Invisible Beauty

Summary: Seizaburo is a girl, and the one man who knows it never takes advantage of it, or seems to care. So, Sei tries a little experiment that ends up destorying her confidence as a girl. Thank the gods Soji isn't as blind as he pretends to be, or as innocent.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kaze Hikaru or any of its characters.

Authors Note: I've only read up to volume 7, as a warning to all those that may have seen something similar in later volumes. I look forward to reading the rest, when I find it. Rated for sex. I apologise if it seems...unrealistic. That will always be my biggest concern when writing of sexual encounters. Your feedback is well-appriciated.

Chapter One

She starred at her hands; her roughened, fighters hands. Hands that had killed, harmed, destroyed, and still managed to soothe. Being one of the Shinsengumi had changed her, whether it was for the better or not was questionable, and it removed her ability to lead a normal female life. Even more so now. Now all there was was the blood, the fighting, and the protecting. At least she had him to lighten her life up a little. It wasn't a complete void just because she could wake up and see his smile everyday. How he could smile for all he'd seen eluded her, but she tried her best to do the same, no matter how bad it got.

Some days it really wasn't bad, too. The others would tease her gently, as always, she'd eat, she'd laugh, and she'd get to spend time with him. Okita-sensei. Soji. Other days were bad. The Chosu would act up and attack someone, or there'd be a riot. People would die. There would be blood and friends missing at the end. She'd have to go to bed knowing the Captain and the others of importance were still up, torturing some poor soul to find an end to the killing. Soji would be with them, smiling.

She sighed, desperately wishing for the days of Sei to come back and let things be simple again. Back to times she understood. Now she simply ran with whatever Soji said, since he was all she had. He knew everything. And yet, he hadn't seen. Nobody had.

Sei hadn't worn her bindings that day, and nobody had noticed.

It shouldn't have bothered her at all, she knew, and yet she felt as though there was a hole in her chest. Like something she was had completely disappeared. It was depressing, especially since she knew that nobody noticing was a good thing. It meant her secret was still secret. That she could continue to protect Soji. And yet...

She starred at her hands; her roughened, fighters hands, and wished desperately that things hadn't gone so wrong. That her father and brother were still alive to take care of her. That this war for power in Japan had never started. That this pain in her heart would go away. But it wouldn't happen. She knew that. She wasn't fool enough to think for even a second that all her dreams would come true if she wished on a star, or prayed really hard. Gods don't solve human problems, neither do little balls of vibrant space gas. They're just something nice to believe in, to make the hell of everyday life easier. But she still wished-

Larger hands covered her own and squeezed. "Kamiya-san?"

Her head snapped up in surprise. Soji smiled sadly back at her. "Okita-sensei, I-"

He put a finger to her lips and softly said, "I wouldn't suggest doing that again." She blinked, shocked. "Do you need help wrapping back up?"

She didn't want to nod, but she did. She just couldn't manage to get the bindings tight enough, not that they needed to be all that tight. She was still working it through her head that he had noticed at all. He quietly moved and sat behind her and pulled her kimono off her shoulders, earning a surprised gasp and arms crossed shyly over her chest. The reaction was instinct, natural to any woman. It made Soji chuckle.

"Relax, Sei." he told her, picking up the bandaging at her side. "You can trust me."

That she believed and she dropped her arms warily when he started to wrap the cloth around her middle. After two rounds, before he even reached her breasts, he laid a kiss on her scarred shoulder. She looked at him, confused, and he just smiled and kept wrapping her up, hiding her feminity from the world once more.

But before the soft lumps on her chest could return to the darkness, he gave them both and loving squeeze, making Sei attempt to jump and spin on him, a rant already on her lips. Soji chuckled yet again and held her tightly against his chest. "Soji, what are you-"

He put a finger to her lips, again, and smiled at her shocked expression. "A little gift before they're locked away again." was he simple explaination.

