Busted

"Why are we down here doing this again?"

"Because, Ever, we- Ow, Elf! You're on my foot."

"Sorry, Lisanna."

"Oy," Bickslow complained. "Don't damage Lissy."

"Don't damage," his dolls sang. "Lissy."

"Shhh, guys," the woman in question shushed. "Come sit in the grass and be quiet. We don't wanna get caught."

"We are doing this, Evergreen," Freed sighed from where he was with them, also hiding under the bush, "because we must defend Laxus' honor. There is no way that he is out cheating and-"

"No way? What do you call that?" Elfman raved as they all peeked out from the hedge they were hidden in that surrounded the property. Luckily it was tall enough to cover his massive body. If it hadn't been, he'd probably been exiled from the group. Again. Sometimes even his own baby sister wouldn't take up for him. Or his girlfriend. Sigh. "That's obviously cheating! And not at all something a man would do!"

"Would you keep your voice down? Sheesh," Bickslow grumbled. "You'd think these people never spied on someone before or somethin', Lissy."

"Or something," she sighed, peeking through the leaves over at her sister's boyfriend as well. He was seated outside, at a patio café, with a woman that very much so was not her sister. The woman was dark headed and, the few times they gotten a good glance at her, looked nothing like Mirajane.

Which, possibly, wouldn't have been a big deal, had Bickslow and Lisanna (they'd formed the desire to become quite the little sleuths recently) began tailing Laxus after happening to catch him out before with another woman. That time it had been a blonde and, well, they were more than a little handsy with one another.

But Bickslow had convinced Lisanna not to tell Mira just yet. They had to get all the facts, after all. Plus, it was just too much fun, sneaking around, spying on Laxus. For both of them, actually. Eventually though they actually spilt the beans to Freed who told Ever who told Elfman, ending up in them all hiding out in a bush together, spying.

It was quite a mess they were in. Lucky Bickslow and Lisanna though, those were the exact kind of messes they loved. The messier the better.

"Clearly," Freed insisted, as he had been since the beginning, "Laxus is just taking this woman out to lunch. That is all. I have seen nothing other than friendly banter going on over there."

"Oy," Bickslow complained, shooting him a glance. "Boss is a real ladies man, yeah? Always has been. Why are you finding it so hard to believe that he-"

"Because he has promised Mira that he was changing his ways and he would never go back on his word!"

"Stop yelling," Ever hissed at all of them. "And be quiet. You're going to get us caught. Now just sit here and watch. If we see he make a move on this woman, then we'll tell Mirajane. We all agreed, remember?"

Lisanna only shifted back onto her butt, batting at a branch when it scratched her as she sighed slightly. It was always there, in the back of her mind the entire time that they were doing wrong. Not on Laxus end. If he was a lying, cheating dog then she was more than ready to expose him for it. But her poor sis. She really did love her dragon. Lisanna turning it all into a game with her own boyfriend just didn't feel right.

"What's wrong, Lissy?" he asked as from his position on his knees, the man wiggled his butt. "Things are heatin' up over here. The boss is practically staring down her dress."

"He is not," Freed huffed.

"Is so. I don't blame him. Look at those knockers, yeah?"

Ever groaned. "This is why none of us ever take you anywhere, Bickslow."

The seith only glanced back at his girlfriend again. "Come on. It ain't no fun 'less you're spyin' with me."

"It's just…isn't it kind of wrong? For us all to be in on this when Mira clearly isn't? It's like we're turning her life into a game and-"

"Kid," the seith groaned. "You wait till now to get a conscious? Get back up here!"

"What," Ever complained, "did we say about yelling?"

"Hey, this was me, Lissy, and the babies' thing. Not any of you guys. We just let you in on it. That's all. You don't make the rules here."

Elfman only growled. "When I get my hands on him-"

"We do not know yet if he's actually cheating on her," Ever complained, always one to stick up for Laxus, even when he made it hard. "I mean-"

"Don't know? There's nothing to know! Laxus is a man of honor," Freed insisted. "Honor."

"Yeah, I think so too," Bickslow agreed. "Except with women. And he's definitely screwing this one. Look at her. Would you not screw her? All of you? I'm speaking to all of you. She's that hot."

"Bickslow," Lisanna complained as she shifted again, shoving a branch out of her face. "Would you behave?"

"Sorry, Lissy, but sometimes I get a tad carried away."

"Look," Ever said then. "He's stroking her hand. Do you see a ring? What's if she's married?" She gasped. "What if they're in love and Mira and the woman's husband are just holding them back?"

"Why would you ever be excited about that?" Lisanna sent her a look. "I mean, honestly?"

