This is based off my interpretation of Kelly Clarkson's song "Because of you" – it was before I saw the music video.
If J. K. Rowling owns it, I dont.
Forth, feel free to R&R and recommend fics to me, Im currently obsessed with the SS/HG but will read any ship except slash. OH! Please keep it K-T, no M.
Thanks,
Secret EnemiesnHidden Hearts.
AI remember when you found me; I was scared, cold and alone. I was heartbroken. You found me by the lake. It was raining. The lake was always my favorite place to remember, focus or forget. You took me in. It would have never realized what would be in store for me. I wish I had never followed you that night.
AAn older man tried to buy me a drink last night. He didnt realize Im only nineteen. You where older and knew my age. You should have known better than to rely on me. He seemed shocked when I told him my age. Thats understandable. I know these past weeks that feel like months have really aged me. That helps though. Older men won't go out with me when they find out my age. Guys my age ignore me assuming Im older. I saw a couple in the park and had to look away. They looked so happy. I know better than trying for such happiness. Everything brings pain.
AI looked at a guy the other night and almost started liking him. I realized what happening and had to kill the feeling of love. I know where its gotten me before. Some people get love. I guess I missed that train.
AI woke up screaming last night and inevitably thought of you. I look back and know what happened. I just wish I had realized it earlier. You took me in because you had no reason to fear me. I dont suppose you even remember what love feels like. I doubt you even have love for mankind, if you did, you wouldn'tt have put me through this hell.
AI realized the other day you cause me so much pain that I cant even name you, even though my journal is in the form of un-sent letters to you. Who would recognize me now? With all the pain etched into my face, I doubt anyone would realize I'm the same. I always smile and laugh at jokes. No one knows the pain is there, they just see age. I can't look unhappy or you will smirk you infernal smile at me, silently telling me you where right. Whenever I fall, there you are, ready to take me back, silently telling me you knew I couldn't survive on my own.
AYou where having one of your bad days yesterday. What it really is is an AI feel really sorry for myself day. You begged me to take you back, said you couldn't survive without me. Its all a lie. You use me to feel validated, you emotionally use me. I used to love you. I think I still do or why would what you think and how you act cause me such pain?
AI wish I could love again, but whenever I get the chance I ignore my feelings, I make the love go away. I cant explain how it works, to stop it would cause much pain and need more energy then I have. Every day I try to forget the hopelessness and pain you caused. The memories of when we where together are blurring into darkness, as are all my other memories. Unfortunately, I still remember the pain, fear, and hopelessness, probably because Im still feeling them.
AMy life is empty, where I used to be in clubs and volunteer, I stay at home. Im too scared. I feel like everyone can see right into me. Being with people makes me tired, staying by myself makes me tired.
ASeverus, I will not fall like you have. I will not use someones pain to give me validation. I will not do what you have done to me to someone else. I will not emotionally abuse someone just because you did it to me, or because I am alone. I will NOT be you.