Love Will Find A Way
Summary: Miluiel and Obi-Wan Kenobi have agreed to allow their relationship to stay the same. They are lovers, but in secret and in private. That is, until some words from Stass Allie make Miluiel think otherwise and she leaves. Can love find a way to overcome the barriers that separate the two – or will the differences between them drive the divide even wider?
Rating: K
Genre: humor ; angst ; romance
Canon Character(s): Master Obi-Wan Kenobi (38)
OC Character(s): Miluiel (18)
Set During: shortly after RotS
Note: In this fic, pretend that Anakin did kill Palpatine/Sidious when he ran after the Masters in the office and that now this is a period of peace afterwards, for the war is over and the Separatists have surrendered.
Also, the lyrics I use in this fic belong to "Love Will Find A Way" from the movie The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, as sung by Liz Callaway and Gene Miller.
Chapter One
~ Obi-Wan Kenobi ~
Miluiel was still sleeping when I woke up, and for some reason that gave me a strange sense of foreboding.
I didn't really understand why.
For one thing, there were plenty of reasons why she slept in late when she could. She wasn't one of the public figures of the Senate, but as a top aide a lot of the tasks were delegated down to her – everything from recording notes to arranging meetings to compiling data. Sometimes she would go days without the proper amount of sleep, and unlike me, she didn't have the Force to call on for relief.
For another, I was an early riser anyways. It was very rare for her to beat me to waking up, unless I was the one who'd gotten no sleep for days and was all banged up – a condition she complained that she received me in way too often.
But it couldn't be helped. I had my own work with the Jedi Order, and missions were a part of that work. I would do my duty.
And that, of course, was the root of all the problems between me and Miluiel.
I just couldn't give her what she wanted – what she deserved.
After all, I was a full-time Jedi on the field, subject to the whims of the Council concerning where I was on a practically day-to-day basis. And turning down those assignments for the flimsy excuse of wanting to remain at Miluiel's side would so not go down well.
In fact, they didn't even know she existed.
Well, they knew she existed, but they didn't know what her existence meant to me and her.
They didn't know about the difference between when I greeted a Senator and when I greeted her. They didn't know about how just seeing her made my heart race and my eyes lit up. And they certainly didn't know that I tended to spend what free time I had with her.
It wasn't like the Council would approve of it.
Attachment was still banned, after all, and I couldn't flout the rules just because I was on the Council.
So I was resigned to flouting them in secret, private moments that I snatched with Miluiel where she could just be my Miluiel and I could just be her Obi-Wan.
Moments that, unfortunately, were becoming rarer by the year.
I loved her. I really did. But I couldn't just leave the Jedi Order for her. I had my duty, and I had to fulfill it.
She understood that, and she didn't complain.
But I knew she didn't like it. I could see it in her eyes, those mornings when I left before the sun rose and she was forced to interact with me in public, formal settings.
That was why I had refused to take the next step in our relationship and make it a physical one. I simply couldn't bring up her hopes like that only to dash it away the next morning when I had to leave her again and watch the heartbreak in her eyes.
On the other hand, I also couldn't let her go.
I was being stupid, I knew. I should really have let her go, let her find someone better for her, someone who could stand proudly by her side, someone who could give her everything she deserved, someone who could . . . give her a child, a family, a home.
Someone who could give her what I could not, could be for her what I could not, could do for her what I could not.
With a troubled sigh, I pulled her closer. It would do to worry myself sick over these things. She knew all of them – and she had accepted them. That was enough.
Well . . . for now.
And then my comlink buzzed.
With a soft groan, I slipped out of the bed. No doubt there was another meeting or something I had to attend.
For a second, I stood and looked down at Miluiel – and I wondered what she saw in me.
Miluiel didn't need me as I needed her. She was perfect in her own way, with her long dark brown hair that fell in a straight yet alluring way down her back and her even darker eyes that were at once impassive and expressive. Her intellect was just as good, with her ability to argue and easily manipulate things to her advantage and think quickly on her feet.
She stirred suddenly, her eyes opening. "What's wrong?" she asked, staring up at me.