"Don't get all high and mighty now, little girl," the other woman retorted. "You and your freak have been doing this for how long? Huh?"

"…Wait, am I her freak?" Bickslow frowned. "I resent that. Sure, I'm a freak. And yes, I'm with Lisanna, but no, I am not hers. You fascist."

"Do you even know what the means?"

"Obviously, Ever. I said it, didn't I?"

"You say a lot of things. I don't honestly believe you know what precocious means either, but you say it all the time."

"That was very precocious of you."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment!"

"If you knew what precocious meant, it would be."

"Lissy! Get me a dictionary! Stat!"

"Bickslow," she groaned. "Can we get back to the topic at hand here?"

"Gladly," he growled. "After I prove Evergreen wrong."

More growling from Elfman. "She's laughing at his jokes. Laxus isn't funny. Even you have to admit, Freed, that he's not funny."

"Well, he does have a slight aura of humor about him, but-"

"The only time a woman laughs at a guy's horrible jokes is if she wants to sleep with him," Elfman finished. "Obviously."

Bickslow blinked. Then he winked at Lisanna. "I knew I wasn't that funny. Just unbelievably sexy, eh?"

"I don't laugh at your jokes because I just want to sleep with you."

"Then why do you?" Evergreen sighed. "Because it's definitely not because they're funny."

"No one asked you," her teammate retorted.

"You literally just said the exact same thing. So why are you going crazy that I said it?"

"Because you're not involved in this conversation. At all. So keep your mouth shut."

"I am about to sock you-"

"Good! It'll give me an excuse to hit you back!"

"No," Elfman grumbled, though he was still focused on peeking out of the bushes. "It won't."

"They just leaned across the table!" Bickslow was all into what was happening then. "And kissed! They kissed! Laxus is cheating on Mirajane. And I do not see a ring, Ever."

"Well, maybe she just took it off. I mean, did you see the love in that kiss? They're in love and Mirajane's standing in the way along with the woman's possible husband."

Elfman growled. "You're not making me love you right now, Ever!"

"And you've never made me love you, so-"

"She laughs at literally everything he says though," Bickslow mumbled to Lisanna who took to nodding. "Someone has to take one for the team though. Your brother's a pretty bad one to have to take though-"

"Like Ever's such a catch," Lisanna complained as Bickslow's babies got restless and took to the air, just so they could land in her lap. "I mean, he's taking one for the team as well."

Bickslow nodded. "She was, like, a major bitch before him."

"Yeah, and now she's just a minor one."

"I am going to strangle both of you," Ever hissed. "And it's going to hurt."

"We could take her," Bickslow remarked to which Lisanna nodded. "You go high, I go low. Babies, you just float around and cheer us on."

"Papa!" they sang. "Papa!"

"Would you shut them up?" Freed complained. "We-"

"Hey, man. These are my babies. Why don't you shut up?"

"I did not mean to come off as rude, but-"

"Well, you did! And- Uh-oh."

Suddenly, a hand reached into the bushes and grabbed Bickslow by the back of the neck before hauling him backwards. Just as quickly, another one was reaching for Lisanna.

"Hey!"

"We're busted," Bickslow sighed as Ever and Elfman stuck their heads out as well.

"What," they heard then, coming from a man dressed clearly as a waiter, "are you people doing in our bushes?"

"Uh…I suppose looking for an earring won't work?" Lisanna asked.

Elfman didn't have time to be questioned though. His anger was finally boiling over.

"Laxus!" he growled as he rushed around the bushes and over to the patio that they surrounded. "You filthy, dirty, nasty cheat! How dare you do this to Mirajane? How dare you?"

"Fast break!" Bickslow shoved away from the waiter before running over there as well. "Boss! You swarthy dog, you. Help me!"

"Bickslow!" Lisanna chased after him as well, Ever and Freed soon to follow. "And Laxus! How could you do this? We all liked you with Mira. Like, a lot."

"Not that much," Ever said as she made it over to the table. "But a little, sure."

"Laxus! Tell them that they're wrong." Freed came to a stop at the table as well. "Quickly. You are a man of honor. Honor!"

Laxus, for his part, was just sitting there, staring at them with wide eyes as the woman he was with glanced at the others in shock. Some other tables had taken notice too and were looking over.

His shock turned to annoyance quickly as Laxus growled.

"What are you idiots doing?" he grumbled. "And Freed, get off me!"

"We're spying on you, you disgusting cheat," Lisanna hissed. Looking at the woman, "And you, you…you…hussy."

"Wow, Lissy, calm down there." Bickslow patted her on the head. "This side of you is scary."

