A Million Lights
By: KellyCRocker59
I have no idea where this came from, but I just really needed to write something, and this couple ended up fitting.
He was grasping at straws. Dancing on the edge of desire. She was opulent, a demure luxury that he didn't deserve. That was why he didn't have her, he knew, but desire was a curious being, a banshee screeching inside of him. Instead he tightened his hands into fists, bit down on his lip and watched the future unfurl before him.
He could have had her. Oh, how he had thought about it every day of the past five years. His life was riddled with regrets and mistakes, but not holding onto her sat atop them all. He could show her how he's changed now. He could prove that this was right, that they could be right together. Instead, he stays seated. It's crowded in the church. There's no way to make an exit without being seen, and he's got no desire to ruin this moment for her.
"Dude, you alright?"
He doesn't respond to the question. Sam worries too much though, and so he gets asked again. Noah shakes his head, and that's the end of it.
He remembers trying. He remembers them trying to make it work, him trying to overcome the demons his dad had left him with, her mending a broken dream. They were too fragile for each other, and when Finn returned, she really had only one option. He let her leave. It was never right to let her run to him in the first place.
But he's better now. He should have told her so months ago. Before she was in too deep. But then again, with Finn it was always headfirst euphoria. It was never work unless there was someone there to interfere. Who was he to do that now, when she had managed to find her elixir? He was still searching for his, incapable of admitting to himself that the only thing that could fix him was marrying his childhood best friend.
Each word issued from the preacher's lips was a blow to the head. Noah could feel his tongue dancing behind his lips. If ever there was a time to speak, to get what he wanted, it was now. He could have it all, couldn't he? He could guarantee her the happiness she had always craved. She could pack her bags and move in with him that night. They pick up right where they left off, and he could wake up tomorrow with her in his arms, her ethereal glow no longer his to observe from across crowded dinners or busy nights at bars.
But it was an evanescent fantasy. It was just his happiness after all, was it? It was her happiness, Finn's happiness. It was every domino that would come toppling down if he set this into motion. So he sat there and he let it happen.
When Rachel danced with her husband that evening, each light glimmered off of the gems of her bodice. A million lights glided over every surface of the ballroom, leaving Noah Puckerman in the darkness.