It was the evening.
The evening they'd agreed on. Once they'd actually agreed on this. Of course, like it always does, it had taken Booth longer to agree with her. Of course, it had been her idea, so she'd had more time to get used to the idea.
But that was in the past.
And her present tense included a very present her and a very present Booth, in her house.
But what surprised her most was that Booth seemed so very sure. The quiet confidence she'd come to admire in him was the strongest she'd ever seen. He wasn't saying anything; he was just standing there, waiting for her to begin. For all his stammering when she'd brought up the idea, and for all of their bargaining and conditions, here, in this moment, he was very at ease.
And she hadn't expected that. She'd prepared a speech that now seemed unnecessary, and the bottle of wine she'd thought to offer now seemed cliché.
"Well, I guess we should just do this" she shrugged casually.
"No" his voice was calm as he took a step closer to her. "We should not just do this." Another step, and then another. "We agreed."
Brennan rolled her eyes. "Booth, there's no need. I know you have this idea about making love but---" Her words were cut off by the press of his fingertips against her pulse.
"Temperance" his voice low and steady, "we agreed."
Brennan swallowed against his touch and nodded slightly. "Okay."
He didn't smile in his victory, just slid his fingers around to cup the back of her neck, leaning in to press his lips against the smooth line of her jaw.
No mouth to mouth kissing, they'd agreed. Or he'd agreed; she'd required. No science talk, he'd required, and she'd agreed.
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Booth let his other hand come up to cup her elbow, and then it slid around to the small of her back. He was tipping her over slightly to access the smooth column of her throat. His lips moved over her soft skin until they reached the edge of her blouse.
Backing away then, he looked her over from head to toe, then reached with his arms to gently lift her. Instinctively, she wanted to rail against him, berate him for his chauvinistic behavior, but deeper than that, she knew that unless she agreed to his demands, he'd back out. And she'd be back where she started, with an empty womb and a stack of faceless applications.
No, she'd just have to allow Booth this, and then she'd have what she wanted. A baby.
With a shock she realized Booth had bypassed her bed and was standing inside her master bathroom. He set her down and reached around her, turning on the shower. As he tested the water temperature with one hand, the other reached up to his collar to loosen his tie.
As the silk fabric scraped over cotton, he turned to look back at her. "I'll undress you, if you'd like" he offered, but she shook her head.
"I can manage" she nodded, and her fingers moved to the buttons on the front of her blouse.
Slowly, but efficiently, both of them began removing layers. Brennan cursed the goosebumps that covered her bare skin, and blamed them on the chill in the room. Not waiting for Booth, she pulled open the glass door to the shower and entered, leaving it open behind her.
For a couple of moments, Booth just stood there, his eyes following tracks of water as they cascaded along her form.
"Come in, Booth" She spoke quietly. "It's cold with the door open."
Her simple request pushed him into action, and he did as she said, walking the three steps to stand inside the shower with her, reaching with one hand to close the glass door behind him. Brennan had never had a man inside this shower with her, and all of a sudden, what had always felt expansive was incredibly close. His shoulders seemed to span the width of the shower and his feet were spread shoulder width apart. It made her realize that like this, both of them stripped to the skin, she was actually much smaller than him.
It wasn't something she'd really thought much about, since professionally, they were equals in many ways. But as he smoothed his hands from her shoulders to her elbows, she noticed that his fingers wrapped around her arms, and as his hands spanned her waist, she realized his fingers almost touched one another.
Booth kept one arm wrapped around her waist as he shifted them slightly to reach behind her for her body wash and a loofah sponge. He released her completely then, as he poured some of the creamy liquid onto the dark sponge. With a small smile, he turned her away from him, admiring the line of her back. He watched as she reached up with her hand and pulled her hair over her shoulder.
"I've never done this before, Bones" he spoke softly, his words a contrast to the rougher scrape of the sponge against her back.
She was tempted to make a comment about his obvious previous success at procreation, but when she opened her mouth, what escaped was a gasp as his other hand landed on her stomach, allowing him the pressure to clean her back.
"Me neither" she admitted, wondering why she never had showered with a man before. She supposed it was because she didn't often stick around the next morning to take the time. And she almost never took showers at nights, instead she preferred baths. She'd always thought they were more relaxing, but as Booth slowly began to massage her back, she began to feel very relaxed.
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Booth wrapped the cord of the loofah around his wrist and began working at the knots along her neck, shoulders and back. Every once in awhile, she would make a soft moan that broke his concentration, but for the most part, he remained as clinical as she'd required.
He scoffed inwardly at his own 'compartmentalizing', knowing he secretly hoped that when this was all over, she'd have a change of heart.
But he'd agreed to her conditions, and he'd also convinced himself that if she never fully let him be a part of her life, that he'd have to accept it.
Her knees sagged a bit at the release of pressure in her lower spine and he slid his arm around her again to steady her. Booth slid to his knees behind her and readjusted the sponge in his hand, gently working it over the smooth skin of her legs, gently lifting one of her feet to wash the sole.
