getting desperate. She couldn't keep going on like this. It has been more than two months and there was still no sign whatsoever. Where was he? Why was he doing this? Couldn't he see that it was killing her? If he liked her, if he cared a bit about her, he wouldn't do this. He would wake up for her.
"You have to wake up, okay?" she repeated again, this time pleading more. She squeezed his hand as she laid her head down. "I'm still here."
"Silver," a voice said. She recognized it immediately.
"Ethan?" she said looking up. And no doubt, he was standing right there in front of her. But, how was this possible? And, where were they? "What's going on? Where are we?" she asked repeating her thoughts out loud. She opened her mouth to say more, but her throat dried up and she couldn't contain the tears she had been holding back anymore.
"Shh… It's okay," he reassured. Everything was so unclear. "It's just a dream," he stated.
"What? What's a dream? This? You? Me? Ethan, I can't take it anymore. I…" she said quickly trying to get answered. She tried to reach out to him.
"It's no use," he said. "You can only see and hear me. I'm not really here," he explained. She closed her eyes and tears started to fall. "It was too much," he started. She knew what he was talking about right away. "There's little chance-"
"Don't say that!" she fought urgently.
"Listen," he commanded. "There's little chance that I'll come back." Silver shook her head violently trying to protest, but there was really nothing she could do. "I just wanted… I just wanted to see you one more time, even if it had to be this way." She could hear the croak in his voice. He was aching as well.
"Does that mean…" Silver started but faltered. He knew what she was asking anyways.
"Stay, Silver," he said. "Stay here." His voice was dying and his figure slowly started to disappear.
"Ethan, wait!" she pleaded, but it was no use.
"Give everyone my love," was what she heard last.
And then at the sound of her phone, she woke up. She looked up groggily. What had just happened? Was Ethan…? She turned her head, and her world fell apart. He was there, still sleeping. Realizing that her phone was still ringing, she picked it up.
"Hello?" she said quietly.
"Silver? Where are you? I thought you were going to come home? Are you still at the hospital?" Kelly's voice sounded through the phone.
"Sorry, Kelly," she said. "I'm on my way right now," she reassured her sister and then hung up. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply for a few moments. It was only a dream. He would be fine. He would probably wake up tomorrow. Without even thinking, she kissed his forehead, and left.
School never proved to be any different. The first day of school was still school, and that meant that worked still had to be done. Silver looked out the window from her room. She hated to admit it, but she missed the sun, the lovely Californian sun. She had given most of it up for him, and she didn't regret that, but summer had been her chance, and she missed it.
Her cell phone rang and Silver quickly picked it up. "Hello?"
"Hello? Is this Silver?" a voice through the phone asked.
"Yeah," Silver replied hesitantly. The voice was familiar, but she couldn't place a name on it.
"Hi. I'm Ethan's mom," she said. Silver stopped. "I knew you were attached to my boy, and well, I thought you should be the first to know…"
"Hi," she whispered. She sat down on the grass cross-legged. "I'm still here," was the first thing she said every time she came and visited over the course of two years. It took a while for her to understand his message. When she tried to tell people about her 'dream', no one believed her. They all said she had too much to drink that night or the trauma was going to her head. But it was true. She would always believe.
"I'm going to be gone for a while," she said. She got accepted to NYU and was going there to study film. And though she was going to be away, she would still remain, just the way he wanted to. Silver considered it a dying wish.
"I miss you," she concluded. She smiled for him before she got back up on her feet and walked away, exhaling another sigh of relief. She would be gone, but she would stay in spirit. She would always stay with him. Silver had learned. She could move on; he wanted her to. He only wanted her to stay and never change.
The tombstone gleamed in the eye of the sun. Ethan Ward. 1992-2009. Stay in the eye of the sun. Remain in the center of our hearts.