"I know," she sighed looking at the woman again. "I'm so sorry. I just built this up in my mind and…this isn't your fault. I didn't mean to call you that."

"Don't back down, Lisanna," Freed insisted as Laxus shoved him off. "This woman has tricked Laxus with her womanly wiles and-"

"Ew. That sounds worse than whatever they actually are doing." Bickslow gagged. "I mean, seriously."

"Are these," they heard then loudly from behind them, "delinquents bothering you, sir? Or do you…know them?"

"Unfortunately," Laxus sighed as he glanced at the waiter. "But yes, they're also bothering me and if they don't get gone now-"

"No way, cheater," Elfman growled. "Cheating on my sister is not manly!"

"I'm not cheating on your sister!"

"Actually, boss," Bickslow said as he cleared his throat. "For the past four weekends, you have taken out a completely different woman to dinner and taken her back to your apartment."

"What?" He growled again. "You've been spying on me?"

"Yes," Lisanna hissed. When he turned his glare at her, she said, "W-Well, we just saw you out one day and it kinda turned into our date night. You know, following you. It was really fun…unless we thought about poor Mirajane."

"Yeah, Laxus," Ever complained. "Why didn't you ever think about poor Mirajane? I mean, hey, if you're, like, in love with this woman and she's standing in the way-"

"I will kindly ask you all to leave now," the waiter intervened. "And if you do not, I will do so in a not so kind way."

"This is important Thunder Legion business here, sir," Freed hissed.

"Yeah," the seith agreed. "So if you'd kindly take a step back-"

"You're causing a scene," the man insisted.

"So what if I am?"

"See, Laxus?" Lisanna crossed her arms as Bickslow's dolls floated around her in a comforting manner. "You've ruined everything. We used to all be able to go out together and have a good time, but now I won't even be able to look at you."

"Look at you!" the dolls howled.

"This is going to break Mira's heart. And you-"

"So you sat on the information for weeks?" he asked with just as much bite. "Huh?"

"So what if I did? You're still the cheater, here, so-"

"I'm not cheating on your sister!"

"Then what do you call this? Huh? Or those other women?" Elfman asked harshly. "Because I sure don't call it manly!"

More growls. Then Laxus said, "Demon, would you just transform? Please? So we can get this over with? They're embarrassing me."

"Alright," they heard the woman from the other side of the table say with a giggle. "But I think they're pretty funny."

By the end of that sentence, the voice had turned back into the one that they all knew and loved as well as the body, the purple tiles that appeared dissipating to reveal Mirajane.

"What," Freed growled, "is going on?"

"Clearly," Bickslow offered, "this woman is transforming into Mirajane to trick us."

Laxus was about growled out. "You idiots! This is Mirajane."

"I don't… What?" Ever glanced between them. "Why-"

"Because," Laxus grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest, "sometimes me and the demon like to use her little transformation magic to our advantage. What business is it of you guys?"

"Advantage, huh?" Elfman was still coming down off his anger then and was more confused than anything else. "What do you mean?"

"I still don't see why I have to tell you idiots anything," Laxus grumbled.

"Dragon."

"What, Mira? They were spying on us."

"Wait." Bickslow glanced between his idol and Mirajane. "You like for Mira to transform into other women so you can-"

"Ew, gross!" Lisanna read what her boyfriend was saying easily. "You guys are- Oh, no, I can't do this."

She and the seith fell into giggles then, both trying to say things, but not being able to. It was all too nasty and silly and just so…ugh.

Elfman was still scratching at his head. "I don't get it. Ever, why would he-"

"I think it's a sex thing or something. But why they have to go out to dinner first is beyond me, so-"

"Oh, Laxus!" Freed launched himself at the man, nearly knocking him out of the chair. "I knew you were a man of your word!"

"Excuse me," the waiter tried again. "But perhaps you all could, I dunno, stop making a scene in our restaurant?"

"Got you there, penguin man," Bickslow said, stopping his giggles to glare at the man, referring to his attire. "We're not in your restaurant. We're outside on the patio. Ha!"

"That's enough!" Laxus stood then, finally, shoving Freed off once more as he glared at them all. "Bickslow! You're being rude to this man for no reason. Apologize."

"But boss-"

"Now!"

"Sorry," he sighed, glancing at the man. "I's just jokin'. That's all."

"And you, Lisanna," he went on. "You're gonna stop yelling at me, kid, before I get even more pissed off. I love your sister! And I would never cheat on her. What we do in our spare time though is our business. And that goes for you too, Elfman."

"I guess you're righ- I can't do this! It's too funny! You guys are…I really can't. This is too great!"

"A real man knows how to make a better speech!"

"Ever." Laxus addressed her next. "I don't even know what to say to you other than pick better men."