I sat down again, taking her hand. "Nothing. Go back to sleep," I said smoothly, hoping she would take my advice for just this once.
Instead, her eyes narrowed.
I should have known better and left right away.
"You're leaving," she said with a sigh.
"I'm sorry," was all I could whisper brokenly, my heart twisting in my chest.
She pulled her hand out of mine and sat up. "Council meeting?"
"Probably."
She studied my eyes for a quick second. "Go then. You can't make them suspicious."
Outwardly, I marveled at her selflessness, putting my need to keep this quiet above her desire to keep me close.
Inwardly, I wondered bitterly if I was losing her.
She shoved me lightly. "Go, Kenobi, or it'll be my turn to be bugging you about being late," she teased.
I kissed her gently before standing and leaving.
As I did so, I had to raise my shields and block out the hurt I sensed from her. A bitter taste rose in my mouth, and my heart twisted again.
She deserved someone a lot better than me.
But I . . . I couldn't let her go.
And it was hurting her.
~ Stass Allie ~
An hour after Obi-Wan left, I rose from my hiding place and slipped quietly to Miluiel's door. I could sense that she was fully awake now, and I needed to talk to her – without Obi-Wan present or him even knowing.
Master Yoda knew, of course. In a way, we all had sensed it. But most of us had been content to let it slide. Obi-Wan's behavior had not changed nor had his commitment to his duty changed, after all.
I, however, was not "most of us".
Attachment was still dangerous, even for a Jedi like Obi-Wan. And besides . . . sometimes the danger didn't show up until it was too late to stop it.
Case in point – Anakin Skywalker.
Yes, the boy had managed to catch himself, but the damage had been done – a lot of it.
I did not want to see Obi-Wan fall down that same path.
I rang the doorbell and pushed down my hood. I wanted to see her first reaction to my being there.
She didn't disappoint.
At once, confusion flickered across her face, breaking through her normally impassive mask. Then resolve set in and her expression became polite and bland.
All of this took a fraction of a second.
"Master Allie," she said coolly.
"May I come in?"
Her lips tightened, but she merely answered, "Yes, of course; please, come in." Her tone was polite and friendly, but underneath I could sense her confusion and concern – and her desire to shield Obi-Wan from any questioning.
The swiftness of the arousal of her desire to protect him startled me. I hadn't realized how strongly she felt in turn about him.
But in the end, that might make this process easier, at least.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
I smiled politely at her. "It's just a little personal matter, that's all," I replied easily.
One of her eyebrows rose. "How so?"
I decided that the time for pleasantries and dancing around was over. "Miluiel, I am afraid that no matter how clever you think you're being, it is not as easy as you think to fool the Jedi Council," I said slowly.
Shock flitted across her face. Then confusion made her eyes flicker. Finally, suspicion set in, and her eyes darkened and narrowed.
"What are you talking about?" she asked quietly.
I leaned forward. "I'm talking about your relationship with Obi-Wan Kenobi."
She raised her eyebrow. "Indeed? What relationship are you talking about? Or are working relationships between the Senate and the Order no longer permitted?" Her words were heavily laced with sarcasm, but I could hear the tremor underneath; she wasn't as calm as she appeared, but she was good at concealing her feelings.
For a second, I wondered how much Obi-Wan had taught her about concealing emotions.
I kept calm. "You know very well what I am talking about, Miluiel."
Her eyes narrowed even more. "There was no reason for you to call Obi-Wan away this morning, was there?" she accused.
I splayed my hands. "Yes, there actually was. . . There's some briefings that need his presence and approval. But I did decide to take advantage of his absence."
She stood, crossing her arms. "What do you want from me then? Are you going to cast him out and exile us?"
The mixture of anger and fear in her tone told me all I needed to know. Yes, she was indeed the sort of person who would catch Obi-Wan's eye and be able to hold it. She was a real gem – she really did love him, so much so that her first concern was his reputation and his place in the Order, not her own welfare.
I stood – I was taller than her – and looked her straight in the eye. "The Council requests that you keep your distance," I said firmly. "We don't want another incident like Skywalker."
