Short and silly, this came into my mind one day after playing PoR.
Because...if you think about it, this is all very true!
But, don't get me wrong, I definitely would be nowhere without these girls. :]
My only warnings would be that there is mention of Ike/Soren at the end, and this story contains raging females. XD
Tellius, a continent that holds some of the greatest and most powerful kingdoms to ever rise from the earth, has seen its share of wars.
Conflicts of only the highest caliber took place on almost every inch of land seen by any and all eyes.
Sicknesses plagued those weak enough, pulling them into drawn out days of suffering and pain. Wounds captured those that dared to close their eyes for even a second, pulling them into an eternal slumber. Weapons moved, swift and sure, through the bodies of each opposing force before them, beorc and laguz alike.
Yet, somehow, there was always a scarier force in the world; the force that was the female race.
Even the smallest of them could do things that would drive even the sanest man to the brink of insanity. If they didn't give you looks that made your internal organs churn in uneasiness, they were just outright terrifying.
Almost no one knew this better than Ike.
Sure, Soren was none-to-popular with women, but there were only few people in the world who could tolerate the tiny tactician. Shinon would drink until he unconsciously made a mockery of them, and they would either give him a sharp slap or walk away offended. Gatrie, too, had seen his fair share of the dark side of women; his trying to "get with them" would almost always result in a boot to the shin.
Though, whether it was his armor or his pride that protected him, no one knew, and Gatrie would always continue clawing after every woman he saw.
Even Rhys, who would only offer a small smile, a weak "hello", and a Heal staff, would be beaten just for the hell of it.
Ike would often hesitate leaving his tent in the mornings because of them. It would take only a second for a thought to come into play in his mind in the thick of a battle, but it would take hours to figure out how to say "hello" at a tone that wouldn't make women think you were trying to seduce them or offend them.
Eventually, Ike came to write down something about the women in his or the allied armies, just to keep himself and some others safe, should they run into them (Boyd was not included in the group of "some others". Ike found the warrior's attempts at communication with them amusing.).
Aimee
To others, Aimee had always come off as a nice young woman who helped to supply the armies with things like vulneraries and staffs. She would greet everyone (except Soren) with a smile and a flip of her long, dark, hair.
She would constantly chase Ike about the tents, shouting things that made Soren grumpier than usual and Mist giggle like a bashful girl. She would make him trip almost every time, just so she could say, "oh, Ikey-poo…," and try to shove a vulnerary down his throat.
Ike found it best to ignore her completely.
Astrid
A quiet and sweet bow knight, Astrid usually kept to herself. Her voice was soft and small, her eyes were polite and innocent, and she would always show Ike and the others respect greater than some of them deserved. When she'd first met the Mercenaries, she was as weak as a defenseless villager.
Eventually, her practice with a bow made her one of the head snipers, and Titania had taken the time to show her the benefits of using axes as well as bows.
Around the base grounds, there was no problem with her. The quiet girl hardly spoke and was rarely ever in anyone's way. But the second she moved to the battlefield, her entire demeanor did a turn around. Her innocent eyes would narrow and become sharper than the heads of her arrows and her voice would boom across the wind, often drowning out Ike and causing Rolf to run to one of his brothers' sides.
Staying out of her line of fire was the greatest thing anyone could do if they wanted to live.
Elincia
Noble and exceptionally well-mannered, Crimea's lovely ruler was not only one to look at, but she had enough strength to rival that of Tibarn's own. With her trusted Pegasus and Amiti at her side, she could be sent onto the field, be surrounded, and she would come back with nothing but calloused fingers because of the grip she held on her sword.
Though few said things against her, when they did talk she took every insult to heart and kept it in her mind like she would the memory of a loved one. She would still smile at those who passed her, yes, but her smile would turn to a heated glare at their backs.
Often times she would find herself in Mist's tent late at night, the two of them scheming against anyone they thought deserved it. Even when they did nothing wrong, the two would get together just to have a laugh.
It was only best to stay on the Queen's good side.
Ilyana
The scroll of women Ike kept hidden in his tent needed not go into detail when it came to the thunder sage. The girl was strong, yes. The girl was kind, yes. She didn't have a temper or the ability to hold a grudge. So long as the girl had food, she could do anything.
Beneath Ilyana's name on Ike's scroll was nearly blank; save for the few words scrawled across the parchment in Ike's messy handwriting.
Do not go near Ilyana if she has not eaten.
Jill
Sitting atop her wyvern, her bright red hair would flow gracefully whenever she attacked an enemy soldier. Her eyes, matching her hair impeccably, would burn with passion and strength.
She would almost never have dinner with the rest of the company, because some saw her as a possible spy for the opposing army. None expressed this, more so, than a drunken Shinon and a distrusting Lethe.
The drunken slur of the redhead would find Jill, wherever she may have been, and Shinon would say nothing but "git out'a's here, spy!" as he tripped over thin air.
More often than not, Ike and/or Soren would leave their tents to find Jill swinging her axe at a dummy, to which she referred to as "that redheaded, alcoholic, swine". While Soren simply walked away, Ike remembered to stay on her good side, in case she snaps and pulls her axe out during dinner.
Marcia
Adorable as she may be, the pegasus knight should be feared more than she really is. When she messes up, she'll let out a small "oh, crackers!" that can't help but make you think she's adorable, and her insults rival that of a child's, so you can only think that fearing her is ridiculous.
But, really, she's an incredible force on her own.
The pink-haired girl's strength, often times, can be compared to or even surpass Titania's own. One thing is for sure; when Marcia gets mad, she gets mad. Ike had learned from seeing her chase after Makalov that she could probably kill of an army by just shouting at them or something.
Beneath her name on Ike's scroll sits a simple: Innocent yet deadly.
Titania
The most trusted woman in the company, Titania was almost like a mother-figure to Ike and Mist both before and after Greil's death. Her warm smile, often seen when Ike suggests something ridiculous in meetings, was comfort in and of itself.
The redhead was more observant than anyone Ike had known (though Oscar and Rhys were nearly tied with her) and definitely one of the most friendly.
In battle, though, Ike had to make sure to keep everyone at least ten paces back in every direction from her. With her back straight and a hand ax readied, she was as deadly as a hyper-active Tormod with a new Elfire tome; or Kieran showing off his newly sharpened Killer Axe.
The woman was a beast; enough said.
If you had to choose between taking Shinon, Gatrie, Haar, and Boyd into battle or Titania, which would you choose?
…Exactly.
At the end of the day, if he was lucky, Ike would be able to slip into Soren's tent unnoticed. Soren could chase off any of the girls, or even guys, that came by looking for Ike; which he was very grateful for.
He would jump into Soren's bed, while the tactician sat at his desk and went over funds and other plans, and laugh about everything the girls had done that day. "You should have heard Mist at dinner," he would say, his arms tucked behind his head as he watched the ceiling. "She talks about Boyd like he's the greatest thing in the world."
Nodding, Soren would only make small sounds in agreement as he continued to read over the papers before him. "I think she must be slightly touched in the mind," Ike continued, laughing a little more. "…if she can find a way to like Boyd…"
Mist would storm in, her usually milky skin flushed in anger, and she would start picking up rocks off of the ground and throw them at her brother. "You're just jealous!" she shouts, stomping her foot.
As she leaves, Ike hurriedly moves to sit beside Soren. With a small kiss on the mage's hand and an arm wrapped around his shoulders, Ike smiles and says, "…and they wonder why I prefer you over them."
Giggle worthy, I would say. :]
Thanks for reading my silly little semi-rant about the girls of Fire Emblem. ^^
-Kisan