"Laxus, we go over this all the time. Elfman and I are-"

"Yeah, well, still. Just pick better."

"Dragon," Mira complained.

"And, Freed, honestly?" The Thunder God only shook his head. "Stop stooping to their level. I expect more out of you."

"I beg for your forgiveness. Honest, Laxus! I never once believed you did it."

"Alright, alright, just stop touching me."

"Hey, Bicks," Lisanna whispered as Freed groveled at the feet of his idol.

"Hmmm?"

"What else do you think they do?" she asked through giggles as he grinned down at her. "I mean, if he has her change into other women, clearly they-"

"I bet they do a whole lot!"

More snickers.

Mira just frowned at them before looking to her boyfriend. "Laxus-"

"Right," he sighed, reaching into his pocket. "I'm on it."

Producing his wallet, the man tossed a wad of jewels on the table, with a lot extra for the tip (they were his delinquents, after all), before holding a hand out. Taking it, Mira got to her feet.

"Oy, boss, can we finish your food?" Not waiting for an invitation, Bickslow took a seat. "Sit down, Lissy. I never get to take you out somewhere so fancy!"

"You're not taking her out," Ever pointed out. "Laxus paid for this. And you're being rude."

"You're being ugly."

"Hey-"

"Men don't comment on women's ugliness."

"Elfman! Did you just call me ugly?"

"Uh, Laxus?" Freed tried to scurry after him and Mira. "Perhaps-"

"No, Freed, you stay and babysit," the man grumbled, not glancing over his shoulder at him. "You wanted to play with these idiots? Have fun."

"Bye, sis!" Lisanna called as Laxus and Mira left. "Sorry about not, well, recognizing you. Or telling you."

"And the spying. Lissy, don't forget the spying."

"That too."

Mira glanced over her shoulder and waved at them with the hand that wasn't interlaced with Laxus'.

"That," she told him through a blush when they were far from the restaurant. "Was embarrassing."

"Yeah. I know," he sighed, glancing down at her. "We're gonna have to find a new place now that they know about that one."

"I really liked it there too."

"They ruin everything."

She just leaned into him slightly as they walked. "Hey, Lax?"

"Hmmm?"

"You've been having fun, haven't you? With me being other women?"

"Of course. I mean, that's why we're doing it, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But," he went on with a grin as he squeezed her hand slightly. "Nothing beats you, demon. And I mean nothing."

It only took them another five minutes to be booted from the restaurant, Bickslow and the others. Also barred from ever eating there.

"As if I would," Bickslow complained as they all walked away, defeated. "That much for a simple beer? Bah! I get better service down at the bar."

Lisanna just sighed as he tossed an arm over her shoulders. "I feel kinda bad, guys. I mean, Laxus wasn't cheating and we said a lotta horrible things about him, thinking he was."

"You should feel bad," Freed retorted. "Very bad."

"Don't mess with my kid, man," his friend ordered. "She didn't do nothin' wrong. It was boss and Mrs. Boss that were playing that game. What were we supposed to think? Huh? We didn't know that was Mira. How could we have?"

"I still don't get what they were doing," Elfman complained. "But it didn't seem too manly."

Shaking her hand, Ever said, "Well, now what?"

"I say," Bickslow proposed then, "that we go to boss's place and apologize."

"I don't think so," Freed was quick to say. "I mean, they probably went back there-"

"Precisely why we should go," the seith insisted. "How else would we apologize?"

"Okay, you idiot shave fun ruining more of Laxus' night and getting killed," Ever said as she took Elfman's hand and turned down at different street. "We're gonna go not do that somewhere else."

"Wait, Ever!" Bickslow removed his arm from Lisanna's shoulders before moving to grab her hand and run after his teammate. "This is a consorted effort! We have to stick together."

"Stop following us!"

"No!"

"Spell consort and you can come."

"I don't have to do anything, you fascist!"

"Stop calling me that."

"I want Lisanna to come," Elfman complained as Ever drug him along. "Her boyfriend can hit the bricks though."

"Listen at him," Bickslow complained as Lisanna only giggled. "Another fascists if I ever saw one."

"Stop using words that you don't know the meaning to," Ever insisted.

"Never!"

"Never," his babies cried as they followed along. "Never! Ever!"

Freed only sighed as he slowly took to following behind them. Laxus had, after all, put him on babysitting duty. After failing the man once, he was intent not to again.

Besides, with Laxus apparently unavailable, what else was he going to do with his night, but waste it with the others?

More Laxus and Mira getting their lives ruined and being mortified by the Thunder Legion and her siblings because it should just become a thing now. Like, forever.