Sei couldn't think of anything to say, all arguments gone from her mind. Soji placed his lips against her temple and stroked one small, soft breast gently. She could hardly breath, both afraid and excited at the same time. Soji was tear-jerkingly gentle when he touched, almost as though she were made of fragile glass. A finger circled a puckered nipple, his lips moved to her white shoulder, and his free hand creeped down her stomach with a killer slowness.

Before his fingers could find the sweetness under her clothing, her hand snapped up to stop his movements. She could feel him smile against her skin, pulling at her nipple to distract her from his hands wandering. She gasped, her back arching at the sudden sparks flying across her chest. His hand disappeared, slender fingers carefully probing what made her so distinctly female, earning another gasp and a shudder down her delicate spine. Her breathing picked up as he explored a place likely to never see another man. Only him, for he was the only one she could trust.

She turned her head into his neck, embarrassed, and her hands held his own clothing like a vise as those tricky fingers slid slowly in, and rubbed her inside, helping her to grow wet at a greater rate and making her writhe. A small cry escaped her lips, one he only heard because of how her head was turned.

When he removed his fingers from her she was still shaking, her pale stomach quivering and sweat beginning to appear along the contours of her being. He pressed his lips to her jaw, his hand returning to its twin, his fingers damp against her hot skin. She was trying desperately to recover her breathing, trying to calm down. She wanted, oh, she wanted, but she didn't know what is was she wanted. It was frustrating, and Soji was just toying with her breasts, not helping with the tightly wound spring in her belly. Every part of her ached for something, and she wanted that something now.

"Sei?" she gasped and looked up, meeting Soji's eyes unintentionally, and holding them. He was calm, completely composed, but for that shadow in his eyes. That dark, hungry shadow that was fighting hard to be more than just a thought in his mind. His voice was soft, gentle, as though he were talking to a child. "We can't finish here. Someone might find us."

She swallowed hard, knowing that meant they were done. She nodded, hoping she didn't look as shut out as she felt. She sat herself up with the help of his hands, those wonderful hands, pausing when he rubbed her back. He pulled her kimono back over her shoulders instead of finishing binding her flat. She frowned in confusion when he stood, and then offered her his hand. "I know where we can go." he offered.

She bit her lip and took his hand. She let him lead her quietly to one of the many storage houses on the Shinsengumi property, one of the ones further from the main buildings. The winter linens were kept here, along with the newly begun stock-pile of firewood. It would all be moved in the autumn, but in the spring it was collected and left alone. The perfect place to hide.

Soji settled her down on the many stored blankets and set himself to lighting the lantern the little place was equiped with. Sei hugged her knees, all her nervousness returning. Her father had never explained any of this to her while he was alive, and all she had to go on about men and women was what she could pick up from the other mens boasting, which wasn't the best way to learn much of anything. But Soji smiled at her, and that pain in her heart abided. It was a bad habit of hers, trusting this man who smiles while he kills, and yet she had no drive to stop it. Who would when he was all that truly mattered?

He set the lantern in a safe place before crawling to her to place a wet kiss on her chest. His hands once again slipped her kimono off her shoulders, seeking the pale skin of her back. He did not discriminate against her scars as she'd thought a man would, giving them just as much attention as he did the rest of her skin. He kissed his way down, tormenting her breasts for what felt like forever. He nipped, suckled, licked and nuzled, gently pushing her back onto her back. She moved where he guided, having already moved up from sighs to gasps and soft moans. She felt rather than heard him chuckle occasionally, pleased about the sounds she made. He seemed to think that they were all for the fire passing through her.

But they weren't. More than one of those moans was aimed at the discomfort of the wettness between her thighs and the rocket-loaded coil within her.

Soji was only nuzling her belly button, as it was, so she whined his name to bring his attention to the root of the problem. His hands were draging her hakama's down her hips as he said, "Hush, pretty girl. Be patient."

