Buffy Big Brother

Season 2

Introduction

After the events detailed at the finale of Buffy Big Brother season 1, the remainder of the night was, for obvious reasons, highly upsetting and harrowing. As such, it gained record numbers of viewers.

The Master - whose death also caused his spiritual vessel, Luke, to instantly dust - was posthumously disqualified from the programme for associated misdemeanours, not least of which trying to kill all of the other contestants and bring about the complete destruction of the world.

Buffy was successfully revived via CPR by Xander, with Angel & Willow anxious onlookers. Giles and Buffy were so groggy when eventually roused from their respective slumbers that they thought Cordelia's revelation she was responsible for saving the world from the Master to be the first level of Hell. Cordelia's request to Big Brother that she exempted from eviction for this public service was denied.

Big Brother made assurances to the housemates that the Sanctuary spell could never again be circumvented. Furthermore, it was promised that anyone trying to subvert the rules of the house would be instantly evicted via a portal leading to an unspecified dimension of Hell. Possibly one containing shrimp. No specifics were given.

When things had finally settled to something approaching normality, the announcement was made - Harmony had been evicted from the Big Brother house by an overwhelming margin. Cordelia had been second in the votes, but since the Master had already gone, she was spared the axe (a fact which was revealed to her only as she lay sobbing on the living area floor).

And so the housemates enter their second week. In accordance with Buffy mythology, their personalities have been modified slightly to keep up with their season 2 identities. Our main character list:

Buffy: still trying to get over the harrowing showdown with the Master, but a little more sure of herself and her abilities, and with a growing attraction to Angel

Willow: forced to grow up sooner than she expected by the events of the previous week, beginning to dabble in amateur witchcraft

Xander: holding a candle (actually a blowtorch) for Buffy, but beginning to realise that trying to separate she and Angel is futile

Cordelia: only very slightly mellowed by her heroic deeds in defeating the Master (she won't be allowed to live down the highly public and embarrassing breakdown on cameras afterward when she thought she'd been evicted)

Angel: opening up a little about his past as the killer Angelus, developing a rivalry of sorts with Xander, and gaining the trust of the other Scoobies

Giles: forming a stronger bond with his young charges by the day, not so stuffy or rigid in his Watcher ways as he once was

With the departure of two housemates in Harmony and the Master, Big Brother has chosen to fill the gap they created with some fairly famous figures from Season 2. Namely:

Spike & Drusilla: English vampire lovers, former members of Angel & Darla's terrible foursome of vampires which terrorised Europe over a century ago

And last, but certainly not least:

Oz: Schoolmate of the Scoobies at Sunnydale High, a quiet unassuming lad with a penchant for understatement, a crush on Willow, and an ever-so slight secret regarding the effect the Moon has upon him...

We rejoin our housemates on the morning of the beginning of Day 8, the second week of Big Brother, and the introductions to the new housemates are getting under way...

Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (morning)

