your beauty ripped my world apart.
now, I'm coming back to settle up and take your heart.
Two seconds into his brand new job, Kurt realizes that his boss is an asshole and within those two seconds, he also comes to realize that his boss hired him because he knew he wouldn't have the urge to fuck him. Kurt realizes this after Sebastian Smyth, who seems to believe that being an asshole is a profession, gleefully informs him of the fact. To his face. In front of two other people. Having never actually taken direct shit from someone, Kurt sort of loses it and punches his boss in the face.
About ten seconds into his brand new job, Kurt gets a raise.
/
"Hummel, I asked for fucking coffee, not your hair product mixed in with water."
Kurt takes in and lets out five deep breaths. He smiles, all fake and perfected, and takes the cup Mr. Smythe is waving in his face. He leaves the office and waits out of sight for a minute before walking straight back in. He offers the cup to Mr. Smythe, who frowns at his computer screen and grabs the cup absently. Kurt rolls his eyes because the universe hates him and this is really unfair and he's pretty sure his hair product would actually taste really good mixed in with water.
He's almost out of the door when he hears Sebastian choke on the coffee.
/
Every so often, Kurt has to send out flowers and chocolates to Sebastian's conquests in order to keep his reputation clear and his crazy, obsessive lovers at bay. Every so often, Kurt loses his mind. He has seen what kind of assholes Sebastian is attracted to and it did wonders for his own ego because he knows why Sebastian wouldn't want to fuck him. Mr. Smythe is attracted to utter morons. Take Luke for example.
"Seb, you look so good in gray. Like, supermodel good."
Luke is about a head shorter than Mr. Smythe, all shaggy blonde hair and wide brown eyes, and he's got a leg thrown over Sebastian's thigh. Kurt doesn't even know why he, himself, is here considering this is after hours and why anyone would need a secretary while they're in a club is beyond him. But, Sebastian had insisted and when that didn't work, he had threatened. His main reasoning had been that he needed someone to drive him and whatever idiot he picks up home.
"I know."
Kurt snorts and looks away as Luke takes that as some sort of signal to suck Sebastian's tongue right out of his mouth. The club is pretentious and gross and Kurt wants to throw up just to watch all these asshole stick up their noses. He's having the worst time of his life, slowly edging away from the booth Sebastian has reserved, when he stumbles over his own feet and lands in the arms of Prince Charming.
He blinks up at hazel eyes and staggers away when he realizes he has his hands on the guy's arms and his legs are ramrod straight so he has to bend at the waist at the most awkward angle ever to avoid falling. The guy grins and catches him again when Kurt yanks back too fast.
"How many have you had to drink?" he asks, but it isn't mean. It's actually awfully sweet and quite contradictory to his words.
"None, actually," Kurt answers, straightening up and stepping away from his hold. He tries to smile but he thinks spending so much time with Mr. Smythe has made him semi-incapable of that movement.
Prince Charming doesn't seem to mind, at least.
"How about I get you one, then?"
Kurt glances at the table behind him, cranes his neck around a mass of horny, horny fucks and finds Mr. Smythe staring directly at him. He looks angry and Kurt has even done anything yet. Prince Charming follows his line of vision and asks if there's a problem. Kurt decides that no, there isn't a problem, that no, driving Mr. Smythe's fucks around isn't part of his job, and yes, he wants to get laid tonight.
"No. Come on, let's go," he says with a smile, tugging Prince Charming along by the wrist and ignoring him when Sebastian yells, "Hummel, you piece of glitter shit!"
/
Prince Charming is Blaine Anderson and he's perfect. Kurt knows this because he stutters when Kurt suggests going back to his place and he holds open the door for him and he smells like peppermint candy-canes. It's really no surprise when he finds himself on all fours, screaming obscenities, and urging Blaine to fuck him already. It's also no surprise that they have sex around five times, all instances including Blaine being weirdly polite and incredibly good.
"I can't feel my legs," Blaine says breathlessly, staring up at the ceiling as Kurt rolls off of him.
"That's nice," Kurt mumbles before wrapping himself around Blaine and passing out.
/
The morning after includes Blaine making him pancakes from scratch and kissing his nose. Kurt watching him with lovestruck eyes as he explains some boring aspect of his accounting career and he keeps covering his mouth with his sleeve (Blaine's sleeve, really, since it's Blaine's shirt but whatever) and inhaling like some sort of creepy idiot.
"When do you have to go to work?" Blaine asks as he digs into his pancakes.
Kurt means to answer but he gets distracted when he leans over to lick the syrup off of Blaine's lips. This act dissolves into him in Blaine's lap and some old school dry humping. Weirdly satisfying but he really does need to get to work. Mr. Smythe already hates him enough without him being late.
"I have to run," he says, kissing Blaine quickly and jumping off his lap, "You can stay here for as long as you'd like, okay?"
