My first fanfiction. I don't speak english. So, have mercy. If someone has nothing better to do, I would gladly accept help.

First Christmas: Rukia

Chrystmax, she mused, was a strange holiday. People dressed up like a fat guy with beard and a fetish for red pants and keep singing funny songs about birth, stars and long and cold nights.

Once, Ichigo explained her Chrystmax was all about giving.

Giving.

"Well," she had asked him, with a puzzled expression on her face, "if everybody gives something, then, who takes it?"

He had just laughed and said it was a very good question. And that she would be able to give at it an answer herself, someday.

Her frown had just deepened.

But then, she had to leave. Before her first Chrystmax.

Before understanding the meaning of it.

But now... she wondered what she was missing.

Those were her thoughts while she sat at her desk. Loads of paperwork on it. Her pen between her lips. That day was Chrystmax.

"Rukia!"

She turned annoyed. Her friend, Renji, was waving at her like a crazy fool.

"Renji..." she greeted.

"Mmm... unusually quiet and serious. Are you beginning to act like a girl?"

"Fuck off, Renji!" she snapped.

"Oh... it's just you."

Wrong thing to say. She kicked him in the shins.

"Oh, and here I was thinking about asking you to take a day off and come with me!" He yelled at her.

"You know," she replied calmly, "I think I'll take a day off." She stated, standing up, and putting down her pen.

"Good! We could go-"

"No," she stopped him. "We are doing nothing. Leave me alone, Renji... just... today."

"What?" he asked taken aback. "Why?"

"I... I have something to figure out."

That night, Rukia stayed in her room at the 13th. She sat against the wall, thinking, alone, while sipping a warm sake. She didn't feel like being at the Kuchiki Manor. There, she was lady Kuchiki. She needed to be just Rukia. The same Rukia who was in the real world. The one with the human expression. Human feelings. She needed to understand humans.

She thought about the verb "giving". Did they give things up? Did they give awards? Gifts? Kisses?

Well... if only someone would GIVE her hints!

She thought about Ichigo. And how he would foolishly give his life for everyone. Even for her.

Did they give lives? But if people gave up life, then it would be all about death. Not giving.

She should be able to understand.

In her life, she gave a lot of things.

She gave the wrong impression to people. At first, everybody thinks she's just a weak, spoiled girl. She always gave people a reason to change their mind about that. She gave kicks and punches.

She had given kisses and hugs, grins, smiles (not always fake) and polite handshakes.

She had given up her food, there in Rugonkai.

She had given up her hearth, in that battle under the rain, while she gave her mentor and first crush the fatal blown.

She had given up friendship and trust.

She had given up her happiness for her brother's.

She had given her power to some stranger.

She was ready to give up everything for him.

She would gladly give him everything.

If this Cystmax thing was about giving, she was ready to give anything to him, she thought with a little drunken smile, falling asleep against the wall.

If only... he was ok with taking it.

Next part: 17th Christmas: Ichigo.