Xander rejoices in the departure of "pumpkin face", making it clear that a week spent in close proximity to a vampire was a week too long. Angel, seemingly sleeping, doesn't rise to the bait, not even when - Giles having escaped for a quiet cuppa in the garden - Xander forcibly shifts the Master's old bed (after giving it a thorough inspection for bloodstains; after all, he reasons, vampires might have wet dreams too...) next to his own, giving himself a makeshift double bed. Xander celebrates this new arrangement by plucking up the courage to ask Buffy out...----
"Out?" Buffy blinked. "Out where?"
Xander felt the elevator of his hopes begin to descend. "Not out out," he hastily amended, "because of the whole house thing. Just out as in...me, you, not a whole lot of other people."
"Oh," Buffy replied, sucking in a long breath through her cheeks, and accelerating the descent of his hopes with every second's hesitation.
Xander grinned weakly. "I, uh, thought you'd like these."
Buffy stared. "Blueberry muffins...Xander, how did you..."
"Our food budget increase last week," he explained, the words tumbling out rapidly, lest he pause for breath and break the bubble, "I thought - hey, Buff's the Chosen One, she likes blueberry muffins, it's my duty as her...her muffin-gettin' guy to go do his job. And now I realise how incredibly stupid I sound, so if you'll just excuse me - gotta go, there's a space between a couple pillows with my name on it - "
She caught his arm as he turned. "Xander," she said desperately. "Don't - "
He turned, his eyes full of that hope again. Her words died. His did likewise. They locked eyes for a few long, long heartbeats. Finally he broke the spell, looking away and nodding.
"Yeah," he said simply. "That's what I thought."
She watched him retreat back to his room, her hand grasping something which, she realised dimly, was the forlorn shape of a blueberry muffin.
"What's up with the Duke of Dork?" Cordelia asked. "He didn't even have time for a cutting riposte in the corridor when I asked him if the reason for his long face was the fact that Angel has a more fashionable reflection than he does."
"Shut up, Cordelia," Buffy said harshly, sitting down heavily in an armchair, her brain already whirling as she tried to figure out the best way out of this emotional minefield.
Cordelia fixed her with a look you could have shaved with. "You burst his lil' puppy bubble, eh?" she snorted. "You amaze me. Ability to kill the undead - check - super speed, super strength - check - power to notice when a guy's tripping over his tongue every time you do that snappy-head-hear-flick thing, of which I'm not at all envious? Damn, we forgot that one..."
----Devastated, Xander returns to his room. Shortly thereafter Angel is abruptly roused from his morning slumber by the commencement of a country music pain fest coming from the other side of the bedroom. Caught between demanding an end to it and asking if he can do anything, he reconsiders when clocking the look on Xander's face when he takes one step toward him.
Finding it hard to cope without her pet sycophant Harmony, Cordelia wanders the house bored, distributing acidic comments as she goes. Returning the girls bedroom, she brings everyone - except the (happily) oblivious Giles and the (morosely) oblivious Xander running with an ear-piercing scream. Her bed has been liberally sprinkled with chicken-type calling cards.
Outside, Willow gives Mr Cluck some extra feed.
Seconds later, when Cordelia storms out to the coop, murder in her eyes, she needs Buffy to help defend her beloved pet from the livid cheerleader. Buffy makes it clear that, should she find Mr Cluck has mysteriously become the world's first poultrygeist, the finger of blame will point expressly in one minutely manicured direction. ----
"Who says ya can't train a chicken?" Willow chuckled, once Cordelia had gone. "Hey, where's Xander?"
Buffy found something abruptly fascinating on the floor of the coop. "I think he's just resting up."
There was a sigh from a few feet above. "He did it, didn't he."
"Yeah," Buffy straightened up, careful to avoid the searching beak of Willow's farmyard maniac, which the other housemates had taken to calling "Attila the Hen". "Look Will, I'm sorry...I know how you..."
"It's weird," Willow interrupted her, her eyes shining slightly. "He could never understand how you didn't know how he felt. It's so obvious, Will. I make it so obvious. And I'd agree. Boy, I was really in a position to, huh?"
"I'm sorry."
"I need a hug."
Buffy started, then stopped. "Put At - Mr Cluck down, and you got it."
They hugged. "Guys," Buffy said, in a who needs 'em way.
"Yeah," Willow agreed, "not like one's just gonna turn up at the doorstep."
"Housemates – This is Big Brother. The new housemate Oz will be arriving in one hour. Two additional housemates Spike and Drusilla will join you this evening."

In his room, Angel slept on, unaware of this announcement.

They separated. "See, that's another nice moment spoiled by one," Willow complained, a smile ghosting her lips. "I hate this Oz already."

Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (afternoon)

"Warning. Incoming housemate. Please stay away from the portal area. Warning - "
Assembled now for five minutes and counting, this continuous loop recording was starting to grate on the existing housemates' nerves. The round pulsing circle of white light in the centre of the living area went on merrily pulsing. They'd all arrived by the same method, seven days ago; the Big Brother house's borders were of the ethereal sort - there was nothing except a modest nine-foot wall around its perimeter, but beyond that...no-one could really focus beyond that. It wasn't something that anyone liked to discuss.
"Do we actually know anything about this Oz?" Giles asked. "I wonder how exactly he fitted the criteria for a new housemate."
"Screwed-up social life, that kinda thing?" Xander replied. He hadn't wanted to emerge from his cathartic coccoon yet, and it showed.
"Speak for yourself, unrequited boy," Cordelia shot back instantly.
There would probably have followed a long and drawn-out verbal war of attrition, if the portal hadn't suddenly deposited a young man in its epicentre. He blinked, twice, and patted himself in various places.
"At least I'm not naked," he commented neutrally, glancing down at the fading white circle in which he'd landed.
"We're all grateful for that," Cordelia smiled, her voice dripping with disappointment at this new offering.
"Hey," Buffy offered, shooting Cordy a warning look. As she spoke there were echoes of her hey and a smattering of welcoming nods from the other housemates. "Welcome to the house. It's Oz, right?"
"It is," Oz affirmed, looking remarkably composed as he took in the various new people facing him. Willow seemed to hold his attention for longer than anyone else had. Confused, she sneaked a look behind her.
"Hey, I've seen you around Sunnydale High," Xander spoke up, surprised. "You're with the band that plays at the Bronze, aren't you?"
"Band is a strong word for us," Oz replied. "But yeah."
"How did you get here, Oz?" Giles asked.
Oz considered this. As he did, his eyes flitted to Willow again. "Fast."
Willow couldn't help but grin. It was a silly answer, but when Oz said it, it sounded sensible, perfect, apt. "Do you always talk like that?" she asked him reflexively, before anxiety caused to her add, "Not that I mind...I didn't mean to say that..."
"It's OK," Oz assured her before she could try to sink any further into her armchair. "And pretty much."
"I like it," Angel piped up.
"You would," Xander and Cordelia said, in perfect unison. They exhanged disgust-filled looks at each other. Oz absorbed this.
"Welcome to the house of fun," Buffy said.
Oz sent another glance in Willow's direction. "I think I'm gonna like it here," he said.

Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day Unknown

"Where the bloody hell - " Spike whirled around. Or at least, he tried to. He was dimly aware of some sort of physical reality around him, and his mind was active, as active as it had been only a few seconds ago when he'd been very definitely driving hell for leather to Sunnydale, CA. Now, abruptly, and with the cosmic equivalent of someone saying yoink! he'd been deposited here.
"Greetings."
Spike fought down the impulse to bite the source of the voice. Normally he wouldn't have attempted such a thing, but since it seemed to be coming from everywhere, it was a pretty pointless reflex. He did allow himself to vamp out, if to do nothing else than relieve some tension. With shock, he realised that he hadn't even felt himself vamp as he should have done.
"Get on with it," he growled. "What am I doing here?"
"A proposal."
"Sorry," he replied, mentally taking out a cigarette and lighting it, "you're not my type."
"Listen carefully, Spike," the voice continued as though he hadn't spoken, "we realise you're not the most intellectual vampire the world has ever seen, but allow us to summarise your current situation: homeless, hunted, desperate, and carrying your practically disabled former lover around with you. Correct?"
Cold, hard anger burned within Spike at the casual nature with which Drusilla's health was discussed and dismissed. "Sod off," he snarled.
"We'll take that as agreement. How would you like to change all that?"
"Tell me who I'm dealing with," Spike replied, resenting the caution that was entering his tone. Robbed of his physical strength as he was, he had to rely on such things, but that didn't mean he had to like them.
"Call us Big Brother."
He laughed out loud. "Call you what? Listen mate, I got places to go, people to eviscerate, towns to - " and that was as far as he got, before the pain ripped through him. Spike had, during his century plus of 'life', been subjected to more than his fair share of tortures, horrors he had endured with barely a groan. Now he roared in pain.
"Spike, we don't have time for your admittedly snappy dialogue exchanges. Here is what will happen - you, along with Drusilla, are about to enter a dimensional nullspace formulated to resemble..." the voice trailed off, as if reconsidering its own words, before resuming, "...that is to say, you're going for a holiday in a very special place with some humans and an old friend. You'll be unable to commit any acts of violence while there. If you manage to stay there for the next six weeks, your greatest desires will be made reality. Drusilla healed. Slayers at your feet. Unlimited credit at the dog track. A director's box at Old Trafford. Do you understand?"
Spike mulled it over. "Who's the old friend?" he asked.
"You'll find out."

Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (Evening)

Its been an eventful day in the Buffy Big Brother House - a new arrival - Oz, the "desecration" (in her own words comprising of another 3 hour rant to Big Brother) of Cordys bed with little packages of chicken poo, and the announcement of a further two arrivals due at any time. We find the housemates awaiting the new arrivals and speculating on what they'll be like.
Cordelia of couse is hoping for a "tall, dark, handsome guy, with good fashion sense, the keys to his own Porsche and a very rich daddy thats about to go to the big stock market in the sky who just happens to have a weakness for a stunning, sophisticated and fashionally gifted cheerleader with the ability to make anything look amazing - even something from Sears" the latter was said with a disdainful look at yet another of Willows fashion miscreants of a yellow woolen cardigan, red pleated skirt and black and white striped tights.
She is not so happy when Xander makes the retort of "Alternatively he could be looking for the poster child of Hookers R Us, in which case Cordy , You're a shoo in". Her inevitable barbed response is cut short as the portal in the centre of the living room dispatches two new housemates within the group.
Good Evening everyone, this is Big Brother - please join us in welcoming your new housemates... Spike and Drusilla
There is a mild uproar as Angel, Spike and Drusilla all take a look and recognise each other, Angel is visibly shocked, Spike is happy to see an old friends face and Drusilla starts to jump up and down - not unlike a ten year old who spots Britney Spears in the local branch of HMV.
"Angelus... how the hell have you been, did they have to neuter you too with the sanctuary speel so you'd play nice with the other puppys in the pound. So what you been up to for the last 50 or 60 years are you still pulling all that I've got a soul crap so you can reel in all those little bits for you and Darla to play with"
There is a worried expression on both Giles and Buffys faces as they realise the new housemates obiously know Angel, what this means at the moment is anybodys guess, further unsettling Buffy is the way Drusilla is looking at Angel, Buffy whispers to Giles that its "kind of like a member of overeaters anonymous who's had the luck of being placed in charge of the entire chocolate fudge cake section of the local bakery".
This is Big Brother - in recognition of the 3 new housemates arrival Big Brother has given you a budget of $100 dollars to spend on items with which to hold a welcoming party.
Further uproar ensues as the housemates all start arguing on ways to spend the money, Giles, Angel and Spike immediately vie for Alcohol, Buffy, Willow and Xander go for the "sticky, sweet treats" and Drusilla and Cordy immediately start to wonder about clothing for the evening.
Oz stays silent and watches the proceedings with a calm acceptance. Big Brother decides to involve him more and, in a flash of white light which momentarily stuns the room, a guitar is delivered. Oz - and, strangely, Willow - react with delight...
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It is 9 in the evening. Spike, Cordelia and Drusilla are in the garden. The rest of the housemates are in the house.
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(Dru and Spike rub heads together like cats)

Drusilla: "I don't 'alf luv you Spoike"

Spike: "Of course you do love. We're gonna RULE this house!"

Dru: "ooh yesss. See that one over there? I think I shall feed from her first."

Spike: "I told you love. We can't drink the other house-mates. Wait till we're out of here."

Dru: "I'm tired Spike".

Cordelia reclines on a sun lounger, filing her nails in the glare of stadium bright garden lights.
She cannot hear their conversation, but is unnerved by the way that Drusilla keeps looking at her.

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Meanwhile, Oz is exploring the house examining the quirky ornaments and speculating about their function with the help of Xander Harris.