Blaine nods with a smile and it's perfect. It's the closest to perfect Kurt has ever felt, at least. They exchange numbers and Blaine pulls Kurt close for another kiss before he leaves.
/
Mr. Smythe is actually in the office before him for once, but Kurt isn't worried. He's ten minutes early and half of his work is already done because he planned ahead. He's making coffee in the break room when he hears that familiar, smarmy voice.
"Well, well, Hummel. Didn't know you had game."
First of all, Sebastian majors in anti-people with an emphasis in anti-mixing-with-lower-classes, so him being in the break room at all is quite baffling. Second, he has on a crisp gray suit, buttons open so his trim waist is on display, and Kurt has a weakness for good fashion. In result, it takes him a few seconds to string together a retort.
"I could fill a book with the things you don't know about me, Mr. Smythe," he says, voice overly polite and eyes mocking. It seems to make Sebastian sneer and want to laugh at the same time.
"It's always amusing to see your kitty claws, really. Your fuck from last night was hot, though. Good going. Want to pass him on to me?"
Kurt nearly kill himself grinning.
"Oh, Mr. Smyhte, I would, but see, he said something about not being attracted to diseased assholes with precocious personalities. Sorry."
He shrugs, falsely apologetic, and throws his head back in laughter as he leaves the room. Mr. Smythe follows him back to his office, where Kurt puts his coffee down on his desk and rearranges his files. It's strange of Sebastian to not have said anything back yet. They have a mutual thing going. It's almost harmless at this point. Kurt sneaks a glance and Sebastian is glaring at his computer screen and hitting the keys a little too hard.
"Anything else, Mr. Smythe?" he asks, if only to goad out another insult, but Sebastian just shakes his head.
Kurt doesn't know why there's a sudden ache in his chest.
/
Blaine works in the same building, five floors below him, and they share juvenile kisses in the elevator. Kurt jokes about Blaine's boring friends and Blaine makes fun of Sebastian. They're half way in love and it's almost the greatest thing that has ever happened to Kurt until he steps into the elevator one day and Blaine is on one side and Mr. Smythe is on the other. There are at least five people in between them and Kurt hesitates. He doesn't want to call Sebastian's attention to Blaine, but he can't really ignore Blaine either.
Especially since Blaine is grinning and tugging his wrist until Kurt falls onto his chest. Sebastian is tall enough to look over everyone and he frowns at Kurt. Blaine takes that as some sort of signal to protect Kurt because he glares at Sebastian and pulls Kurt closer. There's a middle-aged woman right next to them that smiles at the display of affection as the old guy next to her averts his eyes with a disgruntled frown. Kurt feels suffocated and tries to casually step away.
The elevator stops at Blaine's floor and Kurt hurries to push him out with a chaste kiss and a pat on the back. Blaine staggers past the threshold and blinks accusingly at Sebastian who rolls his eyes.
There are five floors to go with Sebastian leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and this strangely cute pout on his face. Kurt keeps sneaking glances and nearly jumps out of his skin when the elevator dings to a stop.
He's about to make a run for his office when Mr. Smythe says, "You've been fucking, missionary style I'm guessing, for about five weeks and he's still an insecure little shit? I'd have expected the other way around considering your face and his ass."
Blaine is actually quite needy and gets upset whenever Kurt's attention is divided or compromised, but he wouldn't expect Sebastian fucking Smythe to understand. He's pretty sure all these mean, burning comments are because he wants to bag Blaine and can't seem to find a route with what his level of intelligence and all that.
"I can assure that although we have most definitely been 'fucking', nothing about the act has been missionary."
He sticks his nose up in the air and leaves as dramatically as he possibly can, which proves difficult since they're both headed the same way. But, okay whatever, he did his best.
/
Sebastian's new favorite activity seems to be finding out as much about Kurt and Blaine sex life as he possibly can and if that wasn't disturbing enough, Kurt is pretty sure Blaine actually thinks Sebastian is pretty cool. Sebastian basically lives in Scandals and that's Blaine favorite club, so they have this strange friendship going on where Sebastian insults Kurt, hits on Blaine, and then drinks way too much.
"Kurt looks pretty bendy. Does that come in handy often?" Sebastian asks, this serious expression on his face like he isn't just trying to rile Kurt up.
Blaine blushes and says, "That's between me and Kurt."
Kurt thinks that's unnecessary, thinks Blaine should swing at Sebastian if it actually affects him, and then he thinks he's being ungrateful. So, he spends the next few minutes making up for the guilty, guilty feeling in his chest. Some twink is closing in on Sebastian, distracting him from drilling Blaine and him, and Kurt doesn't know why he's not happy about it.
He swallows his drink and leaves the table with the excuse of getting another. Blaine doesn't tail after him, for which Kurt is grateful because he's able to waste time at the bar and properly wallow in misery. Of course it's Sebastian who comes up to the bar after a few minutes and smirks down at him.