She twitched then, and giggled. His eyes shot up to hers in surprise at her ticklish reaction, and for a moment, they just smiled at one another. But then he looked back to his task and picked up her other foot, quickly washing its base before setting it back down on the tile floor. Bending slightly, he ran the sponge up to each knee, and her legs gave way again. Instinctively, her hand shot out to rest on his head for balance.
But she didn't remove it right away, and Booth was pleased by the way her hand moved to cup the back of his head for just an instant before falling back to the side of her body. Perhaps she wasn't as clinical as she'd guaranteed this entire process would be.
But for this next part to work, he needed to adopt some of her detachment. He pressed his hands to her hips and turned her under the spray to face him. Still on his knees, he washed the front of her legs, all the way up to her stomach. When that was complete, he stood and methodically washed the upper half of her body, careful to keep his touch light and smooth. He slid his free hand against her shoulders, trying to ignore the fact that because he'd agreed to do this, because he'd agreed to see her and be with her in this way, that he was cancelling out the possibility of ever getting to see her like this again.
Because now that they were taking this step, in this direction, it wasn't likely that they could go back to the possibility of anything casual.
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Since Booth was keeping his eyes on his work, Brennan afforded herself the opportunity to watch his face. It wasn't something she did often, as he'd always catch her and want to know what she was thinking. But where Booth was concerned, expressing thoughts had never been her strong suit, so she'd preferred to keep her eyes to herself.
But all of a sudden, he was standing in front of her. She realized he'd turned off the water and was now wrapping her in a lavender scented towel. Their eyes met for the second time, and then Brennan closed hers as she took a small step backward.
Booth allowed her that and turned to walk through the shower door. He grabbed a towel for himself and dried off his body quickly. When he was finished, he stood in the doorway between her bedroom and bathroom, then turned, stretching out his hand.
Brennan knew this was her last chance to change her mind, and so she stood there, in a towel, in her shower, and as she stood there, so did Booth.
He stood there, with his hand open toward her.
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Booth wondered if she was going to accept his hand, and when she finally did, he breathed out a breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding onto. It felt strange welcoming a woman into her own bedroom, but that was exactly what he was doing. His hand in hers, he led her to sit beside him on the bed. She did, and he leaned back to pull down the covers.
She seemed open to his leading, which surprised him. Although, he had insisted on it. If they were going to do this, this, it was going to be his way.
And so he cupped her hips, the most intimate gesture of the evening, and he settled her against her pale turquoise sheets, shaking his head in wonder at her beauty.
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Brennan swallowed as his eyes moved over her then, this time with intimacy. His gaze now was that of a lover, his touch sure as he slid his body to the side of hers, the only part that touched hers was his left hand. He used it to slide her hair away from her face before tracing a line down the center of her body to her navel.
Brennan swallowed and willed her hips from shifting at the touch of his fingers against her skin. But he noticed, of course, and his hand stilled, splayed against her stomach.
"You don't have to do this, you know that, Booth" she ignored the hint of pleading in her voice.
"Nah, Bones" he rasped. "You gotta…" Booth swallowed and leaned up on one elbow, his fingers slightly curling against her belly, "You gotta let me do this. You gotta let me have this."
Brennan didn't answer, and instead closed her eyes against the look in his as he leaned even closer and began lightly kissing her throat. She bit her lip and exhaled through her nose as his mouth trailed over her body, bringing heat, and leaving chills.
All over her skin, he kissed, and just as she couldn't take it anymore, she opened her eyes to see and feel him move over her.
"I'm sorry, Bones" he apologized, "but I've gotta…"
Brennan kept her eyes on his as he moved closer to her, his lips inching ever so slightly toward hers.
"You promised, Booth" she whispered, and his neck twisted away slightly.
"I know, but…" he leaned in closer, his weight on his elbows as his lips brushed against her cheeks, then pressed against the skin at the sides of her mouth. "I gotta know" he brushed his lips against hers. Once, then again, then again, with slightly more pressure. "I gotta know that our baby…that, in this moment, when it was created…" his forehead came to rest on hers, "that it was created in love"
Brennan swallowed and closed her eyes as his lips caressed her own. As she gave way to him in all ways, they gasped against each other, and his lips became more urgent against hers.
She'd regret it later, but she responded, even going so far as to let her hands roam over his back, sliding over his warm skin and through his dark hair to cup his face.
But as heaven descended around them, she had to pull back, and she turned her face from him, pressing it to her pillow.
She heard his moan in her ear as a few tears escaped her eyes, and still she kept her face from his.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Bones" he whispered over and over, and she knew what he meant.
More tears fell from her eyes as she realized they'd been fooling themselves.
"Ah, Bones…I'm so sorry…" his voice was a bit louder, and Brennan wanted to push him away, but didn't.
They were both guilty. They'd both underestimated the results of true intimacy. But their future was now as sealed as their bodies.
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The end….