Disclaimer: I don't own SD in any way whatsoever. I also don't own Les Miserables; the music was composed by Boubil & Schonberg, belongs to the Dreamcast Company, and was directed by Cameron Mackintosh.
Rating: G
Genre: Angst, Romance
Synopsis: Mostly about unrequited love, and how it feels when you love someone, and that love's not returned.
Forward: this is my first time attempting a song fic. This song is called On My Own, and is taken from the musical Les Miserables. If you haven't watched Les Miz, what are you waiting for? Go out and rent, buy, steal, beg, borrow the DVD and watch it. I promise you, it's really great! This song is when one of the characters, Eponine walks around the streets of Paris, singing about her love for Marius. This song was performed by Lea Salonga during the Les Miserable's 10th year anniversary at London. Why I chose this song? Well, I guess I have too much experience when it comes to unrequited love, and besides, this is such a GREAT song. I'm in a kinda angsty mood nowadays (no idea why though), and I thought of doing this for hecks. I managed to finish it in 2 hours, even though my sister was peering over my shoulder and reading it out aloud. I don't have time and I'm not going to bother checking and editing this fic, so correct me there I'm wrong okay?
Oh yeah, since it's the New Year, why not start it off by doing a good thing like reviewing? You want to flame me, fine, but please don't send me a foul-mouthed flame. Be polite! Constructive criticisms are very much welcomed and so are any nice reviews.
On My Own
"Where are you going at this time Sakura?" my stepmother's shrill voice yelled out. "A young girl like you shouldn't be going out at this time of the night!"
"Screw you," I told her as I stepped out into the cold night air. She never cared about me, so why she should start now?
"If you step out of this house, don't bother to come back!"
"Fine by me," I retorted, as I slammed the door behind me. God, I hated that woman, she had no right to enter my family, and impose herself and her freaking rules on me. I strode off angrily down the road.
And now again I'm all alone, no where to turn, no where to go to.
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to.
I took a few deep breaths of cold air, trying to calm myself down. This wasn't the first time I walked out from home. The trouble was, now finding a place to stay for a while. I looked up at the dark sky, the stars twinkling back at me, as if they were smiling with sympathy at me. I couldn't help smiling to myself as I felt my anger melt away.
And now the night is near.
Now I can make believe he's here.
Thoughts of a certain short, curly haired, point guard from school flitted into my mind. My smile broadened.
Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping.
I think of him, and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping.
The city goes to bed.
Now I can live inside my head.
I liked to walk around town at night, pretending he was with me, doing so had almost become a ritual, each time I stepped out alone at night. It was so quiet; I could just walk around, wandering aimlessly around Kanagawa, just thinking about him. Just fantasizing about how my life would be if he was around. How different my life might be, if I had someone to love. Someone who actually cared about me.
On my own, pretending he's beside me.
All alone, I walk with him till morning.
Without him, I feel his arms around me.
And when I lose my way I close my eyes, and he has found me.
My name is Sakura Yamamoto. I'm 17, and I'm a second year student, studying in Shohoku High School. I have been living in Kanagawa all my life, with my grandmother, as my father was working in Tokyo as an executive. Just about two years ago, my beloved grandmother died. The result of this was, my father came back, this time with a Tokyo wench hanging on his arm. My stepmother. I was handed over to live with my father and his wife, since he was, after all my father. We bought a house at the other side of town, and I was transferred to Shohoku, since it was the nearest school around here. It was a big pain, as I wanted to go to Kainan High School with the rest of my friends. Shohoku was a big lonely place, I didn't know anyone there, and I was too depressed about everything to make new friends.
I hated it all then, I hated my life. No one seemed to care about me, even if I lived, or died, it didn't matter to anyone.
After a particularly hard day in school in my first year, which involved some bullying, and exchange of harsh words, I broke down, and decided to commit suicide. I planned to slit my wrists as soon as I got home. I was determined that no one would stop me. I ran home, past lampposts, trees, houses, a basketball court…
I met him for the first time there. He was shooting hoops in the court alone. As I went past him, he looked up at me rather quizzically, as if to say, what are you running for? Then he smiled at me. To my surprise, I found myself smiling back at him.