"What, not hissing at every person that takes a shot at your little boy toy?"
Kurt glances back and Blaine is explaining something in grave detail to some twenty year old kid who probably couldn't give a fuck. He sighs, disappointed in not feeling anything even close to jealousy or possessiveness, and thinks about slamming his head down on the bar counter. Sebastian takes a seat on the stool next to him and waves the bartender over for a drink. A few minutes pass in silence, with some deep self-pitying on Kurt's end and what seems to be contemplation on Sebastian's end.
"I can't help but think you're settling," he says and Kurt looks at him questioningly. "With Blaine, I mean. He doesn't seem like your type."
"What a strange angle you're using to get into my boyfriend's pants. I'm perfectly happy where I am, thanks."
Sebastian snorts.
"Yeah, sure looks like it."
Kurt feels confronted and something fiercely self-protective springs up inside him, making him spit out, "Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on. I get bitching at me at work, whatever, you have issues. But, this is my private time and I'd rather it not be infested with your sordid wit and meerkat face. Thanks so very fucking much for your input on my life but really. Fuck. You."
He swivels off his chair, slams a ten dollar bill on the counter, and leaves the bar with an unwarranted glare aimed at Blaine and a very much warranted one at Sebastian.
/
Mr. Smythe is strangely quiet at work today, doesn't bitch about New York City traffic to the receptionist, doesn't bite Kurt's head off with every fresh cup of coffee, and Kurt is so thrown off that he is accidentally nice to him the entire day. Which, in turn, seems to make Sebastian uncomfortable and the entire office keeps exchanging questioning looks.
"Get me the supply files and put the usual order for wood from Angie's," Sebastian instructs, not looking up once, and that makes Kurt irrationally angry, urges him to fix it.
"Angie's closes at five. We'll have to wait until tomorrow to send the order over."
"Okay."
Kurt's fingers curl around the files he's holding, guilt and rage mixed together inside of him in this horribly ugly emotion, and he blurts out, "I'm sorry about what I said last night. I didn't mean it."
Sebastian freezes for a moment before shrugging like he couldn't be bothered and Kurt sort of wants to fling the files at his fucking face. He says, "Whatever, go back to work, Hummel," and Kurt vows to never let this idiotic man make him feel like shit ever again.
/
This wasn't supposed to happen. See, Kurt went to Scandals to drink himself into oblivion without having to worry about other people for once and the plan was to follow that up with some intense self-loathing in the morning. It wasn't supposed to end with him in the backseat of Sebastian's Escalade with his jeans tugged down to his ankles and his face smushed against the black leather. It really, really wasn't supposed to end with Sebastian's fingers up his ass and his mouth muttering filth into his ear. But, alas. Best laid plans of mice and all that.
"Fucking," Kurt's hand slips down the window, "hate," harder, harder, faster, "you," nails dig into skin, unapologetic, ruthless, "Kurt, god."
Kurt can only understand half of what Sebastian is saying in harsh, hot whispers, can barely hold himself up enough to jerk himself off, and Sebastian suddenly pushes his leg off the seat so his knee is on the floor. It gives him room to go even deeper and god, Kurt thinks he's losing his mind.
"Fuck me, oh."
Wow, didn't mean to say that, okay.
"Oh, fuck, Sebastian."
Well.
/
His head hurts. Actually cancel that, his everything hurts. He opens his eyes with a groan and tries to shift up to a sitting position except he falls back. He makes a pathetic noise of discomfort and nearly dies when someone speaks up right next to him.
"Quit moving."
"Sweet Armani! Who are you?"
The bundle of disgusting clothes and blankets turns to the side and reveals Sebastian Smythe looking adorably rumpled and decidedly pissed. Kurt lets out an admittedly embarrassing screech and yanks the sheets up to his chest which wow, okay naked. Duly noted. He tries to scramble off the bed while draping the sheet around him and ends up tripping and falling on his face. The floor is nice, all plush carpeting, and he decides to just stay there. If he were that sort of person, he would have chosen this time to weep dramatically about his ill-fated life. He is, however, the sort of person that avoids, avoids, avoids.
Usually it works out well. Unless, you know, the person he's trying to avoid is his boss and currently on the bed right above him.
"Fucking Christ, Hummel, you sound like a twelve year old girl. Jesus."
Kurt means to bite back but his stomach is protesting his current position and it takes everything he's got to sit upright before stumbling to his feet. His legs are trembling and his head hurts. He kicks the side of the bed and Sebastian mutters another bitchy remark that gets muffled by the blankets.
"Get up, Mr. Smythe. We have to talk."
He sounds like an idiotic babysitter, his voice slurred due to the pain from his headache and his throat is hoarse. He's pretty sure he looks like utter shit right now and that just makes him angrier. He yanks the sheets away from Sebastian, who curls up immediately with a pitiful noise. He's very much naked and Kurt hates himself for gasping, blushing, and promptly turning around.