Her hands tightened. "You have so little faith in him, then?"
"No." I paused. "We have so little faith in you. Who is to say that you will not be the one to unknowingly or knowingly be the reason he falls into the abyss? Do you want to be that person? To see him fall, to see him in pain, to see him die?"
The fight drained out of her instantly as shock took over. For a second she stared wordlessly at me.
Obviously, Obi-Wan had given her the edited version of what had happened.
Then she sank back into her seat, her face drained of blood and her eyes blank. "What do you want me to do?" she whispered.
"Leave Coruscant. And do not come back, do not speak to him again, do not ever see him again," I ordered.
She nodded numbly as a tear slid down her eye.
I softened my tone. This was hurting her as well, after all. "You don't want to cause him pain, do you?"
She sighed. "Very well. I'll be gone by nightfall." The words sounded as though they were wrenched out of her chest against her will – and they probably were.
"I am sorry. . . But this is the only choice – the only way to protect him."
She turned away. "Go. Please."
I left.
~ Miluiel ~
After a long moment, I slowly made my way to my dresser and looked in the mirror. The woman who looked back – she was suddenly so unlike me.
Cold. Strange. Void.
One hand slowly drifted up to grasp the necklace I always wore. It was a little trinket, but it meant the world to me. To me . . . and to him.
Now, of course, I would not be able to keep it with me any longer.
Very slowly, I unclasped it. But then I gave into my temptation and opened it. There it was – the perfect holo of us together . . . back when we were happy . . . back when everything had seemed so simple and easy.
Our – well, actually it was mine, but he liked it too – favorite song came to mind. Funny. It was the first time I'd thought of it in months.
In a perfect world
One we've never known
We would never need to face the world alone
"Pity. . . No such thing as a perfect world," I whispered to myself, thinking of the song. I touched the locket again. "Well, maybe it was . . . when you were there."
One part of me thought I was delusional.
The other . . . well, it accepted it. I couldn't face this truth until I heard it – from my own lips, and mine alone.
I stood.
They can have the world
We'll create our own
I may not be brave or strong or smart
But somewhere in my secret heart
I rested my forehead against the cool glass of my wall. "Yes, they can have the world," I murmured. "Because I have nothing left in my world now."
My world was Obi-Wan. Without him . . .there was nothing. I couldn't create one where he did not exist.
I could always try, but I knew I fail.
As to a secret heart. . . Yeah, right. Not even Obi-Wan had known the wishes of it.
I know
Love will find a way
Anywhere I go
I'm home
If you are there beside me
I squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe I shouldn't have thought of this song. Before, it had been pretty. Now, it was heartbreaking in its honesty.
It was true, after all. I was only home, really home, if he was there.
Like dark turning into day
Somehow we'll come through
Now that I've found you
Love will find a way
I slammed it shut and dropped it just as the first rays of the sun crept through the window. It was a time I knew well. Often this was the time Obi-Wan would leave me, often with teasing and kissing and laughing and joking.
It had also been during one of these times that Obi-Wan had given me the locket in the first place, and I hadn't let it out of my sight since.
Well, until now.
Because I couldn't look at it anymore.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered. The question was not towards myself, but to him.
To Obi-Wan.
Why didn't you tell me that you could suffer because of me? That you could face the abyss? That you could . . . fall?
I had seen what Palpatine had planned had Anakin had fallen as according to plan. Death, destruction, and everything else in between . . . and beyond. And Anakin would have been the one to deliver it all, creating an empire built on human bones and innocent blood.
Did I want Obi-Wan to suffer that fate? Could I let him even come close to that?
No. The answer would always be no. To see him suffer was a thousand times worse than suffering the pain myself. A million times. A hundred million times.
I couldn't live without him. But he could live without me, and if my presence was reason he fell . . .
No. I couldn't allow that. I wouldn't allow that.
Abruptly I turned away and started packing. If I was to keep my promise, I'd need all the time I could get.
And I couldn't listen to that song anymore. Never again, actually.
As, obviously, in this case, I had lost, not found Obi-Wan.
And love had not found a way.