A/N: I have never done a one-shot before. I always worry that I'm using up a good scene for a longer story… but here I am giving it a try. No beta on this one so all mistakes are mine, sorry.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG1 or it's wonderful characters.
Spoilers: Probably Everything SGA
On the timeline: Late season 5, AU in that Rodney and Jennifer haven't gotten together… but if you've read any of my stories you won't find that a surprise.
Ronon shifted from foot to foot waiting for Teyla.
"I'll just be a minute," she called from the bathroom where she was putting her hair up in preparation for sparring.
Ronon began to prowl around the room looking for something to capture his attention while he tried to wait patiently. He'd recently discovered he actually had a lot of free time and not a lot to occupy that time. In the past he'd hang with the team or find a way to spend time with Keller. There was always eating, sparring or going offworld on missions she was scheduled on.
He found himself avoiding her lately.
Their near kiss during the city wide quarantine a few months back had surprised him. Actually that wasn't completely true. He'd had a thing for the young doctor for quite a while before the quarantine, but his reaction after the near kiss is what had him confused.
He was anxious about what she thought, what she felt. Had she wanted his kiss? Had she been glad that after the quarantine things had been too busy for everyone and therefore easier to avoid any awkwardness.
After the recent mission with Todd and the crisis with the Atero device, Dr. Keller had told him she was interested in someone else. She hadn't said who that someone was, but he figured it had to be Rodney.
He knew he couldn't handle seeing them together, so he avoided them both instead. Knowing Rodney he'd probably talk about it non-stop anyway. His heart just wasn't up for that.
Teyla must have just finished meditating because there were still candles burning around the room. He began to blow them out as he wandered around the room. He wished he could accomplish the kind of peace and centering that Teyla did when she meditated. He couldn't sit still long enough to meditate.
He stopped at the candles on her dresser and blew them out. He noticed a small object on her dresser. It looked like a small pad of paper, except it had words written on it. When he looked even closer he realized that it was some type of calendar. The page showing said that it was February 1st and the words on the page seemed to be inspirational in nature, like the types of things the elders on Seteda would tell the young people.
This one said, "People with goals succeed because they know what they are doing. – Earl Nightingale." Interesting he guessed, but kind of simple. He lifted the page to read the next one. "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein," well that one was a little better, but still kind of obvious.
He tore the two off that he'd read and set them aside to read the next one. "Where there's a will there's a way. – Anonymous," now that was one he'd actually heard before. He ripped it off and read the next, "Some people follow their dreams, others hunt them down and beat them mercilessly into submission. – Neil Kendall." Ronon laughed out loud and ripped it off. That was a quote that had some guts, more his style.
He heard Teyla clear her throat and he looked over to see her standing just outside the bathroom with her hands on her hips. "What are you doing?" she asked as she walked across the room.
"Waitin' for you," he said with a shrug.
"No, you were ripping off the days of my calendar before I had gotten to them," she accused while trying to set the three he'd ripped off first back in front of the others.
Ronon hung his head, "sorry 'bout that. Can I keep this one," he asked holding up the small sheet of paper.
Teyla shook her head, but a smile was on her lips. "What does it say?" She was kind of interested in what had captured his interest.
"Some people follow their dreams, others hunt them down and beat them mercilessly into submission," he looked up at her and found her grinning. "What?" he asked gruffly.
"That sounds just like you," she had a smirk on her face, though her next words were stern, "do not pull the days off my calendar in the future. I can give them to you as the days get torn off if you wish to see what is next."
"Not a big deal, the other three were boring," he said as he turned and proceeded to lead them out of her quarters and on to the gym for some sparring.
Ronon bent to pick up the piece of paper that had been slipped under his door. This had been happening off and on for the last three weeks. He never told her to stop or even acknowledge that he was getting them. She seemed content to not ask and he didn't feel the need to say anything either.
He looked down at the sheet of paper and read, "I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi to me, or even smile, because I know even if just for a second, I crossed your mind. – Author Unknown." He crumpled it up into a ball and pulled his arm back to throw it, but found his arm coming back down and he was smoothing it out. He walked over and set it with the paper that he'd taken from Teyla's room.
They were the only two so far that he'd kept. All the others he'd read and thrown away. The first one kind of did remind him of himself, just as Teyla had said. This new one made his heart stop and then start again, although painfully. The quote was exactly how he felt about Dr. Keller. Actually, it was how he used to feel, now when he did see her it just hurt and her smiles seemed forced.