"Please put on some clothes," he requests shakily and Sebastian snorts.
"What, never seen a dick before. Mother of fuck."
That last part seems to be more so directed at his own current state than Kurt, so Kurt lets it go, but he still forces himself to turn around. He can feel his face warming up even further but he maintains his glare. Sebastian is blinking sleepily up at him and from the smirk he's flashing, he was most certainly staring at Kurt's ass.
Kurt blushes even darker and uses the sheets he had yanked away as a cloak. He stomps haughtily off in the direction of what he hopes is the bathroom and curses Sebastian's vast wealth, because wow. He spends about thirty minutes dolling himself up, refusing to acknowledge who he's doing it for, and then crying a little. Sebastian stumbles his way in, ignores Kurt's indignant sputtering, and pees quite freely after lifting up the toilet seat. After he's done, he shoves into Kurt and hip checks him out of the way so he can brush his teeth.
"I used that toothbrush," Kurt informs hastily and nearly gags when Sebastian just shrugs. "I'll wait for you outside." Once again, Sebastian shrugs. The asshole.
/
As he waits outside by Sebastian's bedroom door, he realizes that not once has he felt guilt over cheating on Blaine. The main emotions had been shame and anger and then some intense embarrassment. But, not once did he think about what he's done and how Blaine will take it. He wants to cry again, forces himself not to because he's not fifteen anymore. He's going to face this head on, probably look for another job, and put it all behind him.
He's almost confident in his plan when Sebastian comes out of the bedroom. He looks disarmingly good (rude) and smiles (weird). Kurt looks away and clears his throat.
"Here's your phone. Found it under my jeans."
Kurt's eyes widen and he snatches the phone out of Sebastian eyes. He quickly unlocks it and groans at the ten missed calls and twenty messages. They're all from Blaine he assumes since he lives alone, hasn't made many friends, and was supposed to meet Blaine for a breakfast this morning.
"Oh dear god, I have to go. We'll talk about this tomorrow," he says absently, not really looking at Sebastian, and turns to hasten down the vaguely familiar hallway.
Sebastian grabs him around the elbow and yanks him back. Kurt makes a breathless noise as his hands instinctively fall on Sebastian's impressive chest. Sebastian looks down at him with something dark clouding his eyes and Kurt can't figure it out, can't even begin to because he's pulling Kurt close and kissing the life out of him. Kurt is weak and trembling by the time Sebastian pulls away and he's feeling something akin to affection until Mr. Smythe opens his big, stupid mouth.
"A souvenir. Pass it along to your little boy and enjoy your fucking walk of shame."
He's not smirking as he says it. In fact, he looks genuinely pissed off and Kurt doesn't know what to do. He expected smug Sebastian, a teasing light in his eyes like he's trying to hold in laughter and some evil, evil taunting. He didn't expect childish Sebastian, mean with a serious intent and a ridiculous pout on his face. He wants to stay and talk about it, smooth things over and possibly keep his job, but Blaine is probably going out of mind with worry.
"You're crude and sick and I don't have to listen to this any longer."
He twists out of Sebastian still so very firm grip and almost punches that stupid look off of Sebastian face. Instead, he sighs in a way he hasn't since he was sixteen in a school full of homophobes and with zero chances of ever getting the boy he was so sure he loved. It hurts when his shoulders sag and it hurts even more when Sebastian doesn't seem to be affected.
He walks away and thinks of red leather jackets and people that never ever loved him.
/
Blaine stares at him, looking devastated and worn, and Kurt hasn't felt this bad about himself in his entire life. He curls his arms around his waist and looks down at his feet, thinks he might throw up maybe, possibly, no, definitely. Blaine takes a step closer to him, hesitates, and then finally settles a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He shakes him, forces Kurt to look up, and god, how much guilt can one person take.
"Why... Was it because of me? Did I... fall short in some way or...?"
He looks wrecked and Kurt says, "No, no. No, Blaine, it wasn't- No. I was just drunk and I don't even remember it, I swear. I know that doesn't make it right, but I promise it wasn't because of you. I messed up. I'm so sorry, Blaine, please, you have to know how sorry I am."
Blaine pulls away and he's quiet for a while, back stiff and hands fisted.
"I just.. I'm going to need some time. Let's not talk for a while. Take a break. I can't, I'm sorry, I can't handle looking at you right now."
A sob rips out of Kurt, makes him clutch his chest, but he understands. He just hates how deep down inside he knows that he's mourning a best friend rather than a lover. He hates how that's unfair not only to Blaine, but to himself. He hates how easy it is for everyone to leave him. But, he doesn't fight it when Blaine leaves his apartment, just smiles weakly when Blaine chances a wave, and sinks to the floor.