That smile threw me totally off track. I thought I was invisible to the rest of the world, no one knew I existed, let alone smiled at me as if I was a real person, not some soulless school misfit. That was the turning point of my life, it made me realize, that people did notice my presence, and I actually had a purpose in life. A whole lot of good his smile did for me.
From that day on, I think I fell in love with him. Oh yes, laugh and scoff it off, call it puppy love or infatuation if you will. I don't care. The thing was, I loved him.
As I found out later, his name was Miyagi Ryota, and he was really into basketball. Ryota in a way, became my friend, after his class joined my class for a chemistry lesson in the lab. I was assigned to be his lab partner. Our relationship was mostly confined to smiling at one another, and saying hi, if we ever met in the hall or the cafeteria. You know, stuff like that.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver.
All the lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight.
And all I see is him and me;
Forever and forever.
I liked to pretend that we were deeply in love with each other. We would take long walks in the park together, like any other loving couple. Like tonight, for instance, I pretended that he was next to me, holding my hand, and I was telling him about my frustration and anger against my family. He would then comfort me, and hold me close to him and assure me that everything would work out eventually, and even if things didn't go the way they were supposed to go, I would still have him. We would then share a loving tender kiss under the stars, and whisper how much we loved each other.
I smiled sardonically in the dark. I sure had one heck of an imagination.
And I know, it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him.
And I know, although he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us.
I nurtured a hope, that someday, in the future; we would finally be together, like in my dreams. I would be his girlfriend. Although I knew the chances of that happening was almost zero, I would hope, that he would fall in love with me, and return my love. One day in the halls, I overheard that Ryota was going out with another girl, an Ayako something from the basketball club. I brushed it off at first, telling myself it was all just some high school rumors. It wasn't too long later, when I saw him, hand in hand with Ayako, the way I used to imagine how we would walk hand in hand together. They were now an official couple. Ayako was a tall pretty brunette, with sparkly eyes, and a hot figure, where else, I was short, dumpy, and not exactly to say very pretty. I was devastated when he introduced me to Ayako, but I managed to hide it pretty well.
I love him, but when the night is over,
He's gone; a river's just a river.
Without him, the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere, the streets are full of strangers.
For a while, I didn't go out at night. It was as if the horrible reality of what happened had suppressed all my idyllic fantasies and hopes. Everything around me seemed to change. I stopped hanging out with the friends I had finally managed to make. I put my school work on hold. Everything stopped for a while; I simply hadn't the heart to continue anything. The power of my emotion actually affected me in such a way, that I closed up to everyone and everything around me. I would cry myself to sleep at night, sometimes; wondering why was God so unfair to me. I even contemplated suicide again.
That was about month ago. I managed to put on a brave face, and go out and face the world once more. It was hard, but somehow, I managed to pull through.
I love him, but every day I'm learning,
All my life, I've only been pretending.
Without me, his world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness, that I have never known…
During the times I was thinking about killing myself, I couldn't help wondering. What would happen if I died? Would people remember me? Would Ryota come to my funeral? Maybe he would, but after a while, everything would be alright in his world once more. He would probably feel sorry for me, and wish he got to know me better, but after some time, I would just be nothing more than a memory of a person he barely knew. He had so much in his life to think about, his girlfriend, his basketball, and his future career. I didn't want that to happen, and yet, I couldn't stop loving him. No way was that possible. I would have to just have to go on living my life, just as it had been before, because I was now aware, he had never felt anything more than friendship for me, while, I had been loving him for so long.
Turning around the corner, I walked past the basketball court. He was there, still shooting hoops. From what I heard, he's the captain of the basketball team now. I kept in the shadows, watching him play for a while. He didn't notice me there.
I love him.
I love him.
I love him.
But only on my own…
I didn't think he'd ever love me back, but it didn't mean I had to stop feeling for him. One day, maybe, if I were lucky, he would say the words I had always dreamed of him saying to me. One day, maybe. That time was just not now. I turned around, and walked off, wishing the time was now. Once again, I found myself still loving him on my own…
~End~
Happy new year people!!!
Lady Artemis
12:00 am, 1 January 2003
oh yeah, I edited this a little. But this dosen't mean you can stop reviewing! Go on, click the little button at the bottom of the screen and make my day!