A/N: This is going to be a real short story. Only about six chapters, I should finish it by the end of next week. I hope you like it.

It's a little silly, and off topic, and his mind just wanders...because really, guys minds wander...a lot.

By the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS! And happy holidays!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the letter. :)

Dear Santa,

Yes, yes, it's me again, by the way Santa, I really think you should lose the white beard, I mean, you've had it for what? About ten thousand year, you should try the John Travolta seventies look, then maybe people will stop calling you a pedophile. I know what you're thinking Santa, why the fuck is this kid writing me again? He's eighteen and he probably has a million better things to do.

Am I right?

Don't shake your head.

You and I both know I am.

Anyhow, I'm writing this to you, because even though I've already got that Water Gun 3000 I wanted, (Thanks by the way, although, the water doesn't shoot a hundred feet like the box said it would. You have to stop letting Buddy make the toys. He's better off in New York City.) There's something else that I wanted.

No, something else that I need.

Wait, maybe need want. Want need?

...

I want her. I want her, badly, Santa. And you're a guy, so I know you know how it feels when the area down south is begging to have a girl, ya know? I mean, I see you hitting on Mrs. Clause through the window Santa, you're not fooling me. I need her, she's everything that I want in a girl.

Yes, I know, this is cliche, how can you, Santa Clause get a beautiful girl for me, for Christmas, I mean you aren't God, but you're kind of the God of Christmas...so technically, maybe you are?

I'm confusing myself.

Thanks for the cookies by the way Santa, you left them last year. I almost cried, I spent three hours baking them with my mom, and my sweat was baked into them! You really injured my heart Santa.

But you know what would make that same heart tickle with joy?

If you'd get me that girl.

If you don't, I might just have to do something violent. Something so violent that I might not be able to control myself, if you're beautiful red outfit suddenly disappears...*cough*

No Santa, this isn't a threat...this is simply a suggestion from a good, nice teenage boy...you really should get me that girl, or Santa might have to get a whole new outfit, and really, do you know how much those cost these days?

I'm not a kid with raging hormones.

If I was just a kid with raging hormones, wouldn't I ask for her to show up at my door in nothing but a bra? Or maybe a thong?

Dirty dirty thoughts I'm having now...

...

*Slaps self in forehead.*

Gee, Santa, we go way back, so can't you just do this one thing for me? You were there when I first rode a bike...when I learned to walk...when I accidentally let my mom fall asleep with that lizard in her bed...*cough*

So since we've known each other for so long, you wouldn't mind doing this teeny bitsy favor for me...would ya?

No?

Didn't think so.

Santa, I need her. I want you know who she is. She's my best friend, you know everything Santa...so wouldn't you know this before I even sent it?

I just wasted an afternoon, three sheets of paper, and two pens.

Oh well, it isn't my money!

Someone's coming. Gotta go!

-

Sincerly,

You know whom. Cause you know ~everything!

P.S. I'm not kidding about the suit thing Santa, so please, get me the girl!

A/N: Make my day, and review, please? :)