/
Life without Blaine is strikingly similar to life with him. Kurt still feels inadequate, clumsy, and stupid. The only thing different is a brooding Sebastian Smythe that won't quit fucking Kurt up even further. It's gotten to a point where Kurt can't even hand Sebastian files without his hands shaking, can't transfer calls without breaking around his name, can't even breathe without his heart aching. It's funny to think that none of those physical reactions have anything to do with the fact that his boyfriend of around ten months left him. Or, the fact that Kurt keeps finding his things all over his apartment.
"Hummel, I don't pay you to stand around looking like absolute shit. Get me the figures from Accounting."
Kurt flushes, half angry and half embarrassed, and ducks his head a little on his way out. He feels Sebastian's eyes on him the entire time.
/
Mercedes Jones, the receptionist, befriends him. It must be something about that lost boy routine he's had going on for the past few days that does it. She envelops him in her warm, warm arms and forces him into friendships he'll hold for all his life. He meets Quinn, a model with a misguided view on what she needs but the sweetest smile Kurt has ever seen. He meets Rachel, fierce, determined Rachel that had the heart to pursue the career of Kurt's dreams. He meets many more welcoming, kind people and he's starting to smile and mean it.
He's doing so good. And, naturally, that's when Sebastian decides to fuck it up.
Kurt is at Scandals because he's pretty sure he hates himself and he's pretending he can't see the utter sleaze who has been eyeing him from across the bar the whole fifty minutes he's been here. He hears Sebastian's voice behind him and it's like déjà vu of that goddamn night.
"Well, well. Little Miss Perfect, where oh where is your Prince Charming?"
Sebastian sits down next to him and he's wearing that stupidly well-fitted gray suit. Kurt looks away and says, "Don't know."
"Did he finally dump your subpar ass?"
Kurt stares at him and he can tell Sebastian is expecting a negative answer by the way he's tilting his head and grinning.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, he did."
Sebastian's grin falters, his eyelids fall half-mast, and Kurt goes back to glaring a hole into his drink. The creep from across the bar seems to see this as some sort of invitation to play the hero and starts making his way over to Kurt. Sighing, Kurt shifts and leans his head on Sebastian's shoulder.
"What... Um, what are you doing?"
"That guy at ten o'clock. Just go with it."
Even though it's just pretend, Kurt can't help but revel in it, the solidity of Sebastian, the warmth of such a cold asshole, and he hates himself just a little more. He closes his eyes, grips his drink blindly as though for support, and tries to keep reality straight in his mind. It proves to be difficult when Sebastian relaxes and leans his head toward Kurt's. And, to be fair to Kurt, Sebastian smells so very nice. Also, familiar, Kurt realizes with a jolt. He still can't remember much from that night, but he's pretty sure he made a total, needy idiot of himself while Sebastian just went along with it because he's a horny fuck.
"He doesn't deserve you," Sebastian says quietly and Kurt sucks in a breath, moves away from his shoulder without meaning to. Sebastian won't look at him and Kurt feels about two seconds away from bursting into hysterical tears.
"Sebastian."
He snorts and it sounds so bitter and tired that Kurt leans closer just on instinct alone.
"You never call me that unless I'm fucking you."
Kurt doesn't know what to say, couldn't say anything worth something if his life depended on it right now, but he manages to say, "To be fair, you only fucking me once," with a decently even voice.
Sebastian rolls his eyes, looking suddenly angry, and says, "You don't remember shit from that night, do you?"
Kurt's smile drops and he shakes his head hesitantly.
"Well, we definitely fucked more than once before you crawled back to your fucking boyfriend. No wonder he dumped your ass, Hummel. Unfaithful, face so stereotypically gay, and on top of that, a fucking slut. Can't blame a guy for wanting something better."
This is probably the first time in his life where just plain words have reduced Kurt to tears. He doesn't even move to wipe away his tears, just stares at Sebastian with wide, wide eyes as though he can hardly believe Sebastian would say something like that, as though Kurt is really that naive of a person. He lowers his eyes when Sebastian grips the counter and barks at the bartender for a drink.
"This guy bothering you?"
Kurt blinks away tears and sees the creep from before standing behind them, one hand on Kurt's shoulder. He's glaring at Sebastian, who looks incredibly disgusted by his very presence and shrugs.
"No."
The guy smiles at that and he's actually kind of cute, curly brown hair and overly bright green eyes. Kurt still pretty much wants to claw his skin off rather than go anywhere with him. He spares Sebastian one last dirty look before sliding off the stool and shoving past the creep.
"Hey, wait, where are you going?"
Kurt swats at his wandering hands which, when they both reach the exit, become forceful and there is an ominous intent to the way he's speaking.
"Listen, sir-"
"Brad," he supplies, grinning too wide for Kurt's comfort.
"Brad, listen. I'm very tired and this has been a very bad day. I'd really appreciate it if you'd-"
"What's your name?"