He smiled at her and then draged his tongue along her sex, bringing a whole new wave of sensations through her. Her back arched as he held her hips down and did it again, his wide shoulders keeping his head from getting crushed between her legs. His tongue took the place his fingers had once had, lapping like a thristy dog at water. She cried out, the coil almost too tight for her to even breathe. His fingers and tongue traded places, the long appendages going much deeper than the later, and his teeth taunting the small pleasure-bud hidden near her entrance.

The coil let go then, her inner walls holding his fingers tightly for a short time and her letting loose another cry. She felt his chuckle all the way through her hyper-sensitive body. It kind of tickled. Then his presence disappeared from her, giving her a moment to lay back and relax. Time to catch her breath. She definitely felt better now.

And then Soji was back, bare chested and kissing her neck again. His hands were dry, as was his face, so he must have wiped off before returning to his kisses. She frowned in confusion as something else, something long and made of human flesh, rested on her stomach. "Lie very still, Sei." Soji murmured in her ear. "It'll only hurt for a moment."

Hurt? But it was too late to ask because she felt it. This wasn't comfortable like his fingers or tongue had been. This was worse than all those times she got sliced during sparing, or when she had watched her family die. It was a ripping, burning pain that brought tears to her eyes, and she imediately tried to pull away from it.

But Soji held her still, his head hung so she couldn't see his face. "Lie still." he repeated, breathing heavily. She wimpered, straining against his hands. He gently kissed her cheek. "Ssshhh, sweet one. Its alright."

He brought a thumb up to brush at her tears when she finally stopped trying to weakly free herself, nuzling her head and inviting her to hide her face in his neck. She trembled as his arms slunk under her shoulders and shifted her slightly, causing a new wave of pain to replace the dull throbe remaining of the first. Her body jerked akwardly because of it, causing more pain, but of the less-painful variety. If anything, the change had eased up on the searing inside her. The new angle also allowed her to hide her face against his neck without jarring anything.

One of his hands clenched her hair as he laid down a kiss on her forehead. "Better?"

She nodded, breathing partway normal now but all the happy humming her body had been doing before was gone from the shock of what had happened. And Soji moved. Slowly, deliberatly pulling away, bringing on more pain, but pain that was lessened by the simple relief from the tight fit.

But then he moved back in, and she squeaked in protest. He hushed her, murmuring absolutely nothing, and yet everything to her. He waited, tight within her for a moment, and then he did it again. It wasn't as bad this time, it still burned, but it wasn't like trying to make a ball fit in a bamboo stick. Not completely uncomfortable. And after the third time, she moaned, making Soji chuckle.

"There," he breathed hotly into her ear and rubbing her back with one, supporting hand and his other seeking her breats again. "No so bad anymore, is it?"

His only response was a gasp and arching flinch as he pulled at a nipple, her eyes flying wide open. He moved his lips to the hollow of her throat and teased her breast to make her hot again. He kept the pace slow, gentle, quickly getting her frustrated. He had her body up to burning again and it needed alot more than what he was giving.

But when she bucked, trying to find more, he leaned in heavily, a less-than-pleasent feeling, effectively holding her still. She groaned in frustration while he chuckled, kissing her jaw bone. "Wanting more already, my hime?" she moaned as he filled her with a harder stroke, taking this new abuse in stride. "Silly girl."

The feelings caused by the rougher plunges were a hundred times more amazing than his gentlemens coup had been. She felt it all through her shaking shape, jogging sharp cries from her throat. Her hands tangled in his hair, freeing it from its band, and his breathing got heavier.

And all too soon, that crashing tsunami of pleasure swept through her, and Soji collapsed over her, panting. They didn't move for a time, both exhausted from their exertions. Soji was the first to recover, slipping away from her and leaving her cold. She groaned in complaint, not liking the draft that passed over her cooling flesh. He settled again beside her, pulling blankets over them both. She snuggled up to him and sighed happily, pleased with how things had worked out. At least he felt something for her physically.

"Happy now?" he asked softly, combing her hair with his fingers. She nodded against his chest, eyelids already too heavy to keep open. "Good."