He hadn't been able to avoid Rodney forever. A few missions and some down time with the team that he couldn't avoid and he'd found that the someone Jennifer was interested in must not have been McKay. He was relieved, it wasn't that he had ill will for his teammate, but underneath it all they were friends and he didn't want to lose a friend, but he wouldn't have been able to watch McKay with the only woman to touch his heart in almost ten years.
He left his room to head toward the mess hall for breakfast, hoping not to see Jennifer, but dreading that he wouldn't. How long would he feel like this he didn't know, but he knew he wouldn't be able to endure it for much longer without something having to give.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie," a very sober Ronon read the paper for the second time. His thoughts flashed to Sheppard and the rest of the team.
This quote summed them all up completely. Sheppard was a man who never gave up on anyone and it was reassuring to be there and experience it close up. He'd watched Sheppard risk his life for many, including himself. It gave them all the courage to step through the gate, knowing Sheppard would make sure they came home at the end of the mission.
Ronon knew these were just quotes and sayings by people who'd said something in a clever way, but he found himself looking forward to reading the next one and experiencing the thoughts they invoked. It was "food for thought," as he'd heard one of the Lanteans say.
The hardest ones to read, and he had quite a collection now that almost two months had gone by with Teyla slipping them under his door, were the ones about dreams and desires. They all made him think of Jennifer. He kept every single one that reminded him of her. "How pathetic" he thought, yet it didn't stop him from reading them again and again.
"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. – Martin Luther King, Jr." He had definitely been disappointed, but maybe hope is why he kept reading these damn pieces of paper over and over again.
"If the dream is big enough the facts don't matter. – Dexter Yager." He wasn't sure that was true. He may dream about her… them even, but the fact still remained that she wasn't interested in him. He didn't think the size or content of his dreams or fantasies could change that.
"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all. – Author Unknown." Well, this was definitely true. He'd been afraid to care too much, but then McKay had voiced his interest in her. That had scared him and spurred him into action. McKay and Keller had so much more in common. Forget about their birthplace being the same which helped them understand each other better. They were both doctors and geniuses. While he was a warrior, a runner,… killer even, and she was a healer.
"I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions. – Dorothy Day." This was the quote that had given him some hope. If it were true it would mean that there was a possibility Jennifer didn't mean what she'd said,… that she wasn't interested in someone else.
If he were to judge by her actions, then he'd have guessed she was interested in him. She always had a smile and kind word for him. She teased him and challenged him. She never cringed in the wake of his anger or gruffness, but rather called him on it. During McKay's illness he'd been angry at her for not believing his idea of taking Rodney to the shrine would work. She stood up to him and endured his snide comments without breaking.
Then there was that moment in the infirmary during the quarantine. He held on very tightly to that moment, replaying it over and over. Cursing Zelenka for saving them all too soon. One more moment,… would it have changed everything? If he'd found her later that night, would she have wanted to finish what they'd started?
"Whatever you can do... or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. – Goethe." This is what it came down to, was he bold enough to reach for his dream. To call her on what seemed to be a lie. Maybe it wasn't a lie, but maybe she was no longer interested in this other person. If he were to put himself out there, would it be worth it? He really didn't have a choice. He needed to know for sure. He needed closure so he could move on. Not seeing her with anyone else just served to give him hope on some days and drive him insane on others. It was affecting his concentration and it was going to put his team in danger one of these days. They'd been lucky so far, but Sheppard had been quite clear in telling him to shake off whatever was keeping his mind away from their missions.
"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together. – Vincent Van Gogh." He was not a very patient person, but starting small and working up the courage for big would be a good starting place. Maybe he'd try a few things, see what kind of reaction she had and see where he stood.
Ronon gathered all of the scraps of papers together and placed them on his nightstand. He picked up one last quote and read it for probably the hundredth time. "Some people follow their dreams, others hunt them down and beat them mercilessly into submission. – Neil Kendall." If Keller's response was accepting in any way, he'd be hard pressed to not embody this last quote. If he did find an opening, he wasn't going to let it end the way their moment during the lock-down had.
He turned out his light and laid on his back staring at the ceiling, letting his mind drift. This time he was going to jump in with both feet if given the chance.