Kurt scowls. Brad is five kinds of moronic and Kurt can feel a headache coming on. He smiles as gently as he can as he eases himself out of Brad's eager hold and he glances around in dismay when he finds the alley practically empty. Usually there's at least a couple of people fornicating like gross assholes. It's just Kurt's luck that the first guy who's hit on him since he broke up with Blaine is some sort of psycho.
"Give me your number. I'll call you," Kurt tries to reason with no actual intent of ever using that number.
Brad's easy grin slips into a sneer and before Kurt knows it, he's backed up against the filthy wall and there's a wet mouth at his throat. He tries to push against the hold on his wrists and screams when that doesn't seem to work. Brad shushes him softly and Kurt shivers in disgust.
"Please don't. Let's go back inside and dance. Don't- Oh god, please, I just-"
"Get the fuck off of him."
Kurt has never been more grateful of hearing that voice in his life. Brad tenses against him and pulls away a little to glare at Sebastian, who has his arms crossed in the middle of the alley. Kurt can faintly hear the music from the club over the sharp ringing in his ear. He's pretty sure he's about to pass out when Brad steps away, seeming to understand that Sebastian is about five inches taller than him and much wider. Kurt slumps against the wall as Brad curses and leaves. He slips down and buries his face into his knees. He'll freak about the inevitable stains on his designer jeans later.
He hears Sebastian walk to him and kneel.
"I'm sorry," he says, soft and genuine, but Kurt doesn't want to hear it. He feels sick and used and worthless, and he barely realizes what's he doing until his elbow is knocking over Sebastian and he's in the middle of a busy sidewalk. He fumbles the entire walk home, goes to bed with tears on his face and not a single heart to call his own.
/
Kurt quits the next day, doesn't put in a resignation, doesn't wait a respectful week before leaving, and he most certainly does not pay attention to Mercedes' sympathetic grimace. He shoves his things into a box and as luck would fucking having it, he crosses paths with Sebastian on his way to the elevator. Mr. Fucking Smythe glances at the box in his arms, frowns, and starts to say something but Kurt keeps on walking. He nearly breaks a finger punching the down button and promises to finally let himself pursue his real dreams.
Rachel is, at least, delighted to hear his interest in Broadway and says, "I can get you an audition. You might even get to be in the same play as me."
He rolls his eyes fondly and before he knows it, he's sitting outside a studio with his hands wrung together and script in his lap. Half of his mind is occupied with thinking about how easily Sebastian let him go, as it is always, and the other half is fumbling to settle on which imperfection of his own he can obsess over.
"Kurt Hummel," a voice calls and he stands up a little too quick, gets dizzy from the head rush, and ignores it when some of the people sitting down chuckle derisively.
A tired looking girl herds him inside and his heart feels like it might beat right out of his chest. There's a table against one wall, but other than that, the room is barely furnished. At the table are four people, all with clipboards and disappointed frowns. He gathers up all the courage he's got and forces out a smile.
"Go ahead."
Music starts playing and he quickly glances down at the script in his hands. God, it's Wicked. He knows this play front and back. He knows every part and every dialogue but right now, he's so nervous he can hardly breathe. He clears his throat and the casting crew blinks at him, unimpressed. Closing his eyes, he tries to gather up an image of Blaine across the table, smiling at him and saying, "Courage," like it should mean something. He thinks of high school and being pushed down, down, down until he loses his mind in one quick snap.
He opens his mouth and starts to sing.
/
After the auditions, Kurt is even more nervous than he was before and he's pretty sure he just fucked everything up. Rachel gives him an encouraging thumbs up and Mercedes is holding his hands in her own. The tired looking girl from before had said the casting crew wouldn't need to do callbacks, that they had found everyone they needed and it was just a matter of time before they came out to make the announcement.
Hector, one of the older judges on the panel, comes out with a clipboard and he's grinning, buzzing with excitement.
"Well, boys and girls, I'm sure you will be delighted to hear that we are creating history today. For Glinda, we have chosen Kurt Hummel, and for Elphaba we have chosen Samuel Evans. Yes, we have decided on gender-swapping Wicked!"
Kurt feels numb as excited chatter breaks around him. He got the role he secretly dreamed about as a kid, the one he was so sure he would never get, and this man, Hector, is looking at them like he can already see the money and publicity. He's soiling something precious for Kurt, but he shakes his head and lets himself be patted on the back. Someone grabs his arm and turns him around to introduce Samuel Evans, a beautiful boy with blonde hair and blue-green eyes. They shake hands and Kurt tries not to stare at his mouth.
He breathes in shakily, grins wide enough to hurt, and his last coherent thought before being dragged away is, eat your heart out, Sebastian Smythe.
/
Sam is a dormant dork that speaks Na'vi when he's drunk and smiles when Kurt sings. He has soft hands and softer lips, both of which seem to fixate of Kurt's neck. There are probably rules against this, them two damn near fucking about ten hours after meeting, but Kurt thinks it's definitely worth whatever possible repercussions.
"You're so pretty," Sam says, sighing with a dopey smile on his face, and Kurt kisses him quiet.
He takes Sam home, draws back the curtains from his heart just a little bit, and lets himself make out with a boy without feeling insecure. Sam is gentle, so sweetly gentle, and he tells Kurt he wants him on his back, says he could look at Kurt's eyes for centuries. Kurt blushes, nearly tears up with Sam leans down to kiss his cheek, under his chin, along his jawline. This is supposed to be a hook-up, they barely know each other, and yet, Sam is softly slipping Kurt's shirt down one shoulder to kiss his collarbone.
Kurt thinks about asking if Sam plays an instrument, thinks he must with the way his fingers are working, twisting Kurt's body, making him feel things he didn't know were possible. Their fingers lock when Sam finally slips inside of him and Kurt's heart thunders against his ribcage when Sam looks at him, this awfully sincere emotion in his eyes.
He's beautiful like this, all tan muscles and controlled drive, and Kurt is afraid of blinking.
"So perfect," Sam whispers, tracing Kurt's lips with his tongue, and Kurt is suddenly afraid of something else entirely.
/
They have to do a test run to make sure they work good together the next day and he's pretty sure everyone in whole entire studio knows they fucked last night. He pulls his sleeves past his knuckles and tries to keep a respectable distance away from Sam's abs. He stops short when he sees Sebastian talking to Hector at the corner of the stage and in his shock, doesn't look away fast enough to avoid Sebastian's gaze.
Hector calls him over and Kurt reluctantly walks toward them with Sam right behind him.
"Kurt, Sam, this is Sebastian Smythe. He's going to provide the hardware for the production."
Of course, he is.
Kurt tries his best to remain impassive, but Sebastian grins and says, "I know Kurt. He used to be my secretary."
Hector raises his eyebrows and Sam moves a little bit closer to Kurt. Sebastian catches the movement and his grin turns mean enough for Kurt to feel panic in his throat. He nods, makes a stupid joke, and tugs Sam along with the excuse of getting a drink of water. He hears Sebastian stage-whisper, "I'd keep that one away from alcohol if you know what I mean," and he swivels around. He glares as Sebastian laughs and Hector shakes his head in good nature.
He grabs Sebastian's wrist, smiles politely at Hector, and shrugs off Sam's concern. He drags Sebastian to a secluded corner and puts his hands on his hips.
"What the fuck was that?"
Sebastian rolls his eyes and cross his arms, raising an eyebrow defiantly.
"This is my job, Sebastian. This isn't some sort of joke."
"Listen, Betty White, I am sure dancing on the stag is super important to you, but I'm just here to show face and make even more money. It's nothing personal so you shouldn't get worked up over whatever Degrassi High bullshit your little head comes up with."
Kurt stares at him in disbelief.
"Wow, okay. Not once did I suggest you're here for me. I'm simply letting you know that you're not allowed to bad mouth me like the petulant child you are. So, show face or whatever you'd like and then leave without making unnecessary comments about my life."
Sebastian sneers and then looks around the room, his lips dipping down in disdain when he spots Sam lurking protectively about ten feet away. He looks back at Kurt with cold, cold eyes that make him flinch just a little.
"You moved on pretty fast."
It's been around a month since Blaine and him broke up, but something tells Kurt that's not what Sebastian means.
"What can I say, sleeping with a boy and not having him call me a slut in the morning is refreshing."
"I didn't mean that," Sebastian says, teeth grinding together, "You know I didn't. God, you're so fucking melodramatic. How did Blaine put up with you for that-"
Kurt slaps him across the face and it's reminiscent of their first meeting except something inside Kurt aches and Sebastian doesn't look impressed; he looks wrecked, lost.
"How's that for melodramatic?" Kurt says before turning to walk away. Sebastian grabs his wrist and pulls hard enough to bruise, and it makes Kurt so angry he can barely see.
"Stop doing that," he says, yanking his wrist away, "Stop holding me back just to say some other insipid things. I don't know what you want from me, really. I thought it was nothing, but now I'm not sure because you're everywhere. And, you're horrible and you make me cry and I haven't cried in years. Why are you doing this to me?"
His voice cracks, his eyes well up, and he hates Sebastian in this moment, hates him so much that it hurts.
"I love you."
Kurt takes in a sharp breath, looks up at Sebastian with wide, wet eyes, and his chest feels tight. Sebastian is looking at him with such emotion in his eyes that Kurt wonders where he hid it, how he could have possibly disguised it. Kurt's aware that they're in a room full of people that include his employers and the guy he fucked last night. Kurt's also aware that he's technically at work right now. But, Sebastian Smythe is tipping his world upside down in a blur of green eyes and firm hands and Kurt doesn't want him to stop.
"God, you asshole," he finally manages to say, crying even harder now. He punches Sebastian on the chest once and then again and then he's being tugged close and held.
Kurt thinks it's just like Sebastian to put him through emotional hell for nearly a year now and then make it better just when Kurt was about to give up.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian says and it's just as sincere as it was that night at the club. Kurt hugs him, turns his face into Sebastian's neck, and holds on for dear life.
/
After an uncomfortable departure during which Sebastian kept an arm around his waist and a glare fixed at Sam, they walk to Kurt's apartment, nervous and giggling like it's prom night. Sebastian offers to carry Kurt over the threshold for which he receives a slap on the head and kiss on his chin.
"I really am sorry," Sebastian says, looking incredibly out of his element as he twiddles his thumbs and looks around at Kurt's living room. "I never meant any of the shit I said to you and even though Blaine did have a nice ass, I didn't want him. Not like I've wanted you since day one. And- And, I know I can't make up for the bullshit I put you through, but I'll still try because. Because you deserve that, Kurt. You deserve everything."
Kurt shakes his head fondly and wraps his arms around Sebastian's waist.
"Well, Mr. Smythe, who knew you'd stoop to such lows as romance?"
Sebastian smirks, tugging at Kurt's earlobe softly, and leans down to whisper, "Well, Mr. Hummel, I don't know about romance but I'd very much enjoy visiting your bedroom."
Kurt laughs and takes Sebastian's hand. He walks them to the room and lets Sebastian push him on the bed, pin his wrists on either side of his head. He gasps when Sebastian drags his teeth down his neck, presses soothing kisses along the way, and closes his eyes. He doesn't remember their first time but he sure as hell won't forget this.
"I was sober when we first did this," Sebastian confesses, releasing Kurt's wrists to unbutton his shirt. "I hated that you didn't remember, that you went to Blaine the next day. The things I said that morning, I was just trying to hurt you. You're not a slut."
"Oh, Bas," Kurt says softly, running his fingers along Sebastian's scalp. "What am I going to do with you?"
He's just teasing, just trying to get that horrid regretful look off of Sebastian's face, and he doesn't except Sebastian to reply. Certainly not with such agressive kisses and possessive hands and it's too much and not enough.
"Just don't give up on me. Don't ever-"
Kurt kisses him quiet and then pulls back to smile up at him.
"I don't know how to give up on you. Even if I wanted to, you'd still show up every place I go."
Sebastian grins, pushes Kurt's legs apart to settle in better, and the mood changes from romantic to sexual in two seconds flat. Kurt pushes off Sebastian's suit, tugs his shirt out of his pants, and nearly hits Sebastian in the face with his belt. They laugh like idiots as they help each other undress and exchange kisses like awards for every piece of clothing. Soon, they're both naked and Kurt feels weirdly comfortable. He wraps a leg around Sebastian's thigh and pulls him closer.
"Fuck me," he whispers (orders, really) and Sebastian pushes two fingers into his mouth. Kurt sucks obediently, watching Sebastian's eyes glaze over with lust and need, and gasps wetly when he pulls his fingers out. Sebastian nudges gently between Kurt's legs and teasingly runs his fingers up the cleft of Kurt's ass.
"Please, Bas, I-"
He nearly screams when Sebastian eases one finger inside of him and he kisses Kurt's neck in distraction. He slowly pumps the finger in and out while easing in another finger. Kurt clenches around them and Sebastian groans against his skin. Sebastian tells Kurt to grab the lube, which he does blindly from the side table, and he coats his fingers generously before slipping them back inside Kurt's ass.
"You're beautiful, god, you're so- I could watch you for hours."
Kurt kisses him, desperate and hard, and says, "I love you."
Sebastian smiles, eyes finally clear of that dark swirl of emotions, and Kurt wonders how many times someone can fall in love with the same person before it starts getting a little bit ridiculous.
He gasps when Sebastian rubs a finger against that little bundle of nerves and whines with need when Sebastian pulls his fingers out. He's about to complain when Sebastian grabs him under one knee and puts Kurt's leg over his shoulder. He grabs his dick and presses it against Kurt's hole, teases them both with the speed he enters with. Kurt digs his nails into Sebastian's back and moans embarrassingly loud when Sebastian eases all the way in.
"Jesus fucking Christ," he curses, pressing his temple against Kurt's, and lets them both get used to this feeling of fullness before pulling out. His thrusts pick up speed and soon, Kurt has to press his hands back against the headboard to avoid hitting his head. He's matching Sebastian obscenity for obscenity and he's pretty sure he'll be embarrassed about this later when his head isn't clouded with lust and unbridled love.
/
They lie in bed together, holding hands and counting the chips of paint on the ceiling.
Kurt says, "I love you," just to say it, just to know what if feels like to mean it.
Sebastian says, "I love you," right back, kissing their joined hands, and Kurt finally gets what his Dad used to tell him about simply knowing